


Supernova

by Hino_Hime



Series: Cosmic Stardust [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ballroom Dancing, Childhood Friends, Confession, Dancing, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Feelings, Fights, First Date, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, Mutual Pining, Non-Canon Relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overthinking, Pining, Reader-Insert, Romance, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02, Trauma, date, it just takes time, multi-works, slowburn, soft shiro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 135,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hino_Hime/pseuds/Hino_Hime
Summary: After her return from a failed rescue mission, the reader finds herself back at the Garrison, trying her best not to fall apart.Only after a strange space-shuttle lands close to the base did she discover what the authorities might've wanted to hide and what she must do now in order to find what she has lost.The curtain for the final arc rises...As always, there is aPlaylistas well <3





	1. Foreshadowing Memory (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> Time is very slow for those who  
> wait.  
> Very fast for those who are  
> scared.  
> Very long for those who  
> lament.  
> Very short for those who  
> celebrate.  
> But for those who love,  
> time is  
> eternal.
> 
> (William Shakespeare)  
> ________________________________________

The grass below me was a little damp yet I did not mind. It felt soft between my fingers as I moved my hand across the ground almost as if I wanted to pet it. The wind was blowing lightly, carrying a scent of autumn already. I inhaled deeply before I turned my head to look at him. He sat just a few centimetres away, looking at a star map with a flashlight between his teeth, trying to figure out what we would see tonight – and when. He looked so sincere, his brows furrowed, the flashlight slightly moving. Yet he looked like the little dork he was, too eager about the scientific facts he surely went through in his head – his eyes flashing across the paper, shining brighter than any light I've ever seen.

It sent my heart in a turmoil, heating my cheeks.

I was very happy that it was too dark – and he way too concentrated – to notice.

After all, it meant nothing.

_You were always lying to yourself, were you not?_

“You need any help?”

At my question he flinched a little before he turned his head, pointing the head of the flashlight directly into my eyes. I closed them and let out an amused sigh.

“Is it time for my performance yet?”

He opened his mouth to answer, dropping the flashlight in the process. We both looked at it, laying in the grass, illuminating our hands.

“Good thing, it wasn't a candle.”, he said earnestly, playfully furrowing his brows.

I shot him a glance before I started laughing. With him everything was just so easy.

He took the flashlight again and turned it off, indicating he found the information he needed. Still, he took his time to think everything over.

And I took mine to study him once again.

His dark hair was all over the place, the wind doing as it pleased. It gave him a wild look, fitting his dark sparkling eyes. Deep in thought, he bit his lip a little.

I had to remind myself to breathe and looked up into the brilliant sky.

We were lucky enough to not have to bother with any clouds tonight, the dark canvas of the universe dotted with lights, big and small, was ours alone. It was easy to imagine that it was only the two of us, no town below and no dark room to return to.

“According to this map the meteor-shower should start any moment now.”, his deep voice stopped my thoughts from running into the wrong direction.

I teared my gaze away from the endless sky and looked him in the eye just to catch my breath. His eyes shone brighter than the sun, glittering with more stars than I have ever seen, drawing me in into the endless open. It was as if the whole universe was reflected in them.

_Don't leave me..._

There was a sudden tug on my heart, making an unknown feeling of pain and remorse flood through me. I winced, making him tilt his head to one side, asking me if I was alright. I had no idea what to answer as I suddenly felt cold and I had no idea what to do.  
I was frightened.

Without being able to think clearly I took his face in my hands and lay my forehead on his, closing my eyes, trying to calm down.

There was nothing that could stop these waves from coming in, that I was certain of. Why I knew that I had no idea whatsoever.

 

Suddenly I heard a sharp loud noise making me open my eyes just to let out a small cry. I let go of him at once, fell back on my behind and stumbled away a few steps. His face looked like smashed glass, slowly falling apart, leaving only a black hole. I sat there in terror not knowing what to do.  
I could only watch.

The moments passed and I watched him disintegrate more and more until there was nothing left, safe for a few shards laying on the grass, reflecting the stars.

There was another sharp sound and everything turned black for a moment, before I found myself in a foreign room, I had never seen before. From the size and looks of it it might've been an arena. The floor reminded me of compressed sand, a few lines indicated that the arena was used for different types of games. A set of pillars stood right in the centre.  
I could hear the crowd roar from the dark, where the tribunes must've been. I heard the screeching noise made from metal on metal as a gate opened and a huge monster slowly made it's way to the centre. It reminded me of the picture on the front cover of my copy of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – the face looked half melted, the eyes shining brightly yellow, the mouth turned upwards in a monstrous grin. It knew how blood tasted.  
And it loved it.  
Somehow I was aware that it would not be able see me, which caused me more discomfort than I dared to admit. For what reason I failed to understand at that point.

Another roar from the crowd,as the second gate, opposing the first, opened and a small figure was pushed forward by weirdly looking guards. From the size of it, this could only be a human. And a terrified yet determined one.  
From were I stood it took a few moments before I realized who it was.

He looked smaller in the ragged clothes they gave him, his face grim, a rather fresh wound across his nose. Still, there was no mistaking him for someone else.

I let out another small cry as I watched the monster launching at him just after a trumped gave the signal for the inevitable battle to start. He was barely able to dodge it before he jumped behind one of the pillars to plan his counter-attack. With almost inhuman speed he jumped and glided between the legs of the monster to attack from behind. Still, the sheer difference in size resulted in a mere scratch in the monster's back which grabbed him and threw him across the room.  
A small gasp escaped me as I watched him getting up again, to bolt towards the monster again and again.

The battle went on, the crowd going wild, and ended with his victory after all. He looked awful, bleeding from his arms and back, the clothes almost gone by now.

Before anyone could've stopped me, I started to tun towards him yet I was not able to close the distance between us. Frustrated I tried to run faster, the space between us expanding as if we were at two different points in the universe, drifting apart.

He made his way to the right gate, his figure getting smaller.  
That was when I realized that I had lost it all.  
For good.

I fell to my knees, letting the tears fall as I called out his name.

As if he had heard me he stopped in his tracks, turned around and looked at me. From the way his eyes grew bigger he must've been able to see – really see – me.

He made an attempt to walk back towards me but his strange-looking guards just pushed him towards the gate.

Gathering all the strength left in me I called out to him, making him turn his head once more as he flashed me a sad smile before he vanished in the dark.

“I will find... I will safe you, Takashi. I promise! Just... Hold on a little... Please...”


	2. Beaten Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe not today,  
> Or tomorrow,  
> Or even in a year,  
> But eventually,  
> things will turn up  
> you will get better and  
> be able to look back  
> and say with relief
> 
> "I made it"  
> ______________________________________

It has been raining for the last couple of days – an occurrence that barely happens out there in the desert. The heavy drops had turned the dusty cover into mud, washed all the colours away and only left a dark arrangement of structures. It was somehow fitting to the strange lingering mood you’ve found yourself in for a while now. As you sat there on the front-porch of the small cabin on the plain you looked up and wondered when you would see the sky and the stars again. Such a thought was pathetic after only a few days of rain – something you were very thankful for – and yet you wished for a clear sky again.

And if only to dream about a way how he could come back.

This thought make you wince a little as you heard the door behind you being opened and closed again. With a few light steps Keith walked up to you and sat down, your feet dangling from the porch. Neither of you said a word, only savouring each other’s company.  
You looked over to him, his dark hair standing in all directions as usual, trying to cover his eyes.

“It’s been almost six months now. I can’t believe how time flies.”, you said, your voice calm.

Keith hummed in agreement and looked over to you, “I am just amazed how you are able to deal with all of it over there.”

You only shrugged as you wondered yourself. There really was no point in all of this and yet, you simply could not throw it all away. It was as if you just had to continue your training at the Garrison despite the fact that you have lost the reason which brought you there in the first place.  
Or maybe it was just that you knew no other way to cope with all the pain, regret and anger, than to keep on going, climbing higher and higher, slowly reaching the top. As if he waited there for you...  
There was no one who could compete against you – safe for Keith – which made most of your peers be afraid of you for different kinds of reasons. Therefore a new array of rumours had been spread over the last weeks as well. As if to serve wine to a delicious meal, one course after the other.

This suddenly made you recall the funniest of these rumours, you had heard recently, causing you to chuckle and Keith shooting question-marks at you.

“I just remembered what they said after it became known that you had to leave-“

“Thrown out. I was thrown out.”, he interrupted you, a shy smile creeping over his face, indicating that he did not regret the cause for this happening in the first place.

Letting out a silent sigh you continued, “So after everyone learned that you were thrown out they started to speculate of how this could happen to you as you were one of the best pilots the Garrison has ever seen, despite your constant mischief…”, for a moment your voice trailed off as you remembered who was the only one better than Keith, who was the one keeping everything together, but you pushed the thoughts away again and pressed on, “They said that our affair had become known to the higher-ups and they did not like the fact that you tried to taint my perfect reputation.”

For a moment, Keith just stared at you with a blank expression, before the corners of his lips curled up in a snarl, his eyes being set on fire by his anger. Despite his cold appearance and his nonchalant ways, he deeply cared for his friends. He wouldn’t be in the position he was in now if that wasn’t the case. Yet his reaction somewhat surprised you.

“They tried to chase you out of the Garrison from Day One, mocking you, pushing you down and lock you up in a bathroom. And now they try to turn the tables as if you’ve always been cheered on by the exact same people. As if they were trying to make you take his place as the next star..!”, his hands were clenched tightly by now, his knuckles turning white.

You reached over to him and tenderly tried to open them again.

“Don’t. They are not worth any of this. Let them talk as they always have.”, you tried to be braver than you really felt but falling into despair would not help, it was him who needed comfort now, “You and me, we both know that nothing can or will ever replace him.”

You felt tears starting to fill your eyes at the thought of his smile. From the way he looked up into the sky Keith must’ve felt similar. After all, he had lost his best friend just as you had lost yours.

As if he could read your mind he said, “I refuse to believe that he is gone, just like that. The whole situation is too strange to not try to cover up something. I mean, your rescue-mission was sent up one year after the Kerberos-Mission. Who does that? And why is there no information about anything concerning these two endeavours? And why did Iverson get so agitated?”

You smiled at his last remark, “You were found in his office, snooping through his personal stuff. Maybe he didn’t like that too much.”

Keith did not pick up your efforts to lighten up the mood ever so slightly, “I am serious [Y/N]. And you know perfectly well that they did not kick me out because of this one instance…”

Of course he was right, you knew. His behaviour had always been borderline dangerous yet he never pulled any real stunts. Only after he had left did Keith become more easily agitated, leading to a good amount of fights and detention. Yet it only escalated after you – involuntarily – returned from your mission earlier, and in the worst possible state, that he was not able to contain his anger with the higher-ups.  
He defied General Iverson and other staff-members more than once, leading up to his own hearing in front of a disciplinary-committee which gave him the opportunity to redeem himself if he revoked his claims about the Garrison hiding important documents about Operation Kerberos and Hydra – after all, he was an honorary-student himself, they would not let him go that easily.  
Still, he did not care about any of this, his sense of justice and the loss of his best friend too fresh in his mind to even ask that of him.

Since he had no home to return to, he made himself as comfortable as possible in the cabin you’ve discovered a year earlier. With his move the visits of the others had stopped – mainly because they didn’t wanted to bother Keith, who was very thankful.

Minutes passed, you two only looking at the never-ending stream of raindrops which by now had started to make a very big puddle below the porch. A glance on your watch revealed, that it was way past curfew again – as it happened so often since Keith left months ago. You always sneaked back in either during the night or the next morning. So far no one had noticed or, if they have, they decided to ignore it.

They don’t want to lose all their best students…

You shook your head to get rid of these nasty thoughts and looked over to Keith. Both of you seemed rather tense which lead you to a rather stupid idea if you kept the weather and the time in mind. Yet you felt like you needed to get away for a little while and try to outrun the surge of never-ending thoughts.

“Keith, let’s go for a ride.”  
  
  


As always he went a little too fast to be called a safe-driver, yet you trusted him blindly, given his talent as a pilot in training and his overall calm demeanour. Steadily driving up a slope you remembered the first time you two went in a simulator together.

It was a Friday as well, just two weeks after your return. You were having dinner with Lance, Hunk and Pidge when Keith came over to your table as he sometimes did. Without losing a moment he cut straight to the case and asked if you wanted to go and train at the simulator later, competing against each other just as he sat down next to Hunk. Where he got that idea from no one dared to ask, the prospect of the task ahead shining too brightly – the idea was just too good not to try it.

By then Lance, Pidge and Hunk had become a fixed team, slowly working their way up the ranks – something hindered by Lance's reckless flying but neither of them really payed any mind to this.

You on the other hand...

A sad smile creeped up your lips as you remembered you former peers Caroline and Andy and how everything went down south within two weeks after your very first real mission was launched. It was over in a flash, the two of them had no chance.

The darkness started to creep up on you as the memories kept coming, your breath became ragged and it seemed as if you would suffocate any moment when you felt Lance's arm around your shoulders. You turned your head as the darkness backed down and hid in a corner of your mind again.

“You are here now. You are safe.”, his voice was calm and kind.

The others nodded, making you feel stupid and childish as you were not able to act like a normal human being since he left and, even more so, since you returned.

Ashamed you lowered your head, not knowing what to say or do, having no way of thanking them for all they've done and kept doing for you.

Keith's voice put a stop to your thoughts, “I need a decent Co-Pilot for once and a neat scientist. Never had any luck with that. You have a solution?”

He looked at you, his expression neutral as he continued to eat his soup. You blinked a few times before you realized that this was his way of reaching out to you without letting you stoop low. Keith an all the others acknowledged your inner battles just as they saw the strength you had.

And they were right, you realized. You had to move on, one small step at a time.

Even if it tore you apart.  
  


These gatherings always seemed as if everything was perfectly fine and things went according to plan.

Yet this wasn't it.

Not at all.

It was just the only way you and the others knew how to deal with the pain.  
  
  


Without much ado your small group made their way to the simulators right after dinner, which lay deserted. Of course, no student in their right mind would want to train in there on a Friday evening after a week of relentless hours in that room.

Keith and Lance argued a while about the scenario the teams would have to go through, before they finally activated the score-system.

“Maybe... This wasn't my brightest idea... You know, right after dinner...”, Hunk mumbled as he went into their simulator, followed by Pidge who patted his shoulder before he gave you a thumbs up and the door closed, trapping the poor guy in for the ride.

Keith gestured you to follow him in turn. You had no idea how you should work two positions in a way that would support him. You had no idea how he acted as a pilot and how much assistance he required.  
Additionally, since you returned two weeks ago, you did not set foot inside a simulator, which caused you to feel at a complete loss and a little useless as the door closed behind you.

There was no way this would go down well.  
The memories came rushing in, making your head spin.

Keith was already in his seat in the front, setting everything up, checking the systems. He looked so confident, so born for this. As if he needed no one beside him to pilot even the biggest shuttle there was.

“I need you to check the engines and run the final procedures on the main boosters so we can start.”, over his shoulder he shot you a glance, his voice leaving no room for joking around.

Unsteadily you made your way to the engineer's seat only to blankly stare at the consoles in front of you. This was a bad idea. You should've gone with your first feeling. You were just too tense and too scared to really be of any help. It was as if you'd forgotten everything you've learned so far.  
Keith seemed to feel this as he let out a groan, got up and walked over to you.

Towering above you he just waited for you to say or do anything at all.

“I am sorry... I just don't know how to support you... I have no idea where to even begin.”, your voice was weak and even to your own ears you sounded pathetic.

“Why?”, he was calm and patient all of a sudden.

This simple question threw you off. Why indeed? Wrecking your brain you could not find a satisfying answer. Even as the minutes slipped by you found nothing that would prevent you from giving your all in this situation. Apart from your fear.

But fear of what?

“[Y/N], I know that this is a lot for you. And I know that we have never worked together before like this. But I also know that there is no one else who would be able to do it, but you. No one to overcome this darkness. I need _you._ ”  
  
  


The rain was pouring down relentlessly as Keith parked his hover-bike on top of a hill. If the weather would’ve been nicer you could’ve seen the whole Garrison-base from there as well as the first indications of the tiny town not too far from it. But it was raining too heavily, the air thick with humid fog. You could barely see Keith who stood just a few feet away, getting rid of his helmet.  
It was so quiet out here, almost as if nothing else existed besides you two.

“If this story would’ve played out differently we would all be out here…”, you mused, your voice barely audible.

“Maybe. Or you two would stay in bed all day cuddling.”, Keith shot you a cheeky look, sticking out his tongue.

This made you stop in your thoughts for a moment as you braced yourself for the wave of pain and remorse that followed whenever you thought about him. This wasn’t Keith’s intention, that much was clear, if anything, it was the opposite. He wanted to reassure you that he still believed in the impossible of him coming back somehow. Yet, even after one and a half years, the pain of losing him, of living without him, was almost too much to bear.

You’ve spent night after night after him gone missing, crying and shattering over and over again. Lance, Hunk, Pidge and Keith tried their hardest to pick up the pieces and not let you slip away. With the announcement of _Operation Hydra_ – the rescue mission you would take part in – you started to see some silver lining at the horizon. Just as Keith and Pidge, you did not believe the authorities at all, there was still some hope left in you. And if you would’ve found them dead that would’ve provided closure as well.  
Yet, the mission failed after only two weeks, causing your crew-members to die the most horrible death, while you were sent back to the Garrison in a rescue-pod. This happened against your will and coming to terms with the loss of two of your friends just after you’ve lost the most important person in your life felt almost impossible.  
Why were you still alive if the most precious were taken away?

After your hearing in front of the Chiefs of Staff, they scheduled some therapy-sessions for you which should help you to come to terms with the loss and overall trauma you’ve suffered. It turned out that it was more of an interrogation over and over again as if they could not believe the story you’ve told them.  
This only fed the feeling of the higher-ups keeping information from you. This only gave you a slight feeling of paranoia which only subsided after the therapy had ended.

And, if you were honest with yourself, it did not help a whole lot with learning to cope with the burden. On the other hand did it help to have such amazing friends around. They just behaved like their normal selves, making it clear to you without saying anything, that you were still you and a part of the group. That they would always be there for you.  
Lance was cracking his jokes, Hunk came over to work through some theoretical astrophysics and Pidge invited you to do some research about Kerberos and everything that was to be found on the way. He was almost caught sneaking through some sealed-off documents with Keith who took on all the blame while Pidge was hiding.  
This strengthened their friendship and fuelled the suspicion even more, leading Pidge to start working on a radar to pick up any kinds of signals even mission-control missed.

You helped him out on that one, given the fact that it gave you something to do when you needed a break from training and studying. It took weeks before you were even able to receive messages sent by the Garrison itself. But as soon as you’ve got the hang of it, the progress was happening fast and after a few more days of trial and error you picked up some strange signals which you could not quite place yet, they were just too off the charts.  
It might’ve been a malfunctioning after all.

“I can’t shake the feeling that we’re at a breaking point.”, Keith’s voice dragged you back into the present moment, the rain wetting your hair and face, “Especially after all you’ve told us about your mission… It’s weird to think that there might be a hostile alien race out there…”

After your return you only ever told your friends about what had really happened to your crew and why the mission really failed, which caused them all to freak out a little, before they realized that you were telling the truth. They were then quickly to reassure you that you had to stick with your made-up-story or they might lock you up for good.

“This might be something they want to hide from us… Or something they desperately need to know.”, Pidge had said, his eyes big with excitement.

This was the starting signal for intensify the work on the radar and for you to store away your hindering feelings into the deepest corners of your soul.  
It also sparked a feeling of hope again – something you refused to feel in the first place. The head of water to high as you could completely lose yourself if you would keep your hopes up to high. It might destroy what was left of you...  
Yet it helped you to not wish to disappear but gave you some kind of perspective.  
Whenever you felt like that there was always a rush of shame of being so pathetic coming with it.

Standing on the top of a hill not too far from the base, getting drenched by the never-ending rain you couldn’t help but feel weak.  
You were so small yet you always believed that you were big enough to protect the ones you treasured most. That the flame that was burning inside you was able to guide you all through the dark and not consume you whole.

Keith seemed to notice your rising panic as he had witnessed you come undone way too many times in the past months. You dreaded those moments, fearing to never come out again. It was stupid of you not to be able to process all of this even after all this time. There seemed to be no progress at all.  
You were angry at yourself and hated how your friends had to witness it.

Trying to calm yourself you started to control your breathing, counted to three as you inhaled and once again as you exhaled. Looking at your hands you realized that you were shaking violently despite your best efforts.

“I shouldn’t have said that…”, Keith said, his voice barely audible.

You shook your head yet you were not able to answer him as your tears started to fall, mixing with the rain. Without hesitation he came up to you and hugged you close, making you aware that he had grown a little which made you smile against his shoulder. The two of you were wet through and through yet you could feel his warmth radiating through the layers of fabric. You stood there for quite some time, neither able to voice the pain that made a home inside of you for months now.

Finally he let go and looked at you with an unreadable expression, “Let’s get back, shall we?”

Only ' _back_ '...  
After all, there was no home to return to anymore.

Sneaking in through the front gates wasn’t that hard when you arrived the next morning. Keith had dropped you off around the corner, so no one would suspect you’ve spent the night off-base once more. Casually you tried to flatten your wrinkled uniform as you strolled through the courtyard over to the cafeteria. Maybe you should start to store some extra clothing at the cabin..?  
The few students you met almost ran when they saw you or started to whisper as if you’ve become the personification of everything the Garrison stood for. The personification of an ideal.  
It made you sick.  
Still, you kept a neutral or smiling face whenever you left your room. You wore it like an armour, no one should see how broken you were.

As if the universe tried to mock you, you almost ran Tanja over as you entered the cafeteria. She looked you over to assess your situation. From the way she furrowed her brows ever so slightly she was not pleased with the way you looked – composed and with a faint smile on your lips. You greeted her as if she was just another peer of yours and not the person who locked you in the bathroom right before the launch of the Kerberos-Mission, taking away the last moments you would’ve had with the one you loved.

“Oh aren’t you a hypocrite…”, she spit at you, her eyes piercing through you.

There were so many things you wanted to tell her yet – you knew – it would be to no avail. There was no sense of reason or understanding in her on any of this. That was exactly why you just tilted your head a little, wished her a nice day and walked over to Lance who was waving at you from the queue to get his breakfast.

“I thought she wanted to eat you!”, his eyes were slitted as he watched Tanja walk away, as if he was ready to leap at her at any moment.

“Don’t worry. I am not that tasty. I think that much she knows.”, his almost protective instinct made you smile for real, replacing the mask for a few moments.

Not very convinced he grabbed a bowl of weirdly looking goo for himself and another one for you, and you two made your way over to Hunk and Pidge who were already in a heated discussion about today’s simulator practice. Since the three of them had become a fixed team, they had even more difficult manoeuvres to master. The one today was overall odd – they should land a rescue-shuttle on Kerberos, meaning that they took your mission as a blueprint for this exercise. Of how it should've gone down...  
This did not sit right with any of you.  
But what choices did you have?

“This so more than just strange. They're clearly hiding something!”, Pidge said as you sat down next to him, “There is no reason why they would need us to simulate this kind of mission if they said that there won't be any such mission in the near future.”

You had to agree with him, “But what do we do? We can't just refuse to take part in today's practice just because of mere assumptions... As much as I wished we could.”

You all fell silent, each stirring your respective bowls, the thoughts wandering to places you not dared to touch. It seemed as if all left for you to do was to go on while trying to push down the past.  
Maybe one day you would be strong enough and sufficient time had passed that you would be able to visit those happier days and smile again.

Until then you had to look ahead and hope that you would make it out on the other side again.

“I haven't had the heart to ask you yet but... Will you take part today as well?”, Hunk's voice was shy, his eyes darting over your features as if he asked something forbidden.

You were taken aback by this as you've never thought about it before. No one dared to tell you how you would participate in your simulation-classes from now on, which made you wonder if they've even thought that far. For the first weeks they scheduled therapy during that time and after that you had other appointments to attend, causing you to almost forget about the simulator completely.  
What was more was that you already had some very advanced classes as you prepared for Operation Hydra half a year ago, making you wonder if there was anything for you to learn in this class. Yet, it would make sense, since you were back in all your old classes as well...

“I have honestly no idea, Hunk.”, you glare back at him, your heart thrown into pandemonium, “I guess we will see this afternoon, won't we?”

  
  


Being a third-year did not really meant anything for you other that you only had one more year after that to survive as a student before you could start to work in the science-department... Or leave for good as there wasn't really anything keeping you there other than your friends. Maybe getting some distance between the base and yourself would help with learning to deal with the past?

Musing over such insignificant things you hardly paid any attention in class. By now you've surpassed your peers by far, you had nothing else to do besides learning after all. Mostly you kept to yourself, the teachers and officials not bothering you, yet your colleagues gave you weird stares whenever you gave an answer or handed in a test first.

You had really turned into an ice queen, untouchable.

This thought made you smile as you went on your way to combat-class.

By now you had a junior – as Keith was your teacher – as a partner who was very eager and just a little shy. You guessed that he was mocked by his peers for he was stuck with you – the fallen honorary-student. Still, you had to give him credit for showing up every time and not making a big deal out of it but instead giving his all.

You saw a lot of potential in him which you told him whenever you seemed fitting. Additionally you enjoyed showing him a few knacks to use in actual combat as well as in quarrels with his colleagues.

“How come you know so many things not even the officers show us?”, he wondered this afternoon as you two started your warm-up.

With a tiny smile you remembered all the time you've spent in this room with Keith and Shiro, “I knew two guys who couldn't stand the fact that I – as a girl – was seen as weak by others.”

He looked at you with surprise in his gaze, “That would be the last thing I would think of you. Physically and mentally, I think you are one of the strongest people I've ever met.”

You didn't answer him at first, his words working their way through your mind. That must be how others saw you and why they kept out of your way for the most part. Because no one who lost it all and went through hell would appear so strong. You should be broken and showing it and not be calm and surrounded by laughing friends.

Yet this was the one thing you would never do, as tempting as it might appeared.

Looking over to him you finally replied, “Sometimes that is the only thing left to be when they take it all and want you to give up.”

  
  


Flight-simulation had never been your favourite class – especially not after doing a 360 the first time you sat in one – but the position they assigned you that afternoon was even worse than that.

Since you've not been assigned to a team anymore and you spent the last weeks in therapy and recovery you had no one to simulate with in the first place. Furthermore, you already received very intense training and even went to space for real already. This gave the officer the idea to let you do his job, meaning that you played the role of mission-control for your peers – all of which were as old or even a little older than you.

Sighing inwardly you looked over your consoles and at the teams waiting for your instructions, their faces calm, not betraying their thoughts. Clearly they must've felt weird and mocked.  
This was so wrong, you shouldn't be in such a position at all. You were not born to lead as he was...

This was when it hit you.

They wanted you to take his place.

You clenched your fists as you saw the smile on the officer's face while he watched you in your own worst nightmare. It took all your strength to not leap at him but keeping your face neutral.

There was no way they would replace him, but you refused to step down and give them that satisfying feeling of finally defeating you completely.

Looking over your peers you inhaled and exhaled slowly before you took your place at the consoles for real. You may not be him but you would find your own path. Even if it hurt.

“My dear comrades! I don't stand here as your superior, but as someone who lost her comrades due to a stupid mistake. We are all prone to misread certain situations, we are only human after all. Today I want you to assess each and every situation as if you've never did before and make mistakes – for here nothing will happen to you. There is no one to chase you, no repairs necessary if you crash. Find your own way and trust in each other.”, your voice was firm and you could see that your words reached them all as their eyes lit up one by one, “I am no officer, no know-it-all. I am just a student like you, looking for answers. There is no right way to go about it but the one that fits you and your team. This simulation today will test all of you as individuals and as a team. But I believe in you, in the power each of you possess.”

This was the truth after all. You did not wanted anyone to hurt like you, so you wanted to give them something to believe in. In fact, the most important to think about: the trust in themselves.

Once more you looked them over, your heart aching as you quoted the one that got away:

“Go. Be great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest reader, welcome to Part 3!  
> *throws glitter*  
> I am so excited to have you here and I cannot wait to go on this final (?) adventure together! I hope you will join me on a longish ride through the galaxies!
> 
> As for the upload-circle: I will upload one chapter each Friday for you to (hopefully) enjoy over the weekend.  
> I love to hear from you, your feedback, curses, whatever it is! You can either comment here or chat with me over on  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
> And - you know me - there is a [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyRr3fH5DvnbGbm-qNq3_JnkTvmX3RJF) going along this story as well, which I update as we go.
> 
> Thank you so much for stopping by, I will see you again next Friday! <3


	3. Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [...]  
> As the days pass, it is all new to me.  
> As the weeks pass, the confusion overwhelms me.  
> As the months pass, I can only hope you return to me.  
> _____________________________________________________

“Galaxy Garrison flight log 5-11-14. Begin descent to Kerberos for rescue mission.”, you heard Lance's voice over the intercom who was almost interrupted by Hunk who suffered severely from motion sickness again.

Things only got worse, when Lance started to fly crazy manoeuvres and exhausted the simulator's possibilities. You had no time to interject as Pidge gave the info that they picked up a distress-signal, causing Lance to stir the shuttle up and down again as he waited for the coordinates.

“Okay, unless you want to wipe beef stroganoff out of all the little nooks and crannies in this thing, you'd better knock it off, man!”, Hunk groaned before the beeping of the shuttle's sensors called the three of them to attention.

You looked at your own consoles to check. It was the hydraulic stabilizer on the rear of the shuttle, causing it to shake too much to pick up any further signals. This would call for an emergency-landing to repair it as it lay on the outside of the shuttle. Or to manually stabilize the shuttle and calculate where the signal came from by hand and only with the information they've gathered so far.  
Yet after some fighting between the three, causing you to groan in frustration, Lance decided to make his own path – just as you've wished for them in your little speech earlier. It was right then that you started to regret it.

“Oh, never mind, fellas. Preparing for approach on visual.”, Lance sounded awfully confident, making you whine silently.

Pidge was against the idea as was Hunk, the latter barely able to keep his intenstine under control. It only took a few more moments of the three of them bickering, and clearly not acting as a team, before he couldn't hold it in anymore and vomited into the main gearbox. Pidge gave off a sneaky comment over the radio signal which was not exactly professional but that didn't matter as Lance – calling himself _The Tailor_ – lost a wing which lead to the whole shuttle to crash a mere second later.

You let out another frustrated sigh as you stepped down from your consoles and opened the door, gesturing the three of them to come out and be evaluated by the officer. From the looks on their faces they knew perfectly well that this did not go according to plan.  
Maybe telling them to look for different solutions wasn't helping at all.

What made it all even worse was General Iverson approaching, who must've witnessed this mess as well as he started to scold the three of them – use them as an example as he called it. Not even the officer in charge was able to say anything nice as Iverson ignored him.

“Heck, if you're going to be this bad individually, you'd better at least be able to work as a team! Galaxy Garrison exists to turn young cadets like you into the next generation of elite astroexplorers, but these kinds of mental mistakes are exactly what cost the lives of the men on the Kerberos Mission.”, he bellowed making you clench your fists.

A sudden rush of anger began to work its way through your thoughts. You knew you had to remain calm yet it became harder and harder with each passing day to not just walk away but listen to such lies, slowly becoming propaganda. Students started to do both, praise Shiro and Matt as heroes and tarnish their names.  
As if they took everything away from them.

Pidge must've felt the same as you, when he defied Iverson by calling him a liar. If Lance wouldn't have talked over him while he muffled Pidge's talking, excusing him as being tired before walking off, this would've ended in an even bigger catastrophe.

You wanted to run after them yet you knew that that was not possible as you had to guide the other teams which still remained though their respective missions. All at once you became aware of Iverson staring at you as if he wanted to figure out how you thought about what just happened, knowing all too well that they were your friends. You gave nothing away, looked him straight in the eye before you saluted, turned around and called the next team into the simulator. As you watched your peers walking into the cabin your gaze travelled back to General Iverson who eyed you intensely. Raising your chin you looked away again.

_I am not your puppet._

 

 

The Garrison was supposed to be one of the most secured military-bases in the world yet you never had any difficulties to sneak out and back in. Or around as you so often did while you were building the radar with Pidge on the rooftop of the student's dorm and listening to the strange signals you sometimes received.

After what had happened in the simulator it was nice to sit on a rooftop beneath the stars next to Pidge and just look into the endless open above you. The small computer beeped every now and then, showing a multitude of flashing colours whenever it picked something up. Still, you had no real clue how to place these strange readings – some fitting the measurements known to you, some not – but you were certain that, within time, you two would be able to work a model around the data.

“I know I should keep a cool head but all those lies... And them turning everything into propaganda... I can't stand it anymore.”, Pidge said, his voice low.

You hummed in agreement, “Today was hard... I wonder what it is they want to hide from us?”

He gestured at your small computer, “Call me crazy but I think it has something to do with these jammed signals and the reason why your mission failed as well.”

Before you could answer him anything, you heard the heavy door to the rooftop being opened with a bang as Lance and Hunk tumbled over each other onto the floor. You and Pidge exchanged a look before you had to laugh as the two of them came over to you, looking over the equipment in amazement.

“What are you doing here?”, Lance asked while Hunk tried to touch the small satellite dish right behind the screen.

“Hunk! Don't touch that!”, Pidge called out before he let out a sigh, “We're looking at the stars. Listening to the universe. I can scan all the way to the edges of the solar system.”

It took a mere few seconds for Lance to catch up, “All the way to Kerberos, hm?”

Helplessly Pidge looked over to you as if he asked for advice, “Yes. All the way out there. After today we wanted to try and see how far we can push this little computer of ours.”

Lance and Hunk finally sat down next to you, the latter still trying to touch the different components just to be called off by Pidge.

“We've built this a while ago and we were even able to catch some weird alien chatter. But tonight...”, you gestured at the screen which was showing the colours and graphs out of control, “It has never been that crazy before.”

“From what we've gathered so far we can be pretty safely say that the Kerberos-Mission did not fail because of any malfunctioning systems of crew failure. They might've encountered a similar shuttle than the one [Y/N] told us about.”, Pidge furrowed his brows as he listened to the incoming signals, “What's more is that they're repeating a word over and over again; _Voltron_.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”, Lance asked, confusion showing on his face.

“I have no idea but somethings seems off tonight. Almost as if-”, Pidge was cut off by the loudspeakers blaring a warning signal.

“ _Attention, students. This is not a drill. We are on lockdown! Security situation Zulu Niner. Repeat: all students are to remain in barracks until further notice.”_

The four of you looked at each other utterly stunned, not knowing what to do. Something told you that this wasn't a mere coincidence. A look at the screen of your small radar as well as the strange look on Pidge's face confirmed this.

Something was approaching the area around the Garrison – and it was approaching fast.

“This can't be...”, you said under your breath as you look at the horizon the thing came into focus.

Your mind was racing at a hundred miles per hour as you watched a strange-looking ship approaching, bringing back the memories of your own failed mission. It looked similar, there was no denying it.

There was a strange tugging at your heart which you could not place at all. Yet you were not afraid at all quite the contrary actually – there was suddenly something like serenity in you.

“I don't recognise it...”, Lance said.

“That's because it's one of theirs.”, Pidge answered, a certain degree of excitement in his eyes, “I need to go and see it up close!”

By now, the strange looking space-craft had landed not too far from the base yet it did not seemed to be interested in it whatsoever. Hunk was clearly not happy about the situation, talking about _the worst team-building exercise ever_ , as your small group slowly made its way closer to the ship without bumping into anyone.

As you arrived atop the nearest hill you could see that a lot of guards in strange-looking armour were walking around the opening hatch with different types of guns. It confused all of you that the Garrison even had such equipment at all as you've never seen it.

Maybe this weren't ours to begin with?  
There seemed to be no way around those guards, yet somehow you felt that you needed to risk it all and peer inside.

This wasn't the most advisable thing to you, you knew. After all you had no idea who those people piloting the strange ship were, what they wanted and what you would find inside. It might be even worse than death.

Yet why was there such a strong feeling of retreat being the wrong choice?

You saw a few guards going in and others going out again when Pidge called out to you, “They've set up a camera inside and I grabbed its feed. Look!”

“This day becomes weirder by the minute...”, you whispered as you walked over to Pidge who pointed at the screen of his computer.

At first the picture was blurry and the sound distorted, almost as if you received it from underwater. But after a few key strokes the camera focused and the sound became clear.

“What... Who..? Oh.”, Hunk gasped before he looked over to you.

You were confused by his reaction as you had no idea what might've been the cause of it. Staring at the screen – showing a sterile white room with an operation-table in the middle and two guards walking around – you did not catch up at first, your brain refusing to let any new information in. You watched as General Iverson came into the room and started talking.

“Calm down. We just need you quarantined until we've run some tests.”, who was he talking to?

From a distance you heard Lance tenderly say your name but you were not able to look away from the screen. Finally you saw what they all were seeing, sending your mind into an overdrive and your heart to explode. This was simply not possible. This must've been a mean joke, right?

Strapped to the operation-table in ragged clothes, his face twisted as if he was in pain, was the one that got away. There was no mistaking him, despite the front part of his hair all white and a big scar across his nose.

“Takashi...”, you whispered faintly.

“So, I guess he is not dead in space after all.”, Hunk said silently, his eyes searching your face.

“Where's the rest of the crew?”, Pidge's question became your mind's anchor to not wander off, your heart to stay in one piece.

You would have deal with all of this later on. First, you needed to focus on the situation at hand. You feared that you would go crazy otherwise.  
Forcing your breath to flow in a regular pattern again you looked at the screen once more. Iverson was asking Shiro if he knew how long he'd been gone just to answer him that it's been one and a half years. Despite your best efforts everything seemed to be slowed down, Iverson's voice sounded from far away. You felt somehow detached from yourself as if your mind refused to believe your eyes and simply wanted to escape this strange reality.

There was no easy way out of this mess.

“We have to find Voltron!”, you heard Shiro say, making Pidge and and you exchange a glance.

“Sir, look at this. His arm...”, the voice of the soldier who was talking to Iverson became muffled, but you were in no need of his explanation.

Inhaling sharply you saw that Shiro's right arm had been replaced by a weird metal-looking prosthetic. It looked different from anything you've ever seen which might be a hint that those aliens tinkered with it.  
Since Shiro was still going on about them coming and Iverson not paying any attention, the latter instructed the soldiers present to put Shiro under, as if he was a mere nuisance.

Suddenly Shiro's face showed a certain degree of fear – ripping your heart apart – as he begged to not be sedated, pleading.

“What is going on? Not only did they not ask about the rest of the crew but they're also not listening to him...”, Pidge looked as confused as all of you must've felt.

“So... How do we go on about it?”, Lance asked, looking over to Hunk who only shrugged.

“We have to get him out of there. I have a bad feeling about all of this.”, Pidge answered simply, slowly getting up.

“The only problem is – and had been for this whole endeavour – that we can't simply walk past these guards. We need some costumes...”, Hunk said, his eyes showing how afraid he was.

This might've been the correct emotional response but you did only feel the need to get Shiro out of there. No fear, nothing. All the emotions you stored away over the past year tried to break free but you needed them to be sealed off for just a little more. You would deal with them later.

Clenching your fist you said, “We need a distraction. Something... Or someone who is going to-”

You were cut off by the noise of an explosion. Turning around you saw a big ball of fire not too far away from the space-craft followed by another right behind. Before you could think straight you started to descent the hill with a tiny smile on your face as you heard Lance groan in annoyance.

“How did he know?! That guy is always trying to one-up me!”, he mumbled as the three of them followed you down the slope.

“Are you sure it's him and not the aliens?”, Hunk asked, still unsure about the whole commotion.

Yet there was no turning back for either of you as you ran up the hatch just behind Keith who had already knocked out the guards and the soldier with the syringe in his hand. He had already started to inject the sedatives which knocked Shiro out so he was not able to stand without help. You looked around helplessly while Keith and Lance started to fight over who would be Shiro's saviour, each of them carrying one arm around their shoulder.

“Stop fighting and get going!”, Pidge yelled from the door, frantically looking around.

This was all they needed to finally get going as fast as possible with a knocked-out Shiro between them. Keith's hover-bike stood not to far off, meaning the way out was secured – if it weren't for the size of the group. Six people was just way too much for the bike to function properly but there seemed to be no other way. Keith did not seemed to care as he got the bike started up just as Pidge – while holding Shiro – Lance and Hunk somehow managed to fit onto it.

You just stared at the pile of people on top of the barely visible bike, wondering how it was able to even hover at a decent height with all the extra weight. There was no way you would fit as well.

Hearing shouts from behind, you looked at Keith, “I guess you'd better get going.”

Even to your own ears your voice sounded defeated. Everything that had happened over the past eighteen months just came crashing down on you.  


Finally coming to the Garrison and meeting Shiro again.

Getting close just to lose him as he left for Kerberos.

Coming to terms with the delayed confession of yours just to learn of his disappearance.

Going on until the launch of the rescue mission just to lose your crew within two weeks.

Living on through all the remorse to see yet another day.

And finally, seeing him safe and sound – more or less.  


How were you supposed to feel?  
  
  
You were just so tired.

  
“Don't be silly, [Y/N]. Hop on!”, it was Lance who held out his hand.

“The bike is already overloaded. Now get out of here.”, you replied, tilting your head to one side while you tried not to cry.

You knew that if they drove off you would never see them again as they could not return to the Garrison after tonight. What they were about to do was treason.  
Even for you it meant that you had to face another committee to take responsibility for your actions. Maybe you would lose your scholarship in the process. Or they would keep you for interrogations just to render you silent forever.  
Looking at Shiro you realized that you would not mind to be thrown out, as there was no point to stay at the base any longer. So maybe you should simply go with them.

Still you could not bring yourself to take Lance's hand.

“I am sorry...”, you whispered.

The voices of the Garrison soldiers were way too close already and by the amount of approaching footsteps you made out they were numerous.

Letting out a sigh, Keith started the engines for good and the bike slowly started to move. You braced yourself for the blast of it leaving when you saw that he was yelling something at Lance you could not hear over the engines, and Keith moving the bike in a circular motion closer to you. Without a chance to fully grasp the situation you found yourself in Lance's arms after he had scooped you up as if you weighted nothing.

Your look of utter confusion made the three of them laugh and Keith to shake his head as he drove full-speed ahead. It was clear, that they would've never thought about leaving you behind, no matter the cost.  
This thought made you almost tear up, when you heard the sound of gushing sand behind you and some bikes approaching, making you wonder just where they came from all of a sudden.

As if he expected that, Keith directed Hunk to lean left to stir the bike accordingly straight at a cliff.

Hunk did not seemed too happy about the prospect to fall down, “Guys? Is that really a cliff up ahead?”

Lance, acting all cool until now started to look around worryingly as he tried to convince Keith to take a turn somewhere. His pleading only cut off by the yelling of the approaching Garrison-soldiers.  
  
„He is going to kill us all!“, Lance exclaimed and hugged you closer.  
  
Strangely you did not feel scared at all, your trust in Keith and his calculations was just too strong. You could hear him snickering as he speed up the bike even more before it flew off the cliff – everyone screaming.  
  
“Shut up and trust me!”, Keith called out just before he activated the vertical boosters, making the bike land softly despite the extra weight.  
  
Lance and Hunk let out a loud sigh of relief, the former shaking his head in disbelief, “I can't believe you did that.”  
  
Keith did not reply anything but steered to the left and the bike steadily moved across the sand. You were not able to see his face but somehow you could imagine that he was trying to hide a grin after the stunt he had pulled just now.  
Looking up at the cliff you could not make out any soldiers at all, which gave you some hope of getting out of this situation after all. From the direction Keith was taking you – and because there wasn't really any other place to return to – you must've been on your way to the cabin on the plain.  
  
“We can only hope that they have no idea where to look for us...”, Pidge whispered, barely audible against the headwind.  
  
“They somehow knew this shuttle was coming so I doubt it.”, Lance replied sincerely.  
  
“Then let's hope that we have enough time to come up with a plan...”  
  
  
  
As soon as you arrived at the cabin, Keith and Lance carried Shiro – still unconscious – inside and lay him on the couch while Pidge and Hunk waited with you outside. This moment of peace gave you some time to think about what had happened the past hours and how you would go on about it.  
These thoughts weren't exactly what you needed right now.  
  
After he had left for Kerberos you came to terms with it pretty quickly since you believed in his return. Only after the mission declared a failure did your world truly shatter and you did not know how to pick up the pieces again and for what reason you should press on. If it weren't for your friends you probably wouldn't be at the top of every class and still trying to live on.  
They reminded you time and again that Shiro would've never wanted you to be unhappy or, even worse, to give up. Furthermore, there was this lingering feeling of him not really being gone for good, which you tried to suppress as the reality came crashing down at night.  
  
Still, you were eager to go up with Operation Hydra and bring back whatever might've been left. As everyone knew by then, the mission was a disaster, leaving you to deal with the death of your crew while you became the next glimmer of hope for the higher-ups of the Garrison, while your peers feared you.  
All of this threw you into pandemonium, feeling like a shell while you tried to hide your heart from getting hurt even more.  
  
Looking at the door just as Lance and Keith left the cabin, so Shiro could rest and wake up in his own time, made you fully aware of the situation.  
It was as if the universe wanted to give you another chance – after you've wasted so many already – by bringing back your childhood-friend. How this was even possible and why Fortuna would chose such a strange timing was beyond your understanding, but so were a lot of things.  
  
The most important question now was: How would you go on about it? And how would Shiro react?  
  
“We wait until he is up and ready for the whole bunch and then we have to decide what we do from here on out.”, Keith said, sitting down on the porch, looking up at you with his eyebrows raised as if he wanted to ask you something.  
  
“This is so strange... I still cannot believe it.”, Pidge murmured, “But at least we might get some answers now about what _really_ happened!”  
  
You all fell silent for a while, each of you following their own train of thoughts. Your heart ached from all the confusion and extremes, your head felt heavy and full of mist. Trying to sort out through the jumbled threads of thoughts you realized that you were scared.  
Scared to believe in the impossible of Shiro being back only to lose him again.  
  
As if the others felt you shivering despite the warm desert-air, they shot you concerned glances. It was Hunk who said something first.  
  
“We don't have to rush anything. The first thing is to see where we stand and what our plan of action is. Nothing special, nothing wild.”, you could feel that he wanted to support you, without patronizing you.  
  
“Hunk is right.”, Lance added, “We are a team. And we will fight through this as one.”  
  
It made your heart leaping of joy to know that you had such amazing friends by your side. People who never said anything even when you made no sense or lost all rhyme or reason and only cried or sat there in silence for hours as if you were a lunatic. You were grateful beyond words to have such amazing people in your life.  
  
  
  
After only another hour Shiro was already up again. You saw him and Keith talking aside of the cabin which made it impossible for you to hear their conversation.  
Seeing Shiro after such a long time made your heart throb from all the longing, despite the fear enveloping it. He looked older, not exactly from the way his body moved but how his eyes darted back and forth and his whole posture resembled a lion on the hunt.  
The scar across his face and the prosthetic-arm made you snarl as you clenched your fists. Whoever did that would have to take responsibility for this.  
  
“Is it only me or is Shiro even more buff than before?”, Lance asked, his face neutral.  
  
“Yes. He has some serious upper-arm-action going on!”, Hunk nodded.  
  
Their comments made you blush as your eyes wandered over Shiro's arms and face.  
  
“Cut it out, would you?! This is not the time for these uncalled comments!”, you stammered, a shy smile creeping over your face.  
  
By then Keith and Shiro had made their way back to the cabin, the former gesturing you to all come inside. You had a notion what would come next as you followed the others into the living room where Keith had put up a big map of the area. Across the board where a lot of graphs and lines which all pointed towards one place marked as _Energy Source._  
  
“Just as [Y/N] and Pidge had some weird readings at the Garrison, I noticed some strange energies going on and about out here. I traced it and it lead me to the cave we went exploring together... There were weird carvings on the walls which I just couldn't place at first. But after I began to study them they told a story of a blue lion and that something would happen last night...”, Keith looked at Shiro who had posed the question of your arrival while the two were outside.  
  
“This brings us to our biggest problem: What do we do about the aliens? You said they were on their way here? And that they are looking for this Voltron-thingy? And that it's here on earth?”, Hunk asked, worry in his tone.  
  
Shiro just nodded, his face motionless. It made you wince to see him like that – confused and lost.  
  
“Wait... These graphs look like they would fit my own analysis.”, Pidge exclaimed suddenly after he had studied the board for a short while.  
  
He took out a small notepad and flicked through the pages, before his eyes lit up. He then started to talk with Hunk about a device they could easily build and tune into the right frequency so they could trace the energy source from the cave onward.  
  
“And maybe we can find out what happened to the rest of the crew.”, Pidge added with a glance at Shiro who looked helplessly back at him.  
  
He was not able to recall a lot of what had happened after they were attacked at Kerberos as they were collection icicles. Only small fragments seemed to come back at him over time, which wasn't exactly surprising after such a traumatic event. Still, you all were in the need for answers yet pushing him too much would only harm everyone involved.  
  
Hunk and Pidge wanted to get to work immediately, which wouldn't take long. Still, you decided to go outside and enjoy the rising sun for a little while. Being alone seemed like something you desperately needed after all the action and commotion of the past night.  
Walking a few metres away from the cabin you just let yourself fall unto the sand and looked up at the sky, slowly turning purple then red and orange before – at some point – starting to evolve into a blazing blue canvas. There were no clouds to be seen which gave you the possibility to look at the last few stars shining down on you.  
  
You knew all of the constellations and were you would find them, like the back of your hand.  
You've become one of the best in hands-on-combat.  
You knew how to work in a team even in the most dire circumstances.  
You've been to space.  
You've lost it all and you were still there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest reader, has it already been a week?? I am so happy to see you again - time surely flies!  
> This chapter was difficult for me to write for a lot of reasons, but in the end, I am happy how it turned out!  
> What do you think, did I do the first episode justice?
> 
> Let me know, your feedback, curses, whatever it is! You can either comment here or chat with me over on  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
> And - you know me - there is a [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyRr3fH5DvnbGbm-qNq3_JnkTvmX3RJF) , did you listen to it?
> 
> I can't wait to see what next week will bring, until then I wish you a wonderful weekend and I am so grateful for you to stop by, you make this so much more exciting for me! <3


	4. Take-off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some legends are told  
> Some turn to dust or to gold  
> But you will remember me  
> Remember me, for centuries  
> Just one mistake  
> Is all it will take  
> We'll go down in history  
> Remember me for centuries
> 
> (Fall Out Boy - Centuries)  
> ______________________________________

The small device gave off a regular beeping-sound as the whole group went down a slope which lead to the cave you've discovered with Matt and Shiro way back before they left for Kerberos. Hunk and Pidge lead you all, the former with the small apparatus in his hands, happily chatting with his comrade about the readings he got as the whole bunch approached the cave.  
You and Shiro were walking at the rear, not saying anything. The words unspoken just hanging in the air, almost as if you would only have to reach out and you could feel them. It was still so hard to wrap your head around the fact that he was back. What you needed at that moment was simply time to come to terms with everything.  
Yet, wasn't time the only thing you seemed to never have?  
  
Keith, who walked just in front of you, gave off a loud grunt as he just shook his head and walked up to the others, as if he wanted to leave you to you own devices – hoping it would do any good. Obviously he could feel the dense atmosphere as well.  
Moreover, something about this gave you the feeling of being back in time, right before he left, making you shy despite the tight and unknown situation you've found yourself in.  
  
_There's no time for such nonsense!_   
  
You had so many things you wanted to ask him, so many words waiting to be said. A part of you just wanted to hold him and let the walls you've built come crashing down. You wanted to trust him for not leaving again. For him being really there. And yet your fear was bigger than any of this.  
  
“Keith did not change a lot, did he?”, Shiro asked gently, looking at his friend.  
  
“Yes and no... The day you went missing, a lot has changed... It was... hard... empty.”, you answered fearfully, as if he wasn't supposed to know that, as if you could reveal too much.  
  
Talking to him felt both, like coming home – relief flooding through you for a second – yet foreign, almost scary. As if just one false word would make him disappear again.  
This feeling of fear was almost worst than missing him, and even more confusing.  
Shouldn't you be simply happy to have him back?  
Why was this darkness clinging to you, refusing to give you enough space to breathe?  
  
Before he could add anything to your remark, you heard Hunk call out that the readings were off the chart just before he entered the cave, followed by the rest of the group. Again, time was not flowing in your favour.  
The walls looked exactly as you remembered them. Only after you've walked a few metres inside did you notice that the carvings have become more and more distinct compared to what you could recall. It was as Keith had said, they really told a story about a blue robotic looking lion that seemed to be only one of five. Yet what you should make of this remained a mystery to you as was the question of who would carve this story into the cave and for what purpose – it was empty after all.  
There was the same eerie feeling from your first visit, but this time it wasn't as intimidating, just very... alien. No one noticed that Lance had touched the carving of the lion on the wall until they all started to glow in a blue light, making the whole group scan the cavern frantically.  
  
“They've never done that before..”, Keith said, looking at Lance who just shrugged innocently.  
  
Suddenly the floor started to crumble too fast to run away, opening up below you. Panic rose inside of you as you tried to hold onto something at least to not fall as hard.  
There was nothing, the whole ground disintegrating at an alarmingly fast rate. Closing your eyes to not see any of the horrors your mind came up with, you felt someone pulling you close. Before you could fully grasp the situation you already felt the impact – mostly absorbed by whoever held you – as all of you crashed on the floor below the hole.  
  
For a second it was dead silent before you dared to open you eyes again, your breath erratically trying to move up and down your lungs. Looking around the cavern which was illuminated by even more blueish carvings, you saw your friends moving and groaning amidst the clouds of dust. From the bits and pieces of their conversations you gathered that they were not seriously injured which flooded you with relief, relaxing every muscle.  
  
“Are you alright?”, Shiro's deep voice made you jump a little.  
  
Turning your head a little you saw that he was the one who sheltered you from the impact. His arms were still around your waist while you sat on his lap. Shiro looked at you concerned, seemingly not aware of the weirdness of the situation.  
How could someone be so innocent?  
  
“Yes... Yes I am alright. How about you?”, you stuttered, not able to handle his closeness, “What about you? You shielded me...”  
  
_Why would you do that?_   
  
Shiro flashed you a shy as he looked away, “Having some muscle-mass has to amount to something. Don't worry, I am alright.”  
  
Before any of you two could say something else you heard Lance calling your names, a sheepish grin on his face as he saw your arrangement. Trying not to look too eager to get up and away from Shiro you stood up and walked over to the rest of the group who stared at a huge blue robotic lion that looked almost like the one from the carvings. It just sat there, unmoving, behind some kind of energetic field which prevented you to advance any further.  
Scanning the room you realized at once that there was no way in or out of this room safe for the hole you fell through.  
  
“Is that this Voltron?”, Pidge asked Shiro who shrugged.  
  
“This... thing must be the reason I got such strange readings out here. Just look at this barrier!”, Keith added, taking a step forward, “I just wonder how we get through that?”  
  
“Maybe we just knock politely?”, Lance suggested before he went ahead and did as he said, obviously intended as a joke to lighten the mood.  
  
Within seconds you felt a sharp pain piercing your head and a flash of light exploding behind your eyes before you saw the blue lion and four others fly across the sky, transforming into a huge robot with a sword and shield.  
From the looks on everyone's faces they all saw similar things, which made you shiver.  
This seemed to be even bigger than anything you would've ever thought of.  
  
  
  
“What do you mean, they are already here?!”, Hunk was slowly panicking.  
  
“They've found me...”, Shiro whispered, a pained look on his face.  
  
“It's time to get these guys away from our planet, here we go!”, Lance said before he pushed the joystick forward leading to the lion speeding up even more.  
  
After everyone saw these weird scenes inside their heads Lance basically ran up the now open mouth of the lion. Since there seemed to be no better plan of action at hand, everyone followed him. The cockpit looked nothing like anything you've ever seen before. It had more screens and futuristic-looking levers and joysticks than any simulator at the Garrison. Still, Lance – who took place in the only seat available which made him the pilot – seemed to know exactly what he was doing.  
With a loud roar the lion came to life just as he had touched the screen ever so lightly, before it leaped into the air, crashing through metres of thick stone. After a mere few seconds you found yourselves under a blazing blue sky again, the Garrison not too far away.  
The view was breathtaking, everything looked just so small  
  
As if the lion was a extension of Lance, an almost sentient creature, it flew some strange manoeuvres, making Hunk rather sick and your head spin. Apparently it was able to communicate with Lance which was the exact reason how you knew that the aliens were coming in the first place. Your best guess was that these were the same that had captured Shiro.  
How they could move so much faster than anything you've ever seen was beyond you – you would think about this at a later date. For now you tried to keep your spirits up as Lance moved the Lion across the desert and up into the atmosphere just to watch the creature leap through the solar-system as if it was nothing.  
It was just so surreal.  
Within minutes you were past Jupiter, the alien-ship – which reminded you of the one you've encountered on your mission – rather close behind you.  
Still, you all agreed that it was weird that they were only chasing and not trying to shoot you. They were playing for time.  
  
Unfortunately, the problem of them gaining on you lingered on, making your throat tighten. They might be only chasing now for the time being, but this was no child's play. They wanted that lion and you with it.  
There was no way that you would be captured by aliens just like that. You had to protect your friends.  
Yet, what should you do?  
Clenching your fist you thought hard of how you could solve this, adrenaline pumping through your veins.  
  
And then, just like that, as if it could hear your thoughts, the lion opened his mouth and shot into the open space before you just to open up something that looked like a pond – A wormhole!  
After some discussion you decided to get through there – as if you really had a choice – leaving the aliens stranded on the other side as the hole closed right after you've passed it.  
  
The sudden tranquility gave you the opportunity to look around. Your heart sank as you helplessly scanned the stars and constellations in front of you.  
How far from earth did the wormhole sent you? How should you ever find your way back?  
Looking over to Shiro you had difficulties to hold back a cry. For an instant he looked even more lost and hurt than you had ever seen him. His eyes were frantically scanning the endless open, hoping to find an orientation point. His jaw was set, his prosthetic fingers digging into his left arm as he tried to remain calm.  
Without anyone asking he suddenly had become the one responsible for the whole bunch – given he was the oldest and most experienced – in a situation he clearly did never wished for. There wasn't even a moment to rest for him since he left earth so long ago.  
  
_Why can't I keep you safe?_   
  
“[Y/N] is everything alright? You look pale.”, Pidge's voice made you jerk back a few steps before you could focus on him again.  
  
There was no time to answer or reassure him as the lion began his descent to a green-looking planet, similar to Earth. By now Lance had lost control of it completely, which meant that you were left to the mercy of the robot's programming – or whatever it had. At this point this wasn't even surprising you anymore.  
The whole cockpit was shaking as the lion entered the atmosphere, throwing you into Shiro's arms again, who held you steadily – the universe clearly mocking you by now. There was no other explanation for this to happen twice in such a short amount of time.  
Still, his warmth was comforting...  
  
You felt your heart pushing you to embrace these moments and savour each and ever second of it, to just give in. Yet at the same time you just wanted to outrun the turmoil your head has become.  
The shaking stopped as soon as the lion had landed in front of a building that resembled a futuristic castle. The exact moment the legs touched the floor, all the systems were shut down and the hatch opened. Quickly you stumbled away from Shiro and down the hatch to inhale deeply.  
This was just too much to take in.  
  
The others filed out one by one, looking around eagerly while trying to make sense of the situation you all found yourselves in. Besides the castle there was nothing and no one to be seen at all, just some hills in the distance and green grass.  
There was no time to marvel over the fact that you've basically discovered another planet which could bear life since Lance and Keith were already fighting again.  
  
“I never thought we would survive this with you at the helm...”, Keith spat at Lance who was the last to get out of the robotic creature.  
  
“Knock it off. No one is happy with the situation right now, but we have to get through this and we will do it as a team.”, Shiro cut him off, trying to avoid the two fighting over something that couldn't be changed any longer.  
  
Suddenly the lion stood up again and gave off a loud roar, making all of you jump into defensive positions. Your heart was racing, beating as fast as if it wanted to escape your chest.  
At first, nothing happened but then you saw the main gates of the castle slowly opening, as if to invite you inside. Looking at your friends for advice you only met equally confused stares.  
  
“I guess we were invited in...”, Hunk finally mumbled.  
  
“Yeah... Keep your guard up. My crew was captured by aliens once. I am not going to let that happen again.”, Shiro said as he started to walk towards the castle, leaving all of you behind, your mouths agape.  
  
Somehow this only confirmed the assumptions Pidge and you've been making after the crew disappeared. There were hardly any other explanations which would fit such a high level of security. Given the size of the universe it wasn't surprising either to find other forms of life.  
The only problem you've had with this knowledge was, that these aliens had captured Shiro and his crew, seemingly tinkered with him – torture was something you refused to think about at that time – and chasing all of you away from earth within hours of his return, pushing him to be the leader of a team he hardly knew anything about, without giving him a second to rest.  
There was only so much you were able to forgive.  
  
  
  
As if this day hadn't been crazy enough, you've encountered the princess and her closest advisor of yet another alien race. This race however was literally destroyed by the same aliens that captured Shiro and tried to haunt you down as soon as you laid hands on this blue lion.  
Princess Allura called them Galra, a race which worked with her people some 10.000 years ago – a time-span you could hardly imagine at all. Apparently she and her advisor Coran were put in cryopods to be sent off their planet just before it was destroyed by the leader of the Galra: Emperor Zarkon.  
  
“He and my father were... friends back in the day. But something within Zarkon changed over time... And now he wants to have the blue lion along the other four so Voltron could not be formed again.”, the princess explained while she stood in the room in the heart of the castle where you've found her.  
  
It turned out that Voltron was a giant robot formed by five lions – one of them being the blue one you've found on earth. This reminded you a lot of all the science fiction movies and series you sometimes watched. It seemed impossible that you and your friends would find yourselves in such a scenario.  
Yet there you stood at the other end of the universe, being drawn into something you never knew existed in the first place.  
  
In the middle od the room were some consoles again, which she worked on as if she'd never done anything else. Everything looked so foreign, so advanced that you could only wonder how that might've been possible 10.000 years ago. All the same you felt the fatigue dragging you down by now, the lack of sleep and the situation as a whole starting to tear you apart.  
Still, there was no time to rest yet.  
  
“Voltron is the only thing in the whole universe powerful enough to defeat Zarkon. That is why he is looking for it after my father sent the lions into different corners of the universe.”, you admired Allura's strength to not be crushed by everything she's lost, “We have to find them before he does. And we have to put a halt to his rule over the universe.”  
  
After that explanation everyone remained silent, pondering the situation you were in without wishing for it. From what you've gathered there was no possibility to return to earth at all as long as the Galra were looking for the lion and maybe Shiro who was a fugitive after all. Giving them the robotic cat would lead to even bigger problems as they had started to conquer the whole universe all those 10.000 years ago and won't stop until everything and everyone is under their control. Voltron was the only thing they had to fear.  
The thought alone made you shiver.  
Giving up the lion would mean that you would give them part of the strongest weapon there was.  
  
All of a sudden another thought crossed your mind which felt like a punch in the gut. Someone had to at least retrieve these lions. Yet from the look on Allura's and Coran's faces your journey would not be over with that. Someone had to stop Zarkon and since Voltron was the only way...  
Refusing to continue that train of thought – and because no one seemed to take any notice of you – you turned and started to make your way out of the room, almost running all the way back to the main gates to get some fresh air. Maybe that would calm you down enough to think rationally again.  
After what felt like forever you've made it out again. The sky was a different shade of blue than on earth but still, it had something familiar even so far away from it.  
  
How did you get into this mess? Was the universe trying to make fun of you by making you wait and, when you finally caught up, snatch it all away again?  
Where did you go wrong that everything became so tangled and complicated?  
Maybe it all was set in motion because you never confessed your feelings?  
Letting out a sigh you felt stupid for even thinking something that feeble. Being tired did not excuse you for being an idiot.  
You walked a few metres away from the castle and looked up at the blue lion which just sat there as if it was sleeping.  
  
“You should stop to make me run after you. I worry that you might get lost.”, Keith stood behind you, his arms crossed.  
  
Your expression changed from surprised by his sudden appearance to tender. He was your closest friend after all, of course he would follow you.  
  
To make him worry was never your intention, “How do you always know were to find me? Do you have the secret super-power of perfect-timing?”  
  
“Someone needs to be your antidote for having the worst timing in history.”, he came up to you, his eyes searching yours.  
  
His words hit home almost too closely.  
  
“I know... You know what's even worse? I wished for Shiro to come back to us... to me. I wanted to get another chance to tell him and to protect him, because he's always out and about caring for others but who's there for him? I yearned to do all the stupid things friends... or lovers do.”, you paused, your throat tightened and your breathing getting out of control as all the feelings you've bottled up started to work their way up.  
  
Keith just waited patiently for you to finish whatever you wished to say. He never pushed you – clearly something he had learned from Shiro.  
  
“I dreamed about different scenarios of him getting back to the base. Of me being courageous and him saying yes and him saying no and how we would still be a team because that's all I ever wished for... But he vanished and then I learned to live with the pain... And suddenly he is back and I should be overjoyed and happy...”, tears had started to fall yet you did not care, “But Keith, I can't stand being close to him! I want to push him away as far as I can because I am scared. If I would let him in again... If I believed he is really going to stay this time... I couldn't stand losing him again... And this whole situation is only making it worse! But I know I should be there for him... I truly am the worst person...”  
  
Like that, all your strength had left you. The only thing left inside of you was this nagging exhaustion. Voicing out your innermost feelings freed you to a certain degree but it caged you in on a different level. Still, there was no turning back now.  
There was nothing betraying what Keith thought of all of this as he just closed his eyes for a moment before he scratched the back of his head and exhaled a little too loudly. Apart from that he remained silent as he took a step towards you and wiped away your tears.  
  
“I'm sorry... I always put everything just out there before I even understand a single thing myself and you have to look at this mess...”, you gestured at yourself, “Seems I am never able to show you my gratitude after all...”  
  
This last remark made him raise his eyebrow, “What gives you this strange idea? Aren't you my voice of reason?”  
  
“Keith... You never listened to anyone.”, you had to giggle a little through your tears as you remembered countless instances when you tried to talk him out of a situation but he hardly ever listened.  
  
“I do listen alright. I just seldom act up to it.”, he grinned sheepishly.  
  
That was his way of freeing you from your thoughts running in circles without ever getting anywhere. There was nothing you could do about this mess but to take one small step after the other. Keith was the one constantly reminding you of that.  
  
As if he could really read your mind he said, “You may not want him in near you at the moment or at all. And I understand why you might feel like that right now. Nevertheless you should tell him. Talk it out. Fight. Just... something. To just push him away without a reason would be cruel. Also, you never know if this feeling will stay after all.”  
  
You hummed, “How do you always know what to say and do? Another super-power of yours: the ability to see the future?”  
  
Keith remained sincere, eager to make you understand that he was not joking this time around either, “I just want to keep you safe from the shadows that made a home in each of us. You saved me from myself after Shiro left so this time around I will save you.”  
  
  
  
You returned to the room at the heart of the castle without anyone saying anything on the matter of you leaving in a rush. It seemed that there weren't any news on how you would advance from here on out. Allura was still working the consoles alongside Coran, while your friends stood in a circle around her, trying to take everything in and come to terms with the whole situation. Just as you walked up to stand next to Pidge a loud alarm sounded and a big screen in the middle of the room lit up, showing another one of the Galra shuttles, making you snarl.  
  
“They're on their way here! How much time do we have, Coran!?”, Allura called over to her adviser who started to calculate using his fingers.  
  
“At this speed... I'd say we have a couple of days at best.”, he replied, not exactly sure about his calculations.  
  
“So we have to assemble all lions here and form Voltron before they arrive here...”, for a moment Allura was deep in thought which gave you some precious seconds to brace yourself for what you feared would happen, “As you have found, the lions choose their pilots. It is a mystical bond and cannot be forced. The quintessence – the innermost being – of the pilot is mirrored in his lion. Together, they form something greater than science can explain. The Black Lion is the decisive head of Voltron. It will take a pilot who is a born leader and in control at all times, someone whose men will follow without hesitation. That is why, Shiro, you will pilot the Black Lion. The Green Lion has an inquisitive personality and needs a pilot of intellect and daring. Pidge, you will pilot the Green Lion. Lance, you will pilot the blue lion, the empathic heart of the team and Hunk, you pilot the yellow lion, the leg which holds the team together.”  
  
After Allura had finished a small lion in the colour assigned to your friends lit up in front of them as a hologram, before they roared at once and ran towards each other to merge into the robot you've already seen in your vision. The princess continued to explain where the lions where to be found – red not on her radar yet and black located in the castle just below the room you stood in – but you only heard half of what she said, your mind already shutting down from the amount of information it had to sort through – and the impact of it all.  
What's more, you had nothing to contribute to this whole endeavour. You were only death-weight.  
  
Glancing over to Shiro who closely listened to the explanations made you aware just how weak you were. How did you ever thought about being able to keep him safe? To protect your friends?  
Maybe you should've stayed at the Garrison and face whatever punishment they would give you. By now it appeared that almost everything was more promising than to watch your friends and the love of your life fight a war they never knew existed until a few hours ago.  
They had to fight and you might lose them...  
  
“[Y/N], did you listen to what I said?”, Allura asked, a little agitated, “You will stay here at the castle with Coran, Keith and me.”  
  
Dumbstruck you just nodded. What else could you do?  
  
  
  
After you watched Lance and Hunk leave in the blue lion through the first, and Shiro and Pidge in a small shuttle leave through the second wormhole, Allura was able to open up, you thought you had some time on your hands to maybe get a few minutes to rest.  
Unfortunately the princess had other plans with you.  
  
“May I ask you something?”, she asked from her consoles, looking at you intently.  
  
“I have nothing to hide, princess.”, you answered simply.  
  
“When you found the blue lion, did you see the same images as the others?”  
  
“Yes. It was similar to the projection you just showed us, with the lions forming Voltron.”  
  
Your answer sent Allura into thought again. She remained silent for so long, you weren't sure wether the talk was over or not. Shifting your weight from one foot to the other you tried to think of something to say to get out of this uncomfortable situation.  
  
“I know that I am of no assistance as a pilot for this... And all your technology is way too advanced for me to understand right away... Which makes me useless... So just tell me how I could help... If I could help that is. Or if I should leave.”, there you said it.  
  
At that moment you were glad that Keith had decided to check out the castle a little more so he could not hear what you've just said. He might've gotten mad at you for stooping so low.  
Still, you were just honest. If a war was upon you you should either be able to contribute or get out of the way.  
  
Allura seemed surprised about your proposal, “I don't think you understand. If my intuition is correct you are far from useless. And even if I am wrong, you are a friend to the paladins which makes you invaluable to all of us.”  
  
“Thank you for your kindness.”, you were honestly confused about her remark yet too tired to ponder it at that moment.  
  
The princess on the other hand was too eager to share her thoughts with you, and if only to distract her from keeping two wormholes open for two hours – how she was able to do that was beyond you once again, but you've almost given up by now to understand all the strange things you've discovered so far.  
  
“On my home-planet Altea we had a legend that we all loved as children, passed on from one generation to the next. It was the story of the Silver Knight, the one who would only fight for what's right and never shy away to go all the way. The knight wasn't exactly strong in terms of fighting-abilities, and he could not wield any magic, but he had an amazing intuition and was able to read situations within seconds. This was exactly what made him so invaluable when he was fighting with his team. The knight was told to hold to power of heart, while his comrades where able to control the elements: fire, water, earth, plants and spirit. With this ability of his, he could strengthen their bond which would give them the opportunity to tap into even more depth regarding their abilities, their innermost beings if you wish. They fought their way through countless battles against evil monsters, rescuing the weak and bringing peace to the planets they travelled.”, her eyes shone brightly as she remembered her own childhood and this old story, “I always loved the Silver Knight for he never fought to gain or win, not for fame, but only if he had to and if he believed it was the right thing to do. Furthermore, the Knight was not invincible, because the power of heart comes with a price of course... Still, it made us children believe that each of us could be the Silver Knight as well.”  
  
“That really is a beautiful story, princess. But you may excuse my dumb primitive brain for I cannot see what it might has to do with me?”, you felt as if you'd just failed a test, you cheeks heating up.  
  
Allura smiled warmly, clearly not testing you, “Something tells me that this might not be a mere children's story anymore. But I could be wrong of course.”  
  
It took you a few more seconds to finally realize what she tried to tell you.  
  
Pointing at yourself you asked, “You mean that I am... Please excuse me, Princess but I think you are mistaken. I am nothing like the knight. Or a hero. Or anyone really. I am just a normal girl from a planet far away...”  
  
She did not reply to anything you said, just looked at you like a mother looks at her child if she knows something for sure ,which her child will only learn when the time comes, despite denying it at that given time.  
There was another alarm starting just as you wanted to ponder this topic further. This time the screen informed you that the wormholes were slowly destabilizing, the time almost up.  
You heard Allura swear under her breath before she contacted the others and Keith came running into the room, looking around, ready to jump at anything and anyone. He immediately calmed down when he saw that the others were on their way back with all the lions, everyone safe and sound.  
  
Within a couple of minutes the three lions landed in front of the castle, your friends coming into the room at once, just in time to receive the news that Allura had located the red lion – which was met with a tired groan.  
  
“Good news and bad news. The lion is nearby. But it's on the Galra-ship that's orbiting us.”, she explained matter-of-factly, looking at each of you in turn, “They are way faster than we thought. So we have to come up with a plan to get the lion out and everyone back to safety here so you can form Voltron and chase them off for good.”  
  
Hunk let out a sigh, “I'd say now is the perfect time to panic. Who's with me?”  
  
  
  
Despite an alien-ship approaching the planet you were stranded on, the group couldn't help but fight over the exact course of action. Getting onboard the Galra-ship to retrieve the lion was very risky as everyone could either be captured or killed which would leave the other lions and the castle defenceless.  
Ultimately, Allura appointed your friends officially as the paladins of Voltron before she laid out the plan. Hunk and Lance would distract the Galra – who contacted you directly at the castle, which scared you even more than simply knowing they were up there – while Shiro, Keith and Pidge would infiltrate the ship and break out with the red lion.  
For this she gave the five of them their respective armour and a fitting weapon – the bayard – which could unlock the special weapons of each lion.  
  
“Godspeed.”, Coran said before they boarded their lions.  
  
Again you were left behind which did not sit right with you, despite everything Allura had said to you before. Shiro looked at you before he went up the hatch right behind Pidge and Keith, as if he wanted to say something but decided against it. Something in his eyes made you wince.  
He was leaving again.  
  
There was so much unsaid.  
And no time to wait for another – non-existent – perfect moment.  
  
Just as the hatch started to close you couldn't help yourself any longer, “Don't you dare not to return!”  
  
At first you weren't sure wether or not he had heard you, but a moment later you made out his voice through the intercom, “The dragon always returns to his lair.”  
  
  
  
The hour that followed became one of the worst you had to live through – yet. There were no visuals from what happened to your friends, and the sounds and voices over the intercom were lacking in quality. The frequencies were disrupted by the Galran signals and ion-lasers as well as the materials they've used to build the ship. From what you could hear you pieced together that Hunk and Lance were having a hard time in their fight against the clock and the dispatched drones outside of the ship, while Pidge and Shiro had parted ways with Keith who was running through the ship alone, trying to feel his lion as the others have instructed him to. The former two went looking for any clues of the whereabouts of Pidge's father and brother since Shiro recalled some details about his captivity.  
The distorted voices of your friends and the loud battle-noises made you nauseous. Without thinking you stepped up to Allura who looked up at the big screen Coran had put up to see where your friends were.  
  
Then, suddenly, there was dead silence on the intercom.  
  
As the minutes ticked by and you didn't hear anything from any of them you bit down on your lips, “Come on... You promised...”  
  
Nothing.  
  
You looked at Allura who in turn looked very concerned herself. Coran wasn't that much better off as well. The thought of losing them all now almost made you faint. There was a tight grip on your heart, threatening it to burst into a million pieces.  
Suddenly there was a crackling noise coming over the intercom as if it was brought back to life.  
  
It was Pidge, “Kitty Rose has left the stage!”  
  
You let out a sigh and said, for no one to hear, “Don't you ever scare me like that again...”  
  
The relief that followed was short-lived when Allura announced that the Galra-ship had entered the atmosphere shortly after the four assembled lions roared in front of the castle – just as the blue one had done when you arrived. This had woken up the black lion which was hidden right below the control-room, patiently waiting for his paladin. Your friends didn't even got the chance to leave their respective lions, before one thing was made clear: Voltron was needed and it was needed fast.  
There was no other way to defeat the ship.  
  
Your heart felt as if it was covered in ice, every strange sound, every second of this battle trying to smash it to a million pieces. It was one thing to be chased away from your planet by aliens or to sneak onto one of their ships. But fighting against one of those gigantic shuttles with five small lions no one knew how to operate... This was insane.  
  
_You are just useless._   
  
Still, there was no way around this. As things stood right then it was either fight and die or become a hostage and die.  
As you watched the five of them leap into the air, trying their best to come up with ideas of how to form a gigantic robot out of five lions you felt two sentiments battling inside of you. The fear that wanted you to make a run and just break down on the one hand and the serenity you so far only knew from combat-class on the other hand. You felt a sudden rush of energy just as you did so many times before. It was a well-known feeling yet you had no idea how to go on about the situation at hand.  
Pidge's voice over the intercom telling you that they were being sucked in by a tractor beam, was what pushed you over the edge.  
  
Standing next to Allura you inhaled deeply, before your steady voice reached out to them, “Guys, listen to me. You can do this. You have to believe in yourselves as I believe in you. You can't give up. You are the universe's only hope. Everyone is relying on you. You  _can't_ fail! You  _won't_ _f_ ail! If we all work together, we'll win together! You've got this!”  
  
You heard them scream in agreement when you felt your chest getting warm, as if someone had wrapped you in a tight embrace. Yet there was no time for confusion or to ponder this feeling. The five lions started to glow and were enveloped in a ball of light just to emerge as a gigantic robot.  
Allura, Coran and you gasped, watching Voltron take apart the Galra-ship as if it was nothing with just a few pucnhes and blasts. All of this happened so fast you could hardly believe it wasn't a dream.  
  
They were not waiting up for you, Coran and Allura left the room as soon as the five lions sat back down in front of the gates, leaving you there confused. Slowly you made you way out to the others, trying to sort through everything that had just happened.  
What was this strange warm feeling? Surely you must've imagined things.  
As you made it out the front gate you felt all your friends looking at you which made you feel shy all of a sudden. Was there something they expected you to say or do?  
  
Shiro came up to you and saluted, only half joking, “Your words reached us at the right time. You really saved us out there.”  
  
You were too overwhelmed to answer him at first, “You... You would've done the same thing.”  
  
Without a warning he hugged you tight, as he had done back when you knew how to feel, back at the Garrison. Way back before he left you. It was a familiar place to be, right there in his arms. He still radiated the same calming warmth, his heart still beating fast from the adrenaline of battle. All of this calmed you, back in the day, when you were still on earth.  
Home.  
Yet right there on this strange alien planet it only fed into the fears you had described to Keith earlier. There was such a big part of you that wished to give in to all this, to everything you know and love. It would be so easy to just keep on going, wouldn't it? To just accept that he was back.  
So why was this small voice winning? Why was your head full of all the  _what if's_ ?  
  
You did not mean to be so harsh when you pushed him away from you. All you wanted was a little more space to breathe and explain yourself a little so he would understand as he always did.  
  
_Aren't you trying to take advantage of his big heart?_   
  
But you had pushed too hard, waited to long to say something and, from the way he looked at you, you had hurt him a lot with it. The others looked at you in disbelief, Keith snarling at you.  
Your heart was beating out of control, your eyes were swimming by now. Whatever you would've done in that situation it would've been wrong, you knew. But only once you wished you would have chosen the way that would hurt him less – something you seemed to do with every last breath of you.  
  
Shiro did not know what to say or do, his face a mirror of yours. This was not what you wanted to achieve at all. You needed him to know, to understand that you just needed time.  
Then again...  
Still, maybe it would be better that way? Maybe the universe was wrong. Maybe you should stay away for good.  
  
Your voice was shaking when you looked at Shiro, tears forming in the corners of your eyes, “Don't come near me ever again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, my dearest reader!  
> I am so sorry that I am rather late this week... Still, I managed to bring to you one of the most hurtful chapters I've ever written. Poor Shiro...
> 
> Hit me up with your feedback, curses, whatever it is! You can either comment here or chat with me over on  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
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> 
> Guys, I am so eternally grateful for each and every one of you. I have no words to tell you what an amazing ride it is with you.  
> Thank you so much for being here <3  
> Have a great weekend!!


	5. Tune it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You were you,  
> and I was I;  
> and we were two  
> before our time.
> 
> (Lang Leav)  
> _______________________________________

“You are my friend and I love you but what you did yesterday... I would say that was totally uncalled for.”, Pidge sat next to you on the bed you were given in a room even bigger than the one back at the Garrison.  
  
The castle was big enough to give everyone of you a decent bedroom with an adjoined bath. The rooms were located rather close to each other, which gave you the feeling of the dorms all over again.  
After yesterday's battle everyone realized just how long it's been since you slept for more than an hour. The danger from the Galra was only postponed, yet Allura insisted that you all should rest for a few days. After all, a tired pilot is prone to make mistakes. Additionally she had to get the castle's defensive-systems up and running again – something you all knew you dearly needed in the battles to come.  
  
After breakfast the following day Pidge came to your room as he did back at the Garrison a few times. The concerned look on his face made you aware just how much you screwed up.  
  
“That's a euphemism... I know... I don't understand why I said... Why I did that...”, you answered him, your face buried in your hands, “It's just too much for me to make sense of anything...”  
  
Pidge remained silent for a while, “I think I would react in a similar way. Firstly I would be angry because they left me worrying for so long. And then I would not know how to go on about it because we built a life without them in it... Finally, I would just be glad to have them back. So I understand. But still...”  
  
Letting out a sigh you let yourself fall flat on the bed. The one you would sleep in for now, on a planet you would never call home amidst a war you had nothing to do with or contribute for. Nothing here belonged to you, there were no memories attached to anything.  
If only your heart would finally let go of the dark clouds.  
  
  
  
The following two days were basically spent with resting and getting familiar with the castle – as good as your bad orientation would allow you to. This would be the place you would call home for the time being after all...  
At one point you found a small nook very high up in one of the towers. From there you could see that the planet was very vast and very green, a small village a little way off. Everything was so peaceful and calm, it was easy to forget that you had to fight for your lives and the galaxy from now on. You spent most of your time up there when you were not resting or having a meal with the others. It was your own private spot to think things over and to slowly adept to the new environment. Whenever you were up there you asked yourself how it could happen to you and your friends to fight in an intergalactic war when the biggest fear was to fail the chem-test just a few days ago?  
And when did everything became so complicated to the degree it was almost impossible, between Shiro and you?  
  
The food served in the castle, strangely resembled the goo at the Garrison yet it tasted a lot better, you had to admit it.  
At those get-togethers you would sit as far away from Shiro as possible. By now you were simply ashamed of your behaviour. Whenever you remembered the pained look on his face you only wanted to outrun the guilt, to rip out your heart and smash it yourself.  
  
More than once you could see that he wanted to talk to you, to stop you in your tracks but he always held himself back. This state was unbearable for you, maybe even worse than to learn to live without him.  
And still you could not bring yourself to go over to him...  
  
“Just say that you're sorry and you can be friends again as you were before. You know he would forgive you.”, Lance said on the second day as you and your friends walked through the hallways, back to your rooms.  
  
“I think the problem lays somewhere else...”, Pidge said as he understood the turmoil inside you better than any of you.  
  
Feeling distraught you finally told them, “It's only partially because my pride hinders me... Mostly it's because I can't bear the thought of losing him again...”  
  
You felt that your explanation fell too short, not saying anything really about the complex feelings you tried to sort through for days now. It annoyed you more than anything that something like that would throw you off so much. You hated yourself for making everyone worry about you and spending time with thinking how they could help you, when each of you had to come to terms with the possibility of never seeing earth again or even die in battle.  
  
And yet they seemed to get the gist of it.  
  
“But what about the thought of him being here? What's that worth?”, Hunk said silently, making your whole group stop in their tracks, looking at him, “There is no such thing as forever. No certainty. We could all be gone the next day, wether it's here or on Earth. The thing is, we never know if we are going to lose everything tomorrow. The only thing we could do is to try anyway.”  
  
  
  
Hunk's words kept you awake for a long time that night. His voice resonating through your head as you lay there, tossing and turning, not knowing what to do to go back to how you were.  
You missed the lighter times when you first arrived at the Garrison... Like a flash everything was over, leaving you with nothing but wonderful memories.  
  
“It's not fair... Why am I so weak? Who should I protect like that?”  
  
Of course, the dark empty room did not respond.  
  
Then suddenly, you felt the strange warmth from days before again, when the others formed Voltron for the first time. You still had no clue where that came from but it sparked something inside of you that you thought was long lost.  
The reluctance of giving up.  
There was a rush of energy pulsating through your whole body, as if something was trying to make you aware that you were still there.  
Alive.  
Your heart was still beating, your lungs grasping for air.  
  
You must've fallen asleep – finally feeling a little more like yourself again – because the next thing you heard was an alarm sounding and Allura's voice blasting through the speakers: You were under attack!  
As fast you were able to, you got dressed in the gear she'd given you and ran towards the bridge, almost bumping into Shiro who was the first to arrive, all geared up as well. You exchanged a short glance before you looked away from each other again. Biting your lower lip you cursed yourself until you heard the doors sliding open again.  
It was Keith and then, for a long time, no one else showed up.  
Finally Hunk and Pidge tumbled over each other into the room and Lance casually arrived in his bathrobe a while after them.  
  
Allura let out a resigned sigh as she looked all of you over, “You should feel lucky that this was not an actual attack... Otherwise we would be dead by now. You need to be ready to battle Zarkon and the Galra at all times. Over the past days we repaired as much as we could and by now we picked up this distress signals which indicate that almost the entire universe is under Galran rule by now. An attack on your home-planet is inevitable.”  
  
“Oh no...”, Hunk gasped, expressing how you all felt, chills running up and down your spine.  
  
“That's right.”, Allura continued, “That is exactly why Coran and I are working to leave this planet. In the meantime you should get to your lions and learn how to form Voltron at all times. The time to rest is over.”  
  
Shiro and Keith nodded, gesturing the others to get to their lions, leaving you without anything to do. Still, you tried your hardest to not let yourself be dragged down by this, walking over to Allura, asking what you could do to help.  
  
She looked you over as if she had to asses the situation anew, “For now I need you to stay here with us and help Coran run some tests while I supervise the paladins.”  
  
You nodded and got to work at some strange machines and gear you've never seen before, with Coran at the lead. To keep your mind busy, and because you felt you could finally be of assistance, you asked him about different components and functions and how things worked from a scientific point of view. He seemed more than happy to explain this to you, his moustache vibrating with excitement.  
It felt great to be back at what you really enjoyed and to contribute something at last. After roughly two hours you two decided to have a look on how the others where doing. Furthermore, you've just started to run the test on the fire suppressors which took all other defensive systems offline for a good amount of time, meaning further evaluations and repairs had to wait until then.  
  
“You should definitely go and see our library! We have a lot of books from my grandfather, who built this castle!”, Coran happily told you as you walked back to the bridge to meet up with Allura, “But I guess first you have to learn to read Altean...”  
  
The door slid open and you saw Allura standing in the middle of the room, clearly not happy with what she encountered. Your friends had returned from their training yet they had not been able to form Voltron. After trying for so long they decided to take a break which did not sit right with the princess.  
  
“You should be training or you won't see Earth ever again!”, she said, trying to bring her point across, a slight hint of desperation in her voice.  
  
“We've been trying for two hours but we have no idea how to form Voltron. At all. How should we figure out how to fight an enemy alien-race?”, Lance answered, defeated.  
  
Coran took a step forward, “I must say I am not surprised. The Paladins of old were fighting together for hundreds of battles, forging their bonds as a team. This is what you should focus on for now. For that you might want to have a look at our training-deck.”  
  
  
  
“This is... great.”, you mumbled as you looked around the room that resembled the training-room back at the Garrison a great deal.  
  
Standing in the middle of the room with your friends, everyone geared up in their paladin-uniform but you – you wore the black training-suit Allura had provided you with – you felt completely out of place. This was an exercise to strengthen the bond between the pilots – as paladins of Voltron – something you were not. Still, Allura had insisted that you took part in this as well, giving you a look after she remembered you of the children's story she'd told you shortly after you'd arrived. You waved that aside but had to accept your fate to be stuck with five bickering friends.  
Plus, being around Shiro wasn't exactly easy for you...  
  
“One, Two, One Two. Alright, paladins, it's time to commence our training. As paladins of Voltron you have to put your comrade's well-being above yours. That is why we will start with some drones attacking you!”, Coran's voice sounded a little too enthusiastic to your liking.  
  
Yet you could not help yourself but smile at this. For now you just wanted to live in the moment and enjoy this training which reminded you of so many nights back on earth. So many bruises, so much laughter...  
Of times when battle was something you would only think of as something far away. A long while before any of this had started.  
As Coran had promised, all around you small holes opened up on the floor from which a dozen balls emerged – the drones. Without a word of warning the drones started to move around you, firing small beams.  
  
“You have to keep your comrades safe or no one will be there to safe you!”, you heard Coran over the intercom.  
  
You and the others were equipped with futuristic shields to deflect the projectiles and to defeat the spheres – that was the plan at least. Standing back to back you eyed the drone's movements intensely. From one second to the next they changed their speed and pattern, which caused a shot to get through to Pidge who was immediately swallowed up by a hole – a ghostly sight. You had a hard time to protect Lance and Shiro at once, the former already in a fight with Keith again, causing his movements to be unreadable to you.  
  
“Lance, cut it out!”, you heard Hunk yell before he was hit as well and vanished through the floor.  
  
One of the drones changed its pattern again, making you jump and roll over to keep Lance safe who, in turn, did not pay attention and fell over Keith – leading them both to fall though the floor, still bickering in the distance.  
This left only you and Shiro which felt familiar, causing a small grin to appear on your lips as you two danced to avert the drones. For a short moment you were able to forget your stupid stunt of pushing him away. For only this one battle you were still the perfect team, the trust was not questioned, every movement answered with a fitting reaction.  
It felt natural.  
It felt _right._  
  
You were even able to defeat a couple of the spheres by using each other as pedestal to jump above and behind them, just to roll back into protective stance.  
Still, it wasn't long until Coran turned the drones off and set up the next exercises, clearly not happy about the overall result. Like they were never gone in the first place, your friends came through a door to the right, seemingly not happy about the training so far as well.  
  
The mood only got worse as the exercises continued, and nothing seemed to work. The invisible maze caused Lance and Keith to fight even more, almost leading to a fist-fight between the two. You on the other hand were guided through it without problems by Hunk who almost cried of happiness – it was an exercises on trust after all and he could feel your conviction.  
The mental lesson to focus the minds of everyone to _one single purpose_ , made Pidge literally explode out of frustration. It wasn't exactly the best experience to have everyone see your innermost thoughts.  
After that Coran decided to give all of you a break which was very welcomed. He seemed to feel that everyone was trying but the methods were simply not working on you.  
Yet it was only a mere few minutes before Allura came into the room, seeing you sitting around, drinking some juice, before she went on to tell you to get moving and back to the training-deck as she put up a fighting exercise.  
  
This wasn't like anything you've ever experienced. This was no fighting between you and your comrades but your comrades against a human-sized drone, the Gladiator. As Coran called him. From the looks of it it was a well balanced model, meaning it would only be average in all fields. You could use that knowledge if it weren't for the other's who were not used to fight as a team yet. There was no time for you to put forward even a hint of a strategy before the drone started attacking your team.  
Hunk and Lance were shooting everywhere with their transformed Bayards, but at the Gladiator, who was swiftly evading the bullets. Pidge tried to get a hold of it but his strength alone was not enough to stop it, resulting in Pidge being thrown against the wall, swiftly followed by Hunk and Lance.  
  
Gritting your teeth you ran over to Keith who was parrying the Gladiator's sword to defend Shiro. The latter was frozen standing, holding his head while Keith was asking him again and again if he was alright.  
Panic welling up inside of you, ou guessed that something about this situation reminded him of his time in captivity. Why this was the first thing that came to your mind was beyond you, but you knew you had to keep him safe and out of there as quickly as possible.  
Keith was able to push the Gladiator a few feet away, giving you time to slide below it and cut off the hand it was holding his sword with. Yet it was faster than you had anticipated – it grabbed your arm and threw you towards Keith and Shiro, making all of you fall to the floor like domino.  
You groaned in frustration about your own incapability to use whatever power Allura thought you had and your weakness despite years of training.  
  
“That simulation was set to fit an Altean child! You are not even close to work as a team, let alone defeat Zarkon!”, the princess hovered above you, looking disapprovingly at the whole group.  
  
Looking away, defeated you answered, “I am sorry...”  
  
“You should be. The Universe depends on you!”  
  
Hunk groaned, “Yeah, but no pressure...”  
  
  
  
After you got changed again you sat down with the others to eat. The whole atmosphere was dense as an entire day had been wasted on training – to absolutely no avail. You guessed that Allura and Coran were very concerned about the paladins sitting before them.  
The only thing uniting all of you at that moment, was the feeling of hunger and some delicious smelling food-goo in front of them. As soon as you wanted to dig in, Coran pushed a button he had hidden in his hand and everyone's hands were chained together, restricting any normal movement.  
Sitting next to Shiro – something Pidge and Lance had insisted on for you to, maybe, resolve the tension between you two – meant that you were chained to each other for real. This thought made you stick out your tongue in disapprovement.  
  
“Hold the phone, what's that now!?”, Lance exclaimed, hitting Hunk with his own fist.  
  
“I saw some great individual performances today but you're still struggling to work as a team. So welcome to the last bonding exercise of the day – an Altean classic!”, Coran seemed very proud of himself while all of you tried to get at least one bite of goo into your mouths, “You get to feed each other like a pack of yalmores!”  
  
“This is ridiculous... And now you defiled my food!”, Keith snapped at Lance which caused in another round of them arguing over nothing.  
  
“Do you earthlings ever stop complaining?”, Allura asked, obviously annoyed by now.  
  
“Give us a break... Everyone's been really trying hard today.”, Shiro tried as the voice of reason, moving his hand so he splashed some goo into your face, making him stammer an apology.  
  
“We are not your prisoners!”, Lance yelled at Allura, frustration all over his face.  
  
“Don't you yell at the princess!”, Coran interjected.  
  
“The princess of what? Not of mine, clearly!”, Pidge snapped back.  
  
As if Pidge had only waited for his cue he shot a spoonful of goo at Allura who looked at him dumbstruck.  
  
This was your cue, “Paladins, follow our lead!”  
  
Shiro and you worked perfectly as a goo-shooting mechanism, only seconded by Lance and Keith. A common enemy seemed to unite you all as a team, pushing every dispute aside for the time being.  
Within seconds the whole table was full of all kinds of goo as were you and your friends, Allura and Coran. The exchange only lasted a few moments before everyone sat back, breathing heavily, a smile on their faces.  
Being so carefree was what you needed just then and, from the way the others giggled, they felt the same. The tension evaporated just like that.  
  
“Do you think, what I am thinking?”, Hunk asked once he had calmed down a little.  
  
“Let's form Voltron!”, Keith answered, shooting up to standing, jerking on the cuffs you were still wearing, making you grunt.  
  
“I was thinking dessert, but that's cool too.”  
  
Coran finally released all of you and gestured you to the bridge and ultimately to the lions. That was when you felt it again, this strange warm feeling inside of you. As if it signalled the bond between you getting stronger in some situations. Yet you had no idea how to use this very vague information – if it was any real information to begin with. Maybe you were just imagining things.  
You could only hope that everything would become clear over time.  
  
Allura, Coran and you watched in awe as the five of them flew in perfect formation before they were engulfed in a ball of light only to emerge as Voltron for the first time since they were forced to fight for their lives. As if your heart was flying with them you felt yourself radiating a little as well, making you aware that there might be something to be found in Altean stories after all.  
Only a short while later did your friends return to the castle, obviously happy to have turned this day finally around, the training paying off in some ways. They all filed into the room next to the bridge which could be best described as community room as it held some sofas and tables to enjoy time together. Or alone for that matter.  
  
As the five of them started to chat about how awesome it all had felt, you realized that you were completely left out in this, simply because there was nothing you could add from your position on the bridge.  
Feeling the darkness creeping up again you forced a smile, stood up and told everyone that you would go to bed now and how proud you were of them, before you left the room – careful not to run.  
Maybe Allura was wrong all along. Maybe you were nothing but death-weight after all?  
  
  
  
The next morning, as you arrived at the bridge, you were met with a weird kind or alarm, telling you, that someone was trying to enter the castle. Yet, there was no one to be seen outside of the gate, which lead to the whole group walking outside.  
It was another perfect day – by now you were wondering if it ever rained on that planet – and nothing seemed to be disturbing the peace.  
  
“Maybe the system is malfunctioning?”, Hunk offered after you've searched all around the gates to no avail.  
  
“That's impossible... They clearly detected an energy source...”, Allura mused when you all heard a bush rustling and moving, sending you into defensive positions, “Show yourself!”  
  
For another moment nothing happened, before a small creature with red horns appeared from the hedge, a sincere look on its face as if it was ready to attack at any moment. When Allura recognized the creature she immediately dropped her fighting-pose and went over to greet him.  
You and the others exchanged a glance before you followed her lead.  
It turned out that he was an inhabitant from the village you could see from your nook in the tower – a local Arusian. He came over seeking answers in why the lion goddess was angered with her worshippers for a light exploded in the sky several times by now – a clear indication of Voltron. When he learned that this castle belonged to Allura he immediately fell to his knees as he took her for the lion goddess.  
  
You had to admit, that thought was not too far off.  
Allura then went ahead and asked him to visit the village as to thank them for protecting her for the past 10.000 years.  
  
“Part of the paladins' mission is to spread peace and diplomacy. These people deserve our thanks.”, she said when her request was met with confused gazes by Lance and Hunk.  
  
“Still, we shouldn't let the castle be defenceless. I will stay here.”, Shiro said.  
  
“I agree. I will stay as well.”, Pidge chimed in, which settled the division of the group for the time being.  
  
  
  
The village looked as if someone had shrunken a rural town back on earth. Yet the Arusiuans looked nothing like any creatures you've ever seen before: small, chubby, with different types and sizes of horns on their heads.  
It turned out that the whole village worshipped the lion goddess, who was said to bring peace to this planet and the universe. The myth of Voltron survived all these thousands of years...  
  
The king of the Arusians welcomed you with the eldest of the village, who looked you over, seemingly deep in thought. Before you could ask him if there was anything you did to offend him, the king clapped twice and a dancing performance to welcome you and celebrate the arrival of the goddess was commenced on the central plaza. A young girl was performing a traditional dance which you could only describe as cute.  
From the look on her face, Allura was thinking the same thing.  
Once it was over – the crowd cheering – the king and the eldest took you into their hut which had barely enough room for you to stand upright.  
  
“Thank you so much, your Majesty, for welcoming us in such a beautiful manner!”, Allura said, smiling.  
  
“Everything we can do for the Lion Goddess.”, he replied, still overwhelmed by her presence in his village.  
  
They then went on to talk about the past thousands of years, the Galra and how the castle would leave the planet in the near future, leaving the Arusians to their own devices. This was met with fearful glances, leading Allura to explain.  
  
“You will always be under the protection of Voltron. We will come to your rescue whenever you might need us.”, the princess explained, “Voltron will free the universe from the Galran oppression once and for all!”  
  
With a shout of glee escaping the King fell to his knees and thanked Allura over and over again until the eldest hit him on the head with his cane, before the latter looked at you as intently as he did when you first arrived at the village.  
Keith, sitting next to you, growled lowly when he noticed it, as if he had to protect you.  
  
“Tell me, Goddess, who is this girl you brought with you?”, the eldest ignored him and turned his gaze at the princess.  
  
Allura in turn glanced at you sideways before answering his question, “She is, who I believe to be the Silver Knight.”  
  
This made the king and the eldest gasp.  
  
“The one from the ancient legends?”, the eldest asked, shooting you another glance, “Girl, what is your name?”  
  
You answered him, confused and a little uncomfortable to be put on the spot. Keith and Hunk looked at you knowingly, as if nothing they've just heard could surprise them. Then again, they've spent a lot of time training with the lions and how to form Voltron, which gave Allura enough time to fill them in. You would ask them about this when you've returned to the castle.  
  
With a movement way faster than you would've anticipated, the eldest jumped over to you and touched your forehead with his tiny hand. As soon as skin touched skin you felt the warm feeling welling up inside of you. First you paid no attention to it, the shock of this 'attack' still lingering on, but when you realized that you've become the centre of attention for real and even the king staring at you you followed their gaze. The eyes of everyone present made you fully aware that your chest had started to glow in a faint light.  
With a silent cry you fell backwards in an attempt to break this situation apart. The eldest fell on his back but did not say anything on that matter.  
Breathing heavily you looked at your friends, who looked worried in turn – something you did not expect.

The eldest turned to Allura, his voice heavy, “With the title comes great responsibility. Does she know the story?”

“I have told her the tale we were told as children.”, the princess answered honestly.

The small creature grunted, before he fixated you again, pining you in your place with his eyes, “Little girl, the weight of a power you might've never wished for rests on your shoulders. It is your responsibility to free this universe alongside the paladins. You will be the force to forge the ties of friendship no one could tear apart. But be warned, with great force comes great responsibility.”

You felt your ears ring, your head spin as you tried to grasp the dimensions of a power that only made you feel warm. This was simply not possible. This wasn't some weird story someone thought of. This was your life and is was already complicated enough when you were back on earth, but since you've left the planet everything has gone south so fast.

The eldest closed the distance between you once again, as he touched your forehead once more, igniting the warmth yet again, “There will be a point in your life, Girl, where you have to decide if you wish to use this power to safe one or to safe them all. It's the ultimate prize.”

The room was filled with an eerie silence, the words sinking in.

“Please excuse me... But I think I don't understand.”, your voice was barely more than a whisper, “How come I am told I posses such a power when I have never done anything. When I am no one. And what's more, how should I know how to use it?”

The eldest let out a heavy sigh, shooting a quick glance at Allura before his dark eyes rested on you again, “As of the why, only the universe knows the answer to that. There is nothing I can tell you that would satisfy your need for answers.”, a tiny smile appeared on his face, “Yet, to use your powers is something I may help you with.”

After he finished he didn't wait for anyone to add anything, but raised his cane and hit you right in the chest with the top, making you grasp for air, lying on the floor, weird shapes dancing in front of your eyes. You heard Keith jump to his feet and yell at the eldest before he rushed to your side, Hunk right behind.

“[Y/N], can you hear me?”, he asked, tenderly lifting your head.

Trying to answer him ended in a whine.  
This day was becoming more and more of a nightmare, you thought as you closed you eyes, trying to make sense of anything at all.  
Did you feel any different?  
Yes.  
Your chest and ribs hurt like someone had set them on fire, your lungs desperately trying to keep you alive. But apart from that, there was nothing. What a joke.

Right as you wanted to make a joke you felt a sudden rush of energy – the same you felt whenever you were in battle, whenever your friends had formed Voltron. This time tough, neither situation was happening, but the feeling spread through all parts of your body, setting you aflame. Each joint hurt, ever centimetre of skin was in agony, making you want to cry out.  
If that was what this power was about you wanted nothing of it.  
Then, with a sharp pain piercing through your head it was gone, leaving your chest heaving heavily.

“Let her rest for a bit. She will understand soon enough.”, you heard the eldest say calmly.

You wanted to answer him that there was no chance for you to understand something so vague with the little information everyone provided you with, but your body was in control now.  
Shutting down everything, you had no choice but to give in to the darkness enveloping you as you lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back my dearest reader!  
> What a week... I can't believe how fast it went by and here we are again! This chapter is way calmer than the one from last week, I know... But be patient with me, I have a plan! Eventually...
> 
> Before you go, I wanted to thank you all so so much. Your comments are just the sweetest and I read them again and again because it makes me so happy that you enjoy this as much as I do!  
> Without you I wouldn't be able to do what I do. There are now words to express how thankful I am. From the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU!!
> 
> Have a great weekend, leave your suggestions and whatnot down below. I love you <3
> 
> Shameful self-promotion!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
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	6. Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If a wall should come between us  
> Too high to climb, too hard to break through  
> I know that love'll lead us  
> And find a way to bring me to you  
> So don't be in a hurry  
> Think before you count us out,  
> You don't have to worry  
> I won't ever let you drown
> 
> (I 2 I - Tevin Campbell)  
> ________________________________________

Waking up an hour later with a start, it took you a few moments to remember where you were. Looking around the hut you blacked-out in, you were met with the concerned gaze of Allura and Hunk. Keith was nowhere to be seen. It may be that he had to go out of this place to cool down again.  
The king and the eldest must've left as well, leaving you to your own devices.

“How do you feel?”, the princess asked.

“I can breathe normally again, which is nice. But my head hurts as if I went out drinking too much last night.”, you tried to joke but your voice betrayed you.  
  
Your body still ached and you could feel the impact of the cane that hit you as if the eldest was still holding it to your chest.  
  
“Any different?”

You shook your head, “Not really. I am sorry...”

Allura smiled at you apologetically, “There is nothing for you to be sorry about. It is me who should apologize to you. Had I known that he would go... how do you earthlings say... all in I would've stopped this from happening. This must be so confusing for you... Please forgive me.”

“Yes... Yes it is. I don't understand anything anymore. But I will try... To be useful.”

“Don't you dare say that ever again.”, without anyone noticing Keith had entered the hut again, his eyes ablaze as he walked over to you, “You are no machine. You are human.”  
  
He always appeared at the exact right time, as if he could feel when you would need him.

“Thank you...”, you whispered, a tiny smile appearing on your face despite the tense atmosphere.

The silence that followed now was a welcome one and reminded you that you should head back to the castle to finish the preparations to leave the planet as soon as possible. It was only a matter of time until Zarkon would find you there after all.  
You've wasted enough time already with being unconscious. It was time that you contributed something as well.  
Looking over your friends you knew you had to at least try and understand what everyone was talking about. Silver Knight or not, you were still part of the team and as such you would still play your part. Maybe not at the forefront but someone had to help Coran and Allura to keep the ship going and the plans laid out.

_I will keep you safe, no matter the cost._

As if an invisible timer has run out you watched as Allura, Hunk and Keith almost jumped to standing when they received news from the castle over the intercom.  
You must've forgotten yours as you didn't think that you would be gone for so long.

Clenching her fists, Allura commanded your friends to follow her back to the castle at once, “[Y/N] you will stay here and rest. I don't want you to hurt even more. We will come back.”

Before you could add anything the three of them ran out of the hut – Hunk and Keith looking at you as if to say that you were to follow the princess' orders – leaving you, your mouth agape.  
The minutes passed in a blur as you tried to fight your thoughts through your aching skull.  
  
Why?  
Why weren't you able to contribute anything to this battle?  
You were sick of your friends risking their lives and you being forced to watch them.  
Maybe you were powerful.  
Maybe you weren't.  
But of one thing you were certain: The time for you to hide was over.  
  
With a muffled cry you forced yourself to standing, your legs feeling as if they were made of the strange food-goo you've been eating. Cursing under your breath you made your way to the doorframe. At first you were blinded by the sunlight. But as your eyes adjusted to the brightnes, you froze, your blood flowing backwards.  
In the distance you saw Voltron battling a giant beast that looked like it was whirling a morning star – only it was a gigantic orb of concentrated energy. From what you could make out, this beast was a serious threat to your friends. With a loud crash Voltron was thrown to the ground, not too far away from the village.  
  
You did not miss a beat.

“Allura... I am sorry.”, and with that you stormed outside, straight to the battlefield.  
  
  
  
As you arrived atop a hill a little outside the village, you saw that your friends had a hard time to avoid the orb at all, let alone fight it. There was no way for you to communicate with them, your intercom was left at the castle as you left it earlier, the threat of battle not eminent. Your carelessness made you curse as you tried to come up with a plan to help your friends.  
For a few minutes you watched the pattern of the beast, before you realized that it really only attacked in a certain pattern – it was a machine after all... It never tried anything else. This was an advantage yet how could you pass on that information to the others – if they haven't figured it out themselves by now?  
Lacking the creativity – and time – to come up with something smarter, you shouted their names, hoping to catch their attention. From the short pause in Voltron't movements you were sure that they heard you.  
  
“He has a pattern! Three's the charm!”, you yelled at them, hoping the would figure something out.

The beast whirled his orb once again, threatening to throw Voltron off his feet. Clenching your hands your mind was racing.  
Power.  
What you needed was power.  
You did not care if the price was high, right then and there you wanted to help your friends. Gritting your teeth you tried to come up with a plan as you helplessly watched the beast land another hit, making the giant robot almost fall over.

“Anything... Please...”, you whispered to yourself a if that would open a door.

Nothing happened. Of course not. This was not a fantasy novel where you would just wield your magic wand and that would do the trick.  
Tears started to prickle your eyes as you took a stone from the ground and weakly threw it towards the beast.  
All you wished for was to find a way to make them believe in themselves.

As soon as this foreign thought had passed your consciousness you felt the warmth well up inside of you yet once again. Looking at Voltron getting back up, you knew that they would not need you to safe them as if they were a damsel in distress. They just needed you to trust in them.  
Folding your hands as if you wanted to pray – a classic fantasy move, you though with a smirk – you closed your eyes and tried to mentally channel the warmth to reach them. Of course this was a wild guess, you had no idea wether or not this would do any good.  
There was a tugging at your heart, causing you to open your eyes and gasp.

The green lion had formed a shield and the red held a sword in his mouth. The stance in which Voltron was watching his enemy reminded you of Shiro back at the training-room.  
They did it.  
They were able to tap into the true powers of their lions.  
Just as Voltron was charging to leap at the beast did you feel a wave of fatigue drag you down, the impact making you fall over. The moment the two fighters clashed you blacked out yet once again.  
  
  
  
“Will she be ok?”, Pidge's voice was low, full of fear, “I don't know what happened but when I saw her standing there...”

“She just has to rest.”, Allura tried to comfort him.

“As if a switch was turned...”, Hunk whispered, ignoring the Princess.

Your voice was barely audible as you slowly opened your eyes, “Guys... I can hear you.”

The whole group was standing beside the bed in the room assigned to you in the castle, looking at you with big round eyes, relief washing their frowns away. Hunk and Lance seemed as if they were about to cry, while Keith just looked away as your eyes met – he always did that when he was worried. Shiro and Allura remained unmoved, the latter already starting to scold you for not following her orders.

“I apologize, Princess. But if I would've stayed in the hut I would've never forgiven myself if something had happened to my friends.”, you replied, your voice firm.

This made her exhale loudly, “I am aware of that fact... It might even be the case that you saved us all.”

You couldn't help but giggle at this, “This I don't know. I was merely distracting the paladins from battle.”, you looked at each of your friends, “They have become aware of the potential resting within them. That has nothing to do with me.”

Allura only shook her head, obviously not convinced yet she decided to end this conversation right then and there, to let you rest. She rose and your friends followed her rather reluctantly.  
As the door closed you let yourself fall back onto the bed, your head still pounding from the strange experiences today, yet the fatigue has left you, which amazed you.  
Then again, you had no idea how long you've been out. Before you could even grab your watch you fell asleep once again, as if your body ignored your first impression.  
  
  
  
The days after the battle against the beast – or Robobeast as Allura called them – were filled with even more tactical gatherings. Especially after Shiro and Pidge had retrieved data from the ship that carried it, which crash-landed some miles away from the castle. With this they hoped to get some information on the whereabouts of Pidge's father and brother. You all felt that they had to be out there somewhere.

With the new weapons Pidge and Keith learned to form, Coran insisted on another course of training, which included you, as he and Allura believed that it was you who made it possible for them to form it in the first place – something you still rejected as a warm fuzzy feeling could be a lot but not the power to form weapons.  
Yet you had to admit that whenever they were asked to form the shield and the sword you felt the same strange tugging at your heart, causing you to be tired after each session.

Still, even if you started to believe the old legends and the rational connection between these two things, you felt left out – as if you were still not able to contribute anything really to this endeavour. Spending hours on the training-deck and trying to at least become fit in hands-on-combat and come up with new ideas to share only resulted in Hunk scolding you.

“I get were you're coming from. And I understand why you are pushing yourself.”, he said a few days after the battle when he joined you for a cup of tea, “But aren't you only trying to avoid Shiro?”

His remark made you wince. You knew he was right. Since you've told Shiro to leave you alone, the two of you haven't spoken with each other. Him because he respected your decision and you because you were scared and ashamed. Whenever you were in the same room an awkward tension formed between you, making you look away whenever he might happen to meet your eyes. During training it was easy to push these feelings down, to just work on the task at hand. Still, even during meals with you two sitting next to each other, nothing ever happened but uncomfortable silence.  
And the more time passed the harder it got to find a reason to talk to him.  
It was you who did something horribly wrong, not him.  
__  
You left him alone in the darkness with his own demons...  
  
  


“I know... You are right. But I am so scared...”

“Why? What are you scared of? For him to leave again? I already told you, what if he stays? And why waste time with thinking about these possibilities when you could use them to create memories?”, he looked at his tea, his voice calm, “Tell him. Tell him everything. And then tell him that you miss him.”  
  
The same evening after dinner you wanted to stay true to Hunk's suggestion, but halfway through the meal you felt discouraged by the fear that was getting a hold of you. Shooting Hunk a helpless glance he could do nothing but shrug. It was you and you alone who had to take the initiative at this point. Yet, nothing happened, no words escaped your mouth as all of you finished dinner and you left the room as if you tried to outrun the thoughts. There was no point. Where should you start?  
  
You turned a corner, clenching your fists, cursing yourself for being such a coward, when you heard Shiro call your name. Turning around, trying to hide your surprise, you saw him standing there a few metres away, looking tired and confused, almost as if he did not imagine to come that far. It occurred to you that you were alone with him for the first time in months, after you pushed him away for no reason.  
This could be the chance you were hoping for... the one you were afraid of.  
  
“Is everything alright?”, you asked finally since he was still silent, searching for the right thing to say.  
  
Someone must've told him about your struggle, which irritated you despite knowing that your friends only wanted to help. Still, patronizing you was not exactly the right thing to do at that point, especially when you were still trying to connect all the dots. Trying to find your own way out of this mess you've created.  
  
“I don't know, to be honest...”, he groaned, “I know, that's not helpful...”  
  
Watching him commenting himself was making you smile against your will. He might be a little older than you and more experienced when it came to combat and travelling space but deep down he was still the same goofy boy from the tiny village you grew up in. And he was still the same boy who wanted to be strong and not weight anyone down, burden no one while he was fighting all his demons alone.  
The tired expression he wore only confirmed this.  
  
Shiro let out a tired sigh, “I know you said you wanted me to stay away. And I tried, I mean, I am very bad in following orders but I tried... And I think I understand why you said that but maybe... I mean... Would you mind to enlighten me? It just drives me crazy, you know? For so many reasons... And now it's been so long so I figured... I don't know.”  
  
There was a sudden rush of anger flushing your mind as he said that he understood how you felt. Of course you knew how he meant that – and that he probably really knew – but still, in your tired, irritated state, this rubbed you the wrong way. Yet you still tried to remain calm and not get those emotions the better of you as he continued.  
  
“I talked to the others but no one was able to tell me anything... So I figured I jump the gun and ask you...”, he looked helplessly at you, hoping for you to react in any kind of way.  
  
There was no way for you to talk to him normally at that point. Of course he finally deserved answers but he deserved them in a normal manner and not when you were irritated for no real reason. When you were just scared to say the wrong things making him leave forever.  
  
“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I am pretty beat...”, you whispered, your eyes almost begging him to let this go for the time being.  
  
He just stood there, not knowing what to do, thinking every possibility over, clearly analysing what he had said which might cause you to react like that. As if he was the one responsible for the weird situation you two have found yourselves in. As if his own demons were of no importance.  
That was what ultimately threw you of.  
  
“Could you stop to be such a nice and understanding guy just for a second?!”, you raised your voice despite your best efforts to remain calm, “You have no idea how I feel, you understand nothing!”  
  
There he was, being yelled at by his best friend without moving a single muscle, “Then tell me. You always told me to let you in but you are the one running away from me now! I've been wrecking my brain for days now, so make me understand!”  
  
He crossed his arms, trying to prove his point.  
There was no way he would let you storm off now. His face remained calm, his eyes searching your face, trying to understand.  
You hesitated, but only for a moment before everything you were keeping in came crushing down on you, months of acting as if you were alright evaporating in a few seconds. The stress from the past battles – which made you realize how big of a threat death has become – wearing you down, going hand in hand with the bottled up emotions and thoughts you tried to ignore for so long.  
  
“I am running... I am hiding because I am scared! You never had to feel like you've been left behind only to realise that there was no chance for you to ever catch up! I watched you leave for the Garrison and when I finally arrived there you had become the idol of the whole base, making me a sidekick at best. As if you ever needed me there! But I was stupid enough to play along because I wanted to be with you so much!”  
  
By now your heart was beating out of control, your breath barely anything but sobs and cries. Shiro looked at you as if he was in pain, flinching at each sentence you threw at him.  
Yet, you needed to keep going.  
  
“Almost everyone hated me there and all I ever did was to be me... But that wasn't good enough for anything – and certainly not for you to not leave for Kerberos and me in the dust again! I never even had the chance to see you off, I was locked in a bathroom simply because someone thought it was funny. Of course I am proud of you and I am simply unfair but... I always wondered what you wanted from me. You were always so strong and radiant and knew what to do while I am nothing more than a nuisance and not even able to pilot a cargo-ship. How could you even begin to imagine what it felt like to not see you one last time to learn that you died?! Takashi, my world ended that day when I screamed to the heavens that they should take me instead and bring you back at whatever cost. And now you are back after I lived through months of fog and mist and somehow managed to not completely lose myself... Gosh, you have no idea how much I missed you... I felt as if I was missing the most important part of myself..!”  
  
Clenching your fists you looked at him, your voice hoarse by now, your lips quivering, “I am scared to lose you again in this stupid war... All I ever wanted was for you to come back to me and to do all the things we loved doing and everything we thought impossible... I wanted to watch the stars with you and fly among them... I wanted to see the ocean with you and swim under the moon... I wished for us to return to the hill beyond your house to see how much we've grown... But everything is gone now and I don't know how to handle all of this. I wish for you to not leave again but I won't ever chain you to me because you are too radiant to be anyone's possession.”  
  
Shiro watched you, utterly stunned, seemingly not knowing what to do, a slight blush creeping over his cheeks. It struck you how gorgeous he was. This thought seemed unfitting in your irritated and confused state but you ignored it.  
You took a step forward, glancing up to him.  
He was so patient, so gentle, his whole posture open, welcoming you.  
  
“I was always scared to lose you, you know? Not because I needed you to be mine, but I needed you to be in my orbit and happy. That most of all. I saw how everyone tried to take that light from you, to mould you into something you were not. It hurt just so much...”, your voice trailed off for a moment as you remembered all the times he came home from school with that fake smile he wore whenever he was hurt – you hated that the most.  
  
Inhaling deeply you looked him straight in the eye, your heart on your tongue, “When I arrived at the Garrison I lied to myself for the longest time because I thought I was happy the way we were, that it was just how our friendship worked. And I realized too late... It felt safer to keep a certain distance from you. And now your are back and the thought of getting as close as we were just to watch you disappear again... It paralyses me. I could've lost you in this last battle. I feel so powerless... so useless. So weak. How should I be ever able to protect you? To fight alongside you? That I couldn't bear...”  
  
Silence enveloped the two of you, you breathing heavily from the speech you just gave. This possibly did not make any real sense at all to him, but how do you explain a feeling you can't even really think about?  
  
“Why?”, Shiro's voice was just a whisper, his expression unreadable.  
  
You bit your lip, turning your head away so he would not see the blush that heated your cheeks, “Because having you in my life is what keeps me going...”  
  
That was not what you meant to say, the words too weak for what you felt. Still, you were happy to have said anything at all, even if it was probably too late by now.  
He wanted the truth and there it was.  
  
“And I know I shouldn't have pushed you away... Especially when everything I ever wanted was to have you close. I just... I didn't know what to do. How to explain to you how confused I am. Overwhelmed by everything happening so fast. Still, there are no words to tell you how sorry I am... I never wanted to hurt you.”  
  
You fell silent, feeling stupid and redundant for not being able to clearly say how you felt. Shiro on the other hand did not seem to mind. He understood. After all those words were out, you felt the storm inside of you calming down, relief washing through you as you finally opened up – something you should've done a long time ago. Still, he could still walk out of your life, couldn't he?  
  
You felt him shuffle from one foot to the other – something he did when he was nervous. There was no way you would look at him after this nonsense you just spat at him. So you decided to wait, staring straight down, your breath returning to its natural flow.  
The moments ticked by, neither of you saying anything, which gave you the courage to turn around and start to walking towards your room again – the conversation over, he had his answers – you suddenly felt childish for taking so long to not even really answer his questions, to not be able to explain your behaviour and, ultimately, to just try to run away again.  
Still, you could not help it, the silence was dragging on for too long, making you feel awkward. He must think that you were insane by now.  
That was when you heard him, his voice reaching out to you.  
  
“I cannot offer you the return to earth. I cannot take away the past as much as I wanted to. But I can promise you two things.”, Shiro's voice was gentle, making you turn around yet once again.  
  
“Don't... I beg of you, don't say anything...”, you whispered, your heart almost escaping your chest.

How could he be so patient, so calm and loving after all of this?  
How was he able to touch you with just his words?

He inhaled deeply as if to pull together all his courage, “But I can promise you that I will always find my way back to you. No matter what happens, I will return. And I can promise you to make a future you can't wait to see. Just... don't push me away again... I couldn't bear it. If you ever decide to hate me, let me be your mortal enemy. Anything to keep me in your life...”  
  
You were flabbergasted, unable to respond anything. There he was, after you've thrown everything at him, trying to run away time and again, just to wait for you as he always did. Finally you felt another wave of tears streaming down your cheeks mixing with a nervous giggle.  
  
“When did things become so complicated between us?”, you asked him.  
  
Shiro grinned helplessly, “Maybe that's what happens when you grow up? I always knew it would suck...”  
  
“I refuse to grow up if that's the case...”, you mumbled, completely aware that these halfhearted jokes only served as a distraction, “I could never hate you...”  
  
Shiro tilted his head to one side, finally looking his age again. All the anguish and the war were pushed away for the time being. Everything zoomed in on you two, the clock barely moving anymore.  
As if he had the best idea all evening he dropped to one knee, a sincere look on his face, making you gasp.  
  
He put his hand on his chest and bowed, “M'Lady, what do you say about my humble offer? Would you grant me the honour to offer you whatever this universe has to offer on behalf of your company alone?”  
  
His actions and words seemed ridiculous at first, everything moving way too fast – from not talking to a flood of words to him being... him – but it fitted the situation and himself just so perfectly. This might not be how you would find it in a romance-novel but you never liked those anyway. With Shiro you never knew where your path would lead you.  
And if you were completely honest with yourself you were flustered and, more than anything, relieved. He wanted to stay.  
He really made everything so easy.  
  
Shiro looked at you, a certain degree of fear creeping over his face as he was completely aware of the strangeness of the situation. You couldn't help yourself and smile shyly at him, the tension and darkness evaporating just like that. Closing the distance between you you held out your hand.  
  
“Yes. Wherever you go... Take me with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest reader, welcome back to the chapter we've all been waiting for!  
> I am so happy we've finally made it so far - but fear not, this story is far from over, there are a bunch of things left - I hope you're excited about them as much as I am!
> 
> I know, I say it a lot but without you, this story may have never happened. This is much your story as it is mine.  
> So please, if you have any suggestions, ideas or concerns, please let me know and I will see to it!  
> Have a wonderful weekend and a great week - I can't wait to read you again next week!  
> Stay rad! <3
> 
> Shameful self-promotion!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
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> 


	7. Ballroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We dance for laughter,  
> we dance for tears,  
> we dance for madness,  
> we dance for fears,  
> we dance for hopes,  
> we dance for screams,  
> we are the dancers and we create the dreams.
> 
> (Albert Einstein)  
> ____________________________________________________

“I really have to say, you look gorgeous!”, Allura gushed while she danced around you, a big smile on her face, her eyes shining brightly.

“Thank you, but you might be overreacting a little, Princess.”, you murmured, your cheeks flushed whenever you caught a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror Allura had set up in your room.

“Tsk, trust me on that [Y/N], he will be absolutely blown away!”  
  
You turned your head to look at her in disbelief, “Princess, could you please stop…”  
  
She looked at you with a sheepish grin and a tender look on her face. It reminded you of your mother, how she always tucked you in at night and how she smiled whenever you told her about an adventure you’ve been on. She always believed in you and your dreams.  
Yet, it also reminded you of how things have changed and that you will never see her smile like that ever again…Your heart ached a little but the warm feeling was stronger, pushing it down, replacing it with new images and memories.  
  
At least that's what you tried to believe.  
  
Allura must’ve noticed your distress as she came up to you once again and started to straighten the already straight silk. For a few moments you two just stood there, taking in each other’s company – something you will never take for granted – before the princess gestured you to take a seat so she could proceed to work on your hair.  
Ever so slightly she brushed it, making it shine as you’ve never seen it before.  
  
“I apologize for killing the atmosphere. Everything… Is just happening so fast and I still cannot believe that…”, your voice trailed off – there was no point in stammering incoherent sentences anyway – and looked at Allura in the mirror.  
  
“What? That he loves you?”, her words made you blush even harder, making you avert your gaze as if the floor was the most interesting thing you’ve seen all day.  
  
“He’s not…”

“Whom are you trying to tell a lie?”, despite the furrowed brows her voice remained gentle, “Just from the few days I’ve seen you two interact since I was awaken from my slumber could I tell. It’s just baffling to me that you two are so oblivious when it’s literally all over your face.”

Her words made you think, “Maybe it was because I simply never knew a life without him. As if he was a constant that would always guide me through. But even then should I have noticed… Yet only after years and the separation when he left for his training did I really begin to think about this… I thought I had lost him when they announced his disappearance and that was when I finally realized that I had lied to myself for too long. Time was never on our side...”

While you were talking about things she literally had no idea about, Allura had started to braid your hair, listening intently yet not reacting in any kind of way.  
  
“Still… I know how I feel now but I was still not able to tell him… directly.”, as you remembered the speech you gave after the battle against the Gladiator – the name given to the Robobeast – a few days back you could not imagine that you said almost everything but not that.

“Have you two even spoke to each other since then?”, as if she was able to read your mind, Allura raised an eyebrow at you.

You were not able to look her in the eye, which gave her the answer she was seeking.

“Why?”

There was no satisfying answer to this question – one you have asked yourself a couple of times. Surely, one factor was the different schedules you’ve found yourself in again as if it was the Garrison all over again.  
But apart from that it seemed that you were simply not able to make your paths cross apart from the conjoined meals and tactical meetings.  
You could’ve just walked over to his room… Why were you so shy all of a sudden?  
Maybe because you had no idea how to interact with him anymore. As if your little speech had changed everything upside down and you had to learn how to approach each other anew.

“He will be even more surprised tonight then!”, her usual upbeat self again, Allura gestured you to stand up at once and thoroughly look at yourself in the mirror.

What you saw made you gasp. Of course you’ve watched as Allura had dressed you and made-up your hair but really seeing yourself was something else entirely.  
The girl looking at you in the mirror could pass as a princess herself, you had to admit that.  
Your dress shimmered in the light, the black silk proving to be the perfect canvas for the violet wings that were painted on your backside. The dress playfully danced around your hips and legs as if you were moving through water. The braids Allura had gently woven put your hair in a crown on the top, while the rest rained down over your neck, covering your bare shoulders. Your eyes shone brightly, your lips tainted in a rose-colour, making them pop even more.

“If he’s not in love with you yet, he sure will be after tonight.”, Allura grinned.

You looked at her, your voice barely audible, “Thank you.”

  
  


You hardly had any time left before the festivities with the Arusians would start to celebrate the return of Voltron and the defeat of the giant Robobeast. Maybe this was for the better as the sheer thought of turning up in the ballroom dressed like a princess you were not, made you anxious. What if you looked ridiculous and only Allura – used to royal protocol – would approve of it?  
Sitting in your room you tried not to think too much about it and instead focus on the excitement bubbling up inside you, regarding the upcoming ball.  
Initially it was scheduled as a small get-together but Allura brought forward the idea of going all in, making everyone dress up and enjoy a big party before you were scheduled to leave this planet for good.

A faint knock on your door made you jump to your feet. Taking a deep breath you walked up to the door and opened it.  
Since the Princess still insisted on a decent amount of protocol – and surely because she thought it funny – she’d sent Lance to pick you up, because _a lady never arrives on her own_. He was dressed in a dark-blue suit with a light-blue bow-tie and a white collared-shirt. You’ve never seen him that fancy before and you had to admit that it really suited him.  
When he saw you his jaw dropped and his eyes went wide.

“Is it… That bad?”, you whispered, self-conscious all over again, trying to hide behind your hair.

“[Y/N] you look absolutely amazing…”, his voice was hoarse as if he did not know how to express what he thought.

It took him a few moments and several attempts to clear his throat, before he was his usual playful self again and offered you his arm like a gentleman.

“I need to escort you properly, don’t you agree, M'Lady?”, he smiled as you walked along the corridors, the music slowly getting louder as you approached the ballroom.

You knew that the whole evening was just an act and mainly to have some fun – you were not bound by the strict Altean protocol at all – but it still felt real enough for you. For one night only could you imagine to be a princess and push all the negativity from the past months away, to leave all the complex tactics and the war behind and just enjoy some time with your friends like you did back on earth.

“Don’t forget to breathe.”, Lance whispered as you two entered the balcony overlooking the ballroom.

You were the last ones to arrive, which gave you a short moment to admirer your friends, each dressed in the colours corresponding to their lions. They were standing there on the balcony, each a glass or a small hors d'oeuvre – or goo d'oeuvre for that matter – in hand.  
Hunk wore a black suit with yellow seams and a fitting tie, Pidge was dressed in a dark suit as well, with geometrical embroideries all over and a green bow-tie in matching colours. Keith wore a burgundy-coloured suit with black seams and patches on his elbows and a red tie, while Allura was dressed in a silvery-white gown giving her the appearance of a Greek goddess.  
Seeing them all dressed-up made you not feel so out of place again, which made the impact as you looked over to Shiro even greater.

He wore a deep-black suit with purple wings embroided at the back – mirroring yours – a matching purple collared-shirt and a black tie. You’ve never seen him in such an attire and you were glad that he hadn’t noticed you yet, for you had a hard time catching your breath.  
Something about him made the whole universe dance inside of him, the way he looked across the room in a dreamy way – something you haven’t seen since he came back – making stars jealous of his light.

Allura was the first to notice your presence which made all of them turn around and immediately stop. You could practically watch their eyes growing bigger as they took the sight of you in. That much attention made you uncomfortable, causing you to shift your weight from one leg to the other, not knowing what to say.

It was the Princess who made it her mission to safe you, yet only made the situation ten times more awkward, “Shiro, look how pretty your rendezvous is!”

Now everyone looked over to Shiro, who was trying his best to keep calm and remain composed, while he had his mouth full with whatever he had gotten handed as they waited. There were still crumbs on his cheeks, which he quickly tried to get rid off as he swallowed, cleared his throat to only look away, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks.  
Shiro was clearly lost for words.  
Yet, he was just so natural, so not perfect in the strict sense of the word, it made your heart race even more.

“Allura, I am not sure that this is the right way to go on about this…”, Pidge tried in a low voice but the Princess was oblivious to the effects, her intended pep-talk had.

“Just look at her! Say something, Shiro!”, by now Allura’s eyes were sparkling as she took Shiro by the hand and dragged him over to you.

It looked as if she wanted to add something more to this, but Coran entered the balcony – wearing a navy-blue suit with golden embroideries all over – and with a few swift steps walked over to her and swept her away, asking her if she was ready to officially open up the dancefloor and commence with the ball. This left you all just gape at them as if you've found yourselves in a bad comedy-show.  
Eagerly she pushed the commotion she'd just caused aside, walked up to the balustrade and the hall immediately fell silent, the music stopping at once.

“My dearest guests! I am overjoyed to see so many of you here tonight, to celebrate and jubilate the return of Voltron and his paladins which are going to free us all!”, after this the crowd cheered loudly before she could continue, “And we also celebrate the victorious first battle against Zarkon’s dangerous creatures. This wasn’t the first, and certainly, it won’t be the last. But tonight I wish for all of us to rejoice, dance and eat and to celebrate the marvel that is Voltron! To Voltron! To freedom!”

Another loud cheer followed as Allura finished her short speech and beamed. With this the ball had officially started and the musicians returned to play different tunes to dance to. Your friends almost immediately went down the stairs either to the dancefloor or to the buffet – being followed by Coran and Allura as if they’re being chased – leaving Shiro and you alone on the balcony. You closed your eyes and let out a silent sigh.  
This was just ridiculous.  
Why was everyone acting so strange all of a sudden?

“Please tell me, I am not the only one who has no idea of how to cope with all of this.”, he looked at you with big hopeful eyes.

“You wish…”, you replied with a faint smile, “I am overwhelmed as well… A lot.”

I helped to learn that he was at a loss too. He would hardly ever admit it, since he was raised and trained as the untouchable leader. And as such there was no such thing as a situation being too much.  
This though made a rush of anger wash through you, which was thankfully replaced by the excitement of the event unfolding in front of you.

You basically had two ways of going on about this. Either you could go ahead and think things over for the hundredth time to no avail. You could beat around the bushes and just make polite small-talk.  
The other way would entail you being able to finally make a move and enjoy this time of peace for real. To act up to your words.

Acting before your brain could stop you again, you grabbed his prosthetic-arm and began to drag him towards the stairs, a big smile on your face. Shiro followed, almost falling over and clearly flustered by your initiative. Yet he also seemed a little self-conscious about his right arm, which he tried to wiggle out of your grasp,

“Doesn’t it bother you?”, he asked once you’ve made it down the stairs and up to the buffet.

“What should bother me?”, you replied, completely unaware if where this was going.

He gestured towards his right arm, “This cold… thing.”

The look on Shiro’s face was one of utter disgust, as if he would rip off the robotic-arm if he could. The pain overshadowing his eyes, tainting them made you involuntarily touch his cheek as if to signal him to look at you.

“The only thing that bothers me about it, is that you were in pain... for so long... And I couldn’t do anything about it.”, you looked down to intertwine your fingers with his, “I will never forgive them for that. But at the same time this is a part of you now. And no part of you bothers me. Ever.”

You let go of him again and grabbed two glasses of some kind of juice from the buffet, holding one up to Shiro, who just looked at you flabbergasted as if he could not believe what he had just heard. Maybe he had expected you to be angry with him. But why would you be?  
At the same time you were surprised by your own courage to just say those words out loud.

“But it’s cold…”, he whispered again, still just looking at you, ignoring the glass in front of him.

You glanced at him tenderly, “Nothing is cold about you, Takashi.”

Shiro flinched a little, seemingly not used to be addressed by his given name. For a long moment he just stared straight ahead, thinking your words over in his head, before he took one of the glasses and coyly smiled at you. It was then that you realized that your heart was beating out of control since you entered the room. It was strange that after your ' _talk_ ' everything was almost normal again.  
Still, you had no idea how to proceed from there – was it supposed to be so normal? Was this what you intended with your words?  
For now, you finally decided, you would see what this evening would bring and enjoy it to the fullest. The questions would have to wait until the morrow.

“They are very serious about this.”, Shiro said with a start, pointing to the other side of the room.

Following his gaze you saw your friends who seemed to be engaged in a dance-battle. Lance and Hunk were up against each other, moving in ways you've never seen before, obviously enjoying themselves. Some of these moves seemed to hurt.  
Keith and Pidge stood a little off, a judging look on their faces as they occasionally whispered with each other as if they were to decide who would win.  
Watching them made you beam. They deserved to be happy and carefree.  
  
“You want to show them how it's done?”, without really waiting for Shiro to answer you placed your empty glass at the table and started to walk over to them.  
  
He followed you with a laugh, “Look what you make me do!”

You reached your friends just as the song ended and Lance and Hunk stopped dancing to hear the evaluations by Pidge and Keith.

“So... Hunk. We saw some very solid movements, especially towards the first chorus.”, Pidge said sincerely as if he was the host of a T.V. Show, “Yet the second half was a bit... boring. Lance, the overall variety of your moves is spectacular... Some where just not fitting the tune.”

“I have to agree with my colleague.”, Keith added with a nod, “It was hard to come to an agreement. The winner of this first round is... Hunk.”

The latter jubilated and thanked them all as if he really was part of a show. Lance looked a little defeated yet he mumbled something about coming back stronger in the next round. It was then that they noticed you two approaching, they faces lightening up, almost immediately replaced by a conspirational grin.

“Oh no...”, you heard Shiro breathe behind you, amusement in his voice.

“It's so good that you join us! The next dance is something especially for you!”, Pidge innocently batted his eyelashes.

“Slow-dancing!”, Lance chimed in.

“Of course...”, you murmured with a grin, “Because this is a romance movie.”

“It will be me and Hunk first, followed by Lance and Keith and [Y/N] and Shiro last.”, Pidge seemed very happy with his idea to count you in in whatever game they were playing, despite Keith trying to start an argument why he had to dance at all, let alone with Lance!

“The pair with the most points wins!”, Hunk eagerly added.

“What's the price?”, Shiro asked, barely able to contain is thrill, making you blush a little.

“A three course meal?”, Hunk suggested, making it obvious that the idea of this being a real competition was only made up on the spot.

“Sounds good to me.”, Keith said weakly, knowing too well that there was no way out of this even if he tried.

“Then it's settled! Let's begin!”, Pidge shouted, almost falling over.  
  
  
  
“Do you actually remember any dancing steps?”, you whispered as Shiro and you watched Lance and Keith moving across the dancefloor.

“Sure. We will be great.”, something in the tone of his voice made you smile – he was nervous!

The song ended and your friends jumped away from each other as of they were struck by lightning despite having shown a decent performance. Hunk and Pidge moved a bit more in synchronicity but who where you to judge? It was just for fun anyway. Yet maybe you were watching them so closely to distract yourself from being nervous about all of this.  
It was one thing to talk to each other in a normal manner, but dancing?  
It's been so long since you two did something like that. When you were still living in the small town, a few months before he had to leave for the Garrison, you saw a movie about students in a high-class art school which inspired you to try yourselves.  
Despite not knowing what you were doing in the beginning you quickly found a rhythm and were able to move around with ease. Shiro was an amazing dancer back then – a thought that made you even more nervous.  
  
The others gestured you that it was your turn now, making Shiro tenderly take your hand and guide you to the middle of the room. All of a sudden you became aware of the whole room looking at you – including your friends, Allura and Coran – making you catch your breath for no reason. No one would really judge you here.  
Shiro bowed and lightly put his left hand on your waist and hesitantly took ahold of your right.  
There was no way you would survive this, your heart was beating even faster now that he was so close, your head full of racing thoughts. You began to fear that you would black out yet once again, making everyone question your sanity.  
  
“Just look at me.”, Shiro's voice made you jump a little as you looked up, meeting his friendly gaze, “You're safe with me. Trust me. I will catch you.”

And just like that the music started and you two began to move as a unit. There were no walls anymore. Surrendering to his guidance you were able to enjoy this rather fast. He did not lie, he really remembered the steps, whirling you across the floor as if he owned that place, a big smile on his face, eyes shining brightly. This reminded you so much of home.  
At some point you started to laugh out loud as you felt the negative thoughts being washed away one beat at a time. Everything you've bottled up over the weeks and months that have passed since he left earth was fading into meaninglessness.  
Still, you knew that all of it could resurface once he was engaged in battle, flying among the stars, trying to safe the universe. He wanted you to trust him. It was easy in this room, in a safe place. But could you really trust him to come back to you?  
Shiro gracefully twirled you across the floor, his face in a dreamy expression, making your heart leap.  
He promised you to always return to you.  
Now it was on you to be strong and brave and trust his words.

With the final cords he drew you in close just as the room exploded in everyone cheering and applauding. This time you hugged him back, pulling him in. He was breathing heavily but there was the biggest smile on his face, mirroring yours.

Maybe things could really be so easy?  
  
  
  
The evening went on, you were dancing with everyone, eating too much from the dessert-section of the buffet and laughed more than you did over the past months combined. And maybe the best thing was that Shiro was always close by without you having to say a word or even ask. Yet he was not your shadow, you would never think of calling him that – he was simply too bright.

It was still weird to you to have him back, and even more so, to have him so close to you. It almost felt as if no time had passed at all.

He was still making the same jokes and weird faces – things General Iverson had hated whenever he walked past you two in such situations.  
  
“That's no appropriate for a man your age, Shirogane.”, he would growl as he strolled by, not even looking at you.  
  
Whenever he heard those words, Shiro would look away, hurt painted all over his face, biting his lower lip.  
Seeing him now, how he happily interacted with his friends, being his usual carefree self for just a moment, was something you wanted to see every day. And it was something you wished to protect.

 

After making conversation with your friends, goofying around – Hunk and Pidge attempted to breakdance and Keith being the one to really know how to get his groove on – and eating what felt like half the buffet, you went outside to the adjoined terrace to catch some fresh air. Without being asked to, Shiro followed you silently.  
The sky was as dark as back at the Garrison, yet not a single constellation sparked any familiarity in you. If you were to stay on this planet only a little longer, you could've started to map them.

“Do you think we would come up with enough names?”, Shiro asked, following your gaze, his eyes shining as bright as the stars above.

“If all else fails we give them numbers.”, you replied profoundly.

He stuck out his tongue, “That's not very sexy...”

“Since when does science has to be sexy?”, you chuckled.

Shiro turned to look you in the eye, his expression making it hard for you to breathe. There was the whole universe in his gaze. It just took your breath away, rendering you incapable to say anything at all.  
It was his deep voice, asking if you were alright, that brought you back to the present moment.  
Embarrassment was flooding through you as you looked across the plain in front of the castle to avoid eye contact. You really needed to get a hold of yourself. This needed to stop.

“May I ask you something?”, you whispered, trying to keep your voice from shaking.  
  
“Always.”, he noticed the atmosphere change ever so slightly, leaving all jokes aside.  
  
“If... Well... If the others wouldn't have get us roped into their tiny competition, into this setup... Would you have asked me to dance?”

This was a stupid question, you knew. But it was gnawing at you. Maybe you've been too eager when you tugged him along after the ball had started. After all, it had been a while since you two had spent some time together without the others. Especially after your stupid act and the speech of yours that followed, you might've walked over an invisible line.  
Being so close and comfortable after everything that had happened was alien – even to you. Still, not in the unwelcome way. But what about him? He always put others first...

Inside the music kept on playing, the dancefloor packed with Arusians and your friends, everyone enjoying themselves. The band was playing a happy tune, a boogey if you were not mistaken. Even out there you could make out each and every note being carried into the distance.

Shiro remained silent for a while, making you unsure wether you might've killed his good mood. His dark eyes looked past you, searching your surroundings.

“What an interesting question.”, he finally said, looking at you, a shy smile on his lips, “Would you have said yes?”

You blushed, “What... Don't turn the tables just like that! That's not an answer..!”

In fact, it was and you both knew it.

Shiro grinned broadly before he bowed and reached out his hand, “M'Lady, may I ask for this dance?”

As gracefully as you could you curtsied and tenderly took his hand, “What a delightful question...”

Just like that he scooped you up – clearly not following the dance-moves which normally went well with this kind of music – and whirled you around, making you giggle like a little girl. Everything felt so light and easy right at that moment. Shiro gently placed you down as the music started to fade away, just to be replaced by an even faster song, suddenly looking hesitantly. Maybe you were imagining things but it looked like a slight blush was creeping up his cheeks.

“Are you alright? I am not that light anymore, I gained a little weight...”, you tried to joke, sensing his sudden uneasiness.

“You're still light as a feather... I am fine. I just...”, he groaned, running his fingers through his hair, “I've never been as good with words as you...”

“Yet I always know what you wish to say... Okay, most of the time.”, something in his tone made your heart skip a beat.

Shiro breathed deeply for a few moments before he locked his eyes with your, making you silently gasp. The air around you suddenly felt alive. Your head started to spin, not being able to grasp what was about to happen.

“I should've said this a long time ago... And I don't know wether or not they are appropriate but I... I want to try. To be brave.”, his voice was quivering, giving him a boyish appearance, “[Y/N], I lov–“

His last words were drowned out by a boisterous explosion coming from the centre of the castle. You two looked at each other in confusion, the cozy atmosphere gone at once. There were screams coming from the inside, making you both run inside as fast as you could in your formal attire.

“Whoever's responsible for this commotion... I will sure congratulate them on their timing...”, Shiro mumbled dryly, discontent painted all over his face, “I just hope they have a very good reason to disturb us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to your Friday-Indulgence!  
> I enjoyed this chapter a whole lot, especially them dancing outside beneath the stars... <3  
> Did you like it?
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTICE:  
> There will be NO chapter next week due to me participating in Shiro Ship week!!  
> This event starts on Sunday and goes all the way to Saturday, meaning you will find one new short drabble by me each day. I am very excited as I've never participated in such an event before! Still, I am sorry you have to wait yet another week, I am just not sure I'd be able to upload everything... Of course I'd be happy if you'd pay my other stories a visit but that won't be on the test. ;)  
> Have a wonderful weekend and I will see you very soon!
> 
>  
> 
> Shameful self-promotion!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
> [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyRr3fH5DvnbGbm-qNq3_JnkTvmX3RJF)  
> [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/hinohime)  
> 


	8. Maneuver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When i first saw you first, it took every ounce of me  
> not to kiss you
> 
> When i first heard you laugh, it took every  
> ounce of me not to marry you
> 
> and when i met your soul,  
> it took every ounce of me
> 
> (Atticus)  
> ________________________________

The scream you heard over the speakers made your blood run cold within seconds. It was Shiro whose cries sounded through the dark corridors of the castle shaking you to the core. Clenching your fists you bolted without waiting for Pidge to catch up. His voice did not made its way through your head, you were simply too agitated to stop even for a second. After a mere moment you heard him right behind you, refusing to let you go alone. As your feet pounded across the floor, you wondered how things could turn around for the worst just so quickly, only hours after you’ve started to finally see an end to the lingering dark feelings. Everything just happened so fast…  
  


After you’ve heard the impact of the explosion coming from the centre of the castle, Shiro and you quickly arrived in the main engine room, where you’ve found the power-crystal destroyed and Lance heavily injured on the floor. The other quickly filed into the room, freezing as they entered.  
With a small cry you immediately ran over to Lance, assessing the situation, while the others gathered around Allura who blankly stared at the shards of crystal lying on the floor, her eyes not able to comprehend what had happened.  
Meanwhile, Lance gave off a groan and tried to open his eyes, making you tear up a little.

“Without the crystal, the castle has no power…”, Allura whispered in disbelief.

Before anyone could add anything to this, the King of the Arusians came into the room, panic painted all over his face, as he cried for help – his village was under attack. From outside the room you heard the remaining Arusians scream and run around.  
Yet, there was hardly anything you could do, as the lions were trapped in their hangars as long as the castle had no energy to power them up. While you held Lance close to your chest you tried not to let the panic get the better of you.

“This is bad.”, Hunk said dryly, looking over to Coran, who was thinking deeply.

“We have to get a new crystal to power everything up…”, he mused.

Still, how should anyone or anything leave this castle if nothing worked? Was there really nothing you could do to at least help one single village?  
What was even worse was that the healing-pods were not able to work their magic without the crystal as well. And from the look on Lance's face and the bleeding on his arms, he needed one sooner rather than later.  
Luckily – or strangly? – Pidge had tinkered with one of the small space carriers earlier that day, leaving the bay door open to try his new implementations. This was what would need to work to calm the situation, safe the village and retrieve a new crystal. Coran and Hunk made haste to quickly get their hands on one to at least power up the castle defences for the time being.  
Meanwhile, Allura and Keith would try to rescue the Arusians and their village, while you and Shiro would remain at the castle to look after Lance.  
Once your friends left you couldn't help but wonder who would come up with such a plan. Who would want to destroy the crystal and attack a small village?

Still, you pushed those thoughts aside and began to carry Lance out of the room to at least clean his wounds and lay him down in a bed.  
Everything went according to plan for a few minutes, until a strange looking man appeared in front of you, a group of soldiers right behind him. His skin was purple and almost looked as if he was covered with fur – amplified by his cat-like ears. His yellow eyes stared at you, his lips curled up in an evil grin, showing his fangs.Shiro was carrying Lance, which caused you to step in front of him to protect them both from whatever this alien would throw at them.

The face of the creature sparked the memories of your own rescue-mission once again, making your throat tighten. He was Galra. And there was no doubt in your mind that he was the one responsible for the explosion and the attack on the village.  
This was when it hit you. It was all part of a bigger scheme to retrieve the lions and render you and the Paladins useless – if not worse.  
He would not just stop there.

“Stand aside.”, he growled in a deep voice.

“No. You’re not getting in.”, Shiro answered, standing his ground.

“This was not a question.”, with a movement so fast you could hardly catch it, he ran towards Shiro, trying to surprise him.

Yet, he did not count you in. Without thinking about it, you went into a defensive stance and threw yourself at him, blocking his attack while a sharp pain resonated through your forearms, making you bite your lip, the taste of iron on your tongue.  
There was even a hint of amazement on his face, before it was replace by an annoyed snarl.

“Shiro, are you okay?”, you called over your shoulder, eyeing every last movement of the Galra in front of you.

“Yes. Are you?”, he stepped next to you after he laid Lance down further down the corridor to hopefully keep him safe as a fight seemed to be inevitable.

Looking at the purple alien in front of you not only caused you pain as the memories kept coming, over and over, taking up almost all the room in your thoughts, threatening to render you motionless just as Shiro had been when you were stuck in the training room for the first time to bond as a team. You had to use all your willpower to not let these images paralyse you. You needed to keep Shiro and Lance safe.

As if he felt your inner turmoil, Shiro put a hand on your shoulder, signalling you that you were not alone in this.

“[Y/N], maybe you should take Lance and leave. This is not safe.”, he whispered under his breath so the Galra could not hear him.

You let out a silent sigh, “This is not safe for you either. I will not leave you alone in this. Trust me, please.”

Despite the dire and dense situation, you heard him cough as he always did when he felt embarrassed or flustered.There was no more time to exchange pleasantries as you heard the Galra growl lowly.

“I will only say this once more. Stand. Aside.”, his right arm started to glow in a weird purple colour, reminding you of the way Shiro’s prosthetic arm may lit up whenever he used it in battle.

The way in which you and Shiro both went into fighting position – which must've looked rather ridiculous in your formal gear – was answer enough for the alien to let out an almost annoyed sigh as he charged up his arm and bolted right at you, giving you hardly any time at all to evade the impact of his punch. As you landed on your feet you saw that his arm had significantly grown in size, giving him the appearance of a comic-book villain. Shiro ran up towards him, their arms crossing like two blades in a sword-fight.  
Once again you could feel the warm feeling well up inside of you – but how should you use it?

How this power worked was beyond you, its exact properties a mystery. All you knew was that it helped to let your comrades deepen their bonds with the lions and reach even further depths within themselves and their abilities.

_You give them the power to trust themselves._

This thought made you pause – and a moment too long. The next punch hit you right in the underbelly, sending you flying right next to where Lance was lying on the floor, still unconscious. Shiro called out your name which was the only thing working its way through the haze.  
You felt as if everything you’ve eating back at the ball trying to work its way up again. Breathing heavily while trying to stand up again made you wince, both from pain and the ruined dress you were wearing. There was hardly anything left that resembled the floating waterfall of silk from just a few minutes ago.  
There was a lot of explanation in order once Allura returned.

Cursing under your breath you could only watch as Shiro – who ran over to protect you – and the Galra fought against each other, the former slowly losing this battle. Wrecking your brain, you tried to come up with a solution to at least knock the alien out even for a minute. Your brain went into overdrive, the fog inside your skill too thick. helplessness settling down as you watched Shiro being flung down the hallway, just in front of you, making you cry out his name.

Slowly making your way over to him, you saw the Galra approach you with his mouth in an ugly grin, as if he was truly enjoying this. You could still feel the warmth inside of you, radiating through your entire body. Maybe you could not only use this to help out your friends, but also to help yourself.  
As you stumbled a few steps forward, your core screaming in agony from the punch, you tried to mentally channel the energy into your arms and legs while you still tried to come up with a plan of action.

“What a persistent little bug you are.”, the Galra barked, obviously amused.

This was madness. The rational part of your brain was trying to convince you to just run, but you knew that this would not solve the problem even in the slightest.  
You had no chance of winning, but you had to try anyway. And if only to give your friends some time to make it back to the castle. You promised to keep everyone safe and now it was time to prove it.  
By now, the energy had made it possible for you to stand up straight and look your opponent into the eye, your arms clenched in fists. Carefully you walked past Shiro and towards the Galra who almost seemed to wait for you next move.

Right before you wanted to jump at him, you heard Shiro getting up behind you, making you pause. His suit was as torn as your dress, giving him a wild look which matched the one in his eyes and his hair standing in all directions.  
You felt his hands grabbing you by the waist as he slightly lifted you up. Before you even understood what was happening, he spun you around so you could look him in the eye.

“Wha-“, you started but were cut off by the apologetic look on his face.

“I trust you, [Y/N]…”, he said, as he threw you down the corridor as wide as he could, getting you out of the way.

You landed hard on your back, making you cry out in pain at the impact. There was no time for you to be furious, you saw that Shiro and the Galra were engaged in another round of battle. As you watched them you understood that he did not simply wanted to have you out of harm’s way, but he entrusted you to find another way to evade a total defeat. He was playing for time - on the expanse of his own life if need be.  
Still, even as you understood this – and you knew it was the only way – you had to resist the impulse to just run up to him again.

As fast as you could you got back up, turned around and started to run.  
  
By chance you’ve met Pidge who was trying to sabotage the Galra as they had made their way into the main power room and installed a crystal of their own. Pidge hid from the arriving soldiers and where now trapped with the three of you inside the castle. Over the intercom you've learned that the attack on the Arusian village was but a mere distraction to divide the group – Keith was hardly able to contain his anger. The Galra wanted to use their own power-crystal to fly the castle to their headquarters – with the five lions inside.  
  
Yet, somehow, by the sheer genius of Pidge, and Allura’s guidance from outside, you were able to delay the take-off of the castle for a crucial amount of time. Yet, the ordeal was far from over, the Galra still had enough power to keep a particle barrier around the castle, trapping you in, while Keith, Allura, Hunk and Coran were locked out.

“We have to destroy the barrier itself from the inside just as we did with the boosters.”, Pidge said as you were sneaking through the empty corridors, trying to evade the drones that were patrolling through the hallways, “Allura told me how to do it… But I am not sure I will be able to.”

You gently smiled at him, “Pidge, there is no way that you will not be able to. If not you, who could?”

Pidge snorted as if he did not believe you but his face betrayed him.  
Only after you made it to the main engines who powered the barrier and finally disabled them, did the Galra reach out to you over the castle's speakers, trying to lure you in by promising to spare your lives if you would come and meet them. The voice belonged to the one you've fought, causing your heart to wince. The longer he talked the cleared it became that Shiro was alive but captured. Yet, what if it was only a trap to exploit your biggest weakness?  
Neither you nor Pidge were about to give in, which caused him to do whatever to Shiro to make him cry out, broadcasting it on full volume.

“Don’t…Listen to him! Just take down… the barrier..!”, you heard him panting before the signal went dead just as his scream pierced the universe.

You were not able to think straight, running so fast, your lungs burning, your feet hurting, your arm aflame from the impact earlier. It was one thing to threaten you and your friends, to take over the castle and to try and steal the lions. But it was something completely different if they went ahead and hurt Shiro again. They had done enough already to the universe and him. All of which was too much already.  
Still, while you ran as fast as you could you felt as if you were just rnning right into their trap...

Reaching the main power room completely out of breath a few anxious minutes later, you were frantically looking around, taking everything in. Pidge was right behind you, immediately making his way to the main controls to try and take over the castle again.  
To your biggest surprise the room was completely empty. This was a trap for sure, you could feel it. Still, you had no other choice but to work the controls from here.  
  
Right next to the control panel lay Lance and Shiro, both unconscious yet alive. Bruised but breathing. Your eyes were burning.  
You felt that the whole situation was fishy – there was simply no way that the Galra would threaten you the way he did only to give in without a fight. And still you had to make it over to them, to see their chests moving with their breath. And you had to get them out of there.  
You've made it halfway across the room when something hit you, throwing you to the floor, your shoulder aching as if it was on fire. Looking up you saw the same Galra you and Shiro had fought at the entrance, now in a battle with Pidge. Your first impulse was to call out and tell your friend to just run, but something about the movements were off which made you pause. A soft crackling from behind the control panel gave you confirmation, that Pidge had sent a hologram to distract the alien while he was still trying to hack into the castle's controls.

This little trick gave Pidge the time he needed to disable the barrier, before the Galra pierced through the hologram, finally revealing the replica. Once the program was shut down he let out a fearful battlecry as he charged towards you, clearly not happy that his plan was compromised. There was no way that you would be able to get up and protect yourself, let alone your friends, until he would reach you.

Wrecking your brain you saw a flash of red appear behind the Galra and Allura's voice carrying orders. Just before the alien could reach you, Keith had attacked him from behind, making him lose his balance. This gave you enough time to get up to standing and jump out of the way.

His yellow eyes met yours.

There was nothing in them but hatred for you and your friends and pride to carry out his duty.

In a joined effort you were able to place him in one of the cryo pods on the other side of the room. He didn't even struggle all that much, as if it was not worth the effort. As if you really were nothing but a bunch of ants.  
Just before he was about to pass out he looked you over once again, a snarl on his face.

“Do you even have the slightest idea who you're up against? How do you want to defeat General Zarkon if you have difficulties to even defeat me?”, he let out something that resembled a low laughter.

Yet his joy only lasted a moment.

When he saw the conviction in your eyes, the determined glanced of your friends, he stopped at once. There might've even run a shiver through him as he heard you right before he passed out.

“One Galra at a time.”

 

The fight for the reign over the castle took its toll on all of you – especially Lance, who had to rest a day in a healing pod. Shiro evaded this since his injuries were not that grave which you thankfully noticed. The bruises on his arms and chest would heal within time.

Still, the damage caused by this ambush was bigger than you first thought, which delayed your leave for at least two more days.

“I am so glad that you were able to get a hold of a crystal!”, Allura said the next morning as you all met up in the control room where she was running some tests to adjust the newly retrieved crystal, “And as soon as we repaired the castle we will leave for the Balmera.”

The Balmera, as you understood it, was a hybrid: not exactly a planet made of solitary objects yet not a whole living creature. It was sentient and worshipped by the inhabitants which called themselves the Balmerans. They had helped Hunk and Coran get the crystal despite getting themselves in danger since the planet was under Galran oppression. Before they left they had promised to come back and free them.

Yet you had to be patient and to wait for Lance to heal and the castle to be repaired. Your own wounds also hurt a good amount – you were grateful that nothing was broken or severely bruised which meant you could walk around as you pleased – if you ignored the piercing pain whenever you lifted your arms.

Keith, Pidge and Hunk volunteered to help rebuild the Arusian village until it was time for you to leave for good. You wanted to tag along too, but they insisted that you needed to rest as much as possible. There was no point in arguing with them, you knew that much. And if you were completely honest with yourself, the rest was very welcomed.

Sitting in your nook high up in the tower, you watched them leave for the village just as you heard someone coming up the stairs.

“I never knew there was such a nice place so high up here.”, Shiro said as he looked around the small space which you had decorated with blankets and pillows to make it comfortable for you to read in.

He looked around, taking everything in. His eyes darted from one item to the next, looking dreamily. The room seemed almost too small for him, let alone for the two of you. Still you gestured him to sit down next to you. It felt just right for him to be there with you.  
He was amazed how far he could see from there – mirroring you own amazement when you first looked out of the gigantic window.

For a while, neither of you said a word as you watched the clouds pass by, making weird shadows on the grass. Without thinking about it, you lay your head on his shoulder as you've done so many times before and yet, it made you strangely aware of the fact that there were still things unsaid – especially after the intruders disrupted the ball.

But where should you start?

“I always admired that you basically knew what to say in any given situation.”, Shiro said quietly, “Most of the times I feel like my tongue is tied in a knot. Especially when it comes to the most important things.”

You hummed, “I never felt like you had no idea what to say. You just take your time – something I still have to learn.”

He chuckled, “At least I don't appear as nervous as I mostly feel... You know, at the ball, when I saw you coming in with Lance I didn't know what to say or do. You looked like straight from a dream...”, he paused for a moment as if to collect himself.

You did not dare to move or say anything, your heart racing so fast as if it wanted to escape your chest. There was a slight foreboding at the back of your mind of where this might be going, but you were not brave enough to dwell on that thought. Getting your hopes up only after you two started talking to each other again might not be the best idea.

It took a few moments before he continued, his voice shaking a little, “To me, you always do, but right then I had a hard time to believe I was not sleeping. It was then that I decided that the time has come. I knew I was not as eloquent as you when you told me how you've felt for all this time... And that there is no way for me to make up for everything I did and what was lost... But I still wanted to find my own way.”

At that point you had to consciously remind yourself to breathe. He was letting you in. He was being himself without the mask he had forged to meet everyone's expectations. For the fraction of a second you imagined what his parents or even General Iverson would've said to see him so raw and open, so not the leader he had to be.  
Smiling inwardly you really wished for them to see with your eyes for just a moment...

“There are so many things we take for granted, especially when we grow up not knowing it any other way. I knew I did never question that I had a more or less functioning family, a home and warm meals. But one thing I never took for granted was your friendship. I can't really remember how we met for the first time, but I think I recall stars...”

“I was the one kid in kindergarten that was made fun of for telling everyone that one day I will fly to the stars.”, you whispered against his shoulder, “That day I was almost caught in a fist-fight if you wouldn't have stepped in and told them that they should leave the future astronaut alone... You gave me the courage to dream... And to dream big.”

Shiro chuckled again, remembering, “You were always so fierce and stubborn... You still are. But that's what makes you you. With you by my side I felt... I knew that nothing was impossible. We've made the most crazy plans and we failed and we fought and we laughed... When everything started to crumble at home, you were there, waiting for me. There was never a demand for answers or explanations, just you holding me when I thought everything was falling apart. I think I never showed you how much that meant to me. How I would've given up so long ago. When we grew older and I left for the Garrison, I felt so lost. Not only would I leave my hometown, I would leave my home as well...”

His tone changed from upbeat to hurt, “I could see it in your eyes. I could feel it because I felt it too. The pain was unbearable for the first days at the base. Your sad smile haunted me for weeks and weeks because you wanted to be strong for my sake and I was responsible for that agony... Yet, being apart from you made me realize one thing, which I could confirm once I saw you at the initiation-ceremony... Something I tried to push away for too long maybe.”

By now your head was spinning, your thoughts being all over the place. This was not real. There was no way that this was happening.

“It's funny how everyone sees a leader in me. Someone who has it under control and is always composed. A brave warrior. That might be true for combat, but this was... you are something else entirely and I felt like a little boy again. For all the time we've shared, all the chances I missed... I feel stupid. Weak even. When you did not arrive at the launch-site all I wanted was to search for you. I couldn't care less for that stupid mission, especially not when I could feel that you might've been in danger. Yet there was nothing I could do but to leave a note, hoping you would not hate me for leaving...”, he sounded so sad it made you wince.

“I already told you, I could never hate you...”, you whispered, your voice barely audible, not able to say anything more.

Shiro groaned, “But you have every reason... I was so scared to tell you about the mission from day one. I did not want to leave you, to lose you for good. I couldn't bear that thought! Every single day on that stupid space-craft I had to remind myself that I would come back and make up for what I did. And if that meant to never go to space again so be it.”

His last remark make you look up to him, tears prickling your eyes.  
He would give up his biggest dream..?  
His expression was the one of utter helplessness. As if he was just not able to find the right words to convey his innermost thoughts and feelings. His dark eyes looking into the distance while he tried to press on, to get everything off his chest.

“But it never came to that... We were captured the first day we were collecting icicles. Onboard that ship I lost all hope to ever see your smile again... Yet I refused to give up like that. One day I went into the arena as I've done so many times before. And I fought without really being present. After the battle ended I was being pushed back into my cell when I though I heard your voice calling my name... my real name.”, he smiled a little at that thought, “No one does that... Not like you anyway. I guess it was just my imagination playing tricks on me. My survival instincts kicking in. But whatever it was, it made me believe again... The rest of the story you know... But I was only able to fight, to survive, because of you. I wanted to see you again so badly... When I saw you there at the cabin, I was all over the place... You looked so hurt yet your eyes still shone with the same spark you carried from the first day I've met you. All I wanted was to wrap my arms around you. To feel that you were real.”

Again his expression had changed, a calm smile on his lips, his dark eyes looking at you while a slight blush crept over your cheeks from his last words.

“But then you told me to stay away. Something I knew would happen at some point yet the one thing I feared the most. How should I live without my flame? Without my home? What's worth fighting for? How should I be a leader if you weren't there with me? Because, you know... Without you, I would've never become as strong as I am today. You never were a sidekick to me but the mere reason I was able to climb so high – I was chasing you! Still, I understood, I took so much from you, why would you want to be close to me... I lay awake for nights after that, replaying the time at the Garrison over and over again, seeing so many chances not taken... I was determined to try one last time... Again, my chances came and went with our argument and the ball... And now here I am, saying everything but what I wanted to say for so long...”, he breathed deeply before his eyes met yours again, making you forget how to breathe.

“[Y/N], you deserve the world yet I am the reason ours was taken from us. You deserve to soar among the stars yet there is an intergalactic war threatening us all. I cannot offer you Earth or even Mars or any safe rock in this whole damn universe. I have no idea what tomorrow might hold... All I can offer you is my undying devotion to you, my life to be yours and yours alone. I cannot stop the rain from falling but I am the one dancing with you through each storm. I cannot guarantee to give you a mansion but I will make a home for you in my arms as you did for me. I can offer you to go with you wherever you might go, to find you even if it means to search each and every universe. And lastly, I will promise you to always return to you no matter what happens. From the first day I've seen you until the day my last breath escapes me... I love you.”

You blinked once. Twice.  
Trying to take his words in, to comprehend what he was saying.  
It was so beautiful...  
  
The memories of your friends telling you to confess to him, their sheer confidence that it would work out between you two, Allura's remark that it was all over your faces, it all came back to you, making you curse yourself.

A small sob escaped you as you tried to so anything, causing Shiro to tenderly stroke your cheeks.

“I know that this might not be the perfect moment you deserve. My timing never was the best as you know...”, he playfully rolled his eyes, “But I can't imagine a life without you. Ever. When I saw you fighting alongside me yesterday I was reminded that you don't need anyone to protect you for you are strong and fierce. Still, you've been letting me protect you over and over, presenting me your heart wide open. Your trust in me... You are not a damsel in distress, you never were. Nevertheless you're letting me in... You told me that you would never put me in a cage. The same goes for you as well. I want to make a world where you can be free.”

The silence that followed wrapped around you like a warm blanket. You two just sat there for a while, taking in the atmosphere, each other's company and the freedom from keeping it all inside.

Still, the question of how you would go from there lingered on without either of you having to say it out loud. By now your tears had stopped but you were suddenly too shy to meet his gaze.

How do people deal with this amount of happiness and weirdness at once?

This thought made you grin.

“I know I am the older one here but... I have no idea how to advance any further...”, Shiro said nervous all of a sudden, his eyes looking everywhere but at you, “I mean... no not like running to second base or anything... Just... Oh man... I am a real hero, hm?”

His demeanour made you chuckle as you felt the tension evaporate slowly, “Just do as you've always done.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean? Like asking you if you want to see my coin collection?”

“You have a coin collection?!”

“Of course not! I thought that's what our grandparents always said when they wanted to date someone.”

At this remark your glance shot up to him, sincerity on your face, “I don't want to date you.”

“What..?”, he seemed honestly confused by the sudden change in your tone and the remark that went along with it.

“To date someone always has this notion of it being a light thing, just to have fun and then to move on. I don't want that. I want to be your partner, your advisor and best friend. I want to be your shadow and you guiding light. Everything but the girl you're dating.”

Now it was Shiro's turn to blink a few times before he started to laugh out loud, the panic that was building up inside of him finding a way out.

He looked so carefree, so young, it made your heart leap.  
  
This was not the picture-perfect moment you've seen in movies.  
But it was perfect for you and who you were.

“Sometimes I tend to forget that you are such a smartass...”, he said jokingly, before he put his arms around your waist, lifted you up and sat you down on his lap again.

He was so close, you could feel his warmth radiating through his clothes, his breath tickling your collarbone. His arms rested on your lower back, stabilizing you yet not trapping you. His eyes were shining brighter than the sun, a shy blush on his cheeks.

There he was, waiting for your final answer, for you to directly say yes or no. He would never take advantage of you, no matter the circumstances.

“I have only one humble request.”, you whispered, laying your forehead on his.

“Tell me.”

“Don't run away from me. Don't face your demons alone. Let me in. You don't need a protector but you may need a comrade in battle.”, you almost felt stupid for voicing these thoughts, “I can't stand the thought of you being alone with this...”

Shiro winced, “I... I am afraid to hurt you.”

Taking his face in your hands you gently forced him to look you in the eyes, “You can't hurt me. And I won't run.”

It took him a few moments until he was able to answer, “See, your trust in me is infinite...”

“Don't you trust me?”, you tilted your head to one side, smiling at him.

“I trust you more than myself... You know that.”, he looked away, the shy boy all over again, “I trust you with my life.”

This threw you off a little, the profoundness of his words ringing in your ears. Not only did he confess to you in the most adorable and honest way – _his_ way – but he also put everything that he had and everything he was, into your hands to do as you please.

The degree of joy that made each and every cell in your body feel alive was overwhelming. No matter how you imagined this to feel, the reality was so much brighter. Lance was right, not the place or the time had to be perfect, but the people made it so.

He trusted you. He always did, just yesterday in the battle against the Galra did he trust you with his life when he let you go and find a different way to turn the tables.

He put his heart in your hand, not asking anything from you in return for it.  
There were no words to express how you felt, your heart and mind all over the place. This was nothing like you expected it to be – because it was so real.  
So much better in every way.  
It wasn't like a romantic novel, there was an intergalactic war going on and you could lose him any day. Still, right there you wanted to believe in the infinite.

Shiro still waited for you to say anything, his patience overshadowed by his nervousness despite him trying so hard to remain cool and composed.

Hugging him close you buried your face into his neck like a cat.

Your voice was barely more than a whisper, carrying all your innermost feelings, “Yes, yes, a million times yes. Takashi, I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back my dearest reader!  
> I hope this chapter finds you in good spirits :)  
> Honestly it was one of the most emotional chapters for me to write and the exact reason I started this fan fiction as a whole...  
> I really hope you enjoy it and from now on we will see each other every Friday again!  
> Have a wonderful weekend! <3
> 
> Shameful self-promotion!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
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> 


	9. The Onlooker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of the huts of history's shame  
> I rise  
> Up from a past that's rooted in pain  
> I rise  
> I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,  
> Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.  
> Leaving behind nights of terror and fear  
> I rise  
> Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear  
> I rise
> 
> (Still I Rise - Maya Angelou)  
> ____________________________________________

“I will only say this once more, Princess. Let me go!”, your eyes were darting form the big screen that was put up in the main control room to Allura's face which remained unmoved.

“Then I will only answer you once more: No. You will stay here.”, her eyes followed your gaze to the screen where you saw Voltron fighting against yet another Robobeast.

“But there is nothing I could do here to help!”, your voice was full of the panic you were no longer able to suppress, frustration taking over.

“And what do you think you could do down there?”, there was nothing malicious in the tone of her voice, only concern, worry even.

Of course she was right, the rational part of your brain knew that as well. You had no ship, no weaponry, nothing to be of any assistance in the unfolding fight. Yet watching your friends engaged in another battle that favoured the opposing party, made you feel sick to your stomach. You felt completely useless despite everyone telling you how valuable you were for the team and the mission to safe the whole universe. That might be true when it came to help them draw more power from within themselves, aided by your strange talent. But there was only so much you could do. Furthermore, you were still not sure whether or not you really did anything apart from feeling warm.

Seeing them being beaten down by the weird beast and its omnidirectional view just made it clear to you how small you really were.  
How weak.

You've felt that even stronger since you've reached the Balmera after Lance's recovery. From the first moment on it was clear that the Galra were expecting you as they lured the paladins down below – leaving you behind on the ship in a safe distance to the ion canons stationed on the surface. Safe from the soldiers and sentries, out of every possible danger that was to be found outside.  
Of course you could've sneaked into one of the lions or stood your ground but with such petty discussions you would only waste precious time. And even if you would've made it, what would you do from then on out?

As you hugged your friends before they left, you made sure to hold them only a moment longer, trying to convey what you were not able to say.  
Letting go of them hurt, your hearth being torn into a million different directions, your head in a haze while you watched the tiny smiles on their faces.  
  
_Don't go.._. _Takashi..._  
  
Every time you watched Shiro leave for yet another mission, another battle you wished you could just hold him back, the fear of losing him for good after all you've been through was almost unbearable. Was this was this war was all about?  
Trusting him to return to you while trying to keep the darkness at bay?  
If only you were stronger...  
  
You also promised them to watch them from the bridge and to guide them. Another lie, just like the one of you being useful, since Allura had control over the ship and the overall mission. She was the one giving orders and status updates. You just stood there and watched as they were lured in a trap at the centre of the Balmera with Shay – the girl who had helped Hunk and Coran retrieve the crystal – as bait.  
They were trapped in that room, their lions unprotected.  
  
Even communications were not getting through as they were so far down, bits and pieces missing from ever sentence, their voices distorted and too far away. There were no visuals either, leaving all of you aboard in the dark.  
Clenching your hands you tried to keep your spirits up, to tap into whatever you might be able to do. It was too early to give up, but the thought of losing them all just like that gnawed on you. No matter how hard you tried, there was just nothing responding from deep within you.

What made the whole situation worse was that the Galra had sent a ship which locked on to the castle, threatening you as well, while they tried to get their hands on the lions – an easy task given the fact that no one was there to hinder them. It was a battle with two fronts.  
The thing you needed at that point was time while Lance told you – various attempts needed – that Shay was trying to ask the Balmera itself to release them but that would take a couple of minutes at least. It sounded like a wild guess, the Balmera was seriously injured after all, but it was all you could hope for.  
Allura and Coran tried their best to deflect the ion canon firing at you, but it soon became apparent that the particle barrier wouldn't hold much longer than a few shots.

“Paladins, the lions are in danger! You must get back to them immediately!”, Allura shouted over the intercom just as another beam hit the barrier. “Paladins, do you copy? I am not sure if we survive this...”

Biting your lower lip you watched the screen, their colored dots finally starting to move out of the room. The doors opened at once, the Balmera letting them go. You let out a small sigh of relief but this was shortly lived. At the same time you saw that the Galra tried to take off with the lions for good, trapping them in a tractor beam. This gave you an idea.  
A very stupid and wild idea.  
You might not be able to be of great assistance in the immediate battle at this point, but maybe there was at least something small you could contribute after all.  
Drawing from the warm feeling finally welling up inside of you, you tried to reach out to the lions, trying to strengthen their own barriers, which in turn took their energies from the paladins, so the tractor beam would lose its grip at least a little.

It was a wild guess, you had never tried something like that before, but from the tugging at your heart you got the notion that it might've worked.  
  
“Whatever it is you guys are doing up there- keep it up!”, Hunk said over the intercom, a small nervous laughter following it.

You didn't dare to answer, too scared to break the connection you've established with the lions. Within a couple of minutes your friends had reached their respective lions and were ready to form Voltron. Just as they powered up you cut the connection, letting out a silent grunt, fatigue flooding through you. You felt as if you were ready to pass out, yet you tried your best to hang on – the battle was far from over.

Finally the screen showed some visuals again and you watched as Voltron formed his shield and sword and was rendering the ion canon onboard the enemy shuttle useless with a single strike. The whole ship exploded soon afterwards, but only after it had dropped a big black trunk onto the Balmera not too far off the mines.  
It made your belly flip.  
You've seen something like that before. It was the same box that brought the first Robobeast to Arus. Hearing Keith voicing hopes of it being the same kind of monster they've already beaten were put to a halt as the trunk was smashed open violently, revealing a monster even more disturbing than the first. It had two very broad arms with dozens of leaser-beams and eyes like a chameleon.

You felt a shiver running up and down your back.

“It's not candy!”, Hunk screamed in terror as the realization sinked in.

It turned out that the eyes not only looked like the ones of a chameleon, they were also able to look in a dozen different directions at once, giving the beast not a single blind spot to attack from. Voltron had a hard time to evade the uncountable number of laser beams the beast started to shot from its two arms, let alone attack it. As you watched the almost impossible battle you felt the rising helplessness staring to render you motionless. Something about this reminded you so much about Operation Hydra, making it hard for you to focus. This was not the time to give into this, your friends needed you.

But what should you do?

While your thoughts started racing, Shiro gave the order to disband Voltron hoping the creature could not target them all at once and to keep the beams away from the surface of the Balmera. The planet was already disintegrating at an alarmingly fast pace, meaning it would die sooner or later, taking everyone walking the surface at that point with it. This was confirmed by Coran who had started a scan on the live forces of the planet.

Your friends, who searched shelter in the tunnels below to think about a better strategy cursed as they received these news. The whole battle seemed lost already.

How should you beat a monster with a thousand eyes on a planet that was about to die?  
Should you just leave and let the catastrophe play out?  
No, that was the wrong thing to do. So what other options did you have?

“We only have a mere two hours at best. We need to evacuate the planet, that's our first priority now!”, Allura said over the intercom surprising you all with this request, “You will distract the beast so we can land the castle on the Balmera. Coran, you will take the controls, I will go down.”

Her last remark made you turn your head, “Princess, that's... If I might say so, very dangerous and maybe not the smartest decision.”

“Someone has to lead this people out.”, she said, walking out of the room at once, giving no one the time to say anything else against it.

Coran let out a loud sigh, “She's so much like her father... King Alfor never wasted any time or energy to safe even a single soul.”

“Now it is our job to keep her safe.”, you replied simply.

“Yes. I will take the controls from here, landing as close to the Princess's position as I dare so we can start the evacuation at once. And you, [Y/N], you will watch over the Paladins.”, the look on his face enforced the sincerity in his voice, leaving no room for you to doubt yourself.

It took a few moments until you realized that he was completely serious about this. He didn't ask you, he was simply telling you as if it was a given fact that you were in charge now. To a certain degree at least. The plan was already laid out which made you the one to see it executed.  
But still...

“Coran... I am not sure I am the right person to take on that responsibility...”, your voice was barely audible as fear took ahold of you once again, your sore muscles dragging you down.

So much could go wrong if you made only one false decision. Not only could it lead to the beast winning against you and Voltron, most of all it would also endanger your friends...

Glancing over to Coran who showed no signs of fear himself, quite the contrary, he completely trusted you as he gestured towards the pedestal right in the middle which served as the main control panel. Breathing deeply you walked up there and looked over the visuals as well as the readings that were flashing over the multiple screens. Everything just happened so fast.

“Paladins, it is time for you to distract the beast in order for me to land safely. You do not need to harm, let alone defeat it. Just keep it occupied.”, Allura's voice over the intercom was met with mixed feedback yet no one refused to take on that task.

“Here's the thing... I am scared that we are going to be very good on the provoking part but... About the evading part I am not so sure...”, Hunk whispered, a certain degree of panic working its way through his words, “But if that's what it will take to keep Shay and the other Balmerans safe I will give it my all.”

With this last confirmation the five lions shot back up into the sky, the eyes of the Robobeast following their every move. Almost immediately it started to fire its lasers, making it hard for them to not bump into each other. Thankfully Allura made it to the ground rather fast and safe only to reveal another problem altogether: The Balmerans did not wish to evacuated in the first place.

This was their home and if the life-circle came to an end they wished to go with their beloved Balmera. Biting your tongue you started to wreck your brain of how to untangle this situation.

If they refused to leave than you had to either win the fight against the beast and lose the planet or let the beast roam freely until the Balmera would collapse. Every hit to its surface was shortening the already minimized lifespan.

There was no way to force so many people to leave their beloved home forever and search for another one in a galaxy at war.

All this time – while Allura was talking to the eldest of the Balmerans and you tried to find a path untravelled – you watched your friends still engaged in battle with the beast.

Just as you were about to give up you had one final thought.

“Allura, tell them about you and Altea.”, your voice was way firmer than you felt, “Give them hope.”

This was a shot in the dark, maybe the stupidest plan you've had yet. But maybe, with Allura's power to reach other people's hearts and the honesty of someone who knows what it means to lose ones home it would help the Balmerans.

The princess didn't even asked what you meant with your cryptic request. Instead she shared her own story and called on the traditions of the Balmera and its inhabitants. After she finished silence fell over the crowd, dragging on for a moment too long, causing the lions to retreat below the surface once again. They had no idea what took all of you so long, their stamina being drained by the minute.

“What's happening?”, Hunk asked over the intercom, completely out of breath.

Before anyone could answer him, two things happened almost simultaneously. The Balmerans started to move towards the castle, finally heeding Allura's words. Yet their paths were destroyed by an earthquake-like rumble coming from the planet itself, causing most of the ways up to the surface to collapse. It would take a lot more time to bring everyone up to the castle like that – not impossible but time was not on your side that day.

While Allura and the few Balmerans already at the surface tried to clear the paths as fast as possible you heard the Robobeast roaring loudly, its ghostly eyes frantically looking for the five lions.

“There seems to be no way around this...”, you mumbled to yourself before you took in a deep breath, trying to keep your voice even, “Guys, can you hear me? I have good and bad news.”

“I'd preferred good news only but I rarely get my way...”, Pidge answered with a smirk.

“Shot us.”, Keith replied matter-of-factly.

“The good news is, Allura and the others are clearing the paths to get to the castle. The bad news is that they need more time. A lot more time. Maybe even more than we have at this point.”

“Oh no...”, you heard Hunk gasp who already caught up before you even said it out loud.

“You might have to beat it. Yes.”

“But... How?! We weren't able to do anything before!”, Lance had a point there, this was the only thing you haven't been able to work around.

“We can't give up just yet!”, Shiro's deep voice made you jerk up your head.

He trusted you and your judgement as well as he trusted his comrades. You mouthed a silent _thank you_ as the five lions were flying up and across the surface again, trying their best to divert the lasers into the sky. This gave you a few moments to realize that something was happening in the corner of your eye, just below the castle, right at the spot where Allura had landed – it was green, it was alive!

“Coran... Look at this, What does that mean?”, you asked, pointing down.

As soon as he laid eyes on the small green patch among the brown surface he gasped, “The ritual!”

His remark made Allura on the ground turn around as well, her eyes getting bigger. This was when the eldest of the Balmerans walked over to her once more and they forged a plan that could safe everyone including the Balmera itself. Or it could cost the princess's life.

Essentially it was the same ritual that was performed anytime a crystal was retrieved. As compensation the Alteans gave a bit of their own energy – or quintessence as Coran put it – back to the Balmera. With the castle's own crystal as amplifier Allura would try and stabilize the planet by giving back her own energy – an amount no one every tried to extract.  
It was just crazy yet neither of you deemed it the wrong thing to try.

“You just have to keep the beast occupied a little longer.”, she said over the intercom, making the paladins laugh in frustration.

“I know I've been asking this question for a while by now, but... How should we do it? We weren't able to do a thing as Voltron and even as five separate lions we couldn't even lay a paw on him.”, Hunk asked defeated.

“We need to find a way to shoot all the lasers at once...”, Shiro mused before he gave the order to form Voltron yet once again.

“We need... self-aiming projectiles...”, the words formed, continuing Shiro's train of thought, just before you felt this warmth again.

You were not sure how your body would react if you used your power twice in such a short period of time, but there was no way around this. Just as the Princess and your friends gave it their all, so would you. Without thinking about what it would bring about, you channelled the energy until Hunk cried out that his lion was trying to tell him something – just as it happened before to Keith and Pidge right before they were able to form the sword and the shield.

“Form... Thingy!”, Hunk called out, almost making you laugh as you watched Voltron being equipped with a shoulder-cannon.

“This looks...”, you began.

“Don't say it...”, Shiro cut you off, rolling his eyes.

With a tiny smile on your lips you followed the projectiles Hunk's cannon was shooting, each finding their way to the beast's own laser beams, rendering it useless. A punch straight in the face finally powered down the beast and not a moment too early.

The second the beast hit the ground Coran ran out of the room and out of the castle, closely followed by you. He reached the princess just as she finished the ritual and passed out while the ground around you started to be painted in a shy green. It was a magical movement, like in those movies where nature bursts into life again. The distraction only kept you occupied for a moment when your attention was called to the princess.

For a short moment you were afraid that Allura might've overdone it, but her grunting and her eyes fluttering open finally set you at ease.

From behind you heard your friends running towards you.

“Did we do it?”, Pidge asked as he stepped next to you.

“Yes. You saved us. You saved the Balmera.”, the eldest said with a tender look at Allura.

Your eyes wandered over the Balmerans who were looking around in awe, most have never seen grass before, let alone something like the blazing blue sky. When your eyes met Shiro's you felt shy all of a sudden. This was not the time and place to let your own personal feelings cloud your judgement but it was not as easy as it sounded.

He started to walk over to you when you heard a loud roar coming from behind you, making all of you jump.

“No... That's impossible!”, Allura groaned, still too weak to stand.

It was the Robobeast, making its way to you, its eyes hectically scanning the area. It was clearly weakened yet it was still strong enough to drag its heavy body over to you. Most of the laser beams on his arms have been rendered useless, yet you could hear the sound of the few that were left powering up.  
Without thinking you got in a defensive stance right in front of your friends. This wouldn't do anything at all against the laser beams but you would not run and hide.

You watched as the beast started to open up its arms to shot its beams at you just as the ground began to shake again, almost making you fall over. Another loud roar coming from the beast as it was slowly being covered with a crystal-like texture. It looked almost surreal.

“The Balmera! The Balmera is helping us!”, Lance exclaimed as you all watched in awe as the creature was trapped into a crystal bigger than any you've ever seen, the eyes finally not moving anymore, the agonizing sound drowned out.

“I can't believe we survived this.”, Pidge said, relief in his voice.

You and your friends just stood there for a while, not able to comprehend what just happened. This might've been one of the weirdest battles you've ever fought. A whole planet came to help you after all.

Shaking your head you moved over to your friends who stood around Allura, still in Coran's arms.

“Great work, Paladins! You should be proud of the things you've achieved today. The Balmera is free!”, the princess said with a broad smile, trying not to let the ritual getting to her.

“I really can't believe that this was real.”, Pidge muttered under his breath, “I've never heard of such crazy endeavours!”

You wanted to add something when you felt someone putting their arm on your shoulder, making you turn.

“Thank you for guiding us through this. I was afraid we would all lose our way.”, Shiro said earnestly.

“I didn't do that much, I'm afraid.”, you replied simply, fighting the sudden feeling of uselessness yet once again.  
  
You been only standing onboard the ship, shouting incomprehensible ideas which were somehow understood by your friends.

This remark made him chuckle, “You knew what I was talking about when I said we need something to immobilize the laser beams. And you gave Allura the idea to connect to the Balmeran history. I wouldn't call this nothing.”

You felt the gazes of all your friends on you, watching you as you tried to hide the blush that was rolling over your cheeks.

“You... You would've done the same thing...”, you whispered, not able to meet his gaze.

This was ridiculous, he was only complimenting you on how you played your part in the battle, not proposing to you. So why was your heart hammering against your ribs, trying to escape?  
The weight of his hand on your should was almost too much to bear, his smile intoxicating you.  
Since your confession in the tower you haven't had any more time to talk about how things might change from that point onwards – if at all.  
It was somewhat funny how _time_ never was on your side, for anything.  


Shiro must've felt your inner turmoil yet once again, as he removed his hand from your shoulder, coyly scratching his cheek.

“This... Guys, this is not even funny.”, you heard Lance say with a loud exhale, “Shiro, give her a hug already. [Y/N] don't push him away.”

It was clear that he tried to lighten up the rather dense atmosphere by joking around, even you were aware of that.

Shiro on the other hand just playfully rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue, only for you to see, before he took the few steps to close the distance between you too and pulled you in.  
At first it was strange that he only made a move after Lance had suggested it, but then again, the last time he made a move ended in you pushing him away. Furthermore, Shiro was always the one to let you decide the pace.

Wrapping your arms around his waist you felt his heartbeat against your chest, his calm breathing against your neck. It was as if the whole universe stopped and zoomed in, making everything right again.  
There was no war, no battles.  
For only a few endless moments it was only you two and all the promises you've never said out loud.

Shiro's voice was barely more than a whisper, making your heart leap, “Welcome home.”

  


Making your way back to your room after you carefully carried Allura back to her own quarters ended in you crashing onto the floor, Hunk barely able to catch you.  
The adrenaline form the battle against the Robobeast must've worn off, revealing the price you had to pay after using your powers twice in a row.  
Your vision was blurry, tunnel vision setting in, drowning out the colours. The whole room was spinning around you, making you nauseous. Feeling your body ablaze was alternating with you freezing all over, every nerve in your body pulsating in time with your quickening heartbeat.  
Hunk and Lance tried to talk to you but you were not able to make out any words, your ears only hearing a very high-pitched noise.

You were scared.  
It hurt so much you wanted to scream but your throat felt as if every last sound you would make could make it bleed, snap your neck even.  
Panic was rising up inside of you, hot tears streaming down your face. Was this the price you've had to pay, the one Allura and the eldest of the Arusians told you about?

You were hardly able to think straight, your whole body in agony as you tried to focus on the faces of Lance, Pidge and Hunk who were obviously lost.

The steps approaching resonated through your muscles, the vibrations anchoring you into the present moment. Keith came running, Shiro right behind him.  
You could make out that the former asked the others something – probably what happened – but you were still not able to hear anything. You only watched as Shiro kneeled down next to you, cradling you in his arms, your head resting against his chest. The worry in his eyes was clearly visible despite him obviously trying his best to remain calm. He seemed to understand that you could not hear anything when he gestured you that he won't go anywhere. You tried to answer him with a smile but it hurt so much it made you wince.  
Shaking his head as if to say _don't be so stubborn_ he carefully stroke your cheek and head. His warm hand felt so good, a refuge from the storm your body had become.  
  
Even after a few moments there was no change in your state of being which you tried to take as a good thing. You had tried to calm down your breathing, concentrating on the slow inhale and extended exhale, masking the pain, focussing on the flow and the warmth.  
Your friends were here with you, you were safe.  
Shiro was there, you were home.  
  
Still, maybe there was no way out of this?  
Maybe you've overdone it and now you would have to spend the rest of your life in a state of constant torment?  
This thought made you wail silently as you extended one arm out to touch Shiro's cheek.  
And then everything went black.  
  
  
  
_It was a calm evening onboard the shuttle. Nothing peculiar had happened for the past few hours – safe for a few readings that were off the charts. But I've had those since day three and my captain thought nothing of it. Maybe she was right and the sensors were just malfunctioning, but whenever I've run a test it revealed nothing other than perfect operational sensors._  
_This lead to her giving the order to re-calibrate the charts which took a few days._  
_Still, the strange readings kept coming, leading to the three of us fighting over it more than once._  
  
_Two weeks after we've left earth I was in my seat, running some of the tests we were assigned to carry out while out there, when the systems showed a very high peak in life-forces in our proximity._  
_I called for Caroline and Andy to come to the bridge and show it to them._  
_They were annoyed by now, both not able to make head or tail out of these, tired of my own bad mood. I knew they were trying hard to understand why I looked somber all the time, and why I hardly laughed and why I had to cover my hands in bandages a couple of times by now._  
_But of course, they were only human and every human has their limit._  
  
_I couldn't blame them._  
  
_“The sensors detected some life-forces bigger than any I've ever seen. I... I honestly think that it's not just some bacteria. It's just too strong and moving too fast from what I can tell here.”, I was hoping they would finally understand._  
  
_Something was out there and it was following us._  
_It was dangerous._  
  
_They didn't._  
  
_“Honestly had I known that they would send us up with malfunctioning equipment... I would've told them to cut it out!”, Caroline was agitated – not by what I've just told her, but because she was still trying to rationalize something that just wouldn't fit into any existing system._  
  
_“It's... I know it's hard to believe but I can assure you, it's not the systems and not the sensors either. Something is out there... Maybe we should abort the mission...”_  
  
_“Abort? Because of some minor peaks?!”, I could tell that she tried to remain calm and composed but the mission was already taking a toll on all of us._  
  
_Andy's eyes were darting from me to her and back as he was obviously lost, the peacemaker in him trying to work up a plan. I knew that they were not ignorant on purpose and I had to agree that it was hard to believe that we would bump into an alien life-from while we were almost casually flying through space._  
_Yet the readings did not lie._  
  
_Breathing deeply I looked Caroline in the eye and sincerely said, “What if they were responsible for the Kerberos-Mission to fail?”_

 _There was a silence hanging between the three of us, Caroline swallowing hard, trying to find a way not to explode right into my face._  
  
_Trying to calm the waves my proposal had caused I added, “But I will run a test on our systems, no problem.”_

 _She could feel that I did not mean to cause any unnecessary ruckus or disrespect her. Still, she had a hard time to come to terms with something so exotic as the possibility to discover aliens out there._  
_A loud beeping from my controls made me quickly scan the incoming readings, my face losing all colour._  
_Something was moving towards us, faster than any ship I've ever heard or read about on Earth. The gravitational shift that followed it was even more surprising, such density was unknown to me._  
  
_“We might have to turn this ship...”, I whispered, not sure what to do._  
  
_Panic was rising inside of me, trying to take over my rational thoughts, to render me motionless. I have talked to Pidge and Keith about the possibility that aliens were responsible for the Kerberos-Mission to fail, since there seemed to be nothing else that would lead the higher-ups to keep the files on the mission closed._  
  
_And then, they arrived._  
  
_We haven't even had time to laugh about Andy comparing the look of the shuttle with a flat iron as they began to shot lasers at us, as soon as we appeared on their radar._  
_Since our spacecraft was an exploration-type there were hardly any defensive systems, let alone weapons to guard ourselves._  
_Caroline began to give orders, to bring up whatever barrier we were able to form and to turn our shuttle to make a jump via hyper speed away form the alien ship. Still, we all knew that it was over for us, just no one wanted to say it out loud and make it a reality._  
  
_Within minutes almost all of our systems were failing, our ship not even able to use its main boosters anymore. Our deaths were inevitable._  
_Caroline and Andy looked at each other, their hands not letting go, their expressions somber._  
  
_“I think... I think our evacuation pods are still functioning. If we leave now, they might be distracted enough to not notice...”, I said, trying to find a way out of this while I watched one system after the other shutting down until my own console went black._  
  
_It struck me then that after all the pain and agony, and the prospect of never finding a way out of it, it was still not enough to drain out my will to live._  
_I had no wish to die._  
  
_Clenching my fists, ignoring my stinging heart I got up and started to pull my comrades towards the pods, still refusing to give up. This mission might be another failure, but it would not take any more lives._  
_I would not lose anyone else._  
_A loud noise and the whole corridor shaking indicated another hit. This time it was the airlock which meant that in a few minutes – if we even had that much time – we would suffocate and implode._  
  
_“Come on guys... Captain... We can still make it out of here!”, my voice was too loud, too shrill as I was not able to contain my fear._

_With a sudden move Caroline took me by the shoulders and looked me in the eye, her expression tender, “A captain never leaves the sinking ship.”_

_“Wha- … NO! Caroline, Please!”_

_“It's alright, [Y/N], I am not scared for you will remember me.”, still, her voice betrayed her._

_“And you won't be alone. I won't go either.”, Andy said, stepping next to her._

_Caroline chuckled, “I knew it... My Co-Pilot is an idiot!”_

_I just looked at the both of them – my comrades, my friends – not able to comprehend anything. This was not how this should've gone down._  
_Not at all._  
  
_“Please... I can't lose you... I am scared...”, my voice was barely audible._  
  
_Why was I so useless? So weak? So small?_  
  
_Caroline hugged me tightly, “From the first day of this mission, I knew it would be you who they would remember. I never imagined it to be like this, but... I knew. It's always been you. I just have one final request.”_  
  
_I looked at her, my eyes hot with tears._

_“Don't tell them the truth. Ever. They're not ready. Please, [Y/N], promise me.”_

_Another impact made the shuttle tremble and all of us almost fall over. Without waiting for my answer, Caroline gently pushed me into one of the pods, a shy smile on her lips. Looking over to Andy revealed the same expression._  
_For a split-second I thought about fighting them, knocking them out and leave with them, but form the way their eyes showed no sign of hesitation my own intentions faltered._

_“So... This is the end? This is goodbye?”, my voice was shaking._

_“No. It isn't.”, Andy said simply, making me shoot question-marks at him._  
  
_As he wanted to open his mouth to clarify, the alarms started to sound, telling us that the oxygen-levels were dangerously low. Without another moment to lose, Caroline pushed me into the pod, making me fall over, punching in coordinates via the outside panel._  
_A green lamp lit up and the doors began to close._  
  
_“It was an honour knowing you, [Y/N],”, Caroline said, saluting me._  
  
_A scream escaped me as I was trying to get back up but the door was almost closed already, the boosters starting just as I saw a darting flame shooting from the ceiling._  
  
_I will never forget Andy's last words, said through tears just as the evacuation-pod left the shuttle, “It's not goodbye. It's see you later. Just remember, we're all made of the same cosmic stardust.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewwo and welcome back my dearest reader!  
> Most importantly: Thank you so so much for your kind and amazing comments on the last chapter omg!! You made me smile and cry and I don't know how I deserve you! I wanted to answer each and everyone one of you but somehow ao3 was acting up... I will get to them I promise! Just so you know, I love them all and they make me the happiest potato in the whole world! <333
> 
> This week's chapter made my poor heart ache, especially the last scene... Somehow I started to like Caroline and Andy... I wish they could've made it...  
> Maybe we will meet them again?
> 
> For now I wish you a wonderful day and a relaxing weekend, have a great one! <33
> 
> Shameful self-promotion!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
> [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyRr3fH5DvnbGbm-qNq3_JnkTvmX3RJF)  
> [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/hinohime)  
> 


	10. Velocity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna lay next to you  
> And listen to the beat of your heart  
> I just wanna close my eyes  
> And fall asleep in your arms  
> I just wanna feel you  
> And forget the world.  
> __________________________________________

Waking up with a start you sat up to a sitting positing and quickly tried to scan the room as if you were waiting for something – or someone – to jump right at you. The last clouds of your dream were still lingering on, dissolving gradually. Your breathing was slowly returning to its natural flow as your eyes adjusted to the dim lights and the familiar surroundings of your bedroom. Once you've recognised your own messy table and the bookshelf you were finally able to relax for real.  
Your friends must’ve carried you back here after you lost consciousness and lay you down on your bed. The room was as you remembered it – something you had to focus on as the images of the Galra attack still lingered in your mind, trying to drown you once more.  
Something about this dream, or memory rather, made you very uneasy, the foreshadowing feeling refusing to let go.  
  
It was only a memory, nothing more. Andy and Caroline – your friends – were dead, so it couldn’t possibly be a look into the future. Then why did it feel like you’ve been missing something important? Could it be the same crazy omen that struck you the night before Shiro left Earth?  
A low snore put a halt to such thoughts, making you look down just to see Hunk sleeping in a chair right next to your bed. His mouth was slightly opened, tilted to one side, his hands folded in his lap. It made you smile to see him so peaceful, looking his age and not like the warrior this war had forced him to become.  
  
_We were all thrown into a war we do not understand.  
  
_ Hunk shifted in his seat, letting out another snore, making you chuckle. Despite him being slightly older than you, he appeared so much younger at that moment.  
It was then that another thought crossed your mind, immediately sending shivers through your whole body.  
  
How long have you been out?  
  
Scanning the room once more only revealed the time. It was around 2 a.m. in the morning. Yet there was no other indication how much time had passed exactly since you returned to the castle after the fight on the Balmera. Since you fell into the dark pit your head had become.  
Your gaze fell on a crumpled piece of paper laying on your bed, making you furrow your brows. For a split-second you thought about whether or not you were even allowed to look at it, but then your curiosity won and you reached out to grab it.  
The light had been turned down low yet it was still bright enough for you to be able to make out what had been written on the scrap.  
  
The handwriting was another matter altogether. It took you a few moments to decipher Lance’s handwriting – you’ve seen his notes far too many times to mistake it for someone else’s – and when you did, you couldn’t help but gasp, horror overshadowing your features.  
It was a schedule for who was watching over you while you slept, complete with name and time-slots. These notes made two things very clear to you.  
  
First, you must’ve been unconscious for at least two full days, given the additions to the initial diagram.

And secondly it was obvious that your friends did not spend the same amount of time with you…Before you could continue that train of thought any further, the door to your room slid open, jerking Hunk awake at once, his eyes round as he turned his gaze to the visitor. He looked almost apologetically, as if he shouldn't relax even for a minute since you could wake up any minute...  
It made you smile a little that he seemed completely unaware of your different status or that you were looking at him, before you looked up to see who would come in at that hour.  
  
It was Shiro, not in his paladin-armour for once, but wearing a black Shirt. You weren’t even sure he still owed normal clothing. Still, it made your heart skip a beat.  
  
“Shiro, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be sleeping!”, Hunk scolded him with a yawn as he got up and walked over to his comrade, completely blocking his view.  
  
“I couldn’t sleep…”, the other answered lowly, exhaustion in his voice.  
  
“Did you even sleep at all these past three days?”, there was no mistaking it, Hunk was truly worried about his older friend.  
  
“Maybe… An hour or two… I just can’t get my head to rest. But I am fine.”  
  
Three days… Shiro hadn’t slept in three days…This thought made you wince. Even in your unconscious state you could do nothing but harm the one you loved.  
  
“Shiro! You know that she wouldn’t want you to not take care of yourself!”, a tiny smile creeped over your lips over Hunk scolding his leader in such a sharp manner, “You’ve been here almost the entire time. You need to take a break…”  
  
Shiro let out a sigh, his voice barely audible “What I need is her to come back to me…”  
  
At this point you couldn’t help yourself any longer – it was a miracle that both of them had been so oblivious to you being awake, and listening to them on top of that. The pain in his voice, the exhaustion on his face, it was just too much fpr you to bear.  
You were aware of the fact that getting up would not be the best thing to try after you’ve been out for so long, which limited your possibilities to make them aware that you were indeed back with them.  
  
“Takashi…”, your voice was scarcely more than a whisper and yet it made Hunk turn and both of them just gape at you.  
  
Despite feeling slightly uncomfortable with interrupting them and being put on the spot at once you couldn’t help but smile at him. Shiro looked so tired, dark shadows under his eyes, his hair a mess. Still, his eyes were fully awake, trying to take in what was happening in front of him. Even in this state he was able to take your breath away.  
  
The seconds ticked by, both of you not able to look away. It was Hunk who cleared his throat, breaking the magic spell that was binding you, making both of you blush and look away as if you’ve been caught in the act.  
He looked at both of you before he let out an annoyed sigh, “You guys really need to work on that… You just can’t just marvel over each other and then be ashamed.”  
  
Shiro started coughing, obviously flattered, “This… Not helping…”  
  
Patting his shoulders, Hunk glanced at Shiro warmly before he gestured towards you and left the room, the door silently closing behind him.Maybe you were imagining things but you thought you could hear him call for the others that _the princess has awoken from her slumber_ .  
  
Shiro let out a sigh, “I am really a lost cause…”  
  
Somehow you were not sure if he only referred to Hunk’s remark or if he was talking about something else. The shadow that washed over his face indicated as much. You patted the spot next to you, signalling him to come over, trying to ease his mind. To break the weird atmosphere between you. It was a lot, you knew. But maybe this could be a start at least.  
He came over without hesitating, slumping next to you on the mattress.  
  
“I should know better… But when it comes to you I am really lost.”, he murmured, burying his face in his hands.  
“Why do you think that?”, your voice was gentle as you leaned against him, resting your head on his shoulder.  
He didn’t answer at first, carefully thinking his words over and over again.  
  
“In science, there are rules and order. More or less. I know what I am dealing with. It’s also easy with some people. They are like an open book. But you…”, his voice trailed off for a moment as he lifted his gaze to meet yours, “You are the embodiment of the cosmic dance. I can never tell where you would go, which road you’ll take.”  
  
You swallowed hard, “Does it scare you?”  
  
Shiro looked at you, surprise all over his face, “Why should it?”  
  
“Because… Maybe… I mean… You would want things to go your way. To be easy.”, you had to look away, the feeling of shame taken hold of you.  
  
With a sudden movement he cupped your face in his hands, his forehead touching yours. Your heart was beating at a million miles per hour, you breathing ragged.  
He was just so close…  
  
“The only thing I have ever wanted was you.”, his voice was tender yet sincere, trying to make you understand that he was not joking, “I don't care about easy. I don't care about being presented with answers. I want to uncover every last secret you wish to show me. And I can't wait to walk that road with you.”  
  
“But-“, you wanted to interject but he only shook his head ever so slightly.  
  
“No but. Just let me dance with you.”  
  
You fell silent.  
There was nothing you could add to words so simple, yet so powerful and elegant.How was he able to find the most perfect ways to phrase what seemed too big for you to grasp? How were his words so much more powerful than your own? To you it was hard not to burst from all the emotions that where dancing inside your chest, too big for your little heart. It almost felt as if you were glowing from the inside, trying to reflect his own light.  
  
Just looking at him, his big dark eyes glowing brightly with endless possibilities, made you feel at ease. There was nothing more to wish for. He was there to catch you if you fell. He would chase all those dreams away just as you would do for him.  
The moment stretched on, a small little infinity enveloping you, until Shiro suddenly averted his gaze, his cheeks aflame.  
  
“Maybe that was… too much?”, he muttered under his breath.  
  
Blinking a few times at his sudden behavioural change – your heart still racing – you couldn’t help but snicker. A second ago he was a strong prince in his shining armour, capturing you, heart and soul, and within a heartbeat he evolved into a shy boy, not able to look you straight in the eye.  
You loved both sides of him.  
  
“No. It was just… It was just you.”, you tried to set him at ease, “You really took my breath away with what you’ve said.”  
  
Shiro groaned as if he was not able to believe you yet.  
  
After thinking for a while you added, “I think we both know that this is not a fairy tale in the traditional sense. Not the way we’ve met, not the way our friendship developed into… into… something else…”  
  
Your voice trailed off, too scared to give whatever it was you two had going on between you a name. Only after a short pause – Shiro waiting patiently, his eyes still not meeting yours – were you able to continue.  
It was still foreign, and somewhat scary that you were not sure about where you two stood with each other.  
Was it still a friendship with a few additions? Or was it more? How do those things work?  
  
Waving such thoughts aside for the time being and swallowing hard, you said, “But I think that those stories, the ones in movies and books, are not how things happen. I think that we both have our own ways and quirks. And that’s wonderful. I love that.”  
  
He was looking all around the room but you, as if his bravery had completely left him, “Yeah... But still… I should at least know what to do…”  
  
You gently caressed his cheek, finally making him look at you, “How so? We both can’t look into the future. But with you I can’t wait to explore it all. Together. If you’d let me.”  
  
Shiro’s expression became soft as he nestled against your hand, kissing your fingers, “You never seize to amaze me… Yes. Yes, I would love that. More than anything else.”  
  
Your cheeks flushing, trying not to look away, his gaze casting a spell on you, you did not wish to break, you whispered, “I never thought that anything other than science could do that.”  
  
The atmosphere in the room had clearly changed into something you could only describe as electric, every inch of your body fully aware of him being so close, his warmth lightening up the whole room, the emerging silence enveloping you both, drowning out everything else.  
What was happening?  
Was there something you had to do?  
  
Your heart was pounding in your chest, picking up the pace as you continued this train of thought, your cheeks tainted in a dark red.  
  
Shiro must've felt the same, his expression a reflection of yours, his lips slightly parted, a bright light in his eyes. A smile appeared on his face as he leaned forward, closing the tiniest distance between you two, sending your heart in a turmoil.  
You've seen countless movies and read enough books to know what would happen next. This filled you with a mixture of anticipation and fear. Why you would be scared of having him so close and...  
Maybe everything moved too fast?  
Feeling your whole body stiffen you couldn't help but helplessly register that your thoughts started to run in circles, threatening the whole atmosphere.  
  
As if he could read your mind once again he moved his hands to your chin, lifting it so your eyes met yet once again, before he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, making you tremble, tears forming in the corners of your eyes when you heard his gentle voice setting you at ease.  
  
“We don't need those stories. I want to make our own. In our own pace.”  
  
  
  
It didn’t take much for you to convince Shiro to stay with you for the rest of the night – sleeping, of course as you insisted, the buzzing atmosphere still present in your mind. Neither Shiro nor you said anything on that matter as you both were new to this. What was there to say anyways?  
Instead he lay down next to you as if nothing had changed. You curled up beside him, his warmth and familiar scent enveloping you. For the first time since you’ve left Earth you really felt safe again. As if nothing could hurt you right there in his arms.  
  
“It’s been so long…”, he mused while he nuzzled your hair with his nose, “When we were younger we slept through so many storms like that.”  
  
The thought made you wince a little, “I am sorry I am scared of thunderstorms.”  
  
Letting out a sigh he nudged you ever so slightly, “That‘s not what I meant and you know it.”  
“Do I?”, a mischievous grin appeared on your lips.  
  
For a second Shiro just gaped at you, a plan forming in his mind. The way his eyes began to shine with glee made you playfully let out a scream just as he began to tickle you.  
  
“W… Why… What have I… What have I ever done to deserve this?!”, you were hardly able to get out the words.  
“You’re a real smartass for once.”, Shiro said, trying to sound as sincere as possible yet his face was painted in the most joyful expression.  
  
This changed in the blink of an eye, when he slowly stopped attacking you, his hands gently resting on your back, his eyes searching for yours. You were still breathless yet the way he looked at you took even the last bit of air away from you.  
  
His voice was barely more than a whisper when he continued, “Secondly… More importantly, you walked through hell to find me. To have you here with me, to hear your voice and to discuss nothing meaningful for  
hours… You deserve it all. Everything.”  
  
You felt tears welling up as you tenderly touched his cheek, “That’s what I have. Right here. I can hold my whole world in my hands, look!”  
  
To emphasise your last remark, you cupped his face in your hands, playfully squishing his cheeks, which made him roll his eyes.  
  
“How come you always one-up me?”, he asked mildly.  
  
Without thinking you answered, “Because that’s who I am.”  
  
Shiro snickered, “A real smartass…”  
  
“ _You_ _r_ smartass.”  
  
  
  
You were hardly able to calm down, the two of you shooting ideas and bad puns as if there was no tomorrow. As if you were just two young adults – children at heart – during their vacation and not soldiers in a war.  
Still, around 4 a.m. the fatigue won and you decided to sleep at least a little, to may avoid being zombies the next day. As you inhaled, being snuggled up against his chest, you briefly remembered your dream which made you stiffen up for a brief moment until you calmed yourself down by concentrating on the present moment. Shiro was right there, holding you tight, not asking any questions, just understanding, kissing your hair and forehead until you fell asleep.  
  
Despite your coma for a solid three days, you still felt the aftermath of overusing your power.Sleep came quickly like that, bringing nothing but darkness and comfort.  
No dreams, no memories.  
Just solid 4 hours of sleep before the alarm on Shiro’s “phone” – a device that resembled the smartphones you remembered from Earth but with Altean technology – went off, making him grunt as he tried to reach it.  
  
“I hate that ringtone…”, he mumble when he finally turned it off and yawned.  
  
It took you a few seconds to realize where you were again, the haze still lingering, your heart finally at peace. You weren’t exactly sure whether or not you were fully awake – a notion only emphasised more when Shiro gave you a tender kiss on the forehead before he got up and stretched his arms and legs.  
Surely this was too good to be real?  
  
“Good morning.”, you whispered as you tried to get up as well, to stand on your own legs, for the first time in days.  
  
Shiro carefully followed your every movement without giving off the feeling of patronizing you. He believed in you. Trying to put your full weight on your legs was scary for a brief moment, but they held steady and with a few shaky but steady steps you walked over to Shiro, got up on your toes and placed a kiss on his nose.  
He blinked at you, amazement in his eyes, before he blushed deeply and started to cough lowly.  
“You’re hungry?”, he asked, trying to get back on steady ground.  
  
“I am starving!”, you replied, happy to change the subject.  
  
Taking his hand you started to walk towards the door, ignoring him mumbling under his breath, “Who’s writing this story? Do they have to let the maiden abduct the dragon… Scandalous!”  
  
You entered the dining-area laughing, your friends immediately shooting you glances of relief. Hunk was the first to get up and hug you, quickly joined by Pidge and Lance, resulting in a big knawel. It was easy to see that they were genuinely worried about you. This both warmed your heart and made it sink when you thought about the amount of stress, pain and pressure you've put on them by just being too careless.  
  
“Please... Never scare us like that again… It doesn’t matter how much power you can draw from within. If it means that we could lose you I want none of it!”, Pidge chimed in, his mouth quivering.  
  
“Promise you won’t do it ever again? Not like that?”, Lance asked finally.  
  
Just as you wanted to reply to this, Allura, who had been remained seated on the table next to Coran, spoke up, “As much as I wish for all of you to be able to say that there is no need to exceed [Y/N]’s powers like that ever again I’m afraid that we may need it many more times if we wish to defeat Zarkon for good.”  
The silence that followed was eerie. Each of you knew that Allura was right yet you refused to believe it. The sheer thought of feeling the same pain and agony again made you shiver. Still, if it meant that you could at least help your friends fight in this war…  
  
“There has to be a way that she won’t have to deal with such a big backlash.”, Shiro said, his voice tense.  
This made the princess think for a moment, “The eldest of the Arusians briefly mentioned something about a training-method the old people used. I am not sure what he could have had in mind but it sure is a lead.”  
“But what should we do in the meantime? What do we do when we’re being attacked by yet another robobeast or a fleet or Zarkon himself?”, Hunk spoke about all the concerns you all kept quiet about.  
  
“We will try to draw a little more power each time and see if that builds up stamina. Just as normal training does for the body.”, Coran answered, obviously not completely sure himself.  
  
You let out a loud sigh, making everyone turn. You’ve made up your mind. If this was the path that had been chosen for you, you would continue it.  
Maybe your initiative would lead to nothing.Maybe you would only be in pain over and over without being any real help.  
But maybe.  
You could safe them.  
  
“Whatever it takes. I am ready.”  
  
  
  
During the time you were out, Allura and the others had discussed of how you would proceed in your battle against the Galra. Since you practically knew nothing about their army or goals, you had to be very careful and take small steps to gain intelligence first.  
As if the stars aligned in your favour, Altean technology was able to draw out memories and visualize them for others to see. They were able to build a complete copy of one’s mind – with the consent of the one whose memories were sucked out.  
However, what you wanted to try was something else entirely.  
“If this is successful, we may gain important data on the fleet and locations of the Galra.”, Coran explained later that day as you met up in front of the Galra that had attacked you, who was still fast asleep in his pod, “Still, I cannot promise anything. This technology was developed to keep Altean memories alive, not to interrogate prisoners, so I am not entirely sure whether or not this is going to work at all!”  
  
“This is so fascinating. How does it work?”, Pidge asked, eyes shining brightly.  
  
Coran's moustache started to vibrate again with excitement, “As the memories are extracted, they are written, bit by bit, on individual molecules of the micro-storage strands. It was used to preserve the memories of the great Kings and Knights of Altea but it was never tried on an unwilling participant before.”  
  
And just like that, Coran plugged in the last cable and the whole pod started to hum lowly, the vibrations reaching out to each of you. It was a strange sensation.  
Attached to the big capsule, was a small tube which should store the memories as they were extracted.  
But nothing happened for minutes in end, making you shoot glances between you and your friends who had no idea how to react.  
More and more minutes ticked by and still, nothing really happened. Lance and Keith had started a discussion on how much storage their respective memories would need, making you giggle a little.  
Those two would never change.  
It felt so good, so right.  
Like home.  
  
“Does it always take this long?”, Hunk asked, only resulting in Coran to shrug helplessly.  
  
“Let's just give it a little time.”, Shiro answered calmly.  
  
Another moment passed and another and another.  
Nothing.  
  
This was when your friends and Coran decided to go on about their duties and check back later – nothing bad could happen anyway. The worst-case-scenario was that it wouldn't work at all.  
  
“You guys go ahead, I will stay here.”, Shiro said, making everyone pause for a short moment.  
  
“Are you sure?”, Pidge's voice was full of concern – obviously referring to his leader's lack of sleep these couple of days.  
  
“Yeah, I am. Don't worry. I will let you know if anything happens.”  
  
They still seemed rather reluctant to leave just like that. This changed when they watched as you took Shiro's hand, intertwined your fingers and looked up to him with a warm smile. He on the other hand looked utterly surprised as a slight blush appeared on his cheeks. He had never thought about asking you to stay, your imitative taking him off-guard.  
It was cute how he was flattered so easily.  
  
“I will stay with you.”, you whispered, already embarrassed by your rather forceful advance.  
  
Lance couldn't hide his glee, “Let's go guys, I can't stand these lovey-dovey's too long anyway.”  
  
“Weren't you the one who complained that they were only beating around the bushes?”, Pidge asked innocently just as the group walked down the hallway, making it impossible for you to hear Lance's answer.  
  
After they disappeared around the corner you heard Shiro letting out a sigh, “You know that you are the one who should go with them and rest a bit more, don't you?”  
  
He looked over to you, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“I am alright. I will sit down if I am tired. Besides, it's not like we are going into battle or anything.”, you tilted your head to one side, “I just thought you might wanted company. If I'm wrong I'll leave of course. Plus I heard someone hasn't slept a whole lot for the past days..?”  
  
The thought of letting him down here, alone in a dim room with one of the Galra who might've imprisoned and tortured him didn't sit quite right with you. Shiro hadn't talked much about the trauma he must've suffered, leaving it almost entirely up to you to guess what would be too much for him to bear. He was almost as stubborn as you, never letting anyone carry his burden but him.  
Still, something about this whole endeavour about extracting the Galra's memories left a bitter taste in your mouth which made you ignore your still tired body. The memories of your dream were still at the back of your mind, as if they were trying to tell you something you were not able to understand just yet.  
But no matter what might happen, you had to stay strong and protect Shiro.  
  
He let out a moan, “You will never change...”  
  
“Nope. Sorry Mr. Shirogane.”, a tiny grin appeared on your lips at the look he gave you for calling him by his last name.  
  
Slitting his eyes he replied, “If you're not careful you will carry that same name one day.”  
  
A moment passed by, both of you staring at each other, before you realized what he may have indicated with his last remark. Your cheeks aflame you had to look away while he started to shuffle his feet.  
Would you be able to not be so easily embarrassed at some point?  
  
“[Y/N], I am sorry. I didn't mean... gosh... I just...”, he stuttered, not able to form one coherent sentence.  
  
“It's fine. My thoughts are just... You know how I sometimes think too much? Yeah...”, you tried to downplay it, you two were just joking around anyway.  
  
Neither of you knew what to say after that, both just staring at everything and everywhere but at each other. You knew that you had more important tasks at hand – a quick glance to the still humming pod revealed an empty capsule – but still you couldn't tear your thoughts away from it. You felt that he was indeed not joking this time which made you aware that this question was gnawing more at you than you wanted to admit.  
  
Breathing deeply you gathered all your courage and asked, “What... are we?”  
  
Shiro froze at this, “What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean that I have no idea how I would describe... this. I know this is silly but I really have no idea. In books and movies all those things seem so clear and laid out. But with us it never does.”  
  
The brief silence that followed made your throat tighten. Maybe you were just blind to see what was obvious, right there in front of you. Or you saw more than Shiro meant to give you? This last thought was just stupid and you almost stuck out your tongue at it. Of course he wouldn't play such games. Furthermore, he was always honest with you, the weight of his words resonating within your chest, reminding you of all those precious moments you've shared.  
Back at home.  
Back at the Garrison.  
Here on the castle.  
In the future.  
It was yours to take.  
So why wasn't your mind able to rest?  
Only after Shiro started to snicker a little were you able to relax a little again.  
  
“That's true. It's funny how most of our own misunderstandings result from simply not addressing things.”  
  
You hummed in agreement, still too afraid to say anything.  
  
“What do you want us to be?”, Shiro crossed his arms and waited – he would hardly ever take the imitative in such moments.  
  
Despite your inner turmoil, there was no doubt in your voice, “Just... Everything.”  
  
“Hmm... That sounds awfully nice.”, he closed his eyes for a moment, before he looked at you in the most tender way, “So... Do I have to officially have to ask you now?”  
  
“You may.”, you felt your heart hammering against your chest, your lungs not able to get enough air into your system.  
  
Of course, you knew how redundant this was. After the way each of you had confessed, there wasn't a moment of doubt in your mind what you meant to each other.  
And yet, there was a part of you that still wasn't sure at all. It made you feel stupid alright but he didn't seemed to mind.  
  
Holding out his hand, voice shaking, Shiro asked, “[Y/N], would you like to walk besides me as my companion, my adviser, my best friend, my guiding light and... my girlfriend?”  
  
You took his hand, resulting in him pulling you in, holding you firmly.  
  
“Only until the day you give me your name.”  
  
“Stop one-upping me...”  
  
You grinned against his chest, taking in his warmth, “Never.”  
  
If only you had known that this would be one of the last peaceful moments for a long time. Maybe you would've paid more attention to the details.  
The way the corners of his eyes turned upwards whenever he tried not to laugh but failed, or the tiny line across his forehead when he frowned. Or the way he wasn't as self-conscious about his prosthetic anymore. Or how he always played with your hair when he lay next to you.  
But you did not.  
Sometimes we only realize what we've had once it's too late.  
  
The clock is ticking, can you heart it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, how is it Friday again!?  
> Hello my beloved reader, I am so happy to see you again! This week we can relax a little from all the heartache and fighting, I hope you won't mind..?  
> As always, I am teary-eyed because of your sweet comments, I just love how engaged you are! I really hope I can meet your expectations!
> 
> Speaking of which, I wanted to know whether or not you would be interested in a more... spicy chapter as an extra after the main story is finished (or at the right spot within the story) or not?  
> Let me know!  
> I will now take my leave and I wish you a great weekend!  
> See you in a week! <3  
> ___________________________________________
> 
> Shameful self-promotion!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
> [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyRr3fH5DvnbGbm-qNq3_JnkTvmX3RJF)  
> [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/hinohime)  
> 


	11. Timebomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s hard to find  
> the truth in the dark.  
> My thoughts stumble  
> into others  
> trying to sort  
> the real from the fake.  
> I cannot tell  
> if the shadows  
> that are on my wall  
> are real monsters  
> or ones of my own creation.  
> Either way  
> I will allow them  
> to swallow me whole.
> 
> While the edges  
> of the truth blur  
> you lie next to me.  
> You are peaceful.  
> You are silent.  
> You are motionless.  
> I want to scream.  
> I do not have  
> the courage to ask you  
> what is real  
> and what is fake.  
> I do not have  
> the courage to  
> turn on the lights.
> 
> (by m on Hello Poetry)  
> _________________________________________

“I still can't believe that you would be able to get Keith to set up the fireworks!”, your eyes shone brightly as you remembered New Year's on the rooftop.  
  
Shiro groaned, leaning his head back, “Please, don't remind me... I was so embarrassed the whole evening. First, because what if you thought me crazy and it all was too much. I mean it was a LOT... And then about that stupid mission...”  
  
His voice trailed off, his whole expression sullen, the glee being washed away at the blink of an eye.  
By now you two were sitting on the floor across the pod – still humming, still no memories – talking the minutes away, reminiscing the times back on Earth. All of this felt so far away, so long ago. It could've easily been another life altogether.

Him mentioning the Kerberos-Mission resulted in a wave of memories, both good and bad, and your heart to churn. Maybe you should've stopped him after all? Maybe then you would still be at the Garrison? Or, if they would've really kicked him out if he refused to take on the mission you could leave with him and go wherever you wished to go...  
  
Waving such thoughts aside you gentle touched Shiro's cheek to gesture him to look at you, “I never once thought it was too much. I loved it.”  
  
“But...”, he started but as you shook your head he stopped.  
  
“No. It was a perfect evening because it was with you. I loved every minute of it. I loved the fairy-lights and the buffet and the sky. It felt just right. About the mission however... well, we can't change it now. It's a thing from the past. I have been thinking about it so many times after you've left. When I learned that you had disappeared I felt responsible for whatever had happened to you... Sometimes I still do. Even now I had this stupid thought cross my mind, that I might've been able to stop you... Then you may have been mad with me for destroying your dreams but you would at least have been safe...”  
  
Now it was his turn to shake his head ever so slightly, “We couldn't have known. Still, if you'd asked me to stay... I guess I would have.”

Your eyes grew big at this, “But... Why?”  
  
“I already told you. I wanted it to be us to fly up there. And if I would never get the change just because I wanted you by my side, so be it. We would've found a million other things to explore and marvel about.”  
  
Nudging him you looked away, “Stop being so sweet. I can't handle it.”  
  
Shiro just hummed, looking pleased with himself, before he looked over to the pod yet once again, “I have no idea how long we've been waiting but this sure takes its time.”  
  
Following his gaze you agreed, then you got up, “I am going to grab some water. You want to come or stay here?”  
  
“I think... I think I'll stay.”, he replied, “Just don't stray off the path or I will never see you again!”  
  
  
  
The kitchen wasn't too far away, you just had to walk a straight line and turn left at the end. Even with your bad orientation this was not too hard to remember.  
As the doors slid open you let out a yelp as you literally jumped back. The whole floor as well as the walls and every last counter was full of greenish food-goo, the machine providing it laying smashed in the far right corner.  
Careful not to step into any goo you made your way around as quickly as you could, calling out for your friends. Whatever might have happened here, it surely looked like a battlefield. Rounding the first column of counters only revealed more and more goo and nothing else.  
After you've checked every last corner of the room you let out a sigh of relief. The kitchen might be a mess, but at least your friends seemed to be okay.  
Or at least okay enough to have made it out of there. You would check on them once you'd be back with Shiro. Still, as you looked around the kitchen once more a strange feeling started to well up inside your chest. Malfunctions were not uncommon, but something about the degree of destruction and chaos led you to the strange thought that maybe something else was going on.  
  
“Surely, Coran will not be happy to hear about this...”, you mumbled under your breath as you grabbed two packages of water, before you left the room.  
  
As you casually walked back to the pods, still deep in thought, you heard a sudden loud metallic shriek, followed by thumping and a fearful cry. The last sound made you stop dead in your tracks, blood running cold. It clearly came from the other end of the corridor.  
There was no mistaking it.  
Without losing another precious moment you let go of the water, bolted and ran down the corridor as fast as you could.  
It seemed to take far too long to reach Shiro, who stood in front of the pod holding his head with his right, while his left dangled on his side, crimson drops falling to the floor. His face was twisted, his eyes frantically jumping from one side to the other, his mouth agape, his breathing ragged.  
You were still too far away to stop him from hitting the pod again, before he let out another low scream as if he was in immense pain. The sound was even less human than the last, sending shivers down your spine. You could only watch him as he hit the emergency escape button, dropping the pod into the infinite universe.  
  
Calling out his name made him freeze for a brief moment. He turned his head and looked at you. From the expression on his face you could clearly tell that he was not only in pain, but also scared. Without thinking twice you just ran into him and wrapped your arms around him. He might've still been in his trauma-induced state or whatever it was, and there was the slight chance that he would hurt you, but you just repeatedly whispered his name to soothe him. You simply had to take the risk that he would see a threat in you. There was no way you would leave him alone in this.  
When he finally responded, whispering your name, the tension leaving his muscles and you two slowly sinking back down to the floor, you could hear your friends approaching fast.  
  
Lance was the first to arrive, quickly followed by the others and Coran. He quickly scanned the room before his eyes rested on his older friend, a certain degree of horror spreading across his face, “Shiro, [Y/N], are you alright? What... What happened?”  
  
The look on your face must've been enough for them to anxiously look you and Shiro over once again. The latter was still breathing rather heavily, his head resting on your chest, his still bleeding arm just hanging there, limb.  
  
“Something is wrong with the ship. Hunk and I have been attacked in the kitchen by food-goo and then we've been stuck in zero G while Lance was put in a cryo-pod and almost ejected into space...”, Pidge mumbled, obviously trying to put the puzzle together, his eyes darting across the pods.  
  
“I've had a fun time with the gladiator in the training-deck. He refused to be shut down and chased me halfway through the castle...”, Keith added, before his eyes shot to the now empty space where the pod had been until a few moments ago.  
  
“I am sorry... I... I had to let him go. It was not safe with him on this ship. I heard... I heard his voice... He threatened me... He threatened to kill you all.”, the words coming from Shiro were barely audible yet everyone understood.  
  
“It still looks like we've at least got some of the required memories after all.”, Pidge said, pointing at the smaller tube, now filled with golden particles.  
  
His attempts to cheer Shiro up were met with a tiny smile on his side, until Coran cleared his throat, making all of you looking up to him, “I am sorry, paladins, but I think we should go and look for Allura... Something is clearly wrong with the ship. I have a very bad feeling about this.”  
  
“Shiro, are you okay? Can you stand?”, Hunk asked as he watched his leader slowly getting up, leaning on you as if he was still not too sure about his strength.  
  
Looking at you, clenching his left, he simply answered, “I will have to be alright. Let's go.”  
  
  
  
You found Allura in the control-room, piloting the castle towards a star which was about to explode into a supernova within minutes at best. The surface was already pulsating dangerously, flares escaping the dissolving shell. This was one of the universe's biggest forces, and you had to admit, it really looked that part. As soon as you entered the room, Shiro not letting go of your hand, you couldn't help but feel the sheer terror inside your chest. This was not a mere malfunction. This was something a lot bigger and it threatened all of you.  
  
From the look on the princess's face the castle must've trapped her in some kind of hallucination, just as it had happened to Shiro. Unfortunately, she was not responding to anything you or the others were saying. Instead she went on and on about how she was able to see Altea and how the flowers in her hand are the prettiest of them all. How her father was waiting for her and how happy she was to be finally able to see him again after all this time.  
This gave Coran an idea.  
  
“What does it smell like, Princess?”, a simple question, really but it made Allura's eyes grow big and round, a single tear rolling down her cheek as some part of her consciousness returned to her.  
  
She stepped back from her pedestal at once, holding her head for a moment before her eyes went back to the pulsating star in front of her. One second at a time she seemed to out together the pieces, to distinguish between her trance and reality. The realization hit her hard, agony was painted all across her face as she understood that the images she'd seen until now were nothing more than that. Altea had not been rebuilt, he father had not come back to life. She was still one of the last Alteans alive.  
  
“Coran..?”, she whispered, her voice strained, “What... What have I done?”  
  
“The Galra's crystal must've corrupted the ship. It spread like a disease. We've all fallen into its trap. I will explain everything in due time, but first I'd say we need to get away from this star.”, Coran replied as calmly as he could, while he watched her as she quickly scanned every screen.  
  
Allura was fast to assess the situation before, her head clear again, her personal feelings pushed back. She commanded your friends to get to their lions and slow the castle's descent, while Coran would set up the course to a safe spot far away, and she would use her own inner power to override the corrupted parts of the crystal. There was no time to lose, whatever she might've seen and how this was even possible in the first place were questions which had to wait until you've made it out of this mess alive.  
  
You gave each of your friends a hug before they set out to their respective lions. It was painful to walk them off just like that. It became harder every time...  
All you could do now was to trust in them as well as in Allura and Coran. You would either all make it out of there or you would go down together.  
  
Looking over to Shiro's vital readings caused you to wail silently. His heart rate was sky-rocking while his breathing was almost too shallow. His hand also looked worse than you first thought. What if he would pass out..?  
Shaking your head you refused to let such thoughts overrule your rational thinking. Instead you focussed on his strength, the warmth in his touch and how he always stayed true to his promises.  
  
Still, you could only stand there next to the princess, watching Coran work his consoles and hearing your friends over the intercom made this death-or-alive situation painfully real. You tried to push the fear away, focussing on the power of your friends. On the things that could still be done to evade this painful death.  
This time you could feel that you would be of no assistance with your powers. Furthermore, you weren't even sure you would be able to do anything as the fatigue still lay heavy on your body. Everything depended on the paladins, Allura and Coran.  
  
_You're just useless, aren't you?_  
  
“Guys, how are you doing? It's getting a bit warm in here.”, you heard Lance say, followed by agreement from the others.  
  
“Just a few more ticks and we should be ready.”, Coran answered, still unsure, his fingers flying across his console.  
  
“Okay. Cool. No pressure.”, Hunk mumbled, distress in his voice.  
  
Looking around the room you couldn't help yourself but feel so powerless once again. Everyone was risking their lives to turn this situation around yet you could just stand there and wait that there might be a minor task you could help them out with. A glass of water maybe...  
It was frustrating.  
Nothing had changed, it was the same back on Earth. You were not match in combat-class, no use on your own mission and not strong enough to even protect your friends or the man you loved.  
Clenching your fists you looked straight ahead at the screen, showing the cockpits of your friends and their tight expressions.  
  
There might be no need for you to use your power to help them fight, but maybe it could be used for something else as well.  
Closing your eyes you tried to tap into the warmth inside of you, channeling it and sending it to your friends. All you wanted to do at that very moment was to give them something to hold on to, to take away the fear at least a little bit. When you opened your eyes again, feeling a tugging at your heart, you could see each of them looking at the screen showing the control-room with a more relaxed expression. There was no need for them to tell you that it had worked.  
  
“Paladins, return to the castle at once.”, you heard Allura order, her eyes shining brightly again – she must've succeeded to override the corrupted crystal.  
  
Your friends confirmed and let go of the castle, resulting in their screens to turn black. Once Coran got the information that all five lions were back at their hangars, he initiated the wormhole-jump. With a loud snap the castle began to shake violently, tossing you to the ground, landing on your shoulder.  
It was over within seconds, the castle stabilizing again. Getting up you watched your friends come into the room, everyone still in their paladin-armour. Hunk looked a little green but other than that everyone looked fine. You got up as quickly as you could to avoid anyone asking questions.  
  
“Is everyone alright?”, Shiro asked, looking over you, Coran and the Princess.  
  
“Fortunately, yes.”, the latter said before she lowered her head, “Paladins, Coran, [Y/N]... I have to deeply apologize for what I've done. If it weren't for all of you... I am sorry.”  
  
“The important thing is, that we are alive.”, you tried to reassure her.  
  
“That might be true, but after what had happened on Arus I should've thought about the possibility of a foreign crystal corrupting our systems over time. It is the nature of the Galra after all.”, Allura let out a deep sigh, “We will get to work through each and every system, every part of the castle before we continue our journey. We cannot let something like this happen again. During that time you should rest and strengthen the bonds with your lions.”  
  
You had to bite your tongue at this. Surely there was something useful for you to do as well during such training-sessions. And if not, you could still help Coran with his repairs.  
Or make tea.  
  
“For now I want you to head back to your rooms and take a rest. We will discuss things further in the morning.”, with this the princess dismissed you, clearly indicating that after all that had happened, she needed some time alone.  
  
And maybe that's what you needed too.  
  
  
  
Despite your body still aching from your coma and the rush of adrenaline earlier, you were simply not able to fall asleep. Not even a warm bath had helped you to calm down. Your mind kept wandering to your friends and especially Shiro.  
After everyone had returned Coran had tended to his left arm, scolding him a bit for his careless behaviour. Shiro had just laughed it off, sealing this part away again. Once he was patched up again he went into his room, not even looking at you. Your guess was that he was simply ashamed of his breakdown. Should you have followed him? Confronted him? Or was it the right thing to do to just give him some room? What was it you needed to do as his friend... girlfriend?  
Following that train of thought made you aware that he had officially asked you out, which made you blush and hide your face in your pillow. It was just a name, it didn't changed anything in the way you felt or how you interacted with each other.  
But still...  
  
Breathing deeply you rolled onto your back staring at the ceiling.  
As if this whole relationship-thing wasn't enough, you also had to deal with an intergalactic war which intervened with ever last action.  
It was like a rollercoaster-ride.  
One moment you were joking and laughing with your friends, while the next you had to be afraid whether or not you would survive this day. If you were honest with yourself it was exhausting. It felt as if every last beautiful moment could be snatched away from you within seconds. Everything had become so complicated...  
  
_Why do you even bother to try and fight it then? Just give in..._  
  
Shaking you head you tried to push these dark thoughts aside. Still, it scared you that those demons were trying to creep up into your consciousness again after you've thought you've defeated them.  
You let out another sigh while you threw your blanket away and decided to get up. Maybe what you needed was a glass of water or something that tasted like milk – you doubted that it really was milk.  
For a short moment you just stood there, imagining walking over to Shiro's room and ask if you could sleep over there. Maybe all you two needed was some calm down-time together?  
You've done it a couple of times when you were still living in your hometown and the walls in your own room felt as if they were trying to burry you but would it still be as innocent as it was back then?  
You felt your cheeks heating up as you tried to not think this any further – and failing at it.  
Surely, despite your best intentions and innocent point of view, this might've end differently than you intended.  
But, would you mind?  
  
Letting out a low groan you walked out the door and quickly into the opposite direction of Shiro's room. Walking around a bit may help your body to relax as well, getting rid of any excessive energy that might've been left. Furthermore, it might help to get rid of the dark thoughts and the strange ones.  
  
“We will cross that bridge when we get there...”, you mumbled as you turned a corner and heard a loud crash, causing you to stop dead in your tracks.  
  
Scanning the corridor quickly revealed nothing but calmness and endless dim halls. Were your ears playing tricks on you? Maybe what had happened today had caused you more stress than you realized?  
Looking around once more you decided to keep on walking as everything appeared calm.  
  
As you continued your way towards the kitchen you heard yet another loud noise coming from your right, which lead you to pick up the pace. Hearing something that loud once might've been an imagination, but to hear it again in such a short amount of time could only mean that something was wrong. You just had to find out where the commotion was coming from.  
You basically ran down the hallway, you checked each and every door. Not a single room here was illuminated – save for one. You paused a moment, swallowing hard. This reminded you of so many movies and you did not like it.  
As you approached one of the training-rooms which was used for hands-on-combat, you heard a crack as if someone had smashed a piece of wood. This was the last confirmation you needed to be certain that – whatever it was – was inside this room, trashing it.  
Should you call out for help? Maybe there were still some systems malfunctioning?  
  
The silence that followed the commotion was eerie and making the hair at the back of your neck stand. Still, you knew you had to push on. Slowly walking over to the door you braced yourself, before you took a deep breath and let it slide open to walk in a few steps.  
And your eyes grew wide.  
You had expected a lot.  
Another malfunctioning drone, consoles blowing up and whatnot.  
But never would the picture in front of you had crossed you mind.  
  
The room looked as if a bomb had detonated, every last piece of furniture and equipment had been destroyed and thrown across the room. The shelves had been cut in half, the benches stacked up and 'decorated' with smashed glass. The human-sized drones lay around in pieces, the bad lighting making them look like real body-parts.  
And right in the middle of it all stood Shiro with his back turned to you, his arms weakly hanging at his sides, blood dripping from his left hand, right through the bandage.  
At the sight of him you let out a small cry which resulted in him to turn around, making you involuntarily stumble back a few steps, hitting the already closed door.  
His whole expression resembled a cat of prey on the hunt, his lips curled up in a snarl, showing his teeth. At the sight of you his eyes got bigger, shimmering with nothing but utter bloodlust. In the dim light they even appeared to have a yellow glow.  
  
A shiver ran up and down your spine as you softly called out to him. You had not idea what to expect from it, but it only resulted in him tilting his head as if he wanted to assess the situation. There was nothing in his face that showed whether or not he had heard you. Or understood who you were.  
You had just a vague idea what might've happened to him. Guessing that the capture of the Galra had caused some trauma to resurface which, in turn, led to those hallucinations to take over as it did now. The thought alone, what might've happened to him during his captivity which resulted in this was making you sad and, even more so, infuriated.  
  
Carefully watching his every move you tried to come up with an idea to calm him down again. To safe him from this. What was the key to lock these demons away again?  
This was when you realized that you were indeed scared despite your best efforts. You felt your hands shake and your lips quiver, your heart picking up the pace. But what were you afraid of?  
This was not Shiro as you knew him, this was Shiro fighting for his life...  
Then it hit you. You were afraid of him not returning from the depth he had fallen into. You were afraid to leave him there on his own.  
Clenching your fists you looked him straight in the eye, searching for the gentle touch of the universe in his gaze.  
  
“You don't have to fight. You are not alone anymore. I am here.”, you tried, your voice as calm as possible.  
  
His voice was barely his own when he replied, “Are you, now?”  
  
Swallowing hard you gave him a short nod, pressing your back into the wall right next to the door. His voice was so far away, reminded you so much of the Galra, it made your heart sink. And yet you had to try, you had to reach out to him until he could hear you again.  
  
With a movement faster than any you've ever seen, Shiro ran towards and stopped right in front of you, grabbing you by the collar of your shirt and lifting you up.  
Your eyes grew wide.  
It became hard to breathe.  
  
“Where have you been when they took me away? Where were you when I drowned in the pool of darkness?”, the tone of his voice appeared distorted, hoarse and very hostile, “ You left me there to rot. But look what it did to me!”  
  
He laughed deeply, making you shiver while you tried to wiggle out of your shirt and his grip. You knew that there was nothing you could say to please him. That it wasn't really him talking there. Still, it was hard to keep your mouth shut.  
As he noticed your frail attempts to escape him, he strengthened his grip around the collar which made it almost impossible for you to breathe.  
  
How did this happen so fast?  
A few hours ago you've been laughing and joking just to be thrown into pandemonium once Shiro's trauma re-surfaced and you were only able to evade death by an exploding star by sheer luck. That surely must've been enough for one day of chaos, so why did you find yourself in a grip threatening to kill you by the man you love? Why was there no rest for him since the day you came to the Garrison?  
It just wasn't fair.  
Nothing of this made any sense, the good and the bad times following each other way too quickly.  
Maybe that was what war meant after all?  
It wasn't only the fighting on the battlefield but also the high's and low's aside?  
  
Whatever the reasons might be, you refused to believe that it should end there. There were so many things you wanted to do, so many stupid jokes you wanted him to tell you. You had to find a way out of this – surely there was something you could do.  
You tried to push his fingers aside, to rip your shirt apart, but it was way harder than you thought, especially since his robotic arm was way more powerful than you could've ever anticipated. And you were still weakened from your coma, there was hardly any strength in you.  
Your struggle was futile.  
  
Looking at Shiro whose eyes were shining brightly with malice made your heart wince. Yes, you were in pain, barely able to breathe anymore, your vision slowly blurring – but what about him?

Stretching out your hand you gently touched his face, “This... This is... Not who you are.”  
  
He only laughed at this once more, “You have no idea who I am!”  
  
With this he grabbed your throat and pressed you against the wall. A muffled groan escaped you as you tried to breathe slowly and as deeply as you could. At this rate you would be dead before you even got through to him, let alone see the end of this stupid war.  
  
“No... No I don't know.”, you had to force each syllable out, your throat and lungs burning, “So sh... show me... who you... are. I won't... I won't run.”  
  
Shiro froze at this, his snarl getting broader, a confused look crossing his face briefly before he showed his fangs once more, “I will see to it. You won't escape. You won't leave me again. It's just you and me.”  
  
A tiny smile appeared on your lips at this, “I... I won't. Who even... said I... wanted... to?”  
  
You were hardly able to produce any kind of sound anymore, barely able to see anything but black and white dots dancing in front of your eyes. Tears started to form as you realized that you had failed to protect him even once in your life.  
He was right.  
You left him all alone...  
  
Yet maybe, there was still time for that to change.  
  
Focussing the last of your strength you lifted both of your hands to cup his face and gently stroke his cheeks, “I am sorry... I won't... ever leave you... again... Takashi...”  
  
With that you closed your eyes and felt your body go limp, your mind starting to fade out. There was nothing in you to resist anymore, you just wanted it to be over, to not see Shiro in so much pain ever again. For a long moment you were stuck in this strange limbo before you felt the impact of your body falling to the floor. The sudden release made you cough as your lungs were desperately grasping for air, your chest heaving uncontrollably. It burnt and you were pretty sure you tasted blood. Carefully you opened your eyes, staring down at your hands. The dots were still dancing but they quickly took their leave.  
There was no time to think about how you felt. You heard another thud, which made you look up too fast, your neck screaming at you. The still blurry vision could not hide Shiro's figure, cowered just a few steps away, his face in his hands, his body moving violently with his breath.  
  
“Hey...”, your voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper, your throat on fire.  
  
He jerked his head up and looked at you, a helpless expression all over his face.  
It made your heart stop, and yet you pressed on, trying to catch him.  
You just wanted to take this pain, this agony, this trauma away form him.  
  
“Thank heavens, you are back with me...”  
  
At first he didn't answer but just looked around the room before he finally studied your face and body, as if he was looking for something, “What... No... NO!”  
  
“It's alright now. He's gone. You're back. You're safe.”  
  
His eyes grew wide, his body staring to tremble yet he remained silent. This caused you to carefully crawl over to him, ignoring the bruises that had started to form, the pain each movement caused, and embrace him, placing his head on your chest. For a moment you two stayed like that but with yet another sudden shift, Shiro held you by the shoulders and at arm's length.  
  
You started to apologize for being to forceful, when he interrupted you, “I knew it... I knew it wouldn't be safe for you around me... But I was too stubborn...”  
  
“Everything is alright. I am fine.”, you tried your best to keep your voice even but even to your ears it sounded painful.  
  
“It's not okay. It's not fine. Nothing is fine!”, he was almost screaming now, frustration dripping from every word, “I almost killed you! How could you say it's fine!?”  
  
“Because you didn't.”  
  
“But I almost did! It shouldn't even come that far! I told you I would hurt you if you'd get too close... Why... Why didn't you run?”, with his last words his strength left him and he let go of you, his hands folded in his lap, blood painting his shirt, “I was afraid that I couldn't control these... dreams... visions... no... hallucinations. It's like I am watching a movie, I can't move. I can't talk... I am just forced to watch...”  
  
_What did they do to you?_  
  
“Gosh... I saw how my body... how this stupid arm was draining every bit of life out of you. How it was filled with bloodlust. But still... You looked at me as if...”, his voice trailed off as he averted his gaze.  
  
“As if you were my light? Because you are. Nothing will ever change that. I trust you, no matter what.”  
  
“How could you still say that?!”  
  
“I promised to be your sword and shield if you'd let me in. You are not alone in this. I won't run. I won't hide. I'll catch you.”, there was again no doubt in your mind or voice.  
  
“But what if this happens again? I couldn't bear to hurt you...”, he looked up a little and carefully touched the already forming marks on your neck, “I don't want to turn into this monster again...”  
  
You took his hands in yours, “I will be right by your side to bring you back. As many times as it takes.”  
  
  
_The information you've collected from the Galra's memories would lead your group to a secluded Galran transport hub. There would be discussions of how to proceed since nothing seemed strange at first and yet, why would the Galra keep such a simple hub such a secret and guarded if nothing was to be found there?  
The decisions made there would turn your world upside-down._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I welcome you again, my dearest reader, what a pleasure to see you!  
> Whenever I sit down to edit a chapter I am amazed how fast time flies... And how far behind I am with writing!  
> Anyway, this week's chapter just... hurt... Especially after last week's fluff and happiness... Why am I like this??
> 
> As always, thank you so much for your feedback and opinions, keep 'em coming! Have a wonderful weekend and let me know if you have any questions or suggestions!  
> <33  
> ___________________________________________
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> 


	12. The Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beautiful in her strength  
> (Despite and because of the scars  
> Of battles lost, won or draw),  
> this warrior rises with head unbowed.  
> No victim of circumstance,  
> She fights for her future  
> Now she's practiced in the art of,  
> Letting go and being real.
> 
> (Caroline Johnstine - Battle Scared Beauty)  
> ___________________________________________________

At first you were only able to hear a few faint noises from a distance, your eyes refusing to open, your whole body aching. Everything felt distorted, so far away. Even your thoughts felt as if they had turned into goo, moving at the speed of a snail. Apart from the thumping pain you felt nothing, which made your heart starting to race.  
As you tried to move your fingers to assess the damage you realized that you weren't able to, every inch of your mass seemed to be glued to the ground, gravitation pulling at you relentlessly. An annoyed grunt escaped you as you tried again to shift your weight, finally moving an inch and then another until it felt like you finally lay at your side. It felt like forever to even come this far.  
Very carefully you tried to open your eyes again, your vision blurry and somewhat distorted. Blinking a few times didn't do much at first but after what felt like an eternity, you were finally able to make out your surroundings.  
  
Just as you anticipated you were lying on your side on rocky ground. Everything else however didn't made any sense at all. Apart from the rather small piece of asteroid you were laying on, there was only a vast amount of debris slowly moving around it. It looked like different kinds of scientific gear from all ages and places of the universe. Between these clusters was nothing but the endless space and more stars than you would ever be able to count. Nothing else.  
It was breathtakingly beautiful.  
  
“How... What...”, you mumbled to yourself, trying to focus your thoughts, remember what brought you into this situation.  
  
Carefully moving your head and arms – every tiny movement causing your nerves to fire up – you somehow made it into a sitting position. Scanning the constellations you tried to at least find anything familiar, and failing miserably.  
This wasn't right.  
Sheer terror was taking form inside your chest as you realized that you were all alone out there, your friends nowhere to be seen.  
This was when the memories hit you, making you scream silently.  
  
  
  
_The small fraction of memory you were able to retrieve from the captured Galra was even more fragmented than any of you anticipated. It took Pidge a rather long time to decipher it, only to reveal the coordinates of something called the_ Universal Station  _which turned out to be a transport hub. The castle's long-range scanners however where not able to detect anything there at first. Only as you flew dangerously close did the base reveal itself – the gravitation of the two planets besides it was able to make it invisible to most scanners.  
  
It turned out that this secret base was really nothing more than a transport hub. No weapons or strange abilities were to be seen or detected, which made all of you very suspicious of why this hub was hidden so well after all.  
Shiro was the one to bring forward the idea that something must be going on inside, which would call for an investigation on your part. This was agreed on concordantly yet Allura insisted on going in with all of you as well which caused a significant amount of discussion.  
In the end, the princess won the argument and Coran was the only one to remain onboard while all of you would infiltrate the base.  
The idea was a simple in'n'out mission without being seen.  
  
Getting into the control-room wasn't hard as there were only a few sentries patrolling the base. Not a single Galra was to be found anyhwre. Once Pidge hacked into their data-base the information was all yours – and it was useless.  
From the intel itself nothing of importance was to be learnt about the troops and strength of the Galra Empire, it was just an endless list of ships coming and leaving the base.  
Shiro's expression, when Pidge told you that there was really nothing else to be found in there, was making your heart wince. You could feel that he thought all of this his fault. It had been a high risk to get the castle so close to the base, let alone infiltrate it.  
Still, he remained composed as the role of the leader forced him to be, and commanded your group back to the castle.  
  
This was when things started to go awfully wrong.  
  
The ship that had arrived shortly before your group set foot into the base, would leave for Central Command – the heart of the Empire. Allura insisted to sneak onboard and get the required information from there. Surely a ship headed there would have at least something for you to work with.  
As if this wasn't enough, Shiro said he would go with her.  
Your heart sank, especially when Pidge agreed that Shiro's arm was the only thing able to work the Galran interfaces. Was there anything you could say or do for the two of them not to leave? Surely, there must be another way to gain that intel...  
Trying to find another solution – and finding none – only made you feel even more powerless.  
There was simply nothing you could do to help them once they left the room. The embrace was over too quickly, leaving your chest feel torn.  
  
“I'll be back right away. Don't worry.”, Shiro said, giving you a quick small kiss on the forehead.  
  
And with that he was gone.  
  
This was when Keith suggested that he would go and check out the base a bit further for he had no explanation what could be stored here that would be transported to Central Command directly as the schedules indicated.  
  
“Keith! That's too dangerous!”, you couldn't help yourself, all of this was just too much.  
  
It's been weird between Shiro and you since he attacked you, he seemed to tiptoe around you, not convinced that he could stay by your side. This made him leave almost too much to bear already. But to have Keith get into danger as well was making you almost black out from the thought of losing both of them.  
  
“I know it's not going to be a walk in the park. But we may never get such an opportunity again.”, his voice was even and deep down you felt that he was right.  
  
“You are so stubborn... Let me at least come with you.”  
  
Keith just shook his head and placed his hand on your shoulder, “The group and the castle need you as their leader and core as long as Shiro and Allura are gone. I will return as fast as I can.”  
  
You just swayed your head weakly but you knew it was no use.  
  
While Allura and Shiro went onboard the Galran ship and Keith ran through the base, you and your friends made your way back to the castle to not get caught down there, following the space-craft with your scanners. As with the retrieving of the red lion, you were not able to get any visuals or clear connection to them sneaking around the ship, which resulted in you pacing back and forth the control-room.  
Time was passing slowly, every passing minute seemed too long already.  
After a couple of minutes an alarm started to sound while the picture of Keith engaged in a fight was broadcasted on your screens.  
  
“Pidge, get into your lion and help Keith out of there.”, you called over to him, not missing a beat.  
  
Without asking he began running and you saw the lion leaving the castle only moments later. Again you could only watch as Pidge picked up Keith literally last minute and starting to fly back, evading the few enemy lasers.  
  
“[Y/N], what about Shiro and Allura? Shall I fly closer and snatch them? It's been so long already...”, Pidge asked over the intercom, voicing your own innermost thoughts.  
  
You looked over to your friends, everyone deep in thought. This was not an easy decision to make as it could jeopardize the whole mission and – even worse – the life of the two of them.  
Before any of you could come to a conclusion an escape-pod from the Galra ship flew towards you making all of you let out a sigh of relief and Pidge return to the castle.  
This whole endeavour might've caused more action and a bigger ruckus than you wished for but at least everyone returned safely to the castle.  
  
The pod arrived shortly after Pidge and Keith, who had to endure one of your lectures before he silently wrapped his arms around you, mumbling an apology, only for you to hear. Whatever he'd encountered down there, it must've shaken him to the core. Yet before you could ask him about it any further, the hatch of the pod opened, making all of you turn and walk towards it.  
The moment you saw Shiro's face you knew that something had gone completely wrong.  
  
“Where's Allura?”, Coran asked quietly, almost afraid to learn the truth all of you could already feel.  
  
Clenching his fists he replied, “She sacrificed herself to safe me... She's still on that ship.”  
  
“The ship that's headed directly to Central Command? To Zarkon's base?”, Lance couldn't believe it, his eyes growing wide.  
  
“We can't just walk in there and take her back, that's way too dangerous!”, Keith added, making you scoff.  
  
“I have to agree... Yet, we can't let Zarkon have Allura.”, Coran mumbled, looking over each of you as if he was asking for permission.  
  
The silence that followed was a heavy one, gravitation pulling you down, pinning you in place. This was by far the most horrible outcome for the mission as a whole, yet it was too early to give up. If you'd lose hope now, there was no way that you would be able to safe the princess and the entire universe.  
Walking over to Shiro you could feel his aura of defeat, he was desperately trying to push down so no one would see. For just a moment you needed him to let you in at least a little bit.  
You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him in close.  
  
“We're going to safe her.”, your voice was barely more than a tender whisper, “Sometimes the things we need to do are just too big for a single brave soul.”  
  
“I should've saved her... or at least stayed onboard with her...”, he replied hugging you close.  
  
Hearing these words hurt but you tried to wave the bubbling dark feeling aside, “It doesn't matter now. You did all you could and now it's time for us to help her as a team and you as a Paladin of Voltron.”  
  
You looked up to him, his dark eyes full of sorrow of his failure. You just wanted to take all this pain and pressure away from him, put it in a box and set it on fire – it was almost unbearable to see him like that. Especially after the episode in the training-room. Things had been so weird since then, your friends looking at you and your bruises as if they could tell what might've happened yet no one said a thing or changed their behaviour. Still, Shiro kept a lot of distance between you, his face falling whenever he noticed that he was getting close again, making him jump and almost run.  
There weren't a lot of chances to talk about it either, which made the embrace right then a bittersweet exception in days.  
  
“Come on, let's get you out of the suit before we start planning, hm?”, you said gently, trying to keep him from falling.  
  
Shiro looked at you for a long moment, before he realised how close you were, making him let go of you immediately before he started to walk away, a shy blush on his cheeks.  
The moment was over.  
Letting out a sigh you started to massage your temples while trying to coordinate the next steps. Saving Allura was the top-priority right now which meant that all your personal chaos had to wait for a bit longer.  
  
You met up not long after this, looking over the intel Shiro was able to sneak off the Galra ship – which was frightening since almost all of the fleets in the Galra's disposal were at Central Command – and tossing ideas around. Finally you came up with what seemed to be your best shot. Using the remaining power to make one jump via teludav right next to the base, hiding the castle from the sensors in a dense gas planet. From there Coran would scan Zarkon's own ship for Allura's life-force so Voltron would just sneak her out before anyone would notice you were even there.  
There were a lot of things that could go wrong, but time was running out and there seemed to be no other way.  
  
Yet Coran needed an hour at least to set everything up, which meant you all could use that hour to rest a bit. If the racing thoughts would let you.  
As your friends left the control-room you stayed behind and asked if there was anything you could do to help. You knew that there was no chance for you to just lay down and fall asleep. You needed to keep your mind busy.  
Furthermore, maybe Coran could need some moral support as well despite being older than you by a few thousand years.  
  
He looked over to you, a sad smile on his face, “I've already lost so much... I can't lose Allura too...”  
  
“I know, Coran. That's why we're going to safe her.”, you tried to reassure him.  
  
“I know you will. I have no doubt that this will end well.”  
  
“Well, I sure hope it does.”  
  
“But what about you?”, he asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
His question threw you off a little, “What do you mean?”  
  
Coran gestured to his neck, “I don't know exactly what happened but maybe you should talk about it before it is too late. Loss is a terrible burden.”  
  
Subconsciously you've touched your bruises as well, “Yeah... I know. But it doesn't seem like a good time to do. We're all on edge due to the upcoming mission so maybe later...”  
  
“Maybe you're right, I wouldn't know. But sometimes it's better to not wait, no matter how frightening it might seem.”  
  
  
  
Standing in front of Shiro's door you couldn't believe how stubborn you were. Why did you need your friends and comrades tell you time and again to not wait too long? Yet, this was different. You had no idea how to approach the topic of what happened at the training-room without upsetting him even more.  
Straightening your spine you knew that you had no other choice since the whole atmosphere between you two was killing you inside.  
  
You knocked twice before you entered, not really waiting for an answer. Shiro was sitting on his bed, his face in his hands. He wasn't even looking up as the door closed again and you sat down next to him, carefully trying not to touch him to not make him uncomfortable.  
Neither of you said anything for a while, before you let out a loud exhale.  
  
“Talk to me...”, you whispered, pleading, “Let me in. I have no idea what I should do... It kills me.”  
  
Shiro shifted his weight a little, peaking at you through his fingers as if he didn't dare to look at you, “No. I won't.”  
  
“But why? I thought we were a team. I thought we were partners!”  
  
“That was before I almost killed you!”, he exploded, finally looking at you with sorrowful eyes, “How should I be your partner if something inside of me could be able to kill you?!”  
  
“But you didn't! I am here, right HERE.”, you took on of his hands and placed it above your heart, “And I am not going anywhere.”  
  
Shiro just shook his head and tried to get his hand lose but you just held him in place, “This is not about you being too weak... it's me who is. I can't even keep this at bay... Gosh... I watched – I could only WATCH – as my body moved on its own, taking pleasure out of your pain... How should I know this is not a part of me?!”  
  
It hurt.  
It hurt so much to see him like that.  
It hurt to think about what caused this trauma.  
  
And it made you angry.  
  
“I know you. You are nothing like that.”, you tried to reach him with your voice, trying to make him understand.  
  
He remained silent for a moment before he let out a frustrated groan, “No. I don't know it's not me. And I can't bear the thought of hurting you again.”  
  
He carefully wiggled his hand out of your grip and look at you with a sincere gaze, “I love you with all I am and all I have. I always have and I always will. This is the reason why I won't let you come any closer. I need you to be safe. And if it's me who's threatening you, than I need you to be safe from me as well.”  
  
“What... What are you talking about? With you is the only safe place to be. You're my home!”, your heart was sinking, already understanding what your mind refused to grasp.  
  
“Your home is not trying to hurt you...”, he whispered, his voice shaking, “[Y/N], when I was on that Galran ship earlier, I remembered my time as prisoner and how it was you who saved me. So now I have to save you.”  
  
“NO! This is not how this should play out!”, tears had started to form in the corners of your eyes.  
  
Shiro let out a sarcastic laugh, “Nothing ever does for us, does it? I should've stayed on that ship...”  
  
His last remark sent you over the edge. Hot tears streaming down your face you couldn't help yourself but to get up and look at him with blazing eyes.  
  
“You... You promised me to come back to me. You promised to walk this road until the end. And now you tell me you'd rather DIE alone than face this together?!”  
  
Shiro didn't respond but only looked at you with big round eyes, his face mirroring your own pain. This was nuts. No matter how much you tried to understand him – you certainly could – it just felt so wrong. Why would he rather hurt himself like that?  
Then again, wouldn't you do the same thing in his place?  
  
All the strength you still had left you at once, “Please... Don't send me away... I love you... Just let me know what I should do...”  
  
He just looked at you, his eyes somber, “Some things I have to handle on my own...”  
  
“But you are not alone anymore! I am here, can't you see?”  
  
“Stop this...”, he growled, obviously losing his patience.  
  
“No I won't. Not until you start to finally trust me!”  
  
Just as you had closed you mouth Shiro had gotten up, taken you by the shoulders and thrown you onto his bed before he pinned your arms in place, his whole body hovering above yours. It had happened so fast, you've had no chance to react or defend yourself in any way.  
  
“Just look...”, he rasped, “I could've hurt you already, no chance for you...”  
  
“But you didn't.”, you breathed, your heart beating out of control.  
  
Again he let out a long exhale, “Aren't you scared?”  
  
“Scared of what? Of you? No.”  
  
“Of me losing control like I did...”, he carefully tracing your bruises with his fingers, making you gasp.  
  
“No. I am not scared.”, you had a hard time to keep your breathing under control, “And I won't leave you. Whatever happens.”  
  
He paused at this. Something about the atmosphere in the room had changed, the tension evolving in something else you could not name. Having Shiro so close to you always made you feel at ease yet excited at the same time. As if every fibre of your body was humming with energy. Still, this was again different from what you've experienced so far, sending your heart in turmoil while you tried to keep a cool head.  
  
He lifted his gaze to meet yours, making you gasp, the profoundness and infinity in them taking your breath away. So many emotions were washing over his gorgeous face, as if he was finally allowing himself to let it show. Concern, panic, fear, hope, love – everything he kept inside was finally surfacing, only for you to see.  
  
And it was beautiful.  
And it hurt.  
  
“You know... I never wanted to be a soldier. I never wanted to be in combat. Or a leader. Or officer getting stupid medals for some battles I knew were wrong. I only ever wanted to go out there and explore the universe.”, Shiro's voice was heavy, grave, yet his eyes were blazing as you've never seen before, “This was basically the only thing I ever wished for. And then you stumbled in my life.”  
  
“Couldn't I at least walk into your life..?”, you mumbled making him scoff.  
  
Ignoring you he continued, “You turned everything I knew, everything I wanted, upside down. Suddenly, the thought of leaving you behind while exploring the vast universe seemed pointless.”  
  
“Why would you say that?”, did you gave him the feeling that his dreams were not good enough?  
  
Shiro's lips curled up a bit, the tone of his voice changing, “Because I understood that you are my universe.”  
  
Your eyes grew big, your heart threatening to explode, “But... What about the solar-systems and black holes and whatnot... Don't you want to soar amongst the stars..?”  
  
“I do, but I want to do it with you.”  
  
There was a brief silence while you tried to take everything in, “Then why do you want to send me away?”  
  
His eyes grew dark at this, his face fell. The atmosphere shifted again, back to the unwelcome tension that had lingered between the two of you for a few days now. For a second you cursed yourself for ruining such an intimate, tender moment when he was finally letting his walls come undone. But then again, keeping silent about the issues at hand had only ever made things worse between you.  
  
“I... I don't want to send you away. If anything, I want to have you by my side forever and in every universe. But I am so scared to hurt you... maybe even kill you...”, once again you saw tears forming in his eyes – a degree of vulnerability he never showed.  
  
As you were still pinned down by him, you could only turn your head to his prosthetic arm and gently placed a kiss on his writs, making him jump a little.  
  
“Then don't. Trust me.”, your voice was barely audible.  
  
“Why are you so persistent? I could KILL you with this thing!”, he let go of your hand to look at his robotic arm in disgust.  
  
This finally gave you the opportunity to touch his cheek and pull him closer to you, the warmth of his body feeling so good, so right against your own skin, “You won't. I will catch you.”  
  
Shiro gave in to your touch, closing his eyes, “How... How can you be so sure?”  
  
“I just know.”  
  
“This is not a scientific argument...”, he replied, opening his eyes and grinning sheepishly.  
  
“Love isn't science.”, you countered, making him blush while he tried to avert his gaze.  
  
“[Y/N], it's just this lingering feeling in the back of my head that I could break you so easily whenever I wanted... Mentally and physically. Be it at training or while you're sleeping... It's always there, whispering...”, so much pain in his voice, it made your heart wince.  
  
“So I simply have to be louder than these voices, am I right?”, you suggested while you pushed yourself into a sitting position, your noses almost touching.  
  
“I am afraid it won't be so easy.”, Shiro looked at you, his lips parted, as if he wanted to believe you so much yet his fear seemed to win.  
  
“Nothing ever is, between us, hm?”  
  
He let out a silent sigh, “You're probably right...”  
  
With this you leaned forward, closing the distance between you and, trying to ignore your hammering heart, placed a brief gentle kiss on his lips before your courage left you and you just looked at your hands.  
Without missing a beat Shiro carefully lifted your chin so you had no other choice than to meet his eyes again.  
Just as you started to stumble an apology he shook his head but refused to say something.  
  
When he finally opened his mouth, his voice was shaking, “That was definitely louder than those dark whispers...”  
  
“So I just need to do it again and again..?”, a playful smile appeared on your lips.  
  
Shiro groaned, “You really are a stubborn one, aren't you?”  
  
“I am just not willing to give up on you and on us.”, you took his face in your hands and lay your forehead to his, “You never gave up on me in the past, so don't give up on me now... Please.”  
  
  
  
The rest of the time before you would meet up again in the control-room to carry out Allura's rescue, you spend curled up in Shiro's arms while you tried to take a short nap_ _. All the fighting against the Galra and the tension between you two was clearly taking its toll. It_ _wasn't as if everything evaporated – surely this attack on you would linger on for a while – but at least you had started to communicate again.  
It was enough.  
For now._ _  
  
When you two arrived first at the control-room, Coran gave you a quick look over, before he turned to his screens again, a tiny smile below his moustache.  
Quickly the others arrived as well, each showing the same reaction as Coran just did, making you shake your head slightly.  
  
As soon as everyone was at their position, Coran started to fire up the teludav for the only wormhole-jump you would be able to make without the_ _princess.  
It could easily be your very last.  
_ _While he counted down the time, you felt the impact of what lay ahead of you. Not only would this potentially involve another fight to the death, it was also taking place at the heart of the enemy. So much could go wrong...  
Looking at Shiro who was following the readings on the screens made your throat tighten. You've lost him three times already, you wouldn't be able to bear if anything would happen to him. Trying to push these thoughts aside you realized that there was a silent feeling of foreboding tingling in your chest since you've analysed the Galra's memories.  
Biting your lower lip you knew that you could do nothing more at this point but to wait, trust and hope that this feeling would just evaporate into thin air.  
  
Yet the moment you arrived behind the gas planet this feeling only grew stronger, gnawing on you as you watched your friends get to their lions.  
_ _But what should you do now?  
_ _  
“Please... Be careful...”, you whispered as you hugged Shiro before he left as well.  
  
He searched your face as if he could feel your distress as if it was his own, “I will. I will be home before midnight.”  
  
And just like that, he was gone once more, leaving you behind without a chance to help him. He still had this aura of loss and lonelyness with him as he walked out the door. You watched as your friends formed Voltron and went through the plan one more time when you heard a lout humming noise coming from outside.  
  
“I have a very bad feeling about this...”, Keith said.  
  
“Just what is this?”, Lance added.  
  
His question was answered on the spot when you couldn't help yourself but let out a tiny scream. A particle-barrier had been turned on all around Central Command, trapping the castle as well as Voltron inside.  
  
“They knew we were coming...”, Pidge whispered, desperation in his voice.  
  
“We still have no other choice but to move forward with our plan and think about the exit later.”, it was Keith who played the voice of reason.  
  
“He's right. Let's get this over with as fast as we can.”, Shiro ordered and Voltron started to fly towards Zarkon's own ship.  
  
_ _Your friends were quickly met with hundreds of drones, causing them to form sword and shield time and again. Each time you felt a strong tugging at your heart and the warm feeling radiating though your entire body. After all the training you pushed yourself through, it wasn't as exhausting anymore yet to be drained from so much energy in such a short time surely put a strain to your body. Still, you knew that this was the only thing you could do to help them in their battle._   
  
_“A trap…”, you mumbled to yourself, biting your lower lip._

_This was to be expected, of course they knew that you would come to rescue Allura. Just how were they able to detect you even under the cloak of gravitation? Something must’ve given you away. But what could it be? And how should you be able to protect your friends?  
Your thoughts were interrupted by Hunk calling out to form the shoulder-cannon, resulting in an even stronger tugging at your heart, it almost hurt by now. Still, it was nothing compared to the terror you’ve felt while your eyes followed Voltron’s every movement. No matter how many ships and drones he destroyed, they only kept coming._

_Without warning, shield and sword vanished, causing you to let out a loud cry – the pain just exploded in your chest. Something like that had never happened before, the release of one of the weapons only ever filled you with relief, not pain.  
Could it be that someone was powerful enough to force for this to happen?_

_This thought was amplified when Lance and Keith started to talk too fast for you to follow and Pidge to talk something about Voltron being frozen in place, all systems malfunctioning. Just when you thought the pain might’ve subsided you heard Shiro calling out that he wasn’t able to hold Voltron together anymore.  
Without even thinking about it, you channelled your energy as you’ve done so many times already, and tried to ease the pressure on Shiro._

_The moment you felt the already familiar connection to him and his lion your whole body felt as if someone had set it on fire. Every inch was ablaze, your eyes feeling as if they would melt. The pain was so agonizing, you weren’t even able to scream before you basically fell to the floor, breathing heavily.  
Coran called over to you, asking what happened, but again there was no time for you to answer or even rest a moment. You could only watch as Voltron was forcefully disbanded seemingly by the same force that had rendered him motionless in the first place. Again, you felt an unwelcome tugging at your heart._

_Forcing yourself up to standing again, you quickly scanned the vital data from your friends and the readings before you lifted your gaze and looked up to see the five lions just floating in space, not able to move on their own._

“ _Coran, prepare the canons. We have to keep the paladins safe until the lions are recharged so we could regroup.”, your voice was firm, not showing any signs of the pandemonium you were in, panic would not win, “How are you holding up, guys?”“I am fine… You know. Floating through the enemy’s base. Cool.”, Lance tried to joke but his voice betrayed him._

“ _I wish we knew what was forcing us apart… Then we could counter it.”, Pidge mumbled._

_It was Hunk who said what you’ve probably all been thinking, “Why do I get the feeling that it is Zarkon’s doing?”_

“ _We still have to find a way to fight it..!”, you could hear how desperate Keith was._

“ _Lads, we may have to put a halt to these discussions – the Galra are attacking!”, Coran called over to you, before he activated the castle’s own canons, eliminating a good amount of smaller ships._

_Still, at this rate you would not only lose Voltron, but your friends as well. As if the overall situation wasn’t bad enough, Shiro’s vital signs started to flash red in front of you, making you call out to him._

_His words were strained, his breathing heavy, “Something is overriding the controls… My… My lion is not responding!”_

_He was cut off by a loud groan and even more heavy breathing, causing you to clench your fists. Anger was washing through you which gave you the crazy idea to channel this hot, red feeling instead of the empowering white one you’ve come to work with rather well. This was – as were all the plans you’ve had so far – a very wild guess and you had no idea what it could do to your body, if it worked at all._

_As you fuelled the lion with this darker energy, you instantly felt a huge resistance from whoever was able to interfere with Voltron’s energy. What struck you even more than the sheer power of your opponent was the bloodlust and anger you felt resonating in their energy.  
This was no battle to be fought in your state but you had to buy Shiro some time to be able to regain his strength._

_With a pang white light exploded behind your eyes and a dark voice filled your head, “What a fool you are, young one… Don’t you know who you’re up against?!”_

_And just like that your connection to the black lion broke off, sending shivers down your spine, leaving you breathless as if you’d run a marathon, your arms just hanging there, numb.  
Coran looked up to you, concern on his face – this operation was more than impossible if the enemy could foresee your every move and even force Voltron apart._

“ _It’s Zarkon… I don’t know how but he is able to interfere with the lions... Maybe even control them.”, you told your friends over the intercom, making them gasp in return, “I… I….”_

_You wanted to give them something to hold on to. A plan. An idea. Hope.  
But there was nothing on your mind but fear and agony.Tears started to prickle your eyes, helplessness settling in. You watched your comrades die once without being able to do anything, you won’t want to have this happen again._

“ _[Y/N], are you there?”, you heard Keith ask gently._

“ _I’m here, sorry I just… zoomed out.”, you replied lamely._

“ _Listen. We’re all in this mess together. You’re not alone anymore. We’ve got this.”_

_You couldn’t help but smile at his words. He really always knew what he had to say. This gave you the serenity you needed to think about yet another plan to evade a complete defeat. Just as you thought you might’ve found a solution, you heard Shiro groan loudly, before you had to watch him being ejected by the black lion into space.  
At first you could only gape at the small figure floating amidst a battlefield, completely defenceless. It made your blood run cold when you called his name._

“ _I am alright, [Y/N]… Maybe getting out of there was the healthier choice. It felt as if… I don’t know, almost as if someone was there with me.”, he still sounded a little out of breath but not that strained anymore, “And it wasn’t you, which was quite disturbing.”_

“ _Guys, could you please refrain from flirting that badly while we’re on a battlefield?”, Lance interjected, hardly able to contain his amusement despite the dire situation._

“ _Could you not encourage them to do it whenever anyone is present!?”, Pidge added and you could almost hear him rolling his eyes._

_You just wanted to give them an answer when you heard Keith and Shiro call out that the black lion had started to move towards Zarkon’s ship on his own.  
This was bad.  
This was even more than bad, this was a catastrophe. Not in your wildest dreams would you’ve been able to imagine such a scenario threatening your friends and yourself, let alone the whole universe._

“ _What do we do now? Our plan is not working out as… well… as planned!?”, Hunk asked fearfully._

“ _I will go after the black lion. You will go and safe Allura as fast as you can. We cannot attract any more attention than we already did.”, Shiro commanded while he started his jetpack to move towards Zarkon’s ship, not even waiting for anyone to asnwer._

_Everything in you wanted to tell him to not be that reckless, to board another lion or to return to the castle. And yet you remained silent because you knew that he would not listen to you. Because you would probably do the same.  
This was no laughing matter, but just thinking about how stubborn Shiro was made your lips curl up a little. Furthermore, you wanted to show him how much you trusted him._

“ _As much as I love listening to all of you, we should start to make haste, I don’t know how much more energy I can get out of our crystal without the princess.”, Coran interrupted, sending all of you back to your positions._

_As you watched your friends evade the smaller ships, destroy them and slowly making their way to Allura’s location, you noticed that the same exact feeling after you’ve used your powers too much the last time, was returning, tunnel-vision narrowing your field of vision.  
Your heart started to hammer against your ribs as the fear was starting to win over. Not only was this a very bad timing to pass out for a few days, you were also afraid to be deadweight.  
And alone._

_You had no idea how much time you had left before you would hit the floor, but you had to make sure that your friends were safe, no matter the cost._

“ _I am sorry…”, you murmured as you closed your eyes and prayed that it would be enough._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, to another round of heartache!
> 
> I hope you're doing well, it's extremely hot where I live and I almost can't move... I can't wait for it to cool down a bit!  
> This chapter is, in many ways, a difficult one for me.  
> It wasn't easy to write for some reason and it also marks something I am honestly ashamed of.
> 
> A hiatus.
> 
> I do have a lot on my plate at the moment and I hit something of a writing slump for days now. Since I want to finish this (and give you the spicy bits and another extra something) I feel I need to step back a little.  
> I don't want to just write something in a rush for you to read - I want it to be as good as I am capable of at the moment. I want you to enjoy this as much as I do writing it.
> 
> For that I will take a break, the next chapter will go up September 7th.
> 
> I have to work a lot of overtime in August and I am attending two conventions, giving workshops at one, which limits my time by a rather big degree.  
> I am terribly sorry for this and I understand if you're mad at me. I've battled with myself for almost two weeks now, but I really feel I need to do this.
> 
> Thank you so much for your constant support, I hope to read you again and if there's anything you want me to know or work on, let me know.  
> Have a wonderful summer and take care, I love you <3  
> ____________________________________  
> Shameful self-promotion!  
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> 


	13. Incubus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its ok to stop.  
> Let your burdens rest  
> upon your spine.  
> Let yourself be wilted.  
> Sometimes denying to be weak  
> only makes you weaker.  
> Rest. Strength blooms in it.  
> Just remember to rise  
> and not let it crush you.
> 
> (Raquel Franco)  
> __________________________________

_It was loud, so incredibly loud._  
_Humming. Spinning. Vibrating_.  
_I could feel it resonating deep within me._  
_Every fibre of my body was responding to the call growing louder in volume with each heartbeat._  
_Yet I was not frightened._  
_It felt familiar..._  
_It felt like coming home._  
_Another roar let me open my eyes and I looked into bright eyes only inches away from my face._  
_A snarl showed sharp fangs._

_\- Who are you?_

_\- My name… I cannot remember._

_\- You are no paladin of mine._

_\- No, I am not._

_\- So why should I heed your call?_

_\- Because I need to safe the ones I love. And I am not strong enough on my own._

_\- You certainly speak true, young one._

_\- Look inside my heart and you will see I mean no evil._

_\- That I can see._

_\- I care not for the price I have to pay. Take whatever you deem worthy in exchange for your virtue._

_\- What a brave soul you are. I agree. I will lend you my powers. The price will be redeemed once the stars align._

_\- Whatever it takes, I am ready._

_And with that your vision exploded into a bright supernova before everything turned black and your mind was swallowed up by the tides once more._  
  
  
  
The debris floating around you reminded you of the movement of the milky-way yet it lacked the starry nights. Your limbs still felt heavy and your head hurt, you felt hot and cold at the same time, your mind in a haze. All of this was too fmiliar. Looking around you, you had no recollection what had happened after your decision to use your power again. To such an extend.  
Did it do anything?  
  
From the junk floating around you, there was no way that your battle had ended well. It made your heart sink and your throat tighten. Your breath began to flow out of control, hyperventilation imminent. You tried your best to work through the thick fog inside your skull, to try and remember what had happened but there was nothing at all but a numb feeling spreading from within.  
Did you really lose this battle? Was this small rock somewhere in the endless space the only thing left?  
No matter how hard you’ve tried, you couldn’t suppress the panic that was holding your heart in a tight grip.

It was the same.  
It was exactly the same as with Operation Hydra.Everyone was giving their all but it just wasn’t enough…Everyone but you.So why where you the only one to survive?

“Why… Is this never enough? No matter how hard I try no matter how high I go… Why…WHY!?”, you screamed into the void, your chest heaving, “Surviving with the knowledge that they are all… gone… Why..? What's it even worth?!”

First you’ve lost your family, then your best friend, your home and now, after you’ve started to finally find peace again, you’ve lost everything and everyone just because you’ve been too weak.  
You’ve made promises you couldn’t keep.

“I’m nothing but a filthy liar…”, your words were drowned in a whimper.

There wasn’t even time to say good bye... still so many things you wanted to do. And now everything was gone within a few moments.  
You had no idea how long you’ve been laying there in this tiny rock surrounded by debris, just crying and screaming until your throat was raw and your eyes were bloodshot and no more tears left. Carefully, as if it could do even more harm, your rational thinking returned to you.

What should you do from now on? Where should you go? If you were honest with yourself, you had no idea where you were and how far you’d have to travel to find another friendly planet. Or even how to attempt to get anywhere.  
Lifting your gaze you looked up at the stars between the floating junk, trying to compare it to the map inside your head. Since you’ve left Arus you’ve started to collect data from the galaxies and planets you visited, hoping to find a way to get some sort of orientation.

As you looked from left to right you furrowed your brows. Nothing around you resembled the constellations you remembered from when you fought at Central Command. Of course you could be mistaken and you were simply looking at it upside-down, but nothing seemed familiar. As fast as your stiff limbs allowed you to, you stood up and carefully scanned the black open.

Naught.

Not a single star looked as if it were even remotely in the right place.  
What happened? Could that mean...  
Just as you tried to walk a few steps, you heard your helmet’s intercom crackling to life, sending shivers down your spine.

“Guys? Can anybody hear me?”

“Pidge!”, you called out at once, as you recognized the voice, falling over your own feet, “Where are you?”

“Apparently not too far away from you on a rock surrounded by debris… Just stay where you are, I’m coming for you.”, he sounded as relieved as you felt.

Within a few brief minutes Pidge jumped from one of the bigger pieces of junk and landed right next to you, just to find himself in a very tight embrace from you. Once you’ve let go of him he looked you over carefully. It took its time for you to understand that this was no hallucination, that he really was there in front of you.

“How are you feeling, [Y/N]?”

“Well… I’ve been better but I am alive so I Think I am okay…”, the lump in your throat became bigger by the minute.

“Why are you lying?”, his eyes just showed concern as he traced the cuts in your face.

“Because I don’t know what else to do. I don’t even remember what happened after I passed out… Or how long I've been out...”, this revelation seemed to shock Pidge more than you’d anticipated.

“Wait… What do you mean, you don’t remember? Are you serious?!”

You just nodded, “The last thing I recall is that I … may… have overdone it... again... and then I woke up here.”

This was one of the rare moments when Pidge didn’t know what to reply. He just looked at you as if he was trying to come to terms with the fact that you seemed to have missed the final showdown.  
Whatever that might've been.

“So you don’t remember that you wrapped the black lion in some sort of energetic field, making it hard for Zarkon to keep it in his grip? Or how you told us to not give up?”

“No… Nothing…”, it baffled you that you were even able to talk while your mind was long gone.

Pidge let out a tired sigh, “Okay… I guess you really cannot remember... I will try to fill you in, but everything happened so fast... So what happened after Shiro made his way to Zarkon’s ship was that his jetpack was malfunctioning, meaning he had to board a ship after all which ended in a fight with Zarkon’s witch Haggar. He was saved last minute by Hunk, Allura and me. It was bad. Really bad. Meanwhile Keith was fighting Zarkon which was totally nuts of him, but he wouldn’t let go. Zarkon was somehow able to control Black from his position in his HQ. Keith did his best and I remember him calling out to you but you wouldn't respond... I think it was only the power you infused the black lion with, that made it possible for the connection to be interrupted for a crucial moment so we could retrieve it. It really was last minute, you know? Somehow we’ve made it on board the castle but we were still under attack and there was still this particle barrier… Somehow, I have no idea how, it was shut down so we could attempt a wormhole-jump. But Haggar had other plans so she magically destabilized the wormhole and… here we are. Green is here too.”

You just blinked and stared at him. He talked about the battle as if it was nothing while you two sat on a tiny rock in the middle of nowhere, not knowing what happened to your friends.Then again, your observations of the stars were correct: You couldn’t match them because you’ve never been to this part of the galaxy before!

“So… They are alive..?”

“When I last saw them, yes. And I believe they still are. We just have to find a way to get to them…”, he mused, “And you know, without you we wouldn’t have made it. At all.”

His last remark caused you to scoff a little, “All I am good at is fainting in the worst possible moments… I mean, I even missed the final battle!”

He just shook his head, “Don’t say that. You may think that you are a nuisance and powerless because you happen to have no lion. But it is precisely because you are not engaged in battle that you are as powerful as we are. If not more.”

“Pidge, this is not making any sense. I am sorry, but maybe the wormhole messed with your brilliant brain? My powers are weak, useless in most situations… I am only making myself feel warm!”

“[Y/N], you are such a clever girl yet sometimes you say the most nonsensical things…”, he snickered, “You are so much more than your powers – which are quite amazing if you’d ask me – you are our friend. Our home. And you are our rock, because no one can keep a cool head like you. Not even Shiro. No one would come up with your crazy yet genius plans. You are more than the Silver Knight. You are a paladin as well.”

His little speech made you tear up a little, his words ringing through your head, making the absence of everyone even direr.  
Looking down at your hands you realized that you were only slowly regaining the capability to actually feel your fingertips. This happened a few hours after you’ve woken up the last time you overdid it. Have you really been out for so long?

“Pidge… Is it possible that Haggar tempered with the wormhole in a way that would influence time as well?”

He paused for a moment, “Technically I’d say it’s possible. I mean, she’s a witch and knows how to wield magic… But even from a physics point of view, it could be possible, yes. Why are you asking though?”

You reminded him of the duration of your coma and how it wasn’t that likely that you’ve slept on this rock for three days straight without freezing to death or starve. On the one hand, this was good news since it would mean that you haven’t lost three days of your life again. On the other hand you had no idea what it would mean for the others.

“If she’s that powerful to influence time, there is no way we could calculate where the others might have landed…”, you sighed, leaning your heavy body against a rock.

Pidge was deep in thought, his eyes darting from one side to the other. He lifted his gaze and scanned the debris, his eyes in tiny slits, deep in thought. He remained like that for a couple of minutes before he jumped to his feet and started to walk around in circles, a plan forming in his head.

“I think… I think I have an idea.”, he finally said, looking at you with bright eyes, “I could use Green’s energetic structure as a base to build a scanner to look for the other lion’s location. Like we did back on Earth with Blue! The others could be close to them.”

You blinked once, twice, before you shot up to standing as well, hugging Pidge close and started to spin him around, “You’re a genius!”

“Yeah, I know…”, he replied with a tiny voice, not able to hide his embarrassment about this sudden burst of affection.  


  
It wasn’t as easy to build the antenna as it initially sounded, mostly because your body still felt heavy, your limbs barely feeling anything. More than once you had to stop because your vision was getting blurry again. You felt weak and had a hard time to not burst out in tears despite Pidge’s gentle words and funny stories. No matter what he had said, this feeling of not being good enough wasn’t letting go of you even the tiniest bit.  
And your body hurt all over.  
After you’ve assembled what you thought would be enough material to start working on the actual construction, you decided to take a break and share one of the emergency rations Pidge had brought with him in his lion.

“I am amazed you’ve thought of something like that.”, you mumbled between two bites of goo.

“Actually it was one of the first things I did because I thought it couldn’t hurt to have some extra food and water with us at any given time.”, he looked up at Green, still not fully recharged.

There was a brief pause between you, before you spoke up again, “You know, I’ve always wondered what the Silver Knight might have to do with Voltron. Especially since Voltron works perfectly fine without it.”

“I think that those two things are not connected by default. I don’t say I believe in destiny, but maybe the wish and the need for the shining knight of the old tales brought him to life.”, Pidge looked at you, “If you wish for or believe in something strong enough it somewhat becomes real. Every maniac sees their own reality.”

“So I am crazy?”, you raised an eyebrow, making Pidge laugh.

“I’d say you are the most normal one of the bunch! You were the last one to believe in the stories when we were already seeing it. So I guess we’re the crazy ones.”

Now it was your time to laugh and for a brief moment things felt right again. For only the fraction of a second you felt the shackles loosen and your heart leap.  
It was only a matter of a minute or two, before everything came crushing down again, making you bite your lower lip.

“If I really were a knight in shining armour, I would’ve been able to safe him…”, your voice broke as emotions flooded through you.

Pidge sensed the change in atmosphere at once, his gaze soften as he put a hand on your shoulder. He knew that there were no words to ease the feelings of pain and regret. The only way out of this was to keep marching forward.

“C’mon let’s put this baby together, shall we?”, without waiting for your reply he pulled you up to standing and started to drag you over to the rather organized pile of junk.  
  
  
  
“Pidge… This looks pretty unstable if you’d ask me…”, you tilted your head to one side, trying to ignore the wonky structure in front of you.

“It should only work once, I don’t care if it’s not pretty after that.”, he let out a grunt as he just put the last piece into place and took a step back, “So now we just need to power it up.”

He gestured you to follow him inside the green lion to try and restart the controls and therefore power up the signal which would hopefully point you into the right direction. Your watch indicated that the construction took almost a day which made you rather anxious, because a lot could happen in a day. Furthermore, if Pidge was correct and Shiro had been engaged in a battle with Haggar, no one knew what she might’ve done to him.Clenching your fists you felt anger taking over, just as you stepped behind Pidge’s seat. Haggar was the one responsible for his pain, for his trauma – there was no way she would hold back once they met.

“Fingers crossed…”, you heard Pidge mumble as he closed his eyes.

Before you could even think about how you could help out, you heard the lion roar and come back to life, the consoles lightening up again. You heard Pidge letting out a big sigh of relief before he looked over his shoulder to share a grin with you.

“Let’s find them, shall we?”

And just like that he guided the lion’s energy up into the antenna and the signal into space. For the first minutes nothing happened, your heart sinking a little. But then, all of a sudden a loud noise indicated that something had been found. From the readings its energetic structure was far bigger than the lion’s…

“The castle!”, you exclaimed.

“I guess it makes sense since the castle is also the home of the lions… So either they share the same kind of energy or the lions left their signatures while they rested there.”, Pidge’s eyes jumped over the readings, curiosity winning over.

“Either way, this is our only lead so I would suggest we fly there as fast as we can.”

Another loud noise sounded, making Pidge’s eyes grow big, “M-Maybe we don’t have to…”

Before you could ask what he might’ve meant by this, you head an irritating sound and a strong gravitational wave hitting the lion, threatening you to fall over. As you felt stable enough to stand again you looked out and saw the most surreal sight ever – the castle amidst the tons and tons of debris. A loud cheer escaped both of you before Pidge turned on his intercom and asked if they could hear him.

“Pidge! You saved us! We were stuck in a time-loop!”, you heard Allura’s relieved voice while you and Pidge exchanged knowing glances.

“Pidge, you are a genius!”, Coran added.

In turn, Pidge just rolled his eyes, “I know. But it wasn’t just me. [Y/N] helped.”

“What delightful news! Now I suggest you return to the castle and we’re looking for the other paladins.”, Allura said, making you shiver a bit.

This meant that Shiro was not safe yet. He was still out there – as were Keith, Lance and Hunk. As quickly as possible, Pidge steered Green towards the castle and into the hangar, before you two basically ran up all the way to the main control-room.  
Without thinking about it, you hugged Coran and Allura, the joy of being with them again taking over.

“Princess… I am so sorry we weren’t able to rescue you sooner… And that it went so horribly wrong…”, you even bowed a little, “My skills on the battlefield are still those of a child…”  
  
You didn’t dare to look at her, your head hanging, your eyes just staring at the floor. Guilt was taking over as you thought back to the battle you should’ve won and everyone celebrating in these halls right now. Everything, just plain everything had gone wrong. You had one job and you failed at it.

It was Allura’s gentle voice that put a halt to these thoughts, “You did everything you could to safe me in the most dire circumstances. No one could’ve foreseen that the Galra were able to track us and know our every move. We are safe and that’s thanks to you.”

Finally you met her gaze, taking in a sharp breath. There was no malice, no hard feelings of any kind overshadowing her most tender expression. Not only was her aura the most calm you’ve ever felt she was also looking at you with something like pride. Almost like a mother…This last thought made your heart wince as old memories – almost from a different life – started to resurface.

“It’s true, [Y/N]. Without your cool head things could’ve turned out worse. I’m not sure if we’d even survived without you…”, Coran added with a reassuring nod.

“Coran… Princess… I don’t know what to say…”, you replied flabbergasted.

“You are an important member of Team Voltron, with our without a lion. And as such, I want you to accept that you are invaluable as both, a Paladin and a friend.”, the princess said with a shy smile.

You still had no idea what to reply, your heart growing big from so much kindness and warmth. Your memories of what it felt like to have a stable family, a home to return to, a father and a mother who cared… All of it was so far away, so long gone. But still your heart seemed to remember for it was labelling this bright light inside your chest as family.  
Words failed you to even remotely express how you felt, how grateful you were. But somehow they all seemed to understand either way.

“What do you say, shall we get to the others and bring them back?”, Pidge asked, nudging you playfully.

“Yes… Let’s bring them home.”  
  
  
  
Locating the others wasn’t that hard once Allura was able to re-calibrate the systems which had suffered a good degree of damage through the deranged wormhole. From the amount of damage the castle had suffered, it was clear that, once the whole group had been re-assembled, you had to take a step back to focus on the repairs. The amount of warning signs on all of your screens was almost making you anxious, but Coran did his best to keep everything together.

The first signal came from the blue and yellow lions from a planet which was almost completely covered with water. Lance and Hunk seemed to gotten themselves into yet another adventure with the local merfolk and not the Galra for once, resulting in Lance to uncover his lion’s special ability to shoot ice. It filled you with joy and pride that he was able to open up this part of himself all on his own. Still, there was this small voice whispering how useless you would be, once all of them unlocked their full potential.  
Swallowing hard you tried to ignore these thoughts and focus on the opening doors instead.

Lance wasn’t even able to make two full steps into the room before you flung yourself at him just as you had with Allura and Coran. Hunk suffered the same fate just a moment later, a relieved smile on his face.

“Are you hurt?”, Allura asked as she stepped down from her pedestal to join you.

“No, we’re fine.”, Lance replied calmly, “Those merfolk was more on the mental-manipulation track… But only because they’ve been deceived themselves.”

He then went ahead to talk about what had happened to the both of them after they were thrown out of the wormhole and almost immediately hit the surface of the endless ocean. They were welcomed by the merfolk but everything went down south once they learned that they should be sacrificed…

“Only our friendship saved us from doom!”, Lance said theatrically, posing as if he was in a Greek drama.

“Lance… the Freedom Fighters played a huge part too…”, Hunk interjected, playing the part of the annoyed friend.

“Hunk… How could you say that..!”

“Wha-…”, he let out a deep sigh, “Of course. Friendship. Only friendship saved us.”

It made you laugh to watch the two of them put on a show just for themselves. It took a whole lot of weight off your shoulders that they were indeed not hurt in any kind of way.  
Now you only had to find Keith and Shiro.

“Guys, I think I’ve got the red lion’s signature on my screen.”, Pidge called over to you from his seat, making all of you turn their heads, “But I don’t think you will like it.”

This made Allura frown, “What do you mean?”

With a few swift movements Pidge projected his findings to the big screen, for all of you to see. It took you a few breaths before you saw what he might have indicated.

“Pidge, are you sure this is the right location?”, Coran asked weakly.

“Yes. There is no mistaking it.”, concern dripped from every syllable, “They seemed to be stranded on a dead planet or moon. And from the vital readings I’m able to get… It looks like Shiro is heavily injured. I'm not sure how much longer he has.”

There was a brief yet intense silence that followed his statement, before Allura quietly walked up her pedestal again and ordered Coran to set everything to the coordinates. All you could do was blankly stare at the screens, not able to feel anything.  
The joy and lightness you’ve felt only moments ago had vanished into thin air, your heart wincing, your head spinning. This was what you’ve feared the most. Shiro was so far away and on top of that he was severly wounded.  
What if you were too late? What if you weren’t able to make it in time..?

What was the last thing you’ve done together? What was the last thing you’ve said?  
You tried to focus on these questions to not let your mind stray off into directions you were not too keen to visit.You’ve had this fight after he was putting more and more distance between you after his outbreak. But it ended with him in your arms so why did you still feel as if you’ve abandoned him? As if there were so many things left unsaid?

_You left him there to die… again…_

A shiver ran down your spine as this dark thought worked its way through your mind.  
Did you really abandon him?  
Biting your lower lip you tried your best to not start crying, when you felt Lance put his arm on your shoulder, making you turn your head and look at him.

“Don’t worry. We’re going to safe him. It’s probably just a scratch. It’s Shiro we’re talking about!”, he really tried to cheer you up, “I mean, you still have some bases to go to…”

“Lance!”, you called out, followed by laughter that almost hurt.

You couldn’t help yourself. It was just so typical for him to be his most goofy self to just try and cheer you up, no matter how ridiculous it might seem.

“What? Am I wrong?”, he playfully stuck out his tongue as you softly nudged him, averting your gaze as the meaning behind his words came through.

Again, there was no time for you to answer with a witty comment, as Coran called over that you should get into your seats for the ship was ready for another wormhole-jump. As you looked around the room for a place to sit, Allura gestured towards Shiro’s place, making you freeze up a little. This was so strange to you in a way…Breathing deeply you walked over and slumped into the seat, way too big for you. All the same you could feel the lingering quintessence from Black in every part of it, washing through you as if to tell you something. As you strapped yourself in and leaned back, you closed your eyes for a moment to enjoy the tickling feeling all over your body.

For a brief second it felt as if you were falling before the darkness burst into light and you saw the vast nothingness of a dead planet in front of you, just as the sun was setting. You’ve never seen this mountainous structure before nor the plain in front of it. Without voluntarily doing anything your gaze shifted to two small figures by a campfire. You weren’t able to focus on them before your vision turned black yet once again before you opened your eyes to the main control-room.

You had no idea what just happened – the only explanation you could come up with made no sense – and there was no time to ask anyone about it because the castle was already forming the wormhole you would jump through. Scanning the screens in front of you made you frown a little, for the damage to the telduav itself was way more severe than it had appeared at first. You could only hope that you would make it.

 _Once more._  
Only once more.  
Let me see you smile only one more time.  
  
  
  
The moment the castle exited the wormhole close to the red and black lions’ position, you knew that you’ve seen this landscape before. The same rocks, the same plain, and a small fireplace – all was as you’ve just seen it. How this was possible however was beyond you, but your attention was called when Allura tried to contact Keith and Shiro over the intercom.

“You’ve made it! And not a moment too early I’m afraid…”, Keith's voice trailed off, making your heart wince.

“How’s Shiro?”, Hunk’s question was met with a grave silence which gave you all the answers you feared.

“Paladins, get to your lions. It’s time we safe our comrades.”, Allura ordered.

The three of them immediately turned and made their way to the hangar, leaving you behind, mind racing, heart throbbing. All this time, since you’ve woken up on that rock surrounded by debris, did your whole chest hurt. Not only because of worry, but also because of this gnawing guilt you had no real explanation for. You were not responsible for Haggar interfering with the wormhole or whatever had happened on this dead planet.  
Still, you just stood there, eyes glued to the screen, your body shaking.

You watched the three lions leave the castle and descend to pick up the others. The incoming visuals made cry out. Despite the fairly blurry image you could see a rather big wound on Shiro’s right side. From the way he wasn’t able to move a whole lot, you could only guess in how much pain he was in. Before you could even begin to think straight again, Lance and Hunk carried Shiro into the green lion who lifted off at once, quickly followed by the others. Even the black lion somehow knew that it was time to leave for the castle – something you didn’t dare to think too much about at that point.

Once all the lions were back at the hangar, you jumped to your feet and started running, not able to keep your cool anymore. You had to see him, you had to hear his voice so you knew that he won’t go away again. That he won’t leave you.  
The doors slid open and without looking straight, you bumped into Keith who looked at you with concern on his face. He held you firmly, hindering you in your movements, not letting go. You were so close, you could see the others standing around Shiro, blocking your view. You tried all you could to wiggle free, but Keith was still stronger.

“[Y/N]… Look at me.”, his voice was low and yet it made you freeze and look at him, “Everything is going to be alright. You hear me?”

You just looked at him with round eyes, “What… What do you mean?”

Keith bit his lower lip as if he had no idea how to explain, “Maybe… Let’s go back to the bridge, shall we?”

“NO!”, your voice was too loud, scaring Keith and you, “I… I am sorry… I didn’t mean to…”

He gently stroke your head, “I know. Me neither.”

You leaned into it for a brief moment, trying to calm down, “I feel like all of this is my fault…”

“I may say you’re responsible for a lot of things, but not this. No.”

You looked up at him, “Are you trying to be funny, Keith? Are you trying to tell a joke?”

He rolled his eyes, ignoring your last remark, “If anything, you are part of the reason… if not THE reason for us to be able to even talk about it. You saved me. You saved us.”

“Everyone keeps saying that…”, you mumbled in disbelief.

“Maybe it’s time to believe it then.”

There was a brief moment of silence, each of you enjoying the other’s company, before you looked over to the others, indicating that you would not listen to him this time either. Exhaling loudly, he started to walk over to them, always one step ahead of you as if he was ready to jump in front of you if need be. As if whatever you might see could throw you off too much.  
You tried to brace yourself for whatever awaited you there, the blurry images still present on your mind. You did everything you could to keep your thoughts at bay.  
Maybe it just looked that bad because the image itself was just not in focus?

You took in a deep breath and straightened your spine just as you walked past Lance and Hunk who in turn looked at you with concern, watching your every move. Pidge was kneeling besides Shiro who must’ve lost consciousness by now, trying to work his magic until Coran had fired up the healing pods. The moment you lay eyes on him you felt your heart crumble. Without realizing it you'd let out a scream, resulting in Keith to wrap his arms around you, forcing you to look at him yet once again.

Your eyes searched his face as your mind was still not able to work around the images that had burned themselves into your mind, “Keith... Keith what happened?”

“He got into a fight with Haggar back at Central Command... Hunk, Lance and Pidge saved him last minute.”, his voice was calm yet he wasn't able to hide his concern, “He will be alright.”

How should you believe him?  
Whatever that evil witch had done to him had burnt its way through his paladin-armour, through his skin, only leaving a scorched wound twice as big as your hand. From the look of it the bleeding must've only stopped recently.

“I couldn't do anything... I couldn't safe him...”, your voice was full of agony and remorse.

“[Y/N], you did all you could. You saved all of us.”, Lance tried again, but you shot him a glance, causing him to catch his breath.  
  
“Lance... Look... Look at him! How did I save him?!”, you almost chocked on your words.  
  
Hunk walked over to you, putting his hand on your shoulder, “He's alive. We all are.”

This made you pause. He was right. The rational part of your brain knew that as well. But it hurt so much to only watch and not be able to do anything other than believe in Altean technology. Believe that Shiro was strong enough to fight. Believe that he would stay true to his words and come back.

Swallowing hard you watched as Coran came into the room with a floating pod, Allura just steps behind him. You just stood there as he carefully lifted Shiro into the pod, closed it and pushed it out again to place it at its power-station.  
  
It all seemed to be just a dream, so distorted and far away.  
Finally you followed the others out of the room hoping you would wake up from this nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises from the dead*  
> My dearest reader, I am back! I can't tell you how much I've missed you! Still, I really needed this break and I sincerely hope that this is the last break and we will ride straight on to the end of this story.  
> How was your summer? Did you get some vacation? I only left my town for 4 days to go to Amsterdam and the rest I worked way too much...  
> ANYWAY! Enough of my senseless remarks, back to the story!
> 
> This chapter... It hurt. It was great to write, especially the opening scene, but it hurt... I really need to give them some peace...
> 
> *whispers* Halloween-special, anyone?
> 
> Thank you all again for your patience and understanding of this hiatus, I hope to see you weekly from now on again! Have a wonderful weekend and let me know what you think!! <3  
> ____________________________________________  
> Shameful self-promotion!  
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> 


	14. Stand-by

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life; a question,  
> death: it's reply --  
> a tender good-bye.
> 
> Stay 'til our present  
> slips into the past --  
> it's all that I ask.
> 
> (Lang Lev - All I Ask)  
> ___________________________________________

The twenty-four hours that followed were the longest you ever had to live through yet. No one even asked whether or not you wished to stay close to the pod. It was almost as if it was a given fact. Allura even went ahead and organized a blanket and a pillow for you. Coran brought you something to eat and drink and even stayed for a bit to tell you stories about Altea and to explain how the pod was drawing energy partly from the crystal and partly from Shiro's own quintessence to accelerate cell-growth and replace the damaged parts. It was calming to know what as happening in there, and if only to keep your mind from wandering too far.  
  
“Is he in pain?”, you asked silently.  
  
“No. It's the same as a wound healing normally just faster. What might happen though is that his brain-waves are accelerated as well.”, Coran said and looked over just as Shiro twitched a bit, making you bite your lips.  
  
“So it's triggering memories?”  
  
“This might happen, yes.”  
  
“I sure hope it's something pleasant at least...”  
  
Pidge came over next, Hunk following shortly afterwards bringing you some cookies which reminded you of the one time you've been wrecking the kitchen back at the Garrison.  
How everything's been so much easier back there. It felt as if more than a lifetime had passed since that day. Hunk went ahead and told you the story behind the recipe. How he wasn't able to read any of the packages because Altean wasn't exactly an easy language to learn. How the first cookies turned out to be some brownish goo smelling like earth and how he almost set the second tray on fire. It was hard for you not to laugh at the images, especially since Hunk was a magician in the kitchen, no matter how difficult the recipe might've been.  
Pidge in turn explained which weird components Hunk might've used, based on his description. Basically it was like a fun guessing game since most elements and materials were unknown to you.

 

They both then shared with you the first drafts for the repairs of the castle. It was interesting to see some of the blueprints of the enormous ship. All the details and different parts – some of which you could've only dreamed of when you were back on Earth – it was mesmerizing, sending the thee of you in a lengthy discussion about the order of the repairs and how the teludav or the barrier might even work over such a long period of time without having to be recharged.  
  
Lance was the one to spend the nightly hours with you. He came over after you've finished a quick lunch with Hunk and Pidge, and he brought some beauty-masks which made you both look like you'd fallen into cake-batter, causing you to laugh a little. It look really silly.  
He then quickly went ahead and presented four slices of cucumber he tried to lay on your eyes but you just couldn't take the feeling of something so cold and wet on your eyes. Furthermore, this was food!  
You both ended up in a knot, a grin on your faces.  
  
“C'mon [Y/N], the dark circles under your eyes are going to thank you for it!”, he tried again, demonstrating how funny it looked.  
  
Just as you wanted to answer him, the feeling of guilt hit you full force.  
What were you doing, laughing like this while Shiro was still not fully recovered? There were far more important things you needed to think about than your dark circles and whether or not the cookies turned out well.  
Touching your cheek, mask still on, you began to dig your nails into your skin.  
  
Lance tenderly reached out and took your hand away, “Don't. You know that he wouldn't want that.”  
  
“Yes...”, you replied weakly, fatigue setting in again.  
  
“You know, when you were out after the fight for the Balmera, he was the same. We weren't able to calm him down. No chance. Heck, he even refused to sleep!”, Lance recalled, shaking his head, “It's heartbreaking to watch you two like that. It reminds me that war is not only the fighting-part, but also dealing with the consequences and aftermath at home.”  
  
You leaned against him, closing your eyes, “I'm sorry to make you worry all the time...”  
  
He just chuckled, before he noticed that you started to doze off, “Hey, what do you say we get rid of the masks and I'll make us some hot cocoa?”  
  
You weren't even able to stay awake to await his return with two cups of the delicious drink. The stress and aftermath of the continued over-usage of your powers took their toll on you, not caring about your worrying mind. There were no dreams for once, nothing but the darkness enveloping you in softness and tender forgetfulness.

 

When you woke up a few hours a later you jerked up and frantically scanned the room, not able to put together the pieces of what had happened at first. You eyes finally rested on the pod, Shiro still fast asleep.  
Next to you you noticed a cup and a note from Lance, informing you that “ _it tastes much better hot, but to drink it cold is better for the skin!_ ”.  
Just as you wanted to reach out, a shy smile one your lips, the doors behind you slid open, making you turn your head as if you were ready to defend yourself against anyone who might planned to attack you.  
  
“Keith...”, you exhaled, relief flooding through you, “How long... What time is it?”  
  
He came over to you and sat down, his eyes carefully scanning your expression, “It's five in the morning. Lance just came by to wake me.”  
  
This made you scoff a little, “You guys put up a schedule to watch me while I wait and watch Shiro?!”  
  
“Pretty much, yes.”  
  
“Why..?”  
  
Keith gestured towards the cup, “You gonna drink that?”  
  
“Don't change the topic... But yeah, I wanted to drink it.”  
  
At your answer he paused a little, deep in thought, “You don't need any of us to survive. You are so strong, probably stronger than any of us. You always get out of your way to keep us safe. Your arms are always open as is your heart. No matter what you think of yourself, you are doing so much for each of us. You saved me when I didn't know what to do. You always keep an eye on the others. So this time we wanted to catch you if you fell.”  
  
“But you always do!”  
  
Keith smiled at this, “Yes. Because that's what friends do. What family does.”  
  
His last remark made you tear up, causing you to throw your arms around him and hold him tight. For once he didn't say anything but just stayed there. You even felt him putting his arms around you as well.  
No matter what would happen, Keith had no family to return to on Earth. To him his family was right there with him on the front-lines. He could lose everything within the blink of an eye.  
  
“I already said it once...”, he mumbled, “But I am so glad you talked to me on your first day and interfered on the second.”  
  
You hummed, the emotions making you speechless, “Me too, Keith. Me too.”  
  
  
  
A couple of hours later, Allura, Coran and the others came into the room signalling you that Shiro would be woken up rather soon. This filled you with excitement on the one, and fear on the other side. A tiny fraction of your still tired brain even began to worry whether you looked okay or if the dark circles Lance had mentioned the night before would ruin everything. The bigger part of your thoughts just mentally shook their head at this, but allowed them to stay there to distract you from all the dark thoughts that started to form as your mind wandered to the question what would happen if the pod didn't work.  
If it wasn't enough to safe him.  
  
According the time Coran had on his weird device, it would only take a few more minutes before the pod would automatically begin the wake-up-sequence. They surely took their time to pass.  
Just as the time showed a mere minute Shiro began to moan and groan, almost as if he was in pain.  
Your heart sank.  
  
“He looks like he's having a bad dream...”, Hunk muttered, looking worryingly at Allura and Coran.  
  
No one replied, everyone just waiting for the pod to finally open. The last seconds stretched on for far to long before a green light above the pod finally appeared and the door began to slide down slowly.  
Your heart hammered against your chest as you watched Shiro opening his eyes, looking around the room, his gaze still clouded.  
Lance and Keith helped him out of the pod, asking him how he felt.  
  
“I'm okay. Just a little dizzy.”, he replied with a tiny yawn, before his eyes met yours and he froze in place, silently mouthing your name.  
  
You just looked at him, taking every little detail in, not able to understand that he was indeed standing there, right in front of you. So much had happened, so much went wrong... And yet, he came back to you.  
Your eyes grew big and round, tears forming in the corners as you out your hands to your mouth, a tiny smile spreading across your face.  
  
“[Y/N] didn't leave your side while you were in there.”, Pidge said, pointing at the pod.  
  
You shot him a warning glanze but he only stuck out his tongue.  
  
“She's almost as stubborn as you, Shiro.”, Lance added, making you wail silently.  
  
“At least she ate something!”, Hunk contributed.  
  
You couldn't help yourself as your cheeks started to turn pink. This was horrible... Why would they do this to you?  
Did they want to tease you? Or were they indeed trying to help you?  
Either way, Shiro didn't respond to any of it.  
Instead he coughed lowly before he closed the distance between you with a few quick yet shaky strides and gently touched his forehead to yours. This caused the others to cheer, making you two chuckle.  
  
“They never change, do they?”, he muttered, only for you to hear.  
  
“I guess not.”, you replied, almost chocking on a sob.  
  
You two remained like that for a couple a moments, fingers intertwined, eyes closed. There were no words which could describe the bursting feeling inside your chest or your hammering heart. Nothing could come close to the relief you felt with every breath. He really came back to you, just as he had promised. It felt so good to feel his warmth, to listen to the sound of his breath.  
Unfortunately even this moment of intimacy ended when Shiro lifted his head and placed a kiss on your forehead before he turned and looked at the others.  
  
“When I was asleep... In that pod, I had a dream. Or, more of a memory to be precise. I think I know what our next step should be. “, he said, not letting go of your hand.  
  
“Shiro, you've just woken up. Surely we have enough time for you to rest a bit before we head out to our next adventure.”, Pidge replied, looking over to Allura.  
  
“We're at war... And after the escape form Central Command and how everything turned out, I am not sure we even have that much time.”, the princess muttered under her breath, he face clearly showing that she was not happy about this announcement either, “At least... Before we decide anything, let us listen to your idea, Shiro.”  
  
He just nodded and looked down on his prosthetic, “I remembered my escape form the Galra-ship... I had help. Someone onboard helped me to flee. And he saved some information – important information – within my arm. Something about an ally within the Galra called The Blade of Marmora...”  
  
At this Allura gasped, not sure what to make of it. She didn't trusted the Galra who conspired behind her father's back and threw almost the entire universe into war, Even to your ears this sounded awfully set up. But at the same time, you didn't seem to have much choice, especially with the castle in such a fragile shape.  
As the silence spread through the whole room you squeezed Shiro's hand to signal him that you were with him, no matter what.  
  
“I'd say we give it a shot. The worst that could happen is that we come up with nothing and in turn have to come up with another plan.”, Pidge was the first to say something, everyone looking at him, “My guess would be that there are resistance-fighters within the Galra-Empire. History shows that those exist within every regime.”  
  
He had a point there, even Allura knew this. Furthermore, you had no other lead at that moment which gave Zarkon and the Galra an advantage you'd refused to think about.  
  
With a defeated exhale Allura straightened her back and ordered, “Scan Shiro's arm at once. Meanwhile Coran and me will start the most necessary repairs. Something tells me that we might need the castle's defensive-systems sooner than later.”  
  
  
  
Pidge instructed you down to his lab in roughly half an hour since he needed some peace of mind to set everything up. The glimmer in his eyes however gave something else away which caused you to avert your gaze. As much as you loved your friends, the way they tried to push you into action was sometimes too much to bear.  
Even Shiro noticed at that point once you've followed him to his room – something that just came naturally to both of you.  
  
“It would be funny if not cute if we weren't in the middle of a space-war.”, he mused as he went ahead and took out some clothes from his drawers.  
  
As soon as you noticed you turned around, your cheeks burning, asking yourself why you had come with him in the first place. For the first time you had no hard time to find the answers and you weren't ashamed of them: Because you wanted to.  
And Shiro didn't seemed to mind...  
  
“Also I have to admit that without the others I bet we wouldn't even have come this far.”, he continued, amusement in his voice, completely oblivious how nervous you were.  
  
Afraid to give too much away you just hummed and stared at the door, hoping he was done changing soon. As the seconds ticked on you began to shuffle your feet, not knowing what to say or do. Shiro had fallen completely silent which caused you to look over your shoulder after a while only to look away as fast as you could.  
  
“Could you finally get changed?!”, you called out.  
  
Shiro just laughed happily about this outcome. He had just waited for you to turn, looking at you in anticipation, the fresh shirt still in his hands. Still, you finally heard the rustling of his clothes and a faint hum to indicate he was done. Carefully you turned around, almost waiting for him to prank you with something else, taking advantage of your flustered state.  
  
“Don't worry. I am evil but not that evil.”, he purred, tilting his head to one side, eyes shining brightly.  
  
You only huffed at this, “Depends on who you ask I guess.”  
  
Shiro just rolled his eyes, “I can hear how much you must've missed me...”  
  
This changed the atmosphere in his room at once, making you freeze all over, the memories coming back.  
Waking up all alone in the middle of the unknown.  
Not knowing whether he was even alive.  
Seeing him mortally wounded.  
And all of this because of you.  
  
“[Y/N], I am sorry... I went too far...”, he whispered instantly, noticing the shift of your mood.  
  
“You have no idea...”, you looked up at him, pain all over your face, “You have no idea how much I've missed you. I thought you died. I thought you died because of me and my incapability to even do anything right! I wasn't able to do ANYTHING other than passing out while all of you were fighting for your lives! You almost died because I wasn't there!”  
  
The dam broke, all the feelings you had bottled up inside of you made there way up your throat, forming almost incoherent sentences, drowning in sobs.  
It hurt.  
It hurt.  
It _hurt._  
  
“I thought I lost you... For real... I thought I lost you because I was too weak... Seeing you in that pod I wished I could take all the pain from you. I hate this war, I hate everything about it! I don't know whether or not we're going to make it through the day, if I will see you once I open my eyes. I have no idea how we should defeat anything or anyone with me as deadweight. I hate seeing you walking off with the others to fight another stupid battle. It hurts... It HURTS...”, you pressed your face into your handy, trying to stop those stupid tears from falling, trying to block out Shiro's expression, “I can't... Lose you... Please, don't do this to me again... I can't take it... It's too... It's all too much.”  
  
For a moment only your muffled sobs cut through the silence, before you heard Shiro carefully approaching you. He moved slowly, making it clear what he wanted, trying not to startle you. To give you the time and space to decide what you wanted and what you needed. Without missing a beat you buried your face in his chest, finding yourself in a tender embrace. Shiro nuzzled your hair with his nose while you listened to his heartbeat.  
  
“You are not weak... And what you did saved all of us.”, he muttered lowly, “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes for just a moment so you would finally understand just how bright and strong you are. You are even able to silence my own demons... You catch me if I fall. You always keep a cool head. You always fight until the very end... You never give up. You are my sword and shield.”  
  
You felt him hugging you a tad bit closer as he continued, “When I went out there to retrieve Black I was so scared... Whatever happened back there hurt a good amount and I wasn't sure I would make it... My jetpack malfunctioned which caused me to board their ship only to run into the witch... She was the one who caused this wound. If Pidge and Hunk wouldn't have come to safe me... All this time I only held on to the image of your smile and how I wanted to come back to it...”  
  
Shiro shuffled, took you by the shoulders and looked you in the eye with the most tender yet painful expression in his gorgeous dark eyes, “You saved me. More than you will ever know. You saved me when I was only a kid and had no place to return to, no home. You saved me when everyone wished for me to be someone else. You saved me from giving up. You saved me when I needed to survive as a fighter for the Galra's amusement. You saved me from myself when I lashed out and attacked you. You saved me from the Haggar's magic by infusing the black lion with your own. You saved me when Keith and I landed on this dead planet... Every single time I thought the darkness would swallow me up you found me and brought me back. Every time you gave it your all, you sacrificed so much for my sake. And all I want to do is to protect this bright light within you, because... Because I think you really don't know how wonderful you are. How amazing. How strong.”  
  
There was this tugging at your heart just as he had finished. But it felt different from all the times you drew onto your powers. This time it felt as if your heart was telling you something for your own sake. Something beyond words. Without paying too much attention to your hammering heart and your probably red face, you got up to your toes and gently pressed your lips against Shiro's.  
This time you did not back away but leaned into it a bit more, everything you never found a way to say right there.  
  
The kiss was nothing like you've imagined it to be.  
Yet, how do you imagine the touch of infinity? The colours and images that flashed before your closed eyes? The feeling of finally coming home?  
Of this being the only right place to be?  
  
  
  
The doors to Pidge's lab slid open a couple of minutes later, revealing a grinning group of friends as soon as they had laid eyes on Shiro and you holding hands. The tense atmosphere from before had evaporated.  
Still, no one said anything, the task at hand too important to waste any more time with such jokes. Shiro wasn't even fully seated before Pidge started to plug different cables into his robotic arm, mumbling under his breath how excited he was.  
The screen showed a green light, indicating that the connection was successful. Pidge then went ahead and started to decode the walls of numbers and letters only to let out a frustrated groan within a minute or two.  
  
“I'm not finding any coordinates... Are you sure...”, he cut himself off, biting his lower lip.  
  
“You said someone had helped you escape? And he was Galra?”, Allura asked Shiro, her expression weary.  
  
“Yes. I am positive. This was not just a weird dream, Princess. It was my memory.”, his voice was firm and even.  
  
She let out a sigh, “You know we cannot trust them... This might be a trap.”  
  
“But your father did so, a long time ago. It's not like they are all the epitome of war.”, Shiro replied, “Also... Wasn't Zarkon the first Black Paladin?”  
  
This made you jerk up your head a little. You've never heard this before. Looking over to Hunk and Lance they only shook their heads to let you know that this was the worst possible moment to ask any further. With a short nod you looked away, your eyes tracing the lines and lines of code on the screen, Pidge still trying to find anything.  
  
Come to think of it, it actually made sense that Zarkon was in some way related to Voltron and the Paladins. He was close to King Alfor and had some kind of obsession with the Black Lion. Despite almost the entire universe knowing of Voltron, having such detailed knowledge had to have another source. Furthermore, he was able to control Black to a certain degree. And he might still have the black bayard...  
  
“Why didn't you tell us about this. The truth?”, Shiro demanded, still trying to remain calm but it was clear to you that this was gnawing on him.  
  
“I wanted to protect you from the dark history of the paladins so you could go ahead and form a connection and a bond on your own. You are the Black Paladin now, Shiro. Not Zarkon.”, Allura wasn't able to meet your gazes.  
  
With a loud sigh Shiro leaned back, “Well... The Black Lion might have another take on this.”  
  
You all fell silent after this, the atmosphere in the room turning a little icy until Pidge – completely absorbed in his task – called out to you that he might've found something.  
  
“Some of those numbers repeat themselves... It might be a code!”, his eyes shone brightly at the discovery, “Let me try to extract it...”  
  
A faint smile appeared on your lips as you watched him, Hunk leaned over his shoulder, both talking in hushed voices. At the sight of this you knew that you wanted to protect all of this, no matter the cost.  
After a few moments Pidge put up a big screen for all of you to see yet it made no sense.  
  
“What... Pidge, are you sure these are the right coordinates?”, Lance asked.  
  
“I am a hundred percent certain.”, he pouted a little at the doubt of his friend.  
  
“This is...”, you tried but trailed off as there was nothing you could add.  
  
What you were looking at was something you've only ever read about in advanced astrophysics – a blue supergiant star and right next to it two supermassive black holes. Out of curiosity you pulled up a screen to visualize the gravitational waves around it, letting out a tiny gasp. There was the hint of only one right path to prevent potential visitor from being sucked in and pulled apart.  
If there really was anyone or anything there.  
  
“Essentially we have two options here. We could fly over and see what happens... Or not.”, Keith suggested, confusion all over his face.  
  
“There is no way that anything would be there! This is simply an astronomical event.”, Allura called out, “The Galra are not to be trusted at all. So this might be a trap for all we know!”  
  
The veil of silence fell as you kept analysing the strange phenomenon in front of you with different vectors and screenings. Something was off there. As if at a tiny point gravitation was put at a halt or even reversed.  
You thoughts were put to an sudden halt when the castle's defensive systems started to sound an alarm.  
  
“Someone's approaching us!”, Coran called over the intercom from his position on the bridge, causing all of you to get up and run out of the lab and back up to him.  
  
Allura got to her position on the pedestal while the paladins sat down at their stations. The incoming visuals let your heart sink. It wasn't a single ship, not even a whole Galra fleet. It was Zarkon himself with dozens of shuttles, apparently not happy that you've gotten away.  
  
_How did he find us?_  
  
“Coran, get us out of here!”, the Princess ordered, ready to power up the crystal.  
  
“I will... I will try, Princess. We're still a bit behind in terms of repairs but... Let's try this!”, at once he pushed in some numbers and jerked down a lever before Allura closed her eyes and a familiar hum started to sound.  
  
Within seconds the castle had moved across dozens of lightyears across the universe, out of the insane Emperor's grip.  
For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand it's Friday again! This week went by so friggin' fast, it's unbelievable! I sure hope you've had a good one (and a nice weekend ahead of you!) and this chapter finds you in high spirits.  
> It's a calmer one, after the angsty last week... I wanted to have some bonding between the whole group because I love all of them so much and I think the story would be less lively without them, don't you?
> 
> I hope you liked this week's chapter and I will see you next Friday - as always, leave any comments and suggestions and curses in the comments below or anywhere on my social media.  
> Take care! <3
> 
> ____________________________________________  
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> 


	15. Paroxysm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me,  
> if I stumble and fall,  
> for I know not how  
> to love too well.
> 
> I am clumsy,  
> and my words  
> do not form as I wish.
> 
> So let me kiss you instead,
> 
> and let my lips,  
> paint for you,  
> all the pictures  
> that my clumsy heart  
> cannot.
> 
> (atticus)  
> ________________________________________

After scanning the area, Coran had confirmed that no Galra were nearby which would hopefully give you the time you needed for the most important repairs. Coran and Allura went ahead and did everything they could from within while you and your friends started to change the panels and transistors on the outside so the castle would be able to put up a shield and barrier again.  
A tiny console appeared in front of you, showing different buttons and wires, and no explanation whatsoever. Coran reached out to you with instructions but neither of you understood a thing he said.  
  
Keith rolled his eyes and started to spin around while Shiro, Lance, Hunk and Pidge started on the repairs – causing more than one short-circuit before Pidge was finally able to change the necessary components and the console went back down into the ship, another one appearing a bit further down.  
  
“This is mathematically beautiful... It's a hundred times more frictionless than any exoskeleton on earth. So... beautiful!”, he exclaimed as you made your way to the next console.  
  
“It's not a sunset, Pidge.”, Lance mumbled.  
  
“You're right... A billion sunsets happen everyday...”, this made all of you laugh while Keith had taken you by the hands and began to spin around with you, almost as if he was trying to dance with you.  
  
In this manner, your group went ahead and repaired a couple more of those consoles, Pidge and Hunk again deeply in discussion about modulations and vectors while you felt dizzy already from the rounds and rounds you've been spun around beneath the black canvas. As you asked him to stop, you noticed some white fluffy parts floating around you. It almost looked like snow falling.  
A quick glimpse at Lance and Keith revealed that both of them where thinking the exact same thing. Faster than you ever anticipated, Lance gathered a good amount of “snow”, moulding it into a ball and throwing it in Keith's direction. Just before it could hit him though, Shiro – who was completely unaware of the commotion that was about to break out – floated in front of him, causing in the snowball to hit him at the back of his head.  
  
“I am sorry, Shiro. I was trying to hit Keith...”, Lance called over, already forming another ball.  
  
Still, he had no time to attack again, when a ball hit his own visor, causing him to drop his own.  
  
“Like that?”, Keith laughed.  
  
The noise made Hunk and Pidge turn their heads and their eyes to grow bigger when they saw what you were up to. They immediately joined in, throwing balls of the weird white stuff to and fro, while you tried to stay out of it, laughing hard,  
Your plan failed when a snowball hit you in the back, sending you a few feet forward, right into Shiro's arms.  
  
Quickly assessing the situation he took you by the waist and lifted you up a bit, “Are you hurt, my fair maiden?”  
  
“I am fine, don't worry.”, you replied, mischief in your eyes.  
  
“Still, I must find the one who attacked you – by my honour as dragon!”  
  
With this he threw you over his shoulder, formed another snowball and frantically looked around while you tried your best not to laugh too much. The first attack hit Hunk in the leg and Lance in the back, making Shiro jubilate like a little kid. But then the three of them joined forces and started to attack Shiro simultaneously.

He didn't stand a chance.  
  
“Let me go, so I can help you!”, you whispered as Shiro tried to evade yet another attack with a big smile on his face.  
  
“What person would I be if I would let my maiden participate in a fight!?”  
  
“You're a dragon... M'Lord. Not a human...”  
  
For a second he paused at this before he burst out laughing, “As you wish... Form shield!”  
  
Before you even had a moment to react or even remotely understand what he meant by that, Shiro had grabbed you by the shoulders and held you right in front of him while his boosters accelerated you both. Faster than any of your friends thought he would go, he approached them with you as his shield, making you take all the hits.  
  
As you reached them, you watched them form yet another pile of snowballs, causing you to call out, “I yield... We give up!”  
  
But it was no use, Lance, Hunk and Keith covered you in attacks while Shiro looked up at you, innocently batting his eyelashes.  
  
“That's not what I thought you would understand when I said I'd be your sword and shield...”, you mumbled, sticking out your tongue.  
  
Shiro just tilted his head as if he had no idea what you were talking about, just to be hit by a snowball straight in the face.  
  
“That's for using your girlfriend as a shield!”, Hunk called over, a big smile on his face.  
  
You exchanged a quick glance with Shiro before you both nodded. As fast as you could you took all the “snow” that stuck to you and moulded it into another arsenal of snowballs.  
  
Once you've been done Shiro called out, “Form canon!”  
  
This was your cue to relentlessly throw snowballs at your friends while he held you firmly by the shoulders and steered you into the right direction. It was only a matter of moments before the others gave up and a truce was established.  
  
“You should've accepted our defeat when you still could.”, you mumbled as you helped Lance to clean his visor.  
  
It was only then that you noticed that Pidge was still a couple of metres away, close to the last console you've been working on, with a contamination-unit in his hands. You haven't noticed that he backed out of the snowball fight.  
Quickly you've moved towards him, feeling a bit guilty for not noticing sooner. Moving close to him caused Pidge to turn his head quickly and look at you with glee all over his face.  
  
“Found another puzzle to solve?”, you asked as he handed you the tube he had been holding.  
  
“The bioluminescent pulsing you see doesn't seem natural to me. I want to check it out in the lab.”, he replied, happiness clear on his face.  
  
Looking at the white fluffy mass inside made you think what you've been playing around with. It was certainly too soft to be any kind of asteroid, which would only leave the option of it being some kind of spore or other organic material. But how did it get here? And how did it survive?  
Furthermore, Pidge was right, the pulsing didn't seemed natural...  
  
“It looks like... a code?”, you said, louder than you thought.  
  
Pidge nodded, “That's what I am dying to know. You can't program a spore, so what is it?”  
  
“Let's find out.”  
  
  
  
As soon as you got through the decontamination-process, Pidge made a run for his lab, leaving all of you behind. It would be half an hour at least before he would find anything which gave all of you some time to relax. You decided to join Hunk who was headed for the kitchen to bake some cookies, while the others made their way to the bridge to let Allura and Coran know that the outer repairs were finished.  
  
“Calms the nerves and is good for the soul.”, he said simply as you two entered the kitchen.  
  
Since the infiltration of the castle and the goo all over the counters, Coran had actually rearranged the whole room so it resembled more a kitchen you knew from Earth than a military canteen. If you'd woken up with no memories, this room wouldn't have given away that you were millions of lightyears away from home.  
That was until you'd open one of the cupboards or drawers to reveal innumerable ingredients, labelled in a language you've only just begun to grasp.  
  
“So what we're going to do... Or at least trying to do, are simple chocolate-chip cookies.”, you heard Hunk mumbled as he rummaged through the drawers, trying to make sense of the things he encountered.  
  
You walked over to him, examining the things he'd already aligned on the counter. From the brief lessons Coran had shared with you while you repaired the engines or went through some analyses you were able to read simple words like “flour” and “sugar” alright. But some other things made simply no sense of why they would be stored in the kitchen.  
  
“S... Sca... Scaultrite... Hunk, what kind of ingredient is that?”, you showed him a small package of white powder that looked a lot like flour.  
  
“I have no idea. It doesn't even sound like you're supposed to eat that!”, he replied with a frown.  
  
You hummed as you put the package back into the cupboard and let out a happy cry when you found something labelled “chocolate”. With that you've gathered everything you needed and Hunk began to give orders so you two would not fall over each other while you worked on the best batch ever.  
Once you understood how the scale worked – the measurements a tad bit different from the ones you knew – you already felt like a chef which caused your friend to laugh. The dough was quickly assembled and from the looks of it, you were about to feast on a ton of cookies.  
  
“So, [Y/N], you and Shiro...”, Hunk mumbled as he lined a backing tray with perfectly shaped balls of dough.  
  
Your head jerked into his direction, a faint blush painting your cheeks, “What about it? It's no secret... I mean, all of you knew before I understood it...”  
  
“Yeah, you two are not that perceptive when it comes to that...”, he paused for a moment, his eyes being overshadowed with a dream-like expression, “But actually, that's not what I meant to say.”  
  
Tilting your head to one side you just waited and looked at him.  
  
“How do you hold up. I think that's what I wanted to ask...”  
  
“What... Why?”  
  
Hunk let out a sigh, “You should've seen yourself when we didn't make it to the launch on time. Or when we learned that he disappeared. It was as if every last bit of life had been drained from you. No stars dancing in your eyes.”  
  
“Hunk...”, you breathed, almost embarrassed.  
  
“Sorry, it's not my place to say things like that...”, he scratched his head, “I meant that... Whenever Shiro is around, and even more so after the ball, everything shifted inside of you. You shine so bright and it's wonderful to watch. As a friend, I want you to stay as radiant. So what I am concerned with is... This war... And you...”  
  
His voice trailed off, as if he was ashamed of what he had just said. You on the other hand just stood there, not able to understand anything. You thought you've kept it all inside all this time, only breaking down when the moon kept you company. To learn that you were an open book to your friends all this time – who kept quiet for your own sake – hurt more than you ever thought.  
  
“I am sorry... I never meant to do you any harm...”, you whispered.  
  
He just shook his head, “You did not. The burden you carried... and probably still do, is something no one of us could even begin to understand.”  
  
Just like that you two fell silent for a moment, words not strong enough to express any of the thoughts and feelings welling up inside of you.  
  
“I am sorry I asked such a stupid question. It's not my place after all.”, Hunk said lowly, putting the last cookies on his tray before he turned to you.  
  
“No reason to be. Really. I just don't know how to answer it...”, you let out a long sigh and briefly closed your eyes, “Ever since Shiro came back to Earth it's like all I... all we have are short moments, stolen glimpses to be ourselves. The ball was such a moment and it almost ended in a catastrophe. Every calm minute I am able to sneak him away from his duties... It's almost as if it's not meant to be in the mess we're in right now...”  
  
Your gaze met Hunk's who listened intently, an almost pained expression on his face.  
  
“When he woke up from the healing pod... It was a minute a best before reality crashed in again. I always feel so weak and, honestly, like nuisance when I think about the dangers all of you keep being thrown into and I am always just standing there, hoping to find the fraction of a good idea in my mind. Everyone always says how valuable I am but seeing you in action, seeing your bruises and how your faces are overshadowed at times... How could I compare? I wish I could do something more, I want to keep all of you safe... I want us all to find peace again.”  
  
Clenching your fists you felt a lump form in your throat but you tried to press on.  
  
“So how am I keeping up? Honestly, I have no idea. I am trying to find those moments, to steal as many calm seconds as I can, for all of us. It feels wrong... but so right at the same time.”  
  
After you've closed your mouth you averted your gaze, not able to read Hunk's expression. The seconds ticked by as you silently lined your own tray with dough, biting your lower lip. He was so concerned and asked you a simple question and yet you were not able to even remotely answer it in a way that would made sense.  
You heard him shift a bit which made you look up again, only to be met with a mischievous smile. What was he up to now?  
  
“May I ask another question?”, he purred.  
  
Confused you just nodded, still not able to make head or tails of his sudden change of expression.  
  
“How was the first kiss?”  
  
Silence fell.  
You just blinked a few times, not sure whether you had understood the question correctly.  
Once it had made its way through your head you felt your cheeks starting to warm up and your eyes to grow big. Why would he ask you something like that after your speech?  
You opened and closed your mouth a few times, not able to form any words, too confused to even think straight.  
Hunk on the sider waited patiently, not moving a single muscle.  
  
Yes, why indeed?  
  
He was never one to mock you or made fun of anything you said or did so he would start this right now. Quite the contrary, he was always nudging you to be honest with yourself and your feelings.  
This was when it hit you.  
It was not that he was trying to put you on the spot but to lighten the mood. He seemed to understand what you had tried to tell him.  
Neither of you knew how to untie this mess, this war.  
So Hunk went ahead and, after taking everything you've said to heart, tried to turn the tables.  
A weary smile appeared on your lips which made his eyes light up as well – he must've caught on.  
  
Instead of giving him an answer, you walked over to him and hugged him tight, “Thank you.”  
  
  
  
The cookies were in the oven and you went ahead to clean up the mess you've made. No matter how advanced Altean technology was, they seemed to never have thought of a dishwasher.  
  
“I still can't believe he used you as his shield! Who does that?”, Hunk shook his head with a chuckle.  
  
You only shrugged, “He's always been like that. But, to be fair, I did the same when we were younger.”  
  
“You can actually lift Shiro up?!”  
  
Now it was your turn to laugh, “No! But I would shove him around or would hide behind him during a snowball fight. He's always been bigger than me.”  
  
“Man, and here I was, beginning to imagine you as strong as Atlas...”  
  
You shot him an apologetic glance before you two fell silent for a while, each of you seemingly absorbed in the task at hand. Still, you had to admit that you wouldn't have minded some conversation to get your mind off the gross and sticky dough you tried to wash off the spoons.  
  
As he scrubbed the bowl, Hunk casually asked, “So? How was it?”  
  
“You're not letting me off the hook, hm?”, you grinned.  
  
“Me? Never!”  
  
Thinking back to it made your heart start to dance inside your chest as you remembered his soft warm lips on yours. How his hands traced your back as if it was the most delicate thing in the world. How he had softly called your name as you parted...  
  
“It was like a touch of infinity...”  
  
  
  
Just as the cookies came out of the oven you heard Pidge call for you over the intercom that he had finished his analyses of the weird spores. With a loud sigh you left the trays to cool in the kitchen and made your way to the lab where everyone else was waiting for you, Shiro already in a discussion with Pidge.  
  
“So what do we have here?”, you heard Shiro ask, his eyes glued to the screen in front of him.  
  
“It's a code. I don't know how, I don't know who but someone was able to put a coded message on this spores!”, Pidge jumped up and down in his seat excitement all over his face, “So what I did was to let it run through some code-breaking varieties including my home-made Turing-machine which I had to re-calibre of course because the original one is rusty old and...”  
  
“Pidge.”, Keith interjected with a hidden grin, “What does it say?”  
  
The younger one yelped before he scratched his nose, “Yeah... right... Under attack. Galra. Help. And some coordinates.”  
  
“So I guess that's where we're headed next. We cannot ignore it.”, Allura said, glancing over to Coran.  
  
  
  
According to the information Coran shared with you as he casually punched in the coordinates, was the planet you were about to visit – or rather, free from oppression – called Olkarion. The alien race that lived there was therefore called Olkari. A highly advanced society which was well-known for their ability to shape solid materials almost to their very will – like magic. They were regarded as very specialised engineers throughout the galaxy.  
Only you've never heard of them, but then again, Earth seemed to be so far behind in some aspects that you had started to wonder how you've been able to survive as a species at all.  
Coran then went ahead and presented you with a cube that could easily fit in the palm of his hand. It turned out that it was equipped with a recording device. What's more, the cube was able to float on its own and – even more surprising – it divided itself into four smaller cubes which started to float around you in formation, repeating the sentence Coran had given it in perfect synchronicity.  
  
“That's some crazy stuff...”, Lance mumbled, not able to tear his eyes away from the strange device.  
  
“It also raises the question why a society so advanced would send a distress-signal via spores...”, Keith mumbled, looking over to you.  
  
You thought about this for a moment, your eyes following the vectors on-screen which indicated the exact location the signal came from. It was far out, not even close to the city Allura called their capital.  
  
“Maybe they had no other choice...”, you mumbled under your breath, your heart sinking.  
  
A bad foreboding took a hold of you as you thought about the prospect of being engaged in yet another battle to death with the Galra. The last one ended in Shiro almost dying in your arms.  
Your heart was not ready to deal with yet another blow.  
  
_Seal it off.  
Let it go._  
  
There was no place really for feelings or any type of relationships in a mess like this. It would've been so much healthier to just keep a distance between you two, you understood that now.  
Love was something for times of peace, not war.  
Each of your friends was carrying a huge burden as is. It was finally time that you played your role in this.  
Maybe you've understood this a long time ago, maybe even when you initially pushed Shiro away... But then again, these were your friends, your family.  
Your head was a mess, your heart even more so. What was right, what was wrong? You didn't know anymore. All you wanted was for all of you to be able to survive another day. And another. And another.  
  
As if he was able to read your troubled mind, Shiro put a hand on your shoulder, making you jump a little, “We will just check out the situation first. No risky fighting. I promise.”  
  
For a moment you just looked at him, your lips trembling a little, before you averted your gaze, “Don't make promises you're not able to keep.”  
  
“[Y/N]...”  
  
“This is war, after all. There is no room for such childish things.”, clenching your fists you tried to look him in the eye, “We will do whatever it takes to free the universe. You will do what you have to do as a leader of Voltron and I will do what I can from the bridge.”  
  
His expression was unreadable yet somehow he seemed to grasp what you involuntarily were trying to do, “Don't. Push. Me. Away.”  
  
“You're the one heading into battles you seemingly can't win. And as far as I remember, you wanted me gone as well...”  
  
Too much.  
This was all just too much.  
You had no idea what had happened to you within moments. Only minutes ago you've been talking to Hunk about a cheesy metaphor for your first kiss and now here you were, snapping at your partner, your best friend.  
  
“Don't go there...”, Shiro growled lowly, his eyes glowing.  
  
Just as you opened your mouth to give him a nasty reply, Keith stepped between you and pushed you away from each other.  
  
“Get a hold of yourself, this is no T.V. Show!”, he shook his head disapprovingly, “We've all been under an immense amount of stress. Calm down, the both of you. Don't let it win.”  
  
With a loud _tsk_ you turned around and walked over to stand next to Coran while Shiro followed you with his eyes, his expression falling, sheer helplessness painted all over his face for a moment. Crossing your arms you just stared at the console and the screens in front of you, trying to block out the urge to just run back to him and apologize.  
  
You've always been a hot-headed person. When you were younger you would fight on an almost daily basis about absolutely nothing just to fall into each others arms minutes later.  
But this was different.  
This time around it wasn't about who ate the last piece of chocolate or whether or not you were able to jump higher.  
This time it was about trust and ultimately, his life.  
  
But still...  
Instead of instantly snapping at you, you should've talked to him about what bothered you so much. That was the least you could do, right? Yet, from the moment you arrived at the Garrison years ago, there never seemed to be really any time to talk if you were not arguing. What you really needed was some time off, some peace of mind to talk things through without fearing to be torn to pieces any minute.  
  
You looked at him from the corner of your eye, your belly churning. He was talking to Lance and Hunk about something you couldn't hear. Your heart skipped a beat as you watched his earnest expression making way to his boyish and broad smile.  
This was what you wanted to protect no matter the cost.  
Shiro's eyes met yours for a brief moment, making you abruptly turn your head and your heart to race.  
  
You were just children, all of you. Why did you find yourselves in such a war in the first place?  
Why did Shiro seemed to be right in the middle of it all, the point where all the crossroads meet?  
  
The minutes ticked by as Allura and Coran steered the castle into the right direction. They were still not ready to use the teludav again since the most necessary repairs haven't been completed. This meant that you had some time on your hand before you'd arrive. And even more time to overthink ever last syllable you spat at Shiro.  
You could've just walked over to him and apologize.  
He would accept it, no questions asked.  
  
“Stupid pride...”, you whispered for no one to hear as you scratched your head.  
  
It was then that you felt your weird Altean phone vibrate in your pocket, indicating an incoming message. A little confused you fished it out of your pocket and opened the text.

 

_You can either run into my arms right now or I'm going to come for you.  
-S._

 

A light blush and a smile appeared on your lips as you typed an answer.

 

_You're black-mailing a lady? How rude!  
-[Y/N]._

 

Within seconds you heard a muffled cough and you knew that the fire had been put out.  
Sometimes things really were that easy.  
  
  
  
“Why doesn't anyone ever sends a distress-signal from a city. Why the forest? There's nothing there but sunburn and poison oak...”, you heard Pidge mumble over the intercom, frustration thick in his voice.  
  
“I like it here. It's quiet for once.”, Keith replied with a smile on his lips.  
  
“I agree. Still, don't let your guards down. There must be a reason why there was a distress-signal sent in the first place.”, Shiro played the role of the leader and the voice of reason as he felt he had to.  
  
The others agreed with him, more or less, before everyone fell silent again, following their respective train of thoughts.  
It was the first time Shiro and the others had agreed to take you with on a mission and not let you stay at the castle with Allura and Coran. It had honestly surprised you that the Princess was the one to suggest it in the first place. She did not elaborate on why she came to the conclusion that this would be the most advisable thing to do, but somehow you got the feeling that she wanted for you to be able to use your powers in order to understand and enhance them. Furthermore this mission did not appear to be even half as dangerous as the infiltration of Central Command had been which would mean that no one was in any grave danger.  
That or the simple fact that everyone had been witnessing your quarrel over nothing, deciding that the best way to avoid you worrying so much would be to let you tag along.  
Whatever it might be, you were grateful to fly with your friends after watching them leave time and again. Maybe for once you could really help them out on the front and not only come up with weird ideas from afar.

 

You shifted in your seat, looking around the lion's cockpit, trying to take everything in, to understand how it worked. Of course you had been in all of them already, but seeing the consoles lit and the whole world pass you by as you flew across the universe was just another league altogether.  
  
“[Y/N], could you give me the readings of energetic field-waves?”, Keith's voice dragged you back into the present.  
  
“Yes, Sir!”, you replied jokingly, making him scoff.  
  
You gave him the numbers he was asking for, only to make another very bad joke about him being your supervisor, for this mission at least.  
  
“You should've boarded Black after all, hm?”, looking over his shoulder he looked at you with a mixture of amusement and unhidden curiosity.  
  
“It was you who wanted me to tag along in his lion!”, you averted your gaze, not able to hide the shame you still felt after your outburst earlier.  
  
Keith fell silent, quickly glanced forward before he returned his gaze back to you, “Of course I would want you to fly with me. You're the best co-pilot I could ever ask for.”  
  
“Don't you mean I am the only one able to keep up with your quick mind?”  
  
He groaned, “Can't you take a compliment for once?”  
  
This made you chuckle a little, “I've learned from the best.”  
  
Before Keith could reply to you once more, you heard Shiro over the intercom, ordering you to stay alert as you were slowly approaching the coordinates where the signal was sent from. His eyes lingered on your face for a moment before the screen went black again. Letting out a sigh you wished for things to be as easy and normal as they had been back on Earth, before any of this had started.  
  
“You know, seeing you two fight was somewhat... refreshing.”, Keith mumbled.  
  
“Just wonderful how I exploded out of nowhere... For no reason. Just because I am confused and stressed an tired...”, you replied sulkily.  
  
“That's not what I meant. For one, we've all been on the edge, basically since we left Earth. This is war after all! I think no one thought you were just moody for no reason. At least I did not.”, he searched your face, “And secondly, it was refreshing because you finally start to communicate with each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friday, Friday~  
> Welcome back! Man, time surely flies... It feels like two more nights and Halloween is here (my favorite "holiday")!  
> Do you like it?
> 
> This week is another rather chill chapter, and as I edited it, I thought I may throw it out completely, but then I realized that I wanted my story to be about more than love and war. I want it to be about friendship and family and growing up and - ultimately - about what's important to each of us.  
> So I hope you don't mind that I take my sweet time to explore these relationships a bit more.  
> Yet, as I write this, I am also very close to finishing the story altogether and it makes me sad, because I have to leave them... And you! D:  
> But we have a few weeks until then... So I hope you enjoy this week's chapter and have a great weekend, don't forget to sleep and eat so your soul is rested for fearful Monday!  
> Stay rad <3  
> _____________________________________________  
> Shameful self-promotion!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
> [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyRr3fH5DvnbGbm-qNq3_JnkTvmX3RJF)  
> [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/hinohime)  
> 


	16. Intelligence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's a long way forward, so trust in me  
> I'll give them shelter, like you've done for me  
> And I know, I'm not alone, you'll be watching over us  
> Until you're gone
> 
> (Porter Robinson/Madeon - Shelter)  
> ____________________________________________________

The fight for the Olkari and their planet turned out to be a fierce one after all. Not only were the Olkari highly advanced and real magicians with solid materials, they also fell victim to the Galra's oppression who, in turn, knew exactly how to exploit this knowledge for their own purpose. If there was one thing they knew how to use to their best advantage it would certainly be the application of foreign technologies and wisdom for their own evil merits.  
  
As you arrived over the forest where the signal had come from, you were immediately shot down with mere arrows which were able to render the lions useless. Keith and the others had a hard time not to crash right into the vast amount of trees as the lions just shut down as if their circuits had been overloaded. Despite the dire circumstances you couldn't help yourself but be fascinated with the technology that was able to penetrate the shield and outer skin of the lions, working its way to the very core. After all, the arrows didn't even look any different. Before any of you could come up with a plan of action or even remotely assess the situation, a couple of wooden-looking mechs turned up at the landing site, trapping you in.  
Not the best sign.  
  
“This doesn't look like Galra tech...”, you head Pidge muse over the intercom, as intrigued as yourself.  
  
You heard Shiro breathing deeply before he turned the outer speakers on, “We are the Paladins of Voltron. We come in peace.”  
  
“We've received your distress-signal!”, Pidge chimed in, hoping that it would evade an attack on the helpless lions.  
  
Seconds went by, nothing moved. There was just a small breeze carrying some leafs with it. On the one hand this was calming because there was no immediate hostility, but on the other it could also mean that there was no mutual understanding between you and the aliens you've just encountered. How should you evade a disaster in such a case?  
After what felt like an eternity a single alien came forward, a wide dress hanging from her very small frame and directly looked at you.  
  
“Is it true? Are you really Voltron?”, she asked, her eyes wide.  
  
Shiro confirmed which lead an unseen group of aliens all around you cheer loudly, finally releasing the tension you've all been holding. Still, you needed some information about the circumstances that brought you there. It was Keith who asked the most burning questions.  
It turned out that only a few of the Olkari were able to flee their cities before the Galra took them over completely and turned them into their high-tech-bases. It's been years, if not decades since they were forced to live in the forest, invisible. What was even more astonishing was the fact that they were able to even advance their own technologies further and further, learning how to not only mould materials like steel and stone, but to bend organic materials such as plants and wood to their will as well. It seemed too magical to be real – but then again, you've seen so much since you've left Earth...  
  
Since the immediate danger had evaporated, you all finally left your lions, regrouping in front of the aliens, who had joined the one that first approached you. Just as you all had assembled, Pidge leaped off to investigate the Mechs and ask a million questions about the spores you've encountered. It made you and your friends as well as the alien that had approached you first – she called herself Ryner – laugh a bit. She walked over the your curious friend and explained a bit, seemingly forgetting why you had come for in the first place. Time seemed to flow differently wherever you went.  
As you watched them you felt someone putting their hand on your shoulder, making you turn.  
  
“Are you... alright?”, Shiro mumbled, trying to mask his worry.  
  
“I am perfectly fine. Keith is an amazing pilot. Not a single scratch!”, you smiled at him, hoping to set him at ease.  
  
His eyes softened and he intertwine his fingers with yours, leaning his forehead to the touch.  
Warmness flooded through you as you felt him so close.  
Shiro let out a relieved sigh before your short intimate moment was interrupted by Pidge who came running back, glee all over his face. He took you by the hands – completely oblivious to the shared intimacy – and started to tell you everything he had just heard and how amazing everything was. It was so wonderful to see him like that.  
In a peaceful universe you would've loved nothing more than to let Pidge roam freely here and let him tell you everything for hours on end.  
But this was not a peaceful universe.  
Yet.  
  
“Pidge, guys, let's talk science later. It's time to form Voltron and get rid of the Galra once and for all!”, back in his role as a leader, Shiro called out to all of you.  
  
The plan seemed simple enough.  
Only it wasn't, since the Galra had taken the leader of the Olkari prisoner which tilted everything.  
Something inside your chest was telling you that this little piece of information changed your mission a good deal.  
  
  
  
The Olkari living in the forest – and especially Ryner – were trying their best to provide you with intel and, almost even more surprising, weapons. From what you could gather, their leader, King Lubos, was held captive right in the centre of the city, overrun by Galra and sentries. The only way to access this building was from the top, which called for the green lion and its invisibility-cloak. Therefore, Pidge would take all of you onboard and drop you, before he would fly out of the danger zone until you would contact him again. It seemed simple enough.  
Just as you were scanning the site to not overlook anything, the scans revealed what the Galra really were after when they came to Olkari: a huge black cube. It looked exactly like the one Coran had been showing you earlier. What could this possibly be?  
Surely it wasn't just a big one to repeat a sentence or two. This one seemed to have a very big energy-source in its core. As this revelation rippled through everyone's thoughts you felt everyone freeze.  
Something wasn't right.  
  
“We need to rescue King Lubos before they can finish this thing.”, Pidge said, biting his lower lip.  
  
Everyone agreed and you commenced with the mission at once. Still, you just couldn't shake the dark feelings in your chest. No matter how much you thought you knew about your powers, it was still hard for you to distinguish between these foreign and your own feelings. For now you would have to stick with the plan, trying to work through this mess in your head as you walked forward.  
Not a single hitch hindered you on your way inside, no sentry or Galra tried to stop you as your little group ran towards Lubos' cell.  
Only, it wasn't even a cell.  
It was one of the most luxurious rooms you've ever seen, which made it clear to all of you what had happened here. Only you had no time to revise the plan for Lubos called for Galra-forces the moment he set eyes on you.  
  
“You... are no prisoner?!”, Hunk called out, his eyes wide.  
  
“This is bad...”, Lance mumbled, scanning the room for any possibilities to flee.  
  
Keith let out _tsk_ before he formed a sword out of his bayard and held it to Lubo's throat, threatening the Galra that he would kill their mastermind if they would try to pursue you. This only made them laugh as one of them revealed to you that the cube had been completed already  
You were too late.  
Clenching your fists you realized that your feelings had been right again, which left a bitter taste in your mouth. Wouldn't it be great if you could also act so that those things would never become a reality instead of only watching the events unfold?  
Or would you forever be forced to be a bystander while everyone else was giving their all?  
What was this power even worth if the future could not be changed even in the slightest?  
  
“[Y/N], snap out of it!”, you heard Keith call over to you while he jumped to the right, evading a laser-beam.  
  


He was right. For once you were able to participate in a fight and you were only daydreaming! With a swift movement you slid below the Galra running towards you, only to grab him by the ankles and use your own mass to throw him to one side, making it possible for Lance to shoot the one standing behind you. It was almost like a dance as you and your friends quickly moved around the room, knocking out one after the other.  
Just as you thought you had taken down all of the soldiers, reinforcements arrived, making the General of the Galra laugh mockingly before he ordered for the cube to be launched and the lions to be destroyed.  
  
As if he had felt it, Green crashed through the walls, opening her mouth, making Pidge call out to you to all get onboard. Running up the hatch as fast as you could while dragging King Lubos and his enormous with you was no easy task, but somehow you managed to return to the exiled Olkari all in one piece.  
  
“Where did you learn to fight like that, [Y/N]?”, Hunk asked, admiration in his voice.  
  
“I thought that, maybe, if my body was strong my powers wouldn't bother me so much... So while you did you Paladins-of-Voltron-stuff I trained.”, you replied, your cheeks burning, “It's not much, really...”  
  
“Well, I was able to shot that Galra only because you took care of his comrade. I'd say that was amazing teamwork!”, Lance grinned broadly, making you blush even harder.  
  
When you exited the lion, the Olkari were cheering at the sight of their leader, but Ryner immediately sensed that something was off by the way your group looked around uncomfortably. Shiro gave her a quick recap of what had happened – and that their leader had betrayed the for his own well-being – she instantly called for action, leaving the issue of Lubos and his acts for a later date.  
  
“Paladins of Voltron, you've already done so much for us by rescuing our leader. Still, in the name of all the Olkari, I beg of you to get rid of those Galran suppressors for good. We will fight alongside you with all our might.”, Ryner pleaded.  
  
A plan was quickly assembled which would hopefully work. Time was not on your side once more. You and a few Olkari would get into the city by foot, trying to evacuate as many prisoners as you could. Meanwhile Voltron would see to the cube and ultimately free the planet.  
  
“You can count on us.”, Pidge replied with a proud smile before everyone was making their way to the lions, leaving you behind once more.  
  
“Promise me you will stay here?”, Shiro asked sincerely.  
  
You let out a loud sigh, “No. I will go with Ryner and the others to see if we can do anything to help as many Olkari in the city to escape the battlefield as we can.”  
  
He blinked a few times, his mind racing, before a proud grin appeared on his lips, “I see... Well, I'm counting on you.”  
  
  
  
Just as your friends assembled Voltron, you infiltrated the city with a few Olkari, trying to stay under the radar. It wasn't exactly hard, given that Voltron and the cube drew in all the attention. On the one hand, this made your task easier, on the other you could again only watch as your friends took a serious beating as the cube seemed to be able to learn and therefore copy the weapons and attacks it encountered. This was what the energy-core was for after all. It was a huge arsenal of weapons. The fastest-learning computer you've ever seen.  
  
“It's the same as Coran's cube!”, Hunk called out just as a beam hit Voltron's shield.  
  
For some reason you could almost feel the impact with the same force as when your power was used to form sword, shield or shoulder-cannon. Biting your lips to not let out a cry you raced through the streets, shutting down as many sentries as you could, explaining where the Olkari you encountered needed to go to get out of the battlefield. Given the size of the city your task almost felt useless but you refused to give up.  
It may be nothing big but saving one more life and yet one more was never wasted.  
Taking a deep breath in you rounded a corner just as you felt an explosion of pain inside your chest as if someone had punched you very hard. The sudden impact sent you to the floor, desperately grasping for air.  
Over the intercom you heard your friends call out to Pidge and her lion who seemingly had been damaged and was no longer responsive.  
  
Cursing under your breath you tried to sit up, fighting against the lingering pain. Somehow you managed to hide behind a pile of rumble before you tried to reach out to Voltron as you've done so many times before. You could feel the lions alright, but Green somehow seemed cut off from every energy-source. This also meant that you had no way to infuse her with our own energy to get her back up and running – as you've done with Black back at Central Command.  
Breathing deeply you tried to calm your nerves and racing mind and to think of something you still could do.  
Gazing up into the bright blue sky you suddenly remembered something Ryner had said earlier, which had evoked the memory of Andy.  
  
_We're all made of the same cosmic dust._  
  
“The same... But this means...”, you mumbled, before you had an idea.  
  
Closing your eyes again, you tried to reach out to Pidge, not to boost him in any kind of way – he had everything he needed within him – but to help him unlock this door.  
The same cosmic dust meant, that there was a connection between all living things.  
This included Voltron and the lions as well as their paladins.  
  
A small, welcome tug in your chest as well as your friends happily calling Pidge's name was confirmation enough that he had been able to delve deeper into his own powers than ever before.  
The smallest of smiles appeared on your lips as you cut the connection and tried to peek around the corner, your chest still throbbing. It was beyond annoying that no matter how hard you trained the aftermath of your powers never ceased to cause you serious discomfort.  
But you were no damsel in distress. And you refused to let this get the better of you.  
Gathering your strength you got back up, breathed deeply and started running down the street again.  
Your mission wasn't over yet.  
  
  
  
With Pidge's new powers Voltron was able to defeat the Cube from the inside – ripping its very core apart – and therefore free Olkarion from the Galra after decades of suppression. The battle was short but fierce. Your advantage lay in the complete reliance in the cube. When it failed the Galra left faster than any of you would have thought possible. You met up with your friends right by the main gates. Pidge ran up to you the moment he left Green, hugging you tightly. The others joined you, everyone a little exhausted but otherwise in perfect shape.

Watching the Olkari return to their city just a short time later, would become a moment you could never forget. The sheer gratitude and happiness about their new-won freedom thick in the air.  
  
“Pidge, that was amazing!”, Lance said proudly.  
  
“Indeed. Your connection to nature and your lions is now stronger than ever.”, Ryner added with a warm expression on her face as she stepped up to your small group.  
  
“Ryner, your culture and technology is so amazing. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you or my friends. I really wish I could stay longer...”, Pidge replied, longing in his voice, his eyes wandering over the buildings and woods.  
  
“You are always welcome here, Paladins of Voltron.”, the alien replied and looked over to you, “As well as you, Silver Knight.”  
  
Your eyes grew wide, “You know about it? But... how?”  
  
She smiled warmly, “The story of the Silver Knight is shared by almost all races throughout the galaxy. Differences exist, no doubt, as it does with every story, but the core stays the same. A young knight fighting alongside their friends. It's a very appealing story to children and adults alike.”  
  
“But aren't most stories structured like that?”, Hunk asked, making Ryner nod.  
  
“That is true, young one. But the Silver Knight has a very distinct role within the team. Not really the centre of attention, not the leader or looking for fame. They would only care for whats right and their friends. Therefore the knight is able to draw from the innermost energy-source all individuals carry: the soul itself.”, she gestured towards her heart, “Most of the universe's inhabitants have forgotten that this exists within all of us. The Silver Knight on the other hand is able to unlock this source for those in need and even spread their own energy if need be.”  
  
This sounded almost as if Ryner was telling you a fairytale, but from what you've gathered so far, from your own sensations and the events you and your friends had gone through, you couldn't think of it as anything else but the truth. Or at least, as true as a mere story could be.  
It would also perfectly explain why it hurt when someone or something intervened with your power and why you felt so drained when using it too much...  
  
“All of this makes actually sense.”, Pidge mumbled, “The only thing I am still not able to understand is what the Silver Knight has to do with Voltron. We are able to form it without draining [Y/N] of her precious energy. Even forming our special weapons comes more and more natural. So why would she be with us?”  
  
“Ryner, what was it that gave it away?”, you added, your heart pounding fast at the prospect of finally getting some answers.  
  
Her eyes grew even warmer, almost as if the memories she'd recalled were very precious to her, “The Silver Knight and Voltron are not naturally linked at all. When Voltron first appeared in the Universe there was no knight to fight alongside him and his paladins. But the story goes that the Silver Knight always appears when the Universe needs them most. We live in such a time, I'm afraid. And as for why I was able to tell... I think you know the answer already.”  
  
Lance and Keith started to protest but you held up a hand to stop them and think. Ryner would not, of all times, make a fuss right now if there wasn't a reason for it. Your best guess was that she had already answered this last question with something she'd said earlier. Repeating it would not let you learn anything.  
You tried to remember your conversations thus far, piecing the picture together until it hit you.  
  
“Cosmic star dust. We are all made of the same cosmic star dust. Hence we are all connected.”, you answered, the realization flooding you with warmness, “It was the same with Pidge and his lion. You are able to feel it, right? That is why you are called magicians.”  
  
Ryner nodded, obviously pleased with your answer, “The Olkari are very sensible towards he connections between everything, from atoms to people to energy. You were basically an open book to me.”  
  
  
  
Your group thanked Ryner and the Olkari for their hospitality and all the information they were ready to share with you, before you returned to the castle a few hours later, eagerly awaited by Allura and Coran. The latter had begun with a few repairs but it would still be a while until everything would be up and running again as it had before. Furthermore, it looked like Coran needed some additional materials as well.  
  
“You've done very well, paladins!”, the Princess exclaimed happily as you entered the bridge.  
  
Your friends thanked her and went ahead to tell her about the things the two of them hadn't been able to catch from up here, such as certain visuals or close-ups. The princess listened intently, soaking the information in like a sponge while Coran added some of his crazy stories, making everyone laugh.  
As you watched them you remembered what Ryner had said once more.  
  
_The same cosmic stardust..._  
  
It made your heart ache as you recalled the images of Andy and Caroline. How you've spent so much time together and how they were just accepting you when you weren't able to pick up the pieces at all. How Andy would always try his best to cheer you up with stupid stories and how Caroline would throw you around in zero G. And how everything ended...  
  
You felt someone approaching you from behind, making you jump a little. It was Shiro, of course it was him. He seemed to be able to feel your distress miles away.  
  
“I always wondered if normal families were like that...”, he pointed at Lance and Keith who were in the middle of another argument and Hunk and Pidge showing and telling Allura and Coran how they had defeated the cube, “I have nothing to relate to after all.”  
  
You looked up to him, “Me neither, I guess.”  
  
Without missing a beat Shiro wrapped his arms around you, still standing behind you, resting his chin on your head, his voice barely more than a whisper, “We have always been like that... Always fighting and laughing and not giving up on each other no matter what. I knew I always had you, come sunshine or rain.”  
  
You leaned against him, closing your eyes, taking in his presence. Just being close to him calmed you again, letting all the dark clouds from the past evaporate, only leaving room for him. How he did that was beyond you, but you really hoped that you were able to calm him as well. To root him in the presence as well. As you listened to his heartbeat he tenderly began to stroke your head. For just a moment everything else was so far away.  
Just two hearts beating in-sync, two souls dancing amidst the stars.  
  
Unfortunately, that moment ended sooner than you had ever anticipated when the castle's alarms started to sound, visuals popping up on every screen.  
You almost fell over when you literally jumped at the sudden commotion, only Shiro catching you in time, so you would not crash right to the floor. Quickly you scanned the visuals, your mouth hanging open as the realization kicked in.  
  
“No...”, Allura breathed, horrified.  
  
“It's... It's Zarkon. How did he find us?!”, Coran exclaimed, working his controls.  
  
“His commanders must've contacted him before they left Olkarion.”, Keith mused, gritting his teeth.  
  
Right in front of the castle were more Galra-ships than you have ever seen before. Not even at Central Command. All of them were aiming at you, Coran only able to bring up the particle-barrier literally last minute. Still, the impact was severe, everyone in the room desperately holding on to something.  
Still, Shiro held you firmly, not letting go.  
  
“Are you alright?”, he asked, his eyes darting across the screens.  
  
“I am fine... We need to get out of here, the castle is in no shape to take on all of these ships.”, you looked over to Allura.  
  
“To wormhole we need to get some distance between us and their fighters or else they would follow us.”, the princess replied, steering the castle to the right, resulting in a round of loud grunts by the forces pulling you down.  
  
You could feel that Shiro was tensing up more and more, his nails digging into his hands, his teeth clenched. It was heartbreaking. You've just made it out of a fierce battle yet here you were, trying to stay alive while all you really needed was some sleep.  
  
Taking Shiro by his hands you lifted them and turned around so you could face him, “We've got this.”  
  
For a second he did not respond, before he leaned forward and placed a kiss on your forehead, “What would I do without you..?”  
  
He then squeezed your hands once more before he stepped up next to Allura, “Paladins, I know we've just been in battle but this may be the fight for our lives, so we cannot – under any circumstances – lose here. Hunk, Pidge, you will help Coran keep up the defences. Keith, Lance, get a hold of one of those battle drones and try to shoot down as many ships as you can while Allura will get us out of here.”  
  
There was no questioning his orders as everyone went ahead to work their station. You stood there a moment longer, not able to tear your eyes away from Shiro, who stood there, fully in control. It made your heart skip a beat and swell at the same time. He was a born leader, even more so without this stupid mask he had forged over the past years.

  
Walking over to him you asked, “What should I do, Captain?”  
  
He scoffed at the way you had addressed him, before he shot you a glance, “Lieutenant, get me intel about anything we could use to evade these ships and may wormhole faster.”  
  
You jokingly saluted before you walked over to the console next to Coran, trying to scan the area as fast as you could while you watched Keith and Lance shooting down one ship after the other, just so more and more gained on you. There seemed to be no end to them.  
Nothing. The scans showed nothing at all. No debris, no gravitational waves to ride on. Just a dense moon.  
You jerked your head up, sending the data to Allura's console so she could evaluate if this crazy idea could work. It only took her seconds.  
  
“Paladins, I have an idea. Hold on tight!”, she called out almost instantaneously, “I am going to use this moon's gravitation to gain some speed and put some distance between us and the Galra.”  
  
“This better works...”, Hunk yawned, fatigue painted all over his face.  
  
The castle steered sharply to the left, sending you to the floor. You were sure that you would wake up tomorrow with a big bruise on your hip but at that moment you didn't care. You clumsily stood up again just as Coran gave the all clear to wormhole. Literally last minute you were able to hold on to your console when the ship started to accelerate, everyone on board cheering.  
But the happiness was short-lived as the alarms were still blaring, resulting in Coran to run a quick system-check, only to reveal that the teludav was acting up.  
  
“Coran, what's going on?”, Allura demanded.  
  
“Several lenses are malfunctioning... I am afraid we are going to exit this wormhole a lot sooner than we had initially planned!”, he replied just as the ship exited and the alarms went quiet at once.  
  
The sudden silence was eerie, especially when your surroundings looked equally as spooky. You knew that space was vast and consisted mostly of nothing, but this part right where you had landed, looked like a graveyard.  
Death was ruling here.  
This thought sent shivers down your spine as you looked at the data Coran had put up. You've made it not even half as far as you wanted to with the wormhole, but you were still several galaxies away from Zarkon and his fleet. Everyone on board let out a sigh of relief as Coran announced that there was nothing chasing you, as not even the long-distance-scanner were able to track anything. He then added that he would go and check the main turbines so the castle would at least be able to move. Allura on the other hand ordered everyone to get some rest while the ship was hidden behind a moon's gravitational field and to think about the next steps in the morning. There was no point in making plans while everyone's head was clouded by fatigue.  
  
“We should definitely check out the coordinates in Shiro's arm once the ship is repaired. Maybe this would give us a plan of action.”, the Princess said before sending all of you off to your quarters.  
  
The doors slid shut behind you as the group slowly made its way to your rooms. Shiro looked at his robotic arm as if that would help to uncover the secret behind any of this.  
  
“Don't overthink this, Shiro.”, Hunk said, followed by a yawn, “We will cross that bridge when we get there.”  
  
“I know I just... What if this is nothing more than a very elaborate trap?”, Shiro mumbled sincerely.  
  
“Then we will make sure that the Galra get a taste of their own medicine.”, Lance replied.  
  
  
  
Despite the amount of fighting and the lack of sleep these past days, you were simply not able to even remotely think about resting. The adrenaline was still pumping through your veins, too many questions were clouding your thoughts. Not even the draining of your energy in the fight against the cub seemed to really tire you as much anymore. The pain was still in the back of your mind, but sleep was not.  
Laying on your bed you stared at the ceiling, contemplating whether or not you should sneak over to Shiro's room since he always calmed you down. But then again, he needed some rest himself, surely it wasn't his biggest wish to always be surrounded by you..?  
A silent groan escaped you, leading you to sit up and burry your face in your hands. This was a mess. Nothing made any sense. As if coming to terms with a romantic relationship wasn't enough, you also had to navigate through a war. And you thought puberty was hard...  
  
A faint knock on you door made you jump to your feet as you had no idea who would dare to come by at this hour – whatever that meant after weeks in space and without a central system to measure basically anything. As silently as you could you walked over to your door, trying to listen to any sound from the hallway, but it was only silence that greeted you. Frowning you started to question your sanity, maybe from the lack of sleep, when another knock almost gave you a heart-attack.  
With shaking fingers you pushed the button to let the door slide open, just to be greeted with the broadest grin ever.  
  
“Finally! I thought you passed out on us!”, Lance exclaimed happily, completely unaware of your messy hair and wrinkled pyjamas.  
  
“What is happening?”, you asked lamely, still trying to process the sudden turn of events, “And why are you not in bed?”  
  
This was when you heard someone clearing his throat, “Lance, maybe give her some context, will you?”  
  
“Keith...”, you closed your eyes, “What did I miss?”  
  
This made the two of them exchange glances as if you simply missed a memo.  
  
“Well. Allura said we should go and rest. And I did not really feel like sleeping so I decided to check out the pool.”, Lance explained.  
  
Your eyes grew wide, “Pool? This castle... has a pool?”  
  
“I asked him the same question.”, Keith added, shrugging, “So I tagged along. I'm curious.”  
  
“And where do I come in?”  
  
“The more the merrier! Please say yes, [Y/N]!”, Lance really looked as if it meant a lot to him.  
  
Letting out a small sigh you quickly thought this over. On the one hand you knew that you should at least get a few hours of sleep in. But as you felt right now this seemed to be impossible anyway. Going for a swim really sounded nice.  
  
“I don't know if I have any bathing-suits but gimme a moment.”, you said with a tiny smile.  
  
“She said yes!”, you never had a chance to escape Lance's hug.  
  
  
  
To your biggest surprise you really found a black bathing-suit in one of he drawers. Just as your training-gear it had purple wings on the back, which made your cheeks turn the slightest shade of pink. After only a mere five minutes you joined Keith and Lance, towel and bathing-suit in your hands and you headed off to the pool. As you arrived at the site your eyes grew big at the sheer size of the pool. You had expected something the size of a normal indoor swimming pool but this almost looked like a small lake.  
  
“Are you kidding me..?”, Lance mumbled before he literally jumped in the air, glee all over his face, “C'mon guys, let's get changed and in there!”  
  
He then went ahead and dragged Keith with him towards a separate area for them to get changed. Shaking your head you walked over to the opposite side, getting into your gear as well. It made you a little self-conscious to hear the two of them arguing all the way across the room but eventually you emerged with the bathing-suit fitting just perfectly.  
  
“Of course it does... No one would ever look bad in a black mini-whatever.”, you said to yourself as you walked back to the edge of the pool where the two boys were already waiting for you.  
  
As they heard you approaching they looked at you, only to quickly avert their gazes again.  
  
“What... Guys, this is no anime, I won't go all _nya_!”, you imitated a weird sigh and crossed your arms over your chest before starting to laugh.  
  
“B-but you just did!”, Lance stammered, still refusing to look at you.  
  
You just stared at them as they were looking around the room, anywhere but at you, giving this situation a weird vibe. Where did that come from? What did they expect when they asked you to join them – that you would jump in with you pyjamas?  
Since you knew nothing to untangle the situation you just walked over to the pool and just dove into the crystal blue water. As you emerged again you called over to them to join you.  
  
“What's the fun to go to the pool but just sit there!?”  
  
Finally they started moving again and quickly joined you in the water. The temperature was amazingly cool, the pool deep enough to dive a bit but not too deep to foster any fears. Keith was the first to completely brush aside any blocking the unfamiliar situation might've caused them. He then went ahead, took you by the waist and lifted you up a little.  
  
“No. No. Keith! No!”, you laughed as he went ahead and started to lift you up like you were the actors of a famous dancing movie.  
  
Of course it failed and you to crashed back into the water, splashing it all over Lance who had tried to relax a little on his back. He then went and threw you at Keith which made no sense to any of you but you didn't care. It was just fun and games. For just these moments you locked reality away and just behaved like the children you still were.  
Time flew by until the three of you took a rest on the sun-chairs that seemed to have appeared out of thin air. As you chatted about anything and nothing you couldn't help yourself but look your friends over. Hidden behind their armour it was easy to forget just how lean they really were. Keith even had a shy six-pack while Lance had impressive upper-arm-muscles.  
  
“Not as buff as Shiro but pretty impressive, hm?”, Lance's voice let you snap back to reality.  
  
“I was not...”, you tried but by the way he looked at you you knew that it was no use, “Yeah. Ok. I was looking.”  
  
“Like what you see?”  
  
“Lance!”, Keith called over, hitting him with his towel, “Stop making her uncomfortable!”  
  
“You two are like a broken comedy-show...”, you laughed, tilting your head, “I was just admiring how much you two have grown. Inside and out. I am so very proud of you.”  
  


This made them both pause for a moment, before the jokes and comedy melted away, only leaving a warm look on their faces. Moments like this were so precious to you, so very rare compared to the harder times and the easy jokes. You didn't mind the latter, but those calm bits always reminded you of home. Of the easy things.  
And of the things you needed to protect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I am so LATE this week!  
> I apologize, work is crazy right now and I am not looking forward to how stressful it's continuing to be the coming months... I honestly have no time to write so... I feel very behind but ANYWAY!
> 
> This week we get the first glimpse on how things start to crumble around our group... And the pool. I wanted this scene so bad because it seemed so cool?! And cliché I admit... But who hates some Dirty Dancing gone wrong? I also sneaked in a small bow to Season 7, did you catch it? I just couldn't resist...  
> I promise that we will have more action next week, I am just not the type to rush things, especially because I want to have some gradual progress... But there will be so much action we will all need to sit by the pool once we're done here... At least I have to...
> 
> Have a wonderful weekend and a rad week!  
> <3  
> ___________________________________________________  
> Shameful self-promotion!  
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> 


	17. Runaround

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These nightmares wrap their evil hands  
> around my soul at night,  
> they try to pull me deep within,  
> a world that's ruled by fright.  
> These dark thoughts may follow me  
> but they'll never win this fight.  
> I'll escape these looming shadows,  
> with the help of dawn's first light.
> 
> (Christy Ann Martine)  
> _________________________________________________

“So, how's your dating going?”, Lance casually asked, pure curiosity on his face.  
  
“We're not... dating.”, you whispered back, feeling your cheeks slowly turning red, “We don't go... on dates.”  
  
For a split-second, Lance looked utterly horrified, his eyes darting over to Keith who just gave him a shrug, before he realised that there really was no way of you two _going anywhere,_ let alone on a romantic date. He clearly felt ashamed by his question, trying to think about anything to say that would make it less awkward.  
  
“When we were still on Earth... I always thought about how I would like to do so many things with Shiro. Just because it would be fun.”, you closed your eyes as you remembered all the things you did manage to do.  
  
Sneaking into the cinema, watching movies you were too young for. Building a little camp in the forest behind school. Meeting at unearthly hours just to watch the stars and complain about being tired the next day. Dancing in the rain.  
The last thing was Shiro's idea because he overheard girls in his class saying that would be amazing, so he decided to give it a try. It only ended in you two sharing a cold, texting back and forth how boring it was to stay in bed.  
Even as you arrived at the Garrison you made amazing memories, meeting new friends and even learned to stand up for yourself. And if you were completely honest with yourself, even after you've left Earth you managed to safe some moments for the fascinating things.  
  
Then of course, your thoughts wandered to the things you haven't been able to.  
And maybe never will.  
  
You calmly opened your eyes, realizing that both of them had been watching you intently. Keith even got up, walked over to you and sat down right next to you, leading you to lay your head on his shoulder.  
  
“I always wanted to go to the movies without fearing to be kicked out. And I wanted to go the this big museum that had opened in our town shortly before he left...”, your voice was barely more than a whisper but you were sure that both of them understood every syllable, “Like... I wanted to do all these stupid, childish things... Maybe... all I really wanted was to stop time.”  
  
“I think we all do at some point.”, Keith's voice was low, “Especially after such a day, full of battles... Thinking of life back at the Garrison sure sounds amazing.”  
  
“It was. Because all of you were there.”, this remark made you look up at Lance who looked a bit as if his eyes were tearing up, “And that's exactly why we have to fight. To give us and everyone else a future.”  
  
A warm smile appeared on your lips washing all the negativity away, “You really have grown so much...”  
  
  
  
It wasn't long until your chatter became light and comedic again, neither of you willing to sacrifice this calm moment to those dark clouds you've all been carrying around. Lance was starting to think about all kinds of crazy scenarios to get you and Shiro on a date while Keith even went as far to suggest to trap you two in one of the training-rooms. This let the memory of Shiro's haunting yellow eyes resurface and you froze for a moment, before you tried to laugh this idea off.  
Yet of course, Keith had noticed, but just as he was about to question you about it, the alarm started to sound again, making the three of you jump to your feet and, without thinking, run straight to the bridge, not even bothering to pick up your clothes or towels.  
  
“This better be a false alarm.”, Keith breathed.  
  
You nodded but couldn't shake the feeling that this was, indeed, a very very real alarm. Like the ones you had just a few hours ago. Biting your lower lips you three entered the room just as the first images started to flash across the screen.  
  
“Oh no... Particle barrier up!”, Allura ordered, “Coran! What's our status, are we ready to wormhole?”  
  
His image appeared next to the Galra fleet's visuals as he was still working in the machine-rooms, “I'm afraid, it would be difficult. I still haven't been able to readjust the lenses. Like this... I am not sure whether the teludav would be able to generate enough power!”  
  
You watched the princess tensing up at this, “Do what you can. And do it fast.”  
  
Meanwhile everyone was back at their consoles which looked rather funny in Lance's and Keith's cases since they were still wearing they bathing-shorts and nothing else. Yet there was no time for jokes – the Galra started to close in on you at an alarming speed.  
  
“How is this possible... How could they find us that fast? That's not possible... right?”, Lance muttered under his breath while he tried to stay as calm as possible as did everyone else.  
  
He and Keith were manoeuvring small drones again, trying to clear a path so the castle could do a wormhole-jump once more, while Hunk helped Allura with the barrier and Pidge was called down to lend Coran a hand with the engines. The general idea was to shut down any systems that were not essential for the time being in order to gather enough energy to even jump a little while.  
You followed their doings over your own screen, trying to remain calm and not feel useless yet once again. Breathing deeply you were trying to think of what could possible be the cause for Zarkon being able to find you just like that despite the big distance between you.  
Surely there must be a logical explanation.  
  
Clenching your fists your mind started to race, desperately trying to find a way out of this mess.  
How, just how was this even possible that Zarkon and his fleet had already found you?  
The ship would’ve revealed any tracking-device and surely none of you would think it advisable to whisper the Galra what you were about to do. Again, this would also indicate that you actually had a plan to safe the universe, which was by far the last thing you thought about these days – the repairs took up all of the short amount of time you had at hand.  
  
“We need to form Voltron and give these guys a taste of their own medicine!”, Keith called out, clearly agitated by the sudden ambush and the seemingly endless ships trying to gain on you.  


“That would be the worst thing to do. We didn’t stand a chance at Central Command. If Zarkon is able to track us down surely there is a way he could beat us. He would not chose a fight he could lose.”, Shiro replied, his face tense.

He was right, all of you knew that. And yet it felt awful to just sit there and hope that you would somehow make it out there alive. As the seconds ticked by you felt everyone in the room lose hope until the eagerly awayited call from below came. By Pidge’s genius he and Coran were able to divert the energy so they could power up the teludav once more – maybe for the last time. A wave of cheers washed through the room as Allura manoeuvred the castle as far away from the Galra as passible, Lance and Keith at the rear, shooting down the fastest.  
The wormhole finally opened and you barely made it through before the Galra were able to tear through the ever weakening particle-barrier. Yet, before any of you could voice their relief, the ship started to shake violently, throwing you to the ground once more, hitting the exact same spot from earlier, a silent wail escaping you.

“Coran! What’s wrong?”, the princess demanded, her eyes scanning the screens.

“Further lenses are breaking down… We’re going to exit the wormhole even earlier this time!”, just as he had finished his sentence the ship left the hole and the shaking ceased at once.

“Is everyone alright?”, Shiro asked as he basically ran over to you, a concerned look on his face.

Your friends groaned in confirmation, leaning back in their seats. Shiro scooped you up, holding you close as if he as well needed some reassurance that things would be alright. You felt his quickened heartbeat against your chest as you casually nuzzled his hair.

“Since Zarkon seems to be able to track us down wherever we are, we are safe to assume that he could show up any minute now… Stay alert.”, Allura said, her brows furrowed.

“So no more sleeping, I guess?”, Lance moaned.

“Maybe that’s what you should’ve done in the first place… Why are you even dressed like that?”, Hunk looked over to his friend, a puzzled look on his face.

“Keith, [Y/N] and I went to the pool. It was great!”

This remark caused everyone in the room to look your three over for the first time and Shiro to scan the room, obviously trying to find something to cover you with. He looked so helpless, it made you chuckle a little. Allura was the one to finally walk up to you, a big veil in her hands, a sheepish grin on her face.

“Thank you, Princess.”, you said as you wrapped yourself up as if you were wearing a cape, “I think our male friends will greatly appreciate it!”

As they heard this, everyone in the room, including Pidge who had just entered after following your conversation over the intercom, started to burst out laughing.

“I was just trying to be gentleman…”, Shiro mumbled as he hugged you in again, messing with your hair, “But you really are a lost cause.”Since Allura was afraid you would catch a cold, she sent you and the two guys off to your rooms to get changed before she awaited you back at the bridge. Such small funny interactions were essentially what kept all of you sane and going which was why you all greatly appreciated every second of it.  
As you took a quick shower you overheard Allura, Shiro and Pidge over the intercom, debating about hiding the ship within a metallic storm which would interfere with any kind of trackers and scanners.This would at least gie you some time to rest before you could start making plans in the morning with a clear head. Relief started to flood through you, the thought of finally getting some rest seemed too good to be true.  
You weren’t even fully changed when the next alarm sounded, sending shivers down your spine.

This was beyond scary, you really feared for your life by now to a degree that exceeded the perils of battle.  
Throwing on your jacket while you ran back to the bridge you arrived a mere moment later, just to find out that you were indeed trapped. What you had thought would keep you safe was now the very thing that was trapping you in. All around you the storm was raging, big rocks and debris being thrown about with immeasurable force and above you, Zarkon’s ship hovered, patiently waited for you to make a move.

“Just how… How is this possible?!”, Allura exclaimed, panic in her voice.

Something at the back of your head was trying to answer this burning question, but the situation at hand forced you to ignore it for the time being. Looking at your screens once again you let out a gasp. Not only were your energy-levels dangerously low, Coran even reported that at this stage it would not be possible to escape via wormhole. Too many lenses were broken and even the modules you had repaired not too long ago weren't able to keep up the particle-barrier for too long anymore. Lastly, maybe even the worst part, the crystal that was powering the ship needed some time to recharge.  
Time you certainly did not have.

“We need Voltron. We will carry the ship inside the storm”, Shiro spoke up, everyone looking at him in disbelief, but he continued calmly, “I know this is risky. But if we have to deal with the storm, so does Zarkon. It might be our only chance.”

“But how should we do it? Our shield won’t last much longer and the amount of… junk floating around would tear us appart!”, Pidge replied, his eyes never leaving the screen.

“I will take care of it.”, you stepped forward, trying to remain as serene, “I agree with Shiro, this might be risky but it seems like it is our only chance right now. You guys get to your lions, I will try to keep the barrier up until Coran gets the teludav running again.”

“As much as I admire your confidence, the remaining lenses would have to deal with five times the energy. It’s impossible!”, his moustache vibrated, his eyes darting from one screen to the next.

Shiro’s voice was full of trust, “So you only have to make it possible.”  
  
What other choices did you have?  
Navigating the castle through the storm was one hell of a job and Allura was the only one able to do it. Still, no matter how careful she scanned her surroundings, there was simply too much floating around that it was impossible to avoid it all. Keeping the barrier up was easier said than done, each impact resulting in a weird sensation in your limbs and back. It almost felt as if hot water was being poured over them, just to be replaced by a numb feeling. And you could feel it spreading quickly through your body.  
Still, this was the only thing you could do to help your friends who tried everything they could no help the princess and give Coran enough time to work around the energy problem.

“I am not sure if this is working…”, Hunk muttered over the intercom.

You did not dare to reply, but given that Zarkon’s ship was still waiting for you to come out again left you with a bitter taste. This was when a very large rock hit the barrier, making you groan lowly. If this continued, you weren’t sure you would be able to withstand it as long as you probably needed.  
But giving up was no option.

The seconds dragged on, no end to the debris and smaller Galran ships who still tried to follow you through the storm. Your right arm felt completely numb already when you heard Coran call out to you over the intercom, that he had been able to readjust some lenses so you could at least make a tiny jump.

“I am not too sure we’re going to get a lot of distance between us and Zarkon, but we surely be out of this storm!”

Allura ordered your friends back to the castle, only to be interrupted by Shiro cursing under his breath.

“It’s… It’s Zarkon. He is trying to take control over the black lion again…”, he groaned as he obviously tried to fight back.

Biting your lower lips you desperately wanted to come up with an idea to make this stop. To end this cat-and-mouse-game. But the only thing you effectively could do was to infuse even more of your own energy into Black, hoping it would leave no room for Zarkon to even remotely settle in and try to push Shiro out. Then again, what about the barrier?  
You were not sure if you’d be strong enough to keep both things up, given your tired state and already drained body.

However, another muffled cry coming from Shiro settled it. There was no way you would just wait this out. Even as you started to get ready to divert your energy, the memories of the backlash were playing out in your mind again. Still, you only wanted for Shiro to be safe...  
You tried to reduce the shield to the minimum while redirecting the energy towards the lion. Like the last time you tried to interfere, you felt a sharp pain throughout your body. But this time you, as you tried to hold on against it, were also able to feel two other energies.  
Shiro’s was warm and cosy, enveloping you, keeping you safe.  
The other one was by far more powerful and forceful, yet not hostile. It surprised you when you realized that it was the black lion’s own energy. You had no time to wonder why you were able to feel it if you were not its paladin, when Zarkon tried to enhance his own pressure, making you gasp at the force. The only thing left to do was trying to do the same, to keep up with him.

With a loud noise and everything exploding in a white light, the connection abruptly broke, leaving you standing on the bridge, nauseous.  
Afraid even.  
Zarkon was so powerful it made you doubt the chances you had in beating him.  
You attention was soon called to Coran, who confirmed that all paladins and their lions were back on board – safe and sound. He then went ahead and initated another jump, resulting the castle to shake even more than the last time.  
Despite trying to hold onto something you couldn’t help yourself but fall down yet again, only to land in Shiro’s arms.

You looked up to him, seeing his chest heaving. He must’ve run as fast as he could from his lion to get to you. Without missing a beat he lifted you up, turned you around and buried his face in your neck. You felt his warm breath against your skin as you lifted your left arm – the right still numbly hanging by your side – and gently stroke his hair.

“I am here.”, you gently whispered.

This made him look up to you, worry painted all over his face, “Don’t… ever... leave.”

It hurt to see him like this. Your heart ached as you gently hugged him closer, trying to convey your innermost feelings into one motion.  
By now, the others started to arrive back at the bridge, each of your friends looking overly tired. After they shot you a quick glance, making sure you were okay, they walked back to their stations, slumping into their seats and closing their eyes.

Allura locked over to you but quickly averted her gaze when she spoke, “Paladins, we have to find out how Zarkon is tracking us so we could finally start the most necessary repairs and finally rest up.”

“If I may…”, Coran interjected over the intercom, “We won’t be able to make yet another jump. The lenses that are still functioning won’t be able to withstand the energy. I would need scaultrite to make us some new ones for the time being…”

Coran mentioning this weird ingredient let Hunk and you share a quick glance before the first spoke up, “I think… I think we may have found this scaultrite in the kitchen?”

“Thankfully it didn’t make it in the cookies.”, you mumbled as Coran went ahead and explained the chemical properties.  
  
Essentially it was a very rare and durable material found in the bellies of some weird intergalactic-monsters. It was produced by the immense pressure within these creatures, which gives it the most important property for your task: to withstand the power of the crystal's channeled energy.

“If we would be able to make some lenses we could attempt another jump. But I’m afraid they would only last this once…”, he didn’t sound convinced at all, but you all knew that you had to try.With a shared groan you all made your way to the kitchen, the picture of hours standing there, trying to figure out how to bake lenses, playing out in front of your eyes. For once, the universe had a pleasant surprise for you; Baking the cookies took not as long as you all had feared, thanks to Hunk’s natural talent as a pastry-chef and Coran's knowledge on the exact measurements and properties of the lenses. The latter was very impressed how clear and pure they were as he examined them freshly out of the oven.

“I am honestly astonished. With these we should be able to at least make this one crucial jump!”, he sounded rather pleased, the exhaustion from the last hours being replaced by a smile.

“Even if that were the case, we still have no idea how Zarkon is able to track us down.”, Keith added, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “And I think we really need that info. Otherwise he would be able to chase us through the whole universe and our cookies would be useless.”

“Keith is right… I am just honestly out of ideas.”, Allura answered, deep in thought.

“I might… Have an idea…”, you whispered, still not sure whether this construct in your mind was even a logical answer.

Everyone was looking at you, their eyes big with anticipation. There was no turning back now.

Breathing deeply you looked everyone in the eye before you finally said, “The Lion. I think Zarkon is able to track the Black Lion.”Silence broke, before ripples of curiosity and anticipation started to ring through the whole group. Could this really be the answer you were so desperately looking for?  
Without anyone saying it out loud, the group started to move away from the kitchen, down the hallway to the lab. There, Pidge ran some tests on the energies of the lion as well as Shiro to see if the bond between a lion and its paladin was even able to manifest on an energetic, molecular level. To everyone’s surprise it really did.

“I never knew this was possible…”, Allura mused as she looked over the data once again and then up to you, “How did you guess?”

You gave her a helpless shrug, “I thought that, since Zarkon had been the original black paladin and he seems to be rather obsessed with Voltron as a whole, it might be a clue. Even more so since he seemingly tries to force everyone else out of their lions.”

You lifted your gaze to meet Shiro’s. From the moment he had caught you earlier, he refused to let go of you. If it weren’t the direst situation, your heart would’ve leaped out of your chest by now. But like that, being chased by an evil emperor, it was a more than welcome comfort.  
It grounded you more than you would’ve ever thought possible.

“But what do we do with this information now? We cannot walk up to the black lion and nicely ask he shouldn’t let himself be tracked by Zarkon…”, Pidge said concerned.

“We need to strengthen the bond between the lion and you, Shiro.”, the princess addressed him, “My father never told me of how this is done, but he had always spoken about a deep connection between the paladins and their lion. I assume it would work the same as when you were able to feel it..?”

“There is no other way but to try.”, he replied just as the alarm sounded again, making all of you groan.

“I quite enjoyed, like… not being chased all the time?”, Hunk muttered as you all began to run back to the bridge.

“Looks like we won’t have any time to think about a strategy, we have to get out of here!”, it was Lance who voiced everyone’s thoughts just as Coran called in from the main engine room.

“Paladins, I need your help! I tried to replace the old lenses with the new ones but somehow it won’t work… I need you to come down and hold them for me if we want to make it out of here alive.”

The barrier was hit by a laser beam, making another alarm go off on top of the first. You were sure that you were about to hear this sound for quite some time now.

“This is ridiculous!”, Keith shouted as you all stormed out of the room to meet Coran two floors below.

Once you’ve walked through the door, Coran already positioned all of you inside the teludav, lenses in your hands, between your tights and even your mouth. The whole situation was too absurd to possibly be real, right?

“We’re all going to die, aren’t we..?”, Hunk’s voice sounded tired yet scared.

“Paladins, I will close the door now. Once I’ve started the countdown – do not move! Under any circumstances! Or you all go _poof_!”, Coran sounded more upbeat than you would’ve thought, given the situation.

“This better works…”, Keith groaned as you all watched the teludav springing to life.

Almost immediately you could feel the temperature rising and the light to grow brighter. Despite your best efforts you slowly started to panic a little. You’ve read a little about the teludav and other Altean inventions which gave you a small idea just how much energy was going to pass through here. If all the lenses are in the right position, nothing could happen, but just the fraction of a movement could be enough so you all would end up dead.  
Should you say something romantic, just in case?

This thought alone mad you smile a bit, the absurdity of the whole situation crashing down on you.You heard Coran count down, his voice shaking a little. The light had gotten so bright, you had to close your eyes and even like that it hurt. There was no more time to think about life or death as the teludav powered up and opened a wormhole for the castle to go through. The heat was almost too much to take and the noise would be ringing in your ears for hours to come.Yet it was over in a flash, leaving all of you breathless, waiting for word from Coran or the Princess. No one dared to move a single muscle.  
You were alive, weren't you?

It took a few seconds but when Coran called out to you he sounded incredibly happy, which was all the information you needed to finally come out of your weird poses and exit the teludav.  
You were greeted by Allura, smiling broadly.

“You did it! We were finally able to jump far enough so Zarkon would have to really look out for us!”, her eyes shone brightly.

“I sure hope you’re right, Princess.”, Pidge replied, “We have no idea how he is able to use his bond with the lion to track us down or how close he has to be in order to do so.”

He had a point there. But still, neither of you could deny that you were just relieved that you were out of his grasp for the time being. Some worries would have to wait for another day.

“Apart from each of us getting a full night’s sleep, I suggest that we come up with a plan to get the repairs done.”, Shiro suggested, looking over to Coran, “You said you needed some new lenses. How do we find them?”

“I don’t know… Even 10.000 years ago there were only a couple of Alteans able to manufacture them. I don’t know if those even exist anymore… But I think I have an idea where we could find them.”, there was a devilish grin appearing on his lips.

“Coran! Do you really suggest that we go to one of those filthy swamp moons!? Last time you went there, the space pirates took everything you’ve had!”, Allura was obviously completely against this idea, despite everyone present being aware that there wasn’t much of a choice left.

“Wait, are we going shopping?! I am so down for it!”, Lance called out.

“Space-Mall really sounds nice!”, Hunk chimed in.

“These is not just mere shopping this is…”, Coran began but cut himself off.

There was a short pause before all of your friends, including Coran and Allura turned their heads and started to look at you and Shiro who just gave them a confused look, completely unaware where this could be going.

“This is just perfect.”, you heard Pidge say under his breath as a sheepish grin appeared in his lips which was mirrored by the others.

Shiro blinked a few times until he was able to catch up, immediately letting out a groan. This was also when the penny dropped in your mind, making your cheeks heat up just the slightest bit, as if it was something obscure.

A date.  
They wanted you to go on a date.  
  
  
  
Only, life never was that simple.  
After the initial idea had been proposed, really kicked in pretty soon afterwards, meaning that Shiro had to stay on board the castle in order to find a way to deepen his bond with the lion, while everyone else would fly to space-mall. There was no time to waste for any of you. Still, all but Allura would leave for the mall, because Coran refused to let her even come close to one of those “filthy aliens” roaming those markets. She started to protest but deep down she knew that he only wanted her to stay safe.

Looking at her sad expression as the others started to make plans on what crazy things they wanted to buy you walked over to her and said, “I am going to stay here with you. It could be fun.”

Hearing this clearly lightened up her mood as she thanked you with a hug just before you all went ahead to finally sleep a few hours. As if it was the most natural thing, Shiro followed you to your room – your friends not saying anything but the way they looked at you made you scoff a great deal – stopping dead in his track once he’d entered it. It almost seemed like he never thought about getting this far at all without being called off or at least questioned.  
This impression only lasted for a moment before he went ahead and sat down on your bed, gesturing you to sit down right next to him.

You walked over, sat down and lay your head on his shoulder, taking in the serenity that finally started to settle in. After all the commotion, all the fighting, it felt heavenly to just sit down and take in each other’s company.

Shiro’s voice was just a hoarse whisper, “You scared me out there.”

This made you lift your gaze to watch his sombre expression.

“I could feel you being right there in the lion with me… But with Zarkon trying to force us out, it honestly made me think what might happen to you… Especially because you were already holding the barrier up and I could feel… Really feel how strained you were. When the connection broke off all I could think of was rushing back. I was terrified…”, you watched him as he bit his lower lip, his eyes darting through the room, “I know how strong you are but this… This is not where I want you to be. Right there, in the middle of a fight we could easily lose. I want you to be smiling in the middle of a book-fort or cuddled up beside me…”

You snuggled closer to him, wrapping your arms around him, “I am sorry… But I couldn’t just stand there and watch you being tortured yet again…”

Your voice broke as images of him being captured, tortured and being put in the arena just for fun started to flood your mind. You couldn’t help but tense up at this.  
Shiro shifted a bit, turning to you, before he gently lifted your head and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I was late last week but this week I almost went to bed after an exhausting day at work before I realized that it's FriYAY! Please forgive me, my dearest reader... Still, I hope this chapter finds you well and you have something nice planned for the upcoming weekend? I may even be able to round this story off by Sunday... If my books don't catch me first!
> 
> Be as it may, this week we have a bit more friendship-bonding and action... And Lance being the man of the hour alongside Hunk. As I edited this chapter I realized how soon all of this will be over compared to the amount of work pure into it... BUT!!! No time for tears as of now!  
> I sure hope you enjoy this chapter and I can't wait to see you next week!  
> <3  
> __________________________________________  
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> 


	18. Deflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a reason I'm still standing  
> I never knew if I'd be landing  
> And I will run fast, outlast  
> Everyone that said no
> 
> (Karmina – All the King's Horses)  
> ____________________________________________

Neither of you said a word as you cuddled up under the blanket, your head resting on his chest, listening to his calm heartbeat. With each time you heard it thumping against his ribs you thankfully thought, that he was right there.

Alive.  
Alive.  
_Alive._

It truly was a miracle that despite the odds you two were able to lay just like this, to take a few moments of peace amidst the strangest situation you could’ve ever imagine. An intergalactic war wasn't exactly on everyone's daily agenda.

“May I ask you something?”, he murmured softly.

“I thought we wanted to sleep…”, you grinned, “But sure, go ahead.”

“Are you staying behind for Allura’s or my sake? Because you know, we would both love for you to go out and have fun with the others. I mean I won’t even be able to entertain you on board…”

You lifted your head to meet his gaze again, “I am staying because I want to. It sounds fun to spend some time with Allura. Furthermore, the others would only nag me about this whole date-situation…”

Shiro shifted as you mentioned this, almost looking uncomfortable, insecure even, “So that means you don’t like the idea? Of going on a… date?”

You blinked a few times before you started to smile as he helplessly tried to stay focussed and not let his nervousness get the better of him. He looked so young, so innocent…

“I would love to do all these things with you. You know that. But somehow I would prefer for the others to not tag along just once.”, you thanked the dim room for the fact that Shiro was not able to see you blush at this, “And I don’t want it to be forced by anything or anyone.”

He stayed quite for a little while, before he cleared his throat and said, “You know… Maybe… We could go without the others? Allura said that if I happen to strengthen the bond I was free to go. So if I manage to do it as quickly as possible, we might be able to sneak into the space-mall without the others noticing. Two birds, one stone?”

This made you laugh a bit, “What a sneaky plan, my friend! I like it. But don’t force yourself. We will find a million other times to go on a date!”

As you said this you tried your best to believe in your own words.

 

Just as you entered the bridge, the others already turned and looked at you with a conspirational grin. You contemplated for a moment to ask whether it was because of everyone leaving for the space-mall or because you and Shiro entered together, hands locked. Or because of them surely making plans to get you on a date either way. But you dropped the thought as Allura and Coran entered as well to lay out the plans for today.

Coran would take a small pod down to the space-mall with Pidge, Hunk, Lance and Keith, while Allura, Shiro and yourself would remain on board. Shiro would get to his lion and do his best to unlock a deeper bond – much like Pidge did on Olkarion.You on the other hand would coordinate some of the repairs which could be done by the castle’s own systems. Since that wasn’t a fulfilling thing to do at all, Allura had already made a checklist for you to go through while the others searched for the lenses.

As you watched them leave you couldn’t help but feel that it might’ve been fun to join them. That you should try to go with them after all. But as you looked over to Allura who was chatting with Coran, you couldn't help but notice that she was beaming at you. How could you resist this?  
A grin appeared on your lips, your thoughts wandering to the fun activities you two would share. Surely you could go to the mall another time, everyone tagging along.  
Not soon after did they leave, Lance and Pidge practically exploding form the anticipation while Hunk's face turned a light shade of green as he walked up the hatch to the pod.

“I will get to Black. Once I am done there I will let you know.”, Shiro said with a sigh, the moment the hangar-doors had shut again.

All of a sudden a weird dark feeling was taking a hold of you, sending shivers down your spine, replacing every positive thought you've just enjoyed. Yet there was nothing you could pinpoint it at, which made it even weirder. Was another attack waiting just behind the next rock floating through space? Still, if there was something you had learned over the past weeks, it was that you needed to trust these feelings as they were very rarely wrong.

This made you close the distance between Shiro and you, place a gentle kiss on his cheeks and say, “Take care. I don’t know why but… Promise me you’ll come back.”

“Don’t worry. I promised I’ll always come back, right? And I intend to keep this, no matter the cost.”, and with that he walked down the hallway, leaving you with a throbbing heart.

“[Y/N], shall we get the repairs going?”, Allura stepped next to you, a warm smile on her lips, “I know that the whole situation is scary, but I believe in the Paladins. Everything will be alright.”

You answered with a nod, before you too made your way to the bridge to initiate the long overdue repairs. Allura was right, it was scary to be defenceless like that. No lions, no way of defending the castle on its own.  
So maybe this weird feeling was just you being scared?  
It didn’t take long for you to set up everything that needed to be done – some of the data indicating that only one more jump or even a hit could’ve caused severe damage – which made Allura even more excited to get a hold of you. For the upcoming hours you two talked about everything you could even think of until the princess decided it would be a good idea to dress you up in her most extravagant gowns.  
  
“I could even make your hair like we did on Arus!”, she exclaimed, literally jumping up and down at the prospect.

Seeing her so carefree was lifting your heart. But only until you thought about the fact that it’s been three hours already, and no word from Shiro. What was more was that for the last half hour your muscles ached as if you were using your powers which left you clueless about how this might come about. The lions were resting in their hangars, your friends roaming the space-mall... What could this mean?

Just as Allura was showing you yet another amazing dress – glitter all over it – a sharp pain almost instantly followed by a warm feeling as if you emerged into sunlight too bright made you gasp.  
  
“What’s wrong?”, the princess immediately dropped the dress and walked over to you, holding you by the shoulders.  
  
“I… I don’t know. It just… hurt. But we’re not in battle. I do not understand... The lions are all here. And now it is gone… Just like that… I don’t know…”, you rasped, trying to catch your breath.  
  
“I have a very bad feeling about this…”, she replied, not even questioning your explanation, “Maybe we should get down to the hangar, just to check…”The doors to the hangar slid open, revealing the five lions in their respective positions and Shiro just walking down the hatch of Black. At the sight of this you let out the breath you’ve been holding for a while.  
Maybe it was just an aftermath of the last battles and nothing else?  
  
“Shiro. What happened? Are you alright?”, the Princess called over, making him look at you.

He didn’t answer at first, only made his way up to meet you, a tired expression on his face, “I think I did it… But it was nothing like I thought it would be. It was so dark... And Zarkon was there. He challenged me to a fight on the… what did he call it… astral-plane?”  
  
This made you squeal silently. No matter how you looked at it now, your weird feeling and Shiro’s experience were linked.  
Again.  
And you hated it.  
  
“He said that if I were to lose there I would die… For real.”, his voice was barely audible anymore, “But I somehow managed. The black lion protected me. And I think Zarkon’s grip has loosened a great deal because of it.”  
  
“Shiro… I am so sorry. Had I know how dangerous this would be… I would’ve never let you go alone.”, Allura said, concern painted all over her face, “It's deeply troubling that Zarkon's connection had run so deep...”  
  
This made him shake his head, “For one, it was necessary in order to defeat him. And two… I wasn’t alone.”

He did not elaborate this any further, but all of you knew what he meant. Thankfully, the whole endeavour ended on good terms, but the thought of what might’ve happened would simply not leave your mind.  
You were scared.  
As always, he sensed your discomfort and overthinking which lead him to walk over to you, touching his forehead to yours.  
  
“You’re back…”, you whispered, ignoring how you stated the obvious.  
  
“No place, I’d rather be.”Before you even made up your mind about taking another pod down to the space-mall – trying to replace the claw of darkness around your heart and mind – the others called in, stating that they were already returning with their lenses and a cow. The latter made you burst out laughing, the absurdity of the whole story making it clear, how fast and colourful the universe was. And how amazing your friends were.  
You decided to wait for them on the bridge, which would also provide you with the intel about the repairs so you could inform Coran straight away.  
  
Walking along the corridor, Shiro let his head hang a little, “I am sorry we couldn’t go to the mall as well…”  
This made you stop in your tracks for a brief moment, “Honestly, after the scare of you encountering Zarkon within your lion, challenging you to a fight for you life, going to the mall would be the last thing I would think about. I am grateful to have you here by my side. We could go to the mall any other time.”  
You took his hand in yours, placing a kiss on each finger which made him blush.  
  
“After all, with you every day is an adventure.”  
  
“Guys, cut it out!”, you heard Lance call over to you, making you jump.  
  
Down the corridor the whole bunch was approaching you, the cow right behind them. Coran happily carried the lenses while Pidge and Hunk talked about the gaming console they had managed to buy.  
  
“Welcome back!”, Allura said smiling, “As I see, you’ve been able to retrieve the lenses. And some other things as well…”  
  
The group quickly made its way to the bridge where you and Coran almost instantly started to talk about the repairs – most of which have already been done – and how he was able to get his hands on the lenses in the first place.  
You had to admit, it really sounded like a pirate-story.  
  
“I will go and implement the lenses.”, you offered, trying to get away from everyone’s weird grin you couldn’t place.  
  
Maybe you really had to talk to them and make it clear that nothing had happened between Shiro and you. Neither during the night nor during their absence today. Or would this only make things worse?Coran happily pushed the lenses into your hands and sent you on your way, still elevated by the perfect bargain he had made. You looked around the room, watching your friends being joyful and carefree for the first time since you’ve left Earth. Carefully placing your steps to not break any of the lenses, you made your way down to the teludav.  
  
For the millionth time you asked yourself just haw cruel fate was to throw all of you into this war.

Shaking your head you tried to focus on the task at hand and to replace the lenses as accurately as possible.Despite your best efforts, your mind started to wander, posing yourself the question whether or not you really did not mind not going to the space-mall at all. The time with Allura was amazing and funny, no doubt about that. And of course you would never leave Shiro to his own devices in times like this – more so after you’ve learned that he really had to fight for his life. But a small part of you wished that maybe you two would’ve been able to go with the others either way.  
To leave the bonding with the lion to another day.  
Then again, such a thought was foolish and you silently scolded yourself.

A date.

You’ve never really thought about this as something extraordinary. All you ever wished for was for you two to go on adventures together, however small they might seem. Just to travel to different countries, try the food, go places, laugh about his stupid jokes… All those things were what you’ve longed for since you could remember.  
To make memories together.

So what would a date even be like in this situation and under these circumstances?  
  
You placed the next row of lenses right above the first as you tried to work around this question.

But nothing really came up.  
When you thought about doing anything special, he could go to the pool with you or even watch a movie in your room. Did a date mean something even more special?  
After all, what was the big fuss about?  
  
_It’s about spending time deliberately marvelling your romantic feelings._  
  
The thought appeared out of nowhere, making you pause for a bit, the lens you were just holding resting in mid-air.  
This sounded equally stupid, but it gave way to something you could live with as a definition of a date: To make time for each other, far away from any duties.  
A sad smile appeared on your lips as you thought about the strong possibility that such a day would never come.  
  
  
  
It took you a few hours to replace all the broken lenses with the new ones, and to calibrate them so the teludav would be able to work at its full capacity again. Once you've finished the task, you contacted Coran to come down and have a look. He appeared only moments later, his moustache vibrating in excitement as he walked through the teludav and checked every last lens.  
But the way he furrowed his brows more and more, made you anxious, as if you needed to be prepared for his list of mistakes you've made. Yet after he finished his round he looked at you with big eyes and an even greater smile.  
  
“Everything is in perfect order. I cannot believe you were able to fix it that quickly!”, he sounded very impressed and maybe even a little proud, “I am very grateful to have you on board as my apprentice.”  
  
After you fixed the teludav, Coran decided to train you on almost all the repairs and possible testing measures the castle may need at one point in time or the other – starting right on the spot, not wasting a single moment. You enjoyed his instructions tremendously, taking everything in.  
Still, at one point you asked him why he thought that it was necessary for you to know all of this, since he was the perfect ward for the ship and Pidge and Hunk were even better with computers and high-tech then you.  
  
“This is not an ordinary ship at all. Your friends may be tech-wizards, but you see, it needs a little something else to come to terms with the castle's soul.”, he replied simply as you passed him a screw-driver the following morning.  
  
“And you think I have that?”, you couldn't hide your smirk which he thankfully ignored.  
  
For a few moments, Coran did not answer while he fixed a loose panel right next to the main turbines.  
  
“[Y/N], you may not understand it yet, but you are indeed very powerful. Maybe not on the front and maybe not with weapons. But you have such a deep understanding of your comrade's feelings, your connection to them is so strong that you give them something when everything else is lost. A place to return to.”, his voice was calm and you couldn't make out his face as he turned away, “This may sound simple and not like much, but indeed you play a significant role in our mission and our overall wellbeing. Therefore, yes, I think that you have what it needs to understand this castle. Just as yourself, this place is a home, a calm space and a safe space.”  
  
After his little speech you had no idea where to look at, what to answer or what to think. You could feel the sincerity in his words and the way he still refused to meet your gaze played into this as well. Just how should you react to such a profound statement about you and your actions?  
You just couldn't wrap your head around it, your thoughts where all over the place. But your soul seemed to be finally able to grasp the truth after months of beating yourself up.  
Deep within your chest you felt your heart resonating, finally acknowledging your place within the team.  
  
  
  
You spent he rest of that day and most of the following two mostly in the main-engine-room and in the teludav to help Coran out as much as you could while he shared his vast knowledge about the castle and Altean technology with you. Meanwhile the others seemed to be stuck in one training-session after the other, Allura pushing them relentlessly. You only caught glimpse of them when you remembered to eat something. Everyone and especially Shiro locked pretty beat, hardly any conversation was upheld during those short sessions. When you asked them what they were up to, the just shook their heads, letting out a sigh and continued to shovel food-goo into their mouths.  
The only one who was a bit more talkative was Keith – which was a weird turn of events given that he normally stayed calm.  
  
“How are the repairs going?”, he asked casually between two spoons.  
  
“I think I am doing okay...”, you answered with a glance to Coran who confirmed this with a nod, “I think we should be fully operational by this afternoon.”  
  
Just as those words were out, you heard someone drop their spoon, a sharp metallic sound echoing through the silenced room. Looking over to Shiro you were met with a pair of big round eyes, looking at you with a mixture of confusion and dread.  
  
“Are you alright?”, you whispered, not sure whether or not you should be concerned or not.  
  
After all, he must've been very tired. Running from one training session to the other and some additional sessions to strengthen his bond with Black even further, surely was a lot to work through. So maybe he was just not paying attention and let his spoon drop by pure accident.  
Then again, the look he gave you hinted that there might've been more than you knew about.  
  
It took Shiro a second too long to answer, “Yes. I am alright. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you...”  
  
You just raised an eyebrow at him but did not ponder this any further as you felt Lance slightly kick you beneath the table which made you turn your head. Something was fishy here but you were not able to put your finger on it which only made you shake your head a little.  
Knowing your friends you were certain that they would tell you what all this was about when they saw fit. Furthermore, you've spent most of the last days alone in the presence of machines and evaluations, maybe it was you who saw things wherever you looked.  
  
When Keith tried to pick up the conversation again and asked you if you wanted to join him in the training room later, you happily agreed, deciding to drop this topic for good.  
  
  
  
Being back in the vast room in your very own gear felt good and even better when you watched Keith leave the men's locker room and walking towards you. It reminded you so much of the hours you two had spent in the training rooms back at the Garrison, where he tried to teach you how to defend yourself and how to outsmart your opponents. Though, no matter how happy he seemed and how he praised you for getting better by the day, you were hardly ever able to accomplish anything really. This slowly changed after Keith was forced to leave the base for disobedience. If you were not burying yourself in books or working through piles of tactics you've spent ever minute practicing and coming up with new manoeuvres to hopefully be able to defend your friends if need be.  
  
Still, as you started the warm-up, it occurred to you that it never once had crossed your mind that maybe you would need these skills in a situation such as this one. A real war.  
How you wished all this training would've never been needed again.  
  
“It's been a while...”, Keith mused, forcing you back into reality.  
  
“Yeah... And I guess nothing has changed...”, you replied with a shy grin, images of you flying through the room in all kinds of ways.  
  
“We will see about that.”, the corners of his lips curled up a little as he got into a defensive stance, gesturing you to make the first move.  
  
Breathing deeply you quickly analysed your possibilities and how he would react, based on your memories. Of course, they were not complete since he surely had spent a lot of time practicing as well while he was out there in this little hut.  
Without any external signal you bolted to the left, making Keith shift his weight so he would be able to defend himself. Just before you two would crash into each other you stopped and took a quick step to the left again, landing a hit on his defenceless upper arm before you jumped back to avoid his punch coming quickly from below. Keith didn't miss a bit when he started to zigzag towards you, making it hard to guess where he was trying to go, forcing you to drop to the floor and roll back so you would be out of reach again.  
  
_You are weak..._  
  
Not waiting for him to close the distance again, you shot back up to standing, running towards him, trying to get behind him. Keith on the other hand sensed your idea and sharply turned so he could face you. Grabbing you by the shoulders he pushed you down to the floor, not letting go even for a split-second. The two of you rolled a few inches before he hovered over you, still pushing you to the ground, both of your chests heaving.  
The way he held you made it almost impossible to use your arms and with his body on top of yours even the lightest movement seemed impossible.  
  
_Give up._  
  
While you tried to come up with a plan, your body intuitively reacted. Your heels buried into the ground as you quickly pushed your hips up as high as you could, catching Keith off-guard for a second – long enough so his grip around your shoulders loosened, giving you the opportunity to roll over to your side and push him off of you.  
As you faced him again you looked up to meet his gaze.  
You froze, your breath catching in your throat.  
  
Yellow.  
His eyes glowed yellow.  
_No._  
It was the demon.  
The same one you've encountered that fateful night Shiro had trashed the smaller training-room. The one that had almost killed you with the same hands that protected you from everything.  
  
“Keith...”, you whispered, not able to move a single muscle.  
  
The only answer was this awful snarl, this grin that showed fangs too sharp, too white.  
  
If you hadn't been on your knees already, you would've sunken to the floor, the anxiety paralysing you.  
How was this possible?  
Was this the embodiment of you innermost fears? The price you had to pay for being alive while everyone else you loved and cared for had to go through hell or to die?  
Or was it simply the incubus drowning your friends because you were too weak to protect them? Was everything lost already and it was only you who refused to see the truth?  
  
Your eyes grew bigger as you watched Keith slowly making his way over to you, every movement resembling a lion.  
This was when all the images from the past, all the memories you tried so hard to suppress, started to resurface. All the bullying, the whispers behind your back, the loss of your love, the shattering, the explosions, the suffocation, the pain, the fear, the vulnerability and your own shortcomings.  
  
_It's never enough, girl. You hear me?_  
  
The spiral kept pulling you lower and lower while your heart was beating out of control, your lungs desperately grasping for air yet nothing seemed to come of it. You were drowning in your own void.  
  
By now Keith had reached you, his glowing eyes looking you over, making you shiver. You tried to form words, sounds, just anything to maybe break this invisible walls your own mind had put up.  
But nothing came, not even a croak.

Just hot air.  
  
Keith leaned down to you, stretching out his hand to touch your cheek, making you tense up even more, shutting your eyes, bracing yourself for the pain, just as Shiro's hands had caused you.  
The seconds ticked by and nothing happened. Still you were too scared to open your eyes. Instead you slowly curled yourself into a tiny ball, as small as you could, holding onto yourself, trying to control your breathing again. Maybe like this it would stop hurting.  
  
This was not real.  
This was your mind playing tricks on you.  
You knew...  
You knew that much.  
But somehow you weren't able to find a way out just yet.  
That was when you heard someone softly call your name.  
  
“I'm here. You're not alone.”, it was Keith, his voice as calm as you came to know so well, “May I come over?”  
  
Still unsure whether your body would obey you or not you tried to nod but it felt like it only happened in your head. Still, somehow he seemed to understand. You felt as he slowly made his way to your head, telling you exactly what he was doing.  
  
“Okay. I am sitting right where your hair looks the messiest.”, you had to scoff at that, almost lifting your head but the fear still clinging onto you, making you keep your head low.  
  
This was ridiculous. You bit your lower lip trying to think rationally.  
Just as you thought you would never find a way out of the fog you felt Keith's warm hand carefully stroking your head, as if too much would make you disappear. This was what grounded you enough into reality that you dared to peak up at him, almost expecting the same cold eyes from a few moments ago. But you were only met with his gentle gaze and messy hair.  
You said his name again, testing your voice which was still hoarse but at that moment neither of you seemed to mind.  
  
Keith stretched out his arms and scooped you up into an embrace, “You never cease to amaze me, [Y/N]. I had to play dirty to have a chance. Holding onto your shoulders like that... But had I known that this would open up Pandora's box I would've never gone that far. I am so sorry...”  
  
You shook your head against his chest, “You have nothing to apologize for... It's me who needs to. I screw up. Every time. It's just me. It's what I do. All of you praise me but the truth is I only spiral all of you further and further down with me... I am just so weak...”  
  
A sniffle escaped you before you were able to continue, your voice slightly muffled by his clothes.  
  
“I spent so many hours studying and practicing and whatnot because I hoped I would finally be able to reach any of you. To contribute at least a little something. And I was good... There was no one at the Garrison being able to beat me once you've left. Even the drones and the Gladiator here are not that difficult anymore... But it's just not enough!”, you felt everything becoming undone, your cracked voice just an intense whisper, the words flowing into each other, “There was no battle I was able to help you – really help you. Maybe I can make you all feel warm but it's nothing against Zarkon. How come I just stand there, watching you all risking your lives over and over again while I can't do anything!? Tell me, Keith!”  
  
This made you finally meet his eyes again, a painful expression all over his face. You could feel his arms tensing up as he worked through the words, his anger building up.  
  
“I am not a damsel in distress, I am not a princess... So why is it that I can't do anything?”  
  
You expected Keith to explode like he did so many times before, not able to take your self-harming behaviour. But this time he just let out a heavy sight, swallowing his emotions, before he lifted his head and looked towards the ceiling, closing his eyes.  
  
“What is strength to you? Being able to lift a mountain? Win an martial-arts tournament? Beating up the bullies at school?”, his voice was barely audible, “I always thought it was that. Having the hardest punch, run the fastest. That was strength to me. But when I came to the Garrison and Shiro spoke up on my behalf after I was almost kicked out for getting in a fight with a peer I learned that there was more than one kind... Without him, my whole life would've been completely different.”  
  
He paused for a moment, his eyes searching yours, “And you possess the same kind of strength. Both of you are physically strong and I would feel safe on the craziest battlefield with you. But what makes you the most powerful people I know is your mental strength. You trust in each other and in your friends. That might be not as obvious as someone who has big muscles but this calm power... So no, you're not weak, quite the opposite.”  
  
“Keith... I just froze because my fear got the better of me... What would I do if that was an actual battle? I... I wouldn't have been able to protect you!”  
  
He took your hands in his, firmly holding onto them, “You are still only human. And I know, in a real battle, as long as you are around, nothing would happen to me or any of us.”  
  
The serenity that enveloped you also made its way inside, making your heart beat at its normal rhythm, your breath to flow regularly again. Neither of you said anything for a while, only taking in each others company.  
  
“Thank you...”, you finally said, looking at him, not able to hide your emotions, “Without you I would've drowned here...”  
  
Keith only shook his head, “You're far stronger than you believe. Give yourself some credit.”  
  
  
  
It took a couple more minutes until you were able to move freely again, the tension finally leaving your body. Keith refused to let you be on your own for a while, meaning he accompanied you to your room only to fall flat on your bed and start snoring seconds later. He looked so peacful. It made you chuckle to watch him laying there, his mouth hanging open a bit, his hair all over the place. As you watched his chest move up and down you couldn't help but feel grateful to have such wonderful friends in your life.  
Without them, not only would you miss out on a million wonderful memories, you also wouldn't be the person you were today.  
What was more, you didn't had to face those demons alone. They always knew what you needed and no one ever asked for anything in return.  
  
Grabbing a towel you made your way to your bathroom, the slightest hint of a smile on your face. As you locked the door and undressed yourself you thought back to what had just happened in the training-room, trying to analyse what might've triggered it. You still felt heavy and your sensed the dark clouds lingering at the back of your head, but having said those words out loud really helped.  
The warm water felt good against your sore muscles, making you sigh in relief.  
You could either ponder this scary experience for a while longer, tossing and turning the images around like a mad person, or you could try to acknowledge what had happened and – as Keith suggested – trust in yourself a bit more.  
  
“My life would've been a lot different... if I hadn't met any of you...”  
  
  
  
You stepped out of the bathroom, only to be encounter a pair of accusing eyes staring you down from your bed.  
  
“Keith?”, you asked, not sure what to expect.  
  
He just pouted in response, “You scared me. I woke up and you were gone!”  
  
This made it hard for you not to laugh, “I went to take a shower since someone passed out the moment he hit the pillow...”  
  
You moved over to him and sat down close enough to stroke his hair, an even bigger mess after his nap. He lay his head on your shoulder, seemingly enjoying this little gesture of affection. With his closed eyes he reminded you of a kitten – moody yet always up for some snuggles. And a little needy at times.  
  
“You know, you snore even more than Shiro does...”, you whispered sheepishly, looking at his reaction from the corner of your eye.  
  
Immediately his head shot up, almost hitting yours in the process. Keith blew up his cheeks and he just opened his mouth to give you a piece of his mind, when you heard a weird noise at your door, making both of you turn your heads. It looked as if something lay there, making you furrow your brows as you got up. As you bent down to pick up whatever had been slid under your door you heard Keith letting out a loud groan as if he had just remembered something.  
You would ask him later about it, you decided, as you picked up what turned out to be a single pice of paper, folded right in the middle. Looking over your shoulder you looked over to Keith who just shrugged but wasn't able to meet your gaze.  
  
Letting out your breath you turned your attention back to the weird message. As you unfolded it you were greeted by a very familiar handwriting, making your cheeks heat up the moment you lay eyes on the text right in the middle of the page.

  
_You are the most beautiful, complicated thing,_  
I'd ever see.  
A tangled mess of silky string  
And all I wanted of life, was to sit down  
cross-legged and untie your knots.  
Tomorrow at 10 a.m.  
  
-Takashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *peaks around the corner*  
> I am so sorry... It completely slipped my mind that yesterday was Friday since my schedule is all messed up and I had a very rich discussion with my dad about art and the role of the written word within human history that I totally forgot to upload yesterday... But technically, somewhere in the world it's still Friday so... I'm good?  
> Forgiven? Maybe..?
> 
> Maybe you will forgive me if I tell you that next week the chapter is super long (9 instead of 6 pages) and it's going to be fluffy as can be? Like, diabetes sweet?? It was the second reason I started this story - I wanted them to have a nice day out. I really hope it will be to your liking!
> 
> This week however I needed poor reader to go through a bit of trauma first - it will play a role later on as well. And yes, Keith is the man of the hour!
> 
> I also have to mention that the poem at the end of the chapter is NOT mine!! I found it on atticus' instagram page and remodeled it a bit. The original can be read [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/BnR3Qm5nf5J/?hl=de&taken-by=atticuspoetry). I really love his works so give him a look.
> 
> Again, I am sorry to be this late, I promise I will get better... Have a wonderful weekend and get ready for next week's fluffiness!  
> Take care <3
> 
> __________________________________________  
> Shameful self-promotion!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justhinothings)  
> [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhyRr3fH5DvnbGbm-qNq3_JnkTvmX3RJF)  
> [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/hinohime)  
> 


	19. Enchantment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there will  
> be someone that  
> comes along one day  
> and offers you  
> an entire galaxy when  
> you only expected  
> a singe planet.  
> _________________________

Another step.  
And another step.  
You walked to and fro, running in circles through your room, trying to think of anything that might be amiss. To outrun your thoughts, racing faster than the expansion of the universe. For the millionth time you stopped in front of your mirror, tracing the shape your body made in the dress you've chosen – another one Allura had given you. The dark fabric played around your knees, the red seams reminding you of the thread of promises.  
It wasn't as flashy and elegant as the other dresses you've worn so far, but it was just the right amount of dress-up for the occasion, so you felt comfortable.  
Or as comfortable as you seemed to be able to, given the fact that you had no idea what to expect of the day ahead. Maybe you were still too overdressed? Should you change back into jeans and a shirt? The again, what if you were not dressed fancy enough?!  
  
Looking at your watch you finally sat down on your bed, letting out a long sigh. You closed your eyes, only concentrating on the flow of your breath, blocking out the images of yesterday's training-session. It was hard for you to let it go, something telling you that there might be a deeper meaning behind this trauma-induced hallucinations. But whatever they might be, you wanted to have a clear mind for today.  
Or, to be more precise, as clear as possible.  
  
Since you've unfolded the piece of paper and stood there like you've been rooted to the spot your heart was all over the place. Not only did you receive an old-school invitation to something that could only be a date. Shiro also happened to blow you away with the little poem he wrote you.  
You heard Keith breathe your name, asking who was threatening you, only resulting in you turning around, your face burning red, shoving the note into his hands. His eyes danced over the page while a sneaky grin started to appear on his face.  
  
“Impressive.”, he said as he let the page drop on top of the bed. “Especially because he didn't even ask.”  
  
You slowly sat down next to him, looking into the distance, “It was the same at New Year's...”  
  
“The not-a-date-date?”, he sounded amused.  
  
“I guess you could call it that...”, you buried your face in your hands, not able to understand this turn of events.  
  
Only a mere hour ago you've been trying to outrun your mind, to overcome the yellow eyes that haunted you. And now here you where, sitting in your room a date just around the corner. Up until a few days ago the thought of officially going on one – whatever that might mean – was foreign to you. You tried to piece together why Shiro would chose this day of all times.  
Then it hit you.  
The hints where all around you.  
  
The mischievous grins.  
The way you never saw anyone apart from mealtime.  
Why Shiro had dropped the spoon earlier.  
The reason why Keith wanted to train with you.  
  
Turning your head you gave Keith a look, “You knew.”  
  
It wasn't a question.  
  
“I know a lot of things so I'm afraid you have to be more precise.”, he answered calmly but his eyes betrayed him.  
  
Biting your lower lip you averted your gaze again, not sure how to proceed from there. What good would this information be? It wasn't the first time your friends went behind your back to give you a little push in the right direction. But then again, two could play that game.  
  
Shooting up to standing, making Keith jump a little, you didn't look at him, “At least help me chose an outfit.”  
  
Of course, Keith wasn't too happy about this suggestion, but he knew just as well that he had no reason to decline. It was the only way both of you could pretend that you did not uncover the secret all of them had been whispering about behind your back. Furthermore, with the excitement and nervousness bubbling up inside you you were happy to have any distractions. For a moment you even thought about asking him to stay the night, slumber-party-style. Slightly shaking your head you waved this idea aside and tried to make sense of the choices Keith presented to you. From the way he combined your clothes it was clear to you that he was playing as much as you – nothing looked even remotely wearable.  
  
“I am glad you never pursued a career in the fashion-industry.”, you laughed, “But I still won't let you off the hook so easily.”  
  
Keith answered something under his breath before his eyes darted to the piece furthest down the rack of your walk-in-closet. Squishing his slim body through way too many layers of fabric – Allura had showered you in different styles putting your own wardrobe back at home to shame – he finally reached the black dress. Without missing a beat he pulled it out and threw it at you.  
  
“That one.”  
  
You quickly gave the dress a look over, before you left for the bathroom to get changed. The moment the zipper was closed you knew that he was right. As you stepped out of the door it only needed a second before he grinned at you.  
  
“Call me Coco Chanel.”  
  
  
  
Another glance at your watch made you groan – there was still way too much time to kill. Too much time for your thoughts to wander even further.  
Somehow you've managed to sleep a few hours last night, which was surprising given your beating heart and the tossing and turning you performed like a dance while you tried to figure out why you were so restless. It wasn't the first time you two would spend some time alone, that was all you did before he left for the Garrison. And even there you would have a few moments to your own disposal.  
  
But that was  _before._  
  
Running your hand through your hair you knew exactly why this was so hard to wrap your head around. You just refused to let that thought sink in. This was a date, not a mere get-together. What was expected of you? Was there something you should've prepared? How did they do it in movies again..?  
You tried your best to calm your breath which seemed to be almost impossible since yesterday. It was funny, really, how you were nervous because of this but not when you were called to the bridge.  
  
“Someone seems to have priority-issues...”, you said to yourself just as you heard a faint knock on your door, making you literally jump to your feet.  
  
With a few quick yet shaky steps you made your way over, letting the door slide open at once. You had pictured countless scenarios how this could play out – some too much Hollywood, others way too calm – but never in a million years would you've been prepared for when it actually happened.  
Shiro always took your breath away but never quite like this.  
  
He stood there, right outside your door, wearing a black button-down shirt with short sleeves and a pair of jeans. It wasn't even half as formal as the attire he had worn at the ball on Arus but he looked just equally elegant and poised. Galaxies danced in his eyes as he looked at you, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks.  
For how long you two stood there and just marvelled over each other you did not know. But after what felt like way too short he cleared his throat and finally looked away, breaking the spell that was binding you.  
The day had only just begun and yet you already knew that you wouldn't be able to sleep from the impressions.  
  
“You look fantastic.”, you whispered, not fully trusting your voice just yet.  
  
Shiro hummed and tilted his head to one side, “Only to match with you, Princess.”  
  
You couldn't help yourself, you had to avert your gaze as you shifted your weight a little. Why was everything just so foreign and exciting?  
  
“So... I did my research and I found out that it was my job to organize this outing as well as a little present for you.”, Shiro said, clearly trying to remain calm but failing completely.  
  
It made you smile a little to hear his voice quiver a bit, making you shyly look up at him again, “Bring on the results of the research then.”  
  
He gave you a nod, “From what I've gathered, flowers were the typical bounty. But no matter how hard I tried, there were no flowers to be found. Anywhere. So I got you this.”  
  
Carefully he took a small object out of his pocket and presented it to you sitting right there in the palm of his hand. It took you a moment before you recognized what it was. A small gasp escaped you.  
It was the meteorite-shard he had given you the night before he had left for Kerberos. You would recognize the shining texture anywhere. The only difference was a black string coming from it.  
  
“How...”, you weren't even able to finish the question, emotions working their way up your throat.  
  
“Apparently you had taken it with you wherever you went... Lance had found it below one of Blue's consoles.”, his voice was calm, “Funny, isn't it... This meteorite travelled through space just to find its way to Earth. And here we are, floating through space and the shard followed you. Back home.”  
  
Carefully you took the dark object and pressed it against your chest before Shiro wordlessly took it from you again and gently put it around your neck. This little gift meant so much more to you both. Not only was it one of the most thoughtful presents you could've ever imagined, this small shard also held the promise that you would find a way back as well, no matter how long it would take.  
Looking up you met Shiro's gaze as smitten as your own.  
As long as you two sticked together you could trick the fortunes.  
  
_The black cat and the white cat..._  
  
“Shall we go?”  
  
  
  
His warm hand in yours calmed you greatly as you casually strolled through the empty hallways of the castle, talking about some theories that you thought fascinating. Whenever you rounded a corner you almost expected one of your friends to jump at you calling _BOO!_  
But of course, they wouldn't sabotage this in such a childish way when they were the ones to initiate the whole idea in the first place. Still, there was no doubt in your mind that the would know every little detail the moment it happened.  
  
It turned out that your first stop would be the kitchen furthest away from your quarters, meaning it was the one you hardly ever used.  
The one you would not think about walking into to get a glass of water...  
As the doors slid open you paused for a moment, trying to take in the picture presenting itself in front of you. There were fairy-lights put up on the shelves and counters and a single round table put right in the middle of the room, decorated like a small French café. It reminded you so much of New Year's it sent shivers down your spine.  
  
Shiro patiently waited for you before he bowed a little, “Mademoiselle, may I show you to your table?”  
  
You curtsied which a giggle, “ _Avec plaisir_ , Monsieur.”  
  
You looked at him, not able to say a word, your heart swelling in your chest. Wordlessly he took your hand and guided you over to the small table – it almost felt as if you were walking through a sea of stars. Carefully you stretched out your free hand, playing with the fairy-lights as you passed. Reaching the table Shiro placed you like a real gentleman before he went over to the nearest counter and stopped for a moment, his back the only thing facing you.  
You heard him breathing deeply, as if he was about to reveal a very big secret. Not knowing how you would be able to calm him down, you decided to just wait it out.

„Do You remember the small bet everyone had going on back at Arus?“, his voice was quiet, almost inaudible.

You gave him a nod before you realized that he wasn’t able to see you since he looked the other way, strictly staring at whatever there was on the counter, „How could I forget? I wonder why we never got that meal…“

Letting out a long brath Shiro turned around again, walking over to you carrying a silver tray. With his hands shaking a little he placed it right in the middle of the table, his hand hovering for a brief moment.

„Well...It turned into this…“, he whispered as he lifted the lid and basically tried to hide behind it.

You eagerly looked at the contents on the plate, another gasp escaping you. It was a very small and very flat kind of cake that looked a little uneven, the frosting spilling off of one side. From the dark colour of the dough you guessed it was chocolate. The small berries on top of it resembled a fruit salad rather than a nice arrangement. It was clear as day that Hunk was not the one who had made this dessert.

And it was perfect.

„Baking lessons?“, you asked, eyes shining brightly, scanning his face.

You were only able to see his eyes, the rest of his face hidden behind the lid, the red colour tainting his cheeks, his gaze the one of a small boy. He was only able to nod curtly before he shut his eyes.

„It looks delicious!“, you smiled, „Come over and let’s try!“

He mumbled something under his breath before he placed the silver lid back on a counter and sat down on the opposite side of the table. Helplessly he tried to avoid your gaze as he started to cut the cake in slices, making it an even greater mess. Once he seemed rather satisfied he gestured you to start and try which you happily obeyed.

Despite your best efforts you somehow expected it to taste a little burned or too sweet, but it tasted absolutely delicious. The chocolate and the berries worked so well together it made you hum loudly.

„Do you like it?“, Shiro asked, his own slice still untouched.

„It’s amazing!“, you said as you scooped up another piece.

Shiro‘s gaze softened, „You never seize to amaze me… Every other girl would leash out at me because it looks like a mess, let alone try it…“

A giggle escaped you, „But I am not every other girl. Just me.“

That made his eyes go big before he blushed again, an even darker colour spreading over his face, „That’s indeed true…“

„Also...You took baking classes in order to be able to make a cake just for the two of us. You went that extra mile and decorated everything here as if we were in Paris. You even confessed that you had help. That’s simply amazing...I love it. I love the decorations and I love the idea and the cake and most of all, I love you.“, you leaned over the table, taking his hand in yours.

That was the reason why you’ve hardly seen him these past days. Because he needed the time to prepare the kitchen for this day. Not only did he think about what you may have liked to do, he also went ahead and did everything himself. The poem was only the beginning…

„You are so thoughtful… I feel like my heart is about to escape my chest…“, you felt your own cheeks heat up as well.

This made Shiro stick out his tongue, „Ask me… For the past days I’ve been hardly able to sleep because I was so nervous… What if it won’t work out the way you wanted it to be? What if I mess up?“

He placed your hand over his heart. You felt it beating quickly against his ribs, making you catch your breath. Something about this felt so intimate, so real. Quietly you breathed his name, trying to calm down again. Shiro answered you with a kiss on the back of your hand.

„Why would you think that?“, you asked, your voice shaking.

„Because you only deserve the best.“, his lips traced your fingers, the cake completely forgotten.

The tender warmth of his lips made you shiver, your heart racing, „Having you in my life is already is all I’ve ever wanted…“

He scoffed at this and finally let go of your hand. Only then did you realize that you held your breath, too scared to let out any weird noises. The atmosphere in the kitchen has clearly changed. Electricity pulsing through your veins, a longing you’ve tried to ignore for weeks resurfacing, making it impossible for you to think straight.

Was it right? Was it wrong?

Before you could even remotely come up with an answer, Shiro started to chuckle lowly, making you look at him in disbelief. Was he immune to the tension you felt all around you - working its way right into your thoughts?

„You know, you always say such profound and sincere things and then within a second you look like a small girl, your eyes too big and round for that tender face of yours. It’s cute!“, his voice was full of warmth, reflected in his dark eyes, „You really are a cosmic entity…“

Again he rendered you speechless, only able to gape at him, your lips slightly parted. For a split-second his eyes became guarded, dark even as he bit his lower lip. It was over in a flash before he tilted his head to one side and gestured towards your slice, still half-eaten on your plate.

„You want to finish this? It may be a bit before we get some food again.“, did you imagine things or was he hiding something behind his nonchalant tone?

„What do you mean? I thought this was the date.“, you sounded as confused as you felt.

Shiro just shook his head, „[Y/N], this is only the beginning.“

  


Even minutes after his reveal you were still not able to wrap your head around the fact that he had actually planned a whole day. Somehow this thought never crossed your mind - especially after the dedication and love for detail Shiro had put into the little Café and his own baking. Your heart felt already full, the dark clouds from yesterday completely forgotten for the time being. There was no way you would be able to take any more after this or you would simply explode.

Shiro on the other hand seemed to have finally calmed down a bit after the initial hurdle was taken. He laughed and joked just as he did back on Earth, way before any of this had started. For the most part, you watched him, listened to his deep voice and trying to remember how to breathe.

The two of you casually strolled through the corridors of the castle - passing some cut-out plants someone had stuck on the walls on the way - while your mind was racing to come up with ideas where you were headed next.

Out of nowhere he stopped in front of one of the bigger rooms initially used for banquets, as Allura had told you, pointing at a sign which was almost falling off the wall right next to the door.

On view:

_Space. The Art and The Dream._

„You wanna go check this exhibition out? I heard it was good.“, Shiro looked at you, patiently waiting.

For a moment you were taken aback, thinking about asking him where he had found the time to arrange all this, but you quickly waved this thoughts aside, wishing to only indulge in the presence. It was all you had after all.

„I would love to!“, the words were hardly out when you opened the door and pulled him along with you, causing him to clear his throat at your advance.

The room was far bigger than you had anticipated, even bigger than the training-room you and your friends used for the most part. On the rear-side you could make out a window, making it possible to look into the endless space. But what really caught your eye were the pictures and photographs Shiro must’ve put up these past days. The room was brimming with artworks big and small, even some temporary walls had been put up, giving the room the atmosphere of a high-end gallery.  
This was too much – how could this possibly be real?

„Welcome, dear visitors.“, an electronic voice made you jump and turn your head.

Right there, next to the door sat a small robot behind a tiny counter. The screen showed a smiling face resembling the smileys you used to send with your text messages. This must’ve been Pidge‘s invention, especially since it reminded you of the small robots he had built to assist him in his lab.

„Two tickets?“, the robot asked, unaware of your astonished state.

„Yes, please.“, Shiro said, handing the robot two screws which he took with a tiny bow of his chunky body.  
  
You blinked a few times, trying to take in the absurdity of the situation. Paying a robot – with screws on top of that – seemed too much the idea of a sci-fi movie to be real. But then again, you were flying through space, fighting hostile aliens in a giant robot made up of big cats, so who were you to judge? A rumbling sound made you look around frantically, until you saw that the small robot was printing out two tickets, which it placed in Shiro’s hands before he bowed again and shut itself off.

“Shall we go?”, he asked, holding out his hand for you to take it.  
  
Without hesitating you held onto him, only to be pulled close, a shy smile on his lips.  
He was so warm…  
As you began to walk towards the first pictures, you couldn’t help but wonder, just how long he’d been secretly planning this. From the way everything was set up to the sheer thought of the things that connected you two and you always wished to do, it was just plain astonishing. You heart was beating out of control for some time now, amplified as you turned each and every corner only to reveal yet another amazing photograph or artwork.

Some of the exhibits you already knew, either from your textbooks or from your very few gallery visits. Still, as you approached a blown up photo of the Veil Nebula you stopped dead in your tracks, your breath catching in your throat. Something about this made your heart leap out in longing. There was no explanation for it, you’ve never seen this before so why was this making you feel homesick?  
  
“This is beautiful…”, you whispered.

Shiro hummed but didn’t voice a reply, which made you turn your head and look at him. You were taken aback when you saw his gaze lingering on you and not the picture in front of you. The confusion must’ve shown on your face for he looked away just as a slight blush was creeping up his cheeks. And you could feel it too, this electric feeling crawling through your body again.

Quickly you averted your gaze, swallowing hard before you said, “Let’s… move on..?”  
  
He shifted from one foot to the other before he confirmed and slowly started to walk again, always making sure that you were right behind him. It seemed to take both of you a good few minutes before you could light-heartedly joke again.

How much time you’ve spent in the gallery you had no idea, but by the time you finished your round and walked out, past the still sleeping robot, you heard your belly rumbling. As you tried to suppress the ongoing noise, Shiro just chuckled as he led you down yet another hallway to a part you’ve never been in before. But then again, the castle was huge – maybe even bigger than your hometown.

Casually, as if he did that every day, Shiro opened a door to his right, gesturing you to follow him. After all you’ve experienced so far, you had no idea what to expect next. Entering the room with the broadest smile, you couldn’t help but laugh out loud as you looked over the arrangement.  
There was a tremendous amount of pillows and blankets of different shapes and sizes just piled up in one corner of the room, making it the most unstable pillow-fort you’ve ever seen. A few feet away, a small T.V. had been put up and the gaming console Lance and Pidge had bought at the Space Mall was plugged into it. And not too far away from it was a table full of plates and bowls – a buffet!  
  
“I figured that after so much culture, you might want to sit down and smash a few buttons while feasting on Hunk’s cooking?”, he couldn’t hide his embarrassment that this might not be romantic enough.

You stepped in front of him, taking both of his hands a grinning broadly up to him, “This is just perfect!”

For a second he looked as if could not believe what you’ve just said – surely no girl in her right mind would think of this as cool or even remotely enough – before you could feel him letting go of the breath he had been holding.

“Why are you so nervous?”, you asked as you tugged him along with walking towards the food.

“I… I just don’t want to screw up.”, he answered, his voice low, “You mean the world… no… you mean everything to me. And I’ve let my guard down once already which caused these… marks…”

As he said that he reached out and gently touched the still visible bruises on your neck. The side where he had held you with his Galra-arm was most likely going to stay that way since it had burned your skin quite well.  
A constant reminder of the monster.  
And how you beat it.

“It’s fine… That wasn’t you…”, you tried to soothe him, to not let this perfect day delve into the darker hours of the past.

Shiro shook his head, “It was me. But that… Let’s not talk… That’s now what I meant… When I attacked you, it suddenly became very real to me that I could lose you just like that. Not even in a big battle, but simply by my messing things up… Just as when I came back…”

With a quick yet gentle movement he wrapped his arms around you, holding you tight. No matter how cool he appeared on the outside, his racing heart betrayed him, beating in-sync with yours. His chest moving against yours had a strange calming effect on you, causing you to lean in even more.

“I’ve lost you… almost lost you so many times already… So I wanted today to be perfect… To be everything you ever wanted…”, he breathed against your neck, the words barely finding their way out of his mouth.

It hurt.  
It hurt to see him in so much distress, so many dark clouds clinging to his gentle heart.  
It hurt that you seemed to have no way of protecting him when he needed it the most.

“Do you ever think about me screwing up?”, you asked, making him look at you with big round eyes.

“Why would I do that? But… No. No, I haven’t. Because there’s nothing you could do that would make me wish to leave you.”, just as this words were out of his mouth the realization hit him.

A groan escaped him as he playfully started to nudge you, shaking his head. There was no need for either of you to say any more.  
The storm has passed.  
For now.  
  
  
  
“Come on, that’s not possible! That’s cheating!”, Shiro laughed as the screen showed him “You Lost” for the millionth time in a row.

“Hey, there’s only this one game I am better in than you, so let me have this at least!”, you replied, biting down on a chocolate-glazed donut.

The two of you had spent almost the entire afternoon playing different kinds of videogames and annihilating the buffed Hunk probably took a very long time to put together. It was carefree, it was fun and most of all, it was far away from the harsh reality.

Leaning back you let out a sigh, the softness of the pillows making you want to stay here forever, to just snuggle up and sleep for a few days. Despite its unstable shape, the pillow-fort turned out to be a very useful thing. Shiro looked at you, his eyes warm and gentle – it made your heart ache.

“I hate to say this but I may have to get you out of here…”, he said, shyness creeping in his voice.

“What… Why? I have finally found my residence!”, you threw a blanket of yourself arranging it so only your face poked out, making him chuckle.

Shiro didn’t reply but got down on all fours and tenderly touched his nose to yours, his dark eyes glimmering in the dim light. There was something in them, dancing along with his soul. Something you haven’t seen.  
It was pulling you in… A siren’s song.

As if he was able to feel it to, Shiro quickly moved away from you, closing his eyes shut as if he had to try very hard not to lash out.  
Letting your blanket drop to the floor you stretched out your hand and started to stroke his hair, letting the softness run through your fingers.

“I think I can manage to be without my fort… For a while.”, your voice was calm, trying to catch him – and yourself.You heard him scoff as he stood up, looking down on you, amusement in his voice, “What a true honour that is!”

You stuck out your tongue, ignoring this feeling inside you that, by now, had started to scream at you. It was clear as day what it was and maybe even clearer that you were not alone in this – as alienating as it seemed.  
As the two of you left the room, your hands locked, you briefly dwelled on it. You had always imagined it to be much more forceful, trying to consume you. Whenever you heard someone talking about it, it scared you. But as you strolled through the almost endless hallways of the castle, you couldn’t help but think that this was actually the opposite of scary.  
  
  
  
A quick glance on your watch revealed, that it was already way past 6 p.m. It surprised you that time seemed to fly by like this. It saddened you when you realized that this wonderful day would eventually come to a close and you would have to return to the normal life again. As you rolled these thoughts over in your head you looked over to peak at Shiro next to you.  
You’ve seen him in various stages of nervousness but as he lead you up a tower – opposing the one you’ve set up your nook in – he seemed to be completely drowned in it. His eyes darted from one side to the other, his breath was coming in irregular chunks, almost as if he had to force it out. As you started to climb the stairs he even fell silent, not his usual goofy self when you two were alone.  
Whatever he had planned for your evening, it appeared to be on a totally different level to what he had prepared so far.  
Yet, you had again no idea what to expect. Shiro had already made this day perfect when he picked you up in the morning. What could you possibly ask for?

At the top of the stairs he paused for a moment, breathing deeply before he turned around, facing you, “I… I tried to fill this day with things that would be perfect for you. To make happy memories together. And as you could tell, the others helped me a great deal with it. But this last… stop… activity… However you want to call it. This was my idea and my doing alone. The others don’t even know about it. Not because I wanted to keep it a secret… But because I wanted this to be ours alone.”

You felt your cheeks getting hot again, despite your best efforts, your voice quivering a little, “I am ready…”

He nodded and with another deep breath he opened the door and held it, signalling you to walk into the room first. You nervously complied, taking small steps into the room, trying not to fall over your own feet. It was pitch-black inside, making you raise an eyebrow. Still, you carefully walked further in until you stood, what felt like, the middle of the room. Meanwhile, Shiro had disappeared from the illuminated doorframe, making your heart sink a little.  
  
Dark places have never been your forte but you reminded yourself that he would come and rescue you within seconds.

But nothing happened.  
  
The moments went by.

You felt your throat tighten as you lowly called out to Shiro.

Again, it was only silence that replied.

Just as you had started to walk back to the door, you heard a very loud and sharp metallic noise, followed by grinding and rumbling far louder than anything you’ve ever heard before. To make things even more eerie, the door seemed to shut itself, leaving you alone in the darkness.  
It made the hair at the back of your neck stand up and your skin crawl. You knew perfectly well that you were safe here but your mind was staring to flash alarm-signs all over your thoughts. Your body was screaming at you to start running and you almost did when you finally understood what was happening.

And it took your breath away.  
  
The whole ceiling was slowly opening up – the metal shell of the castle being mechanically peeled away – revealing a glass-dome. But this construction was not what caught your attention. It was what lay outside.  
Right there, only metres away from where you stood, was the endless open universe. So far away from Earth you had no way of telling where you were or even remotely categorize the billions of stars you saw. Never before had you seen that many stars, not even on photographs. You felt that pulling, that longing again as your gaze drifted from one foreign constellation to the next.

By now the whole shell had moved out of the way, making you feel like you really stood in a sea of stars – much like you felt on New Year’s...

“Do you like it?”, out of nowhere Shiro appeared next to you, his voice small as if he was bracing himself for a backlash.

“I… I have no words for this… I love it!”, you said, hardly able to tear your eyes away from the sight.

Shiro hummed, “I am glad… Especially because this is a rather egoistic thing I decided to end out day with.”

This made you finally look at him, a puzzled look on your face, “What do you mean?”

He didn’t answer but gestured to the real middle of the room where another pile of blankets and pillows was arranged on what looked like a mattress.  
_To sleep beneath the stars_ was something you would always go on and on about when you were kids…  
You followed him over, sitting down at once, waiting for him to make a move. Maybe, to explain himself a little. Letting your gaze wander up and across again made you realize just how small you were. How insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And yet, you also felt as if you had all the possibilities to go wherever you want and to just explore…

“I’ve never seen anything this beautiful before…”, you exhaled, “Thank you…”

“I have…”, he whispered back, making you lower your gaze and meet his.

His dark eyes shone brightly and again, this little something from before was dancing in them still. His whole posture was open, welcoming and warm, as it always was. But there was something else, something more.  
It made you catch your breath.  
  
Without looking away he continued lowly, “This is what I see when I look at you. The universe, the most chaotic, dangerous, beautiful and mesmerizing place ever is nothing compared to you. And I wanted to show this to you so you may begin to understand what you are to me.”

Your mind was empty, your heart full as if it was ready to burst right through your chest. It was beating faster than you ever thought possible, making your breathing out of control, your breath coming in hot waves.  
And then, your body took over, all the emotions you learned to control so carefully working their way out.

Without missing a beat you closed the distance between you and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down with you. Maybe you imagined things but you thought you heard him gasp at you sudden advancement, before you felt his body relax. Almost immediately he started to nuzzle your hair with his nose, making you giggle a little. Soon he changed his tactics, placing butterfly-kisses on your cheeks and forehead, shooting you glances as if he was waiting for your move.

A plan was already forming in your head when your eyes met and you felt your last breath escape you. The way he looked at you, how his eyes seemed to shine brighter than any star ever could, the intensity in them sending your heart in a turmoil. The whole world zoomed in, time escaped you. There was everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you’ve ever needed.  
Right there.  
  
Every possibility, every adventure, just in front of you. His eyes shining with curiosity, longing, yearning to discover everything unknown, every secret and every chance. To travel the road least known, to show you the world.Yet there was so much force in them too. A fire strong enough to consume you whole, an ocean, full of waves crashing against the unyielding destiny.  
Shiro’s eyes were so full of strength, of beauty.  
So full of him.  
  
You felt tears welling up in the corners of your eyes from all the love you felt. Gently you tried to pull him close until your noses touched and you heard his own breathing coming in batches, the hot air against your cool skin.Shiro softly spoke your name, making shivers run up and down your spine.

“Wherever you are. Wherever I go…”, he whispered, his voice hoarse, his lips so close.

“We will forever be under the same sky…”, you finished, a shy smile curling up the corners of your mouth, “I love you, Takashi.”

Barely were the words out when his lips found yours and the stars started to dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I can't tell you how happy I am that it's finally Friday... Today was one of the craziest days at work I ever had. Mostly negative. So coming home to upload this chapter is more than welcome!
> 
> This specific chapter was one of two reasons (or scenes) for me to start the whole thing. Ever since I watched the Space Mall episode I knew I had to write a date. And it was both, super fun and very hard to write it. It is over the top and maybe even a bit too much, but I wanted to give them something to remember. Especially since the end is nearing and... well, let's say the happy moments get scarce...
> 
> Also, if you are interested [this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Veil_Nebula_-_NGC6960.jpg) is what the Veil Nebula looks like. I found this during my research (yes, I do some for my stories) and I just had to include it. Furthermore, the exhibition they visit was inspired by a real one called "Space. About a Dream" which was open in 2011 in the Kunsthalle Vienna.
> 
> I really REALLY hope you enjoyed this chapter while making an appointment with your dentist and I see you next week. Let me know which scene you liked most!  
> Stay rad <3  
> __________________________________________  
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> 


	20. Premonition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some people you look at, and you can just tell  
> how their story will end. I don't know what it is; they have  
> everything going for them, yet it will never be enough. But  
> when I look at you ,I just know instinctively, that despite the  
> odds against you and although life will always find a way to test  
> you, someday you'll have everything you want. Your ending  
> will be a happy one.
> 
> (Lang Leav)  
> ___________________________________________

You opened your eyes just as a low scream escaped your lips. Eyes darting through the room, trying to make sense of what you were seeing, aligning it with the images in your head, the feeling in your chest.  
It just didn't make any sense...  
Someone was calling your name, making you turn your head, meeting warm yet concerned eyes.

“Hunk..?”, were you even producing a sound?

“You spaced out there for a few moments... Are you alright?”, by now you noticed that Pidge, Lance, Coran and Allura were looking at you with the same gaze.

“I... I don't know...”, you placed your hand on your head, trying to piece together what was going on here.

  
 

 _After the outing with Shiro you spent the night together, making everyone grin broadly as you entered the community room the next morning, both of you looking extremely relaxed. The joy was still pulsing through your veins which made you immune to the comments which were only an expression of everyone’s relief and happiness. It warmed your heart to have friends that supported, you no matter what._  
Yet, this light atmosphere quickly changed as Allura announced that the repairs have been completed and you would have to think about how to proceed from there.  
_Every last happy moment was nothing more but a shooting star across the black sky after all._  
  
_“As much as I despise the idea, I think our only lead would be to fly to the coordinates we've found in Shiro's arm and see if we really find the resistance fighters there.”, the princess said, pursing her lips, “Still, I am pretty sure that this is nothing but a trap...”_

 _You froze at this, the coordinates completely forgotten until now. As your friends started to make plans with Allura and Coran, you remembered the weird readings you've gotten from analysing the two black holes. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't be possible for anything to exist anywhere near those, but there was this one path that seemed to be safe... Could the Galra be able to influence gravity?_  
_As you shared your thoughts with the others, Pidge nodded, confirming your data with his own._  
  
_“It may be safer to send in a drone of some sort?”, Lance suggested, “I mean, we have no idea if this really is safe...”_  
  
_“I agree. It might also give us some clues whether or not this is a trap.”, Hunk mused, looking over to Allura._

 _She seemed to think this over for a moment, before she gave the order to prepare everything for a jump to the black holes and check the situation out. There wasn't even time to prepare the drone – the moment you arrived right at the coordinates someone was trying to reach out to you over a secured line, asking to identify yourself._  
  
_“So there really are people there...”, you whispered as you listened to Shiro stating who you were and how you found this place._  
  
_He gave them all the facts. Who he was, where the coordinates were placed, how you found and deciphered them and what ultimately brought you there. Shiro knew as well as everyone on board that keeping anything to yourself would not be advisable in such a delicate situation._

_For a minute the line was silent, only static rustling, before the voice said, “Two may enter. Come unarmed.”_

_The communication then broke off, leaving you with a heavy heart as you looked over your friends who were already in a heated discussion how to go on about this. This seemed almost too easy and the fact that you were asked to come unarmed just fit right in with the trap-scenario. But then again, if those people down there really were resistance-fighters they had enough reasons to be so cautionary. Then again, they did not second-questioned anything you've told them..._  
  
_“This doesn't seem right, Shiro.”, Allura said giving him a look._  
  
_“We've come too far to turn back now. I will go.”, this reply made you inhale sharply, your eyes begging him to look at you._

_Of course he didn't. And of course you knew that there was no way out of harms way when you were all part of this gigantic war. Still, every time he went out there – even more so since he got injured so badly – it became harder and harder to do nothing.  
How you wished you had a ship or even just a pod to tag along. Staying on board the castle was dreading and only amplified your feeling of weakness. Maybe you should ask to come with him..?_

_Before you even a single syllable had the chance to pass your lips Shiro walked over to Keith, put a hand on his shoulder, “You're coming with me, I need you and Red.”_

_There was an eerie silence spreading through the room, rendering you speechless._  
_Too much._  
_This is too much, your head screamed but you kept your mouth shut._  
  
_Of course he would take Keith who was the best fighter even without a weapon. And the red lion was able to withstand the solar flares which were preventing you to fly even a tad bit closer. Every other ship would be scorched. It would be even more important when they needed to get back out again, since there would be an eruption in a few hours, preventing everyone to enter or leave for a good amount of time._  
_Even Allura admitted that this was the best combination and plan you had at hand._  
  
_“Get ready, Paladins. We're going in.”, she commanded as she stepped up her pedestal._  
  
_Hunk, Lance and Pidge quickly got to their stations, watching you as Shiro and Keith walked over to you to give you a hug. As you felt each of their arms around you, your heart felt heavy, stinging with a feeling you couldn't understand. It was similar to the energy-tugging but then again, that wasn't it. A dark cloud was forming at the back of your head as you looked both of the over, a sigh escaping you._  
  
_“Stay safe. And Keith, try to keep a cool head.”, you meant for this to be a joke but your voice was too heavy to carry it across._  
  
_Still, he understood, “I can be calm if I want to.”_

_“The thing is, you never want to...”, Shiro murmured as they walked out of the room._

_He quickly looked at you over his shoulder, a promising smile on his lips, before the doors closed._  
_Somehow this resonated deep within you, releasing a feeling of being completely cut off._  
_And you didn't like it._  
  
  
  
Your head was still spinning as your thoughts slowly became clear again.  
Shiro and Keith made it into the base without any hiccups despite the weird gravitational field trying to pull them in. But with the two best pilots the Garrison had ever seen, there was no doubt in your mind that they would make it. You could hear them cheer a little over the intercom before the line went radio silent just the fraction of a second later and you were thrown down a pit again.  
Looking at the screen Coran confirmed that they had entered the field behind the black holes and the star where gravitation and energy-waves were overlapping each other which made it impossible to keep in contact with them.  
The perfect hideout – if your scanners can't see it it doesn't exist.  
  
“How long... How long has it been?”, your voice was too low.  
  
“Almost an hour now since we lost contact.”, Pidge replied, concern all over his face.  
  
“An hour...”, your murmured, “Something... is not right.”  
  
The others raised their eyebrows in question, not sure what you might mean by this. But how should you explain something you had no rational explanation yourself but a mere feeling? A clenching at your heart, a distinct pain in the back of your head?  
They must think that you were only overly concerned...  
  
Shaking your head you silently replied, “I am sorry but I cannot describe this feeling... But please, believe me, it's not a stomachache... We need to find out what's go-”

You were interrupted by an explosion of white light behind your eyes and a sharp pain, threatening to cut you in half. Holding your head you sunk to your knees your breathing out of control. There was a sudden pain in your upper arms, almost as if someone had cut you there, followed by what felt like a hit right in the underbelly.  
Without thinking about it, you tried to use your power to ease the pain which thankfully worked to a certain degree. Just as you started to feel lighter again, images started to flash before your eyes, lingering too short to make out any details.

A fight.  
A trial?  
  
“Keith...”, you rasped, looking up to the others, “We need... to get them out.”  
  
  
  
Hunk proved to be a real genius as he came up with the idea of re-calibrate the sensors to account for the gravitational waves caused by the solar flares. This would make it possible for you to at least locate the red lion and maybe even get some visuals. You tried your best to help out, but the pain was still throbbing through your veins, making your hands shake and your vision blurry. Still, you were determined to get your friends out there as fast as possible – the repeating thrusts of white light indicated that something was clearly off. Neither of the others was able to get you to rest until – finally – you got the lion's energetic-signature on your screens.  
  
And it was horrifying.  
  
“Wha- why is the red lion preparing to attack?!”, Lance called out.  
  
Clenching your left arm you bit down on your lips, a dark foreboding gushing over you. The lions were deeply connected to their paladins, reacting to their very core, their feelings and instincts. Sometimes even before the paladins themselves knew what was going on. Watching Red preparing to rush into battle didn't sit right with you. It tied too well to your experience just now – something you still had no idea how to explain.  
Maybe, because you've infused so much of your own energy into the lions and Voltron as a whole, you forged a bond as well?  
Or was that the destiny of the Silver Knight?  
  
Whatever it might be, you knew that neither of these solutions would help you with the pending danger, the sword hanging above all of you.  
The solar flares were still too strong for the castle, or even the other lions to fly down and get your friends out of there. It would be another ten minutes at least, before you could even begin to act. That was, if the calculations were correct.  
  
“Everyone, stay focused.”, Allura said calmly, “So far the red lion was only preparing, which means that we still have a chance to unwind this...”  
  
Her words trembled off just as the lion was moving towards the base – with the dwindling energy of the solar flares it became quite easy to spot – making your heart sink. You couldn't bear to thought to lose anyone, let alone Shiro. With the lion crashing into the base, causing considerable damage from what you could tell a nauseous feeling was taking a hold of you. The only time you've seen Red so violent was when he was trying to protect the two of them on this dead moon right after the battle at Central Command. They never attack on their own if their paladin was alright...  
Your lips trembled as you felt someone put their hand on your shoulder.

“Just a few moments and we will get them out there.”, you met Lance's serene gaze, “It's Keith and Shiro, they'll be alright. They always make it out of any kind of mess.”  
  
You tried your best to smile a little, to share his optimism with him, but another loud rumble put a halt to your efforts and instead caused you to turn your head and scan the incoming visuals. Red was moving towards the castle again, the base behind him in shambles. Swallowing hard, everyone in the room waited for the intercom to connect again. The seconds dragged on for way too long, your belly in a knot, until – finally! - a crackling noise made you all jump.  
  
“Guys, can you hear me?”, Shiro sounded tired, but very much alive, “We're coming back and we're bringing someone you should meet.”

 

You were hardly able to make out the second half, relief washing through you. They did it, they really did it! The emotions overwhelming you, you threw your arms around Lance who chuckled lowly before he wrapped his arms around you too – there was no way for him to flee anyway.  
Hunk, Pidge and even Coran were obviously relieved as well. Yet only Allura wore a frown as you all started to move down to the hangar. You could only guess that it had something to do with the “visitor” Shiro and Keith brought on board.  
Most likely a Galran soldier.  
  
The red lion was already at his place when you arrived, the hatch just opening. As soon as you caught a glimpse of you friends you started to run, quickly followed by the others. Shiro clearly did not expect you to throw yourself at him so forcefully, it almost made you two fall over. He just laughed as he touched his forehead to yours, taking in a deep breath.  
He looked so tired.  
  
“And I am completely forgotten over here?”, you heard Keith say, amusement in his voice.  
  
Letting out a playful groan you looked over to him, breath catching in your throat. He looked horrible, bruises all over his face and neck, the faint traces of blood on his lips. You whispered his name before he suffered the same fate as Shiro before him, only Keith was able to catch your weight.  
  
“I... You scared me so much...”, you whispered against his chest.  
  
He didn't respond for a moment, only stroking your back, “You were there, weren't you?”  
  
This made you hum, still not able to understand how that was even possible. Keith pulled you in a little more, his hands firmly resting against your shoulders.  
  
“Thank you...”  
  
It was such a tender, intimate moment, you felt your heart swelling, thankful for this friendship.  
But of course, you were not alone – someone clearing their throat loudly made you literally jump apart from each other, looking at your friends.  
  
“As much as I love a wonderful reunion, I think we should not forget our guest...”, Coran suggested, pointing towards the hatch with his head, making all of you turn.  
  
You had completely forgotten that there was someone else behind you, which tainted your cheeks in a slight pinkish colour. At the sight of your visitor however, you felt your blood draining from your face and limbs again. Of course you had expected a Galra to follow your friends, but really standing in front of one – him being even bigger than Shiro – was a completely different matter altogether. The alien quickly looked at you, his face unmoved, before his eyes went over to Allura.  
  
“Princess Allura.”, his deep voice seemed to be too loud even for a room as big as the hangar, “It's good to see that the rumours are true. You're alive after all these years.”  
  
The princess scoffed lowly, “Yes, and so is Zarkon. If you really are an ally in this fight against him, state your name and position.”  
  
This made the Galra pause for a moment before he answered, “My name is Kolivan. I am the head of the Blade of Marmora. We fight against the Empire from within.”  
  
“So it is true...”, you heard Pidge murmur under his breath, looking over to Hunk who looked as astonished as you felt.  
  
Kolivan tilted his head a little at this, seemingly waiting to have all of your undivided attention, before he continued, “We are indeed allies. But I'm afraid, we have very little time to discuss all the details of our arrangement. I've received word from our spy inside the Galran hierarchy that they have become aware of our presence. So the timetable for our attack on the heart of the Empire has to be moved forward. And I assume we have at least this goal in common.”  
  
A dark claw was trapping your heart as you listened to him. This was indeed horrible. If the Galra already knew that there was a resistance in their own ranks, it was only a matter of time before they would be attacking, leaving the Paladins completely on their own, no allies anywhere. You simply had to work together in order to end this war once and for all and maybe finally return back home. Even if your resources were practically nil.  
Looking over to Allura you could see that she came to the same conclusion. It was scary to trust the Galra after all that had happened.  
But what else should you do?  
  
“If we indeed decide to work together, how soon do we need to begin?”, Shiro asked, calm as always.  
  
This made Kolivan chuckle, “I think you have no other choice... We need to move forward immediately if we wish to ever defeat Zarkon.”  
  
A shiver ran down your spine, leaving a numb feeling as the whole group started to move towards the bridge to commence planning at once. Fatigue trying to pin you in place, you listened to the discussions between Allura and Kolivan. The biggest issue was the almost non-existent trust towards the Galra – something he seemed to understand quite well, ignoring the snarls and mean comments the princess sometimes spat at him. Nothing ever gave anything away, his calm behaviour giving the whole planning-process a very real feeling.  
From what he told you, the Blade of Marmora had started to infiltrate the Headquarters centuries ago, slowly creepy up the ranks, never acting on the big scale as not to endanger their overall mission: to bring Zarkon down.

This was almost the only aspect you agreed on which made it difficult to articulate even the outlines of a plan. As you followed the ideas being thrown from one side to the other, your head still in a haze, a nauseous feeling was making a home in your head and belly, throbbing in-tune with the pain you still suffered from the weird connection to the red lion and Keith. Your arm still stung as if it was relentlessly being pierced with needles. You tried to calm yourself, to ease the tension building up inside, by breathing slowly.  
It didn’t really work, causing you to shift your weight from one side to the other. All you wanted to do was to sleep over it and come back refreshed and, hopefully, with a clear head tomorrow.

But you knew that this was impossible, time racing against you.

Just as you thought you would have to fall to the floor or this spinning would never stop, you felt Shiro wrapping his arms gently around you from behind, stabilizing your frame. You let your head roll to rest on his chest, shooting him a quick glance, thankful for his support. He answered with a shy smile before his attention was called back to the planning table.  
No matter how hard you tried, your thoughts started to wander as you gave in to Shiro’s warmth and his calming aura.

After what felt like hours, you were all dismissed, called back the next day to brainstorm a little more as nothing had really come up yet. Thankful for the long-awaited break, you wished everyone a good night before you started to make your way back to your room, Shiro not letting go of your hand. Once you’ve made it into your chamber, you fell flat to the bed, gesturing him to follow your lead. With a chuckle he sat down and carefully touched your arm, causing you to flinch away as the pain shot up like electricity.

Rubbing your arm as you got up in a sitting position, you groaned, “This is getting old…”

“What was that? [Y/N], what happened while we were gone?”, his eyes shone worryingly at you.

For a brief moment you hesitated, “I don’t really know. It was weird. All of a sudden I felt as if someone had cut open my upper arms and beat me up real good. Then I saw some weird images of a fight and it was so exhausting… I knew I had a connection to you and Voltron but this… I may have had some hallucinations for all I know…”

Shiro grew very still at this, his brows furrowed, pain and confusion painted all across his face, “It is not impossible… You’ve been giving so much energy, so much of yourself to us, I’d say that such a connection could be based off this as well. Furthermore… You became stronger as well.”

This made you stick out your tongue in disbelief, “Might be but I still have a long way to go…”

Shiro just shook his head at this, gently stroking your cheek. He did not reply to this for a long time, only wrapping you in his warmth and comfort, the serenity he was able to awaken within you at every given moment.

“I was scared…”, you muttered against his skin as you placed a kiss on his hand, “We had no chance to get any intel from you, no communication… And when this weird pain started to set in… I thought I was going crazy… What happened?”

Letting out a heavy sigh, Shiro scooped you up so you sat on top of him, burying his head in your neck, “They put us through a trial… To see whether or not we were trusted with their ideals… Knowledge or Death is what they live by. Keith volunteered and… he got beaten up so bad… At one point I thought I would just jump right in there with him, jeopardizing the whole endeavour. You saw him… How could I not?”

“But you restrained yourself… And he made it out there… I wish I was there with you… It seems unfair that you have to shoulder all that burden by yourselves and I am here on board the castle…”, you started to play with his hair which seemed to relax him a little.

“You know… This gets pretty old as well…”, he mumbled as he lifted his gaze and met yours, “How can I make you understand..?”

Something about the way he looked at you made you speechless, sending your heart in a turmoil, beating out of control again. The way his eyes shone brightly with trust, warmth and unconditional love.  
His words rang in your heart and something inside of you changed, lightness flooding through you, making your skin tingle. Without even touching you, without a single syllable leaving his mouth, he opened the rusty lock that had chained your heart since the day he had left all those months ago.

A small gasp escaped you, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. You tried to form words but somehow they all seemed meaningless compared to the profoundness you two shared right there.  
There was a tugging at your heart, completely different from what it felt like when you drew energy from within. But just as powerful.

“Takashi…”, you breathed, your voice full of longing as you were not able to keep your emotions at bay.

So much.  
All of this was too much.

You felt his body shiver at you voicing his given name and you tenderly took his face in your hands, holding your whole world.  
It was right there that you vowed to yourself to always protect him and to finally unleash your everything, no matter the consequences. If there was one thing you could do, it would be this.

Leaning in, you placed a soft kiss on his lips, whispering his name, over and over again, as if it were a prayer. Even to your ears you could hear the relief, the love you felt like it would make you explode. And Shiro answered you with the same passion and temper, picking you up, holding you tight.  
Slowly your kisses deepened and your breath became hotter as if you’d run a marathon.And yet you wanted more.

As if he could read your mind, Shiro had started to gently stroke your back as if he was afraid to hurt you again. You felt his fingers tracing the lines of your spine all the way up to your neck and back down again. It felt good yet it made a strange thought bloom in your mind.

_Too. Many. Layers._

When you two finally broke apart, panting, your eyes gleaming in the light you realized that he might have had the same thought. A part of you was starting to feel ashamed because of it, but the much bigger part was way gone.Hungry even.

Still, neither of you had to say anything for a long moment, your racing hearts the only sound you heard. Silently agreeing, you both started to calm down again, some sort of rationality starting to kick in.  
You didn’t like it.

Especially when you saw a dark shadow briefly passing over his kind face. You could only guess that he remembered the difference in strength between you two – his eyes scanning your neck confirmed this. With a tiny smile you pulled him closer again, placing kisses on his forehead, his cheeks, his nose and his mouth. Shiro froze for a moment which made you silently wail.  
All you wanted was for him to be carefree and happy.

Trying to take the lead you started to fumble with his shirt, making him laugh lowly, “Need a hand?”

Before you were even able to answer him, he pulled his shirt over his head and threw it away, looking innocently at you while the hint of pink started to spread over his cheeks. Swallowing hard you slowly let your gaze wander over his naked upper body, only to make you let out a painful cry, causing Shiro to tense up again.

“I know… Not a pretty sight…”, his voice was barely audible, shame dripping from each word.

“That’s not… God…”, you gasped, horrified from what you saw, “What did they do to you?!”

Shiro did not answer at first, his mind wandering, his lips twitching a bit as certain memories flushed his mind. And you waited. Because this was not the time and place to rush anything. Tenderly you began to trace the countless scars all across his body, some healed well, others less so. Just the sheer number made the flame of anger inside your chest light up instantly.  
It must’ve hurt so bad.

“I was… a fighter. Like a gladiator. For their mere amusement.”, it clearly pained him to think, let alone talk about it, “I was one of the few that never gave up. I just… couldn’t. So they got me bigger monsters. Stronger monsters. Faster monsters. And slowly it teared me apart. But only to get me to the brink of death, never beyond… Even when I lost my arm they never stopped…”

Shiro closed his eyes for a second while you patiently tried to hold your breath. You've imagined so many scenarios of what had happened during the time of his captivity. Yet hearing him saying all those things out loud made it painfully real.  
This war had to end as soon as possible so he could heal.  
So he could dream of tomorrow again.  
  
“After a while... Zarkon's witch took an interest in me. For what reasons I don't know. She began to tinker with different components to connect to my shoulder. It was painful... Yet, nothing seemed to work and she still kept going. Until this arm was attached to me and I was released shortly after...”, Shiro's voice trailed off, his head hanging low.

Tenderly you touched his cheeks to gesture him to look at him, “There is no reason for you to be ashamed of any of these...”

His lips formed the question _“why?”_ without making a sound. You smiled at him, your fingers trailing the light skin across his shoulders all the way down to his belly.  
  
“Those scars are nothing but a reminder that you are alive. You've made it out of there. You are here now. And you've grown so much.”, your voice was thick with emotions, making your throat tighten, “As much as I hate the circumstances that caused all of them, I cannot lie... You look even more beautiful to me now than you have ever before.”

You watched his eyes grow wide at this, disbelief clouding them for a second before he realized that you meant what you've said. The truth made his cheeks turn hot and him clear his throat. It was cute how easily flattered he was.

“So you don't find this... revolting?”, his voice was still a bit unsure as his eyes searched your face.

Shaking your head you calmly leaned forward until your noses touched, “Quite the contrary, mister. I find you very attractive, inviting, compelling, mesmerizing, arousing... You want me to go on?”

Shiro swallowed loudly, his eyes turning dark – just as they did several times during your date. It was clear as day that he still hesitated because he was afraid to hurt you. Somewhere in your unconscious you decided that this only meant that you had to show him that there was nothing to be afraid of. Before your thinking mind could interfere again you decided to act. You sat up straight and got rid of your vest and shirt only to be met with even darker eyes and a slightly opened mouth. This only made your own heart beat even faster, your mind in a whirl. There was this longing inside of you, and you realized that it was the same feeling you carried around during your outing the other day. It had certainly been growing for far longer than that but only now were you fully able to realize what it was you really wanted.  
  
With a movement faster than you had anticipated, Shiro took a hold of you, threw you on the bed and pinned your hands down, hovering above you, framing your body so you could hardly move. You felt his hot breath on your skin, sending shivers down your spine. As your eyes met you gasped.  
The whole galaxy was moving in them, inviting you in.

“May I ask for this dance?”, his voice was low, barely his own.

Shiro didn't even wait for you to answer as he leaned in, finding your lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My nose has been running for the past days and I seriously thought that I would have to call in sick at work today... but no, my immune-system is super strong... On the bright side, it means that I can bring you this week's chapter on time (for once...) AND announce the spicy chapter to be uploaded on Sunday!!  
> *throws glitter*  
> I feel very VERY anxious about the latter so please be kind... I have no idea what I'm doing...
> 
> Regarding this week... I hope you've read the poem I chose for this. It is the biggest foreshadowing to the last chapters. That and I really like it. Yeah, I am a simple girl.  
> And you may have noticed that I've changed the context for the whole Blade of Marmora - simply because the entire arc with Keith being Galra would have gone too far for my concept. That was all. i loved his story and everything that came from it. It was just too much for this story. I hope you can forgive me.
> 
> Additionally I am sorry that this chapter ends similar to last week's... I tried so hard to think of different endings but this just seemed the most fitting.
> 
> Have a wonderful weekend and I will read you either in Sunday - if you are brave - or on Friday - if you are wise.  
> Love <3
> 
> __________________________________________  
> Shameful self-promotion!  
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> 


	21. Raise the Curtain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear sweet children
> 
> do not grow up in this life  
> thinking that you have to be  
> a monster to face this world.
> 
> children, with wings - 
> 
> the only thing  
> that this world truly wants from you
> 
> is for you to remember  
> that you already know  
> how to fly
> 
> (by A)  
> _________________________________________

_Entropy, coming from the Greek word entropia, essentially means a transformation from one state to the other. From ice to water._  
_From order to chaos._  
_The state of change._  
_Eventually, everything in the universe will move from the state of order to the state of chaos, such is this principle of thermodynamics._  
  
_But what is chaos?_  
  
_Per definition, chaos is the opposite of cosmos. In Greek myths the chaos was the state of void right before the creation of the cosmos – the universe so to speak._  
_It is what we fear, the darkness, the absence of light and hope._  
_And yet..._  
  
_And yet, chaos is nature's natural order, for every system is made to fail at one point in time to make way to the new, the unknown._  
_Every creature, every atom even, craves discord – the equivalent of freedom as this gives the possibility to cast away the shackles that bind us._  
_In truth, it is only mankind's hubris to believe that order is the best and only possible solution._  
_Without chaos, there won't be change._

_But beware._

_Pay attention._

_Don't be fooled._

_Everything that could go wrong, will go wrong._

_Godspeed._  
  
  
  
You blinked a few times, trying to get a hold of yourself. To not let the tears spill. What you needed to do was to concentrate. To find a way out. Yet, there was hardly anything you could do at this point. The plan had been set into stone – and it was one of the most dangerous endeavours you’ve ever planned to undertake. Maybe even more so than what you did at Central Command.  
You let your gaze travel across the faces of your friends, Allura, Coran and Kolivan, each of them bearing a mask of forced composure.

“This is madness…”, you heard Pidge mumble under his breath.

Hunk and Lance silently agreed, nodding their heads as they looked over the blueprints in front of them, showing the insides of Zarkon’s own ship.  
What you were trying to do was to infiltrate the ship’s systems with a virus, so it would be rendered powerless for roughly half an hour. During that time a gigantic teludav – formerly hidden in a fold in space to cloak it – would send the ship 500 million lightyears away, separating it from the fleet. It was then that Voltron would destroy the ship and Zarkon with it.

That was if everything worked perfectly well.

“So you tell me that everything comes down to your “man on the inside” to get the virus into the systems or otherwise everything would fail and there is no backup?”, Allura’s voice was cold as ice.

“We cannot take any risks. That’s how the Blade of Marmora had managed to survive for so long and never be uncovered.”, Kolivan replied calmly, seemingly unaware of the rising tension in the room.

Silence.

You reached out to touch Shiro’s hand lightly, but he had other plans. As tenderly as a cat he wrapped his fingers around yours and squeezed reassuringly. He would not let go of you anytime soon, signalling you that he would always be there by your side, to catch you and lift you up.  
Caressing his hand with your thumb you tried to answer him the same way, hoping he would understand. From the way the corners of his lips curled up even the slightest bit, you’ve seemed to succeed.

Somehow everything with him seemed different since the night you’ve spend together two days ago. Every gaze, every touch resonated way deeper within you than you would have ever thought possible. Just when he casually brushed his fingers across your head or back you weren’t able to control your breathing too well. The darkness that washed through his eyes indicated that it had the same effect on him too. It was accelerating in more ways than one.

While Allura, Coran and Kolivan had discussed different ideas to present to you at a scheduled briefing in the afternoon, you and the others would hit the training-deck to try and come up with new techniques and an overall smoother performance. The first half of the day would be spend indoors and after the briefing you would go on and work and Voltron’s abilities. By now you were able to form the weapons and the shield without even feeling too much, alternating to and fro between them. You’ve also learned to accelerate the boosters by infusing the wings on Voltron’s back with your energy.

And you learned to listen to the lions energetic-signatures as if it was their heartbeat.  
All of this combined made it finally possible for you to believe in your own progress. Looking back at the point where you’ve started from, you realized that you were indeed powerful. This lead you to ask your friends to see how much power you could infuse Voltron with and what it would do. At first they were not sure whether this would be a good idea, but everyone’s curiosity and the dire situation at hand, led all of you to agree to try.

“At the first sign of anything being off, just let me know and this test is over.”, you said from your position on the castle’s bridge.

The princess had been kind enough to let you work from there, while the discussions would be led in one of the dozens of conference rooms a bit further down the hall. It was still weird to you to stand there all by yourself – especially knowing that you were in charge.

“[Y/N], don’t worry so much, everything will be fine.”, Lance said a broad smile on his face.

“I agree. By now we all know what this feels like so there is no reason to worry.”, Hunk added, showing you a thumbs up, “Oh! And shouldn’t Shiro say something like _I know that you will be gentle_?”

Your jaw dropped at this as you stared at your screens, showing four mischievous grins and a groaning Shiro. You quickly glanced at him, watching as his eyes lit up with an idea on his own.

“You know… I learned that you should never lie… I would have to say that she knows how to be rough…”, he said as innocently as he possibly could while trying to hide a smirk.

Now it was their turn to gape at you, surprise painted all over their faces, which quickly turned to shame as their brains processed the information presented.

“Guys… How… Gosh.”, Hunk breathed, not knowing where to look at.

“I can’t believe this…”, Pidge whispered at a loss as well.

“Too. Much. Information.”, Keith sighed, refusing to look you in the eye.

Lance was the only one who kept quiet for a while, before his eyes shone brightly as he looked at you, “I would’ve never guessed this! You have to tell me everything!”

His reaction ultimately threw you and Shiro off, causing you to laugh out loud for a few minutes. It felt good. It was liberating and for only a few moments you could just be a group of friends, goofing around.

“I love you guys so much.”, you said, still a little out of breath, “Really. I couldn’t ask for a more awkward and awesome family… Thanks for putting up with me.”Still, the lightness disappeared the basically the moment you started to infuse your energy. The test to see how far you were able to push your own and Voltron’s limits ended when you crashed to the floor, waves of heat washing over you. As you listened to the worried tones of your friends, you asked yourself just how this was possible. Everything had happened so fast.  
You’ve paid close attention to yourself and the others, only taking small steps. Nothing out of the ordinary occured, until you felt something repelling you from within the core of the black lion. It felt like the energy that Zarkon used when he tried to take control of Black. You haven’t even had any time to retreat before the purple light enveloped you and pushed you out violently.

After a few moments you were able to sit up, the voices of Lance, Keith, Hunk, Pidge and Shiro ringing in your head as you were not able to make out any words.  
Just noise.

Still, you tried to let them know that you were alright, “Guys… Come… come back to the hangar… I’m okay… Just come back…”

You weren’t sure whether they’ve heard you, but within seconds – time being distorted by the weird feeling holding you firmly – you heard the door slide open and your friends enter the room quickly. Shiro immediately got to his knees and scooped you up in his arms, caressing your cheeks. He said something which you couldn’t make out exactly, but only listening to the soft tone of his voice was soothing and it somehow stopped the world from spinning. You curled up in his lap, closing your eyes as you noticed that you were able to make out some words. And then some more. And more until your hearing was back to normal.

“[Y/N]? Can you hear us? What happened?”, Lance asked, concerned.

Batting your eyelashes open you looked at him and the others, “I don’t really know. It was as if there was a force within Black. Something… Or someone trying to force me out. And I felt like this only once before…”

As your voice trailed off everyone realized what this small detail would mean to the overall mission. Biting your lower lips you felt Shiro hugging you in closer as he placed a few kisses on your head.

“I’m scared…”, you whispered against his chest, only for him to hear.

He hummed lowly, stroking your neck, “So this means that Zarkon still has some sort of influence on the black lion…”

Pidge nodded, “The only remaining question now is, does it endanger our plan or not?”You all took the rest of the day off, trying to push away the sword above your heads, only to be woken up by Allura making an announcement about the final briefing right before lunch the next day. When the connection broke off you snuggled back into your pillow, listening to Shiro’s even breath. His eyes shone brightly as he pulled you in close.  
Since your outing you both spent the nights in your room, sharing your bed as if it was the most normal thing.

Which it really was, honestly.

It felt so good to drift off to sleep with his arms wrapped around you, and maybe even more so waking up to his broad smile. This morning however, he looked concerned above everything else. He traced your cheeks all the way down your jawline, tenderly as if you were made of glass.

“How do you feel?”

You hummed, “A lot better. You always recharge me.”

Shiro scoffed at this, obviously flattered, “You do too… Honestly though, you scared me there…”

“I’m sorry… I was scared myself. Never in a million years would I have thought about the possibility that Zarkon still had some kind of power over Black…”, you said as you buried your face in his chest, taking in his warmth, his familiar scent.

Home.  
You felt like coming home.

“No one did…”, his voice trailed off, trying to push away all the dark thoughts that started to well up.

If the emperor still had a grip at the black lion, this could not endanger everyone’s lives, it would also severely endanger the mission as a whole.  
How didn’t you notice this sooner? How did this important information slip past you?  
As if he could feel your thoughts, Shiro started to kiss you gently on the cheeks, the neck and your lips.

“Don’t…”, he mumbled, “We just have to take this into account as well. We will make it out of here. And when it’s all over, we will finally find the time to do all the things we always wanted to do. I can finally ask you out for real!”  
  
You spent the rest of the time before the final briefing in bed, dozing off to sleep, making awful jokes and just enjoy the warmth of each other. For just a few hours you were able to forget it all and to just be there together. Just the tiniest fraction of what your life could've been if it weren't for this stupid war.  
When it was finally time for you to leave your room, Shiro took your hand just as you wanted to walk out the door, making you turn and look up to him.

His dark eyes revealed all of the emotions he tried so hard to bottle up and throw away. How broken he was, just like you. You breath caught in your throat as you just looked at each other, laying open everything without a single word being spoken. He put all that made him into your hands, to do as you pleased. With the same passion he drew you in, wrapping you in his love and understanding.

You forgot how to breathe.

When he finally spoke, his voice was just as tender, “I do not know what will happen once we walk through that door. It feels like we're on a threshold to a future neither of us know how to navigate. But I do know that, whatever happens, I will keep my promise and always come back to you. Just... wait for me...”  
  
His voice trailed off as if he had to think about his next words. You just waited, looking over his serene face, his gentle eyes and warm touch. It took everything out of you to keep your heart where it belonged, his words ringing in your head.

“Now I might sound stupid but... Promise me as well. That you will not do anything reckless. That you will come back to me as well.”, he squeezed your hand a bit firmer when he said that, desperation quickly washing over his face, “You do not need anyone to safe you, but you are just as stubborn and hot-headed as ever and you tend to overdo it... I just don't want to come back and you are trapped in that awful state because you overused your powers... I don't want to lose you...”

Just as he finished you put your free hand to his cheek, got up on your toes and kissed him gently. Yet you did not answer him at first, not knowing how. Certainly you did not plan on putting your life on the line, but no one knew what would happen in this – presumably – last battle against the Galra. And you were not just leaning back while everyone else was putting up the fight of their lives to free the universe and to return to Earth and a life you knew. So how should you promise him this?  
  
Shiro let out a sigh as if he knew exactly what you were thinking and why you remained silent in the first place. He mumbled something under his breath you couldn't make out before he cleared his throat and got down to one knee, taking your hand in both of his, a slight blush washing over his cheeks, his eyes enlightened. A small gasp escaped you as soon as you wrapped your head around what he was trying to do.

But never in a million years would you have been able to guess his words.

“There is nothing in my life I wish for more than your happiness and safety. Since the first day I met you, you stood up for yourself and, maybe even more so, you stood up for me and everyone who was able to conquer your big, gentle heart. You fought for all those who could not fight for themselves, even when it meant you had to endure the consequences later... and alone. There was never a moment of doubt in your mind that I was anything less but perfect the way I was. No one else was ever able to give me this feeling of security and pride at the same time. When I left for the Garrison I also learnt that “home” did not mean a place... The moment the car pulled out of our driveway I was homesick for you.”, a shy smile appeared on his lips, “I may have harboured the thought that I would never let go of you again right then... And even though I still flew up to Kerberos you never stopped waiting for me. We were different people but my heart still longed for you and nothing – not even this war – could ever change that.”

Shiro paused for a moment, breathing deeply. You on the other hand had seemingly forgotten to breathe, your head spinning, time frozen. You were not able to move a single muscle, your whole body as tight as a string, electricity travelling across your skin.  
This was not real, you must have had another hallucination.  
Or you were still in bed, dreaming.  
This was just too wonderful to be true.  
Still, you did not dare to move, afraid to break the spell. Whatever it was, you had no desire for it to end.

As Shiro continued, his voice was shaking a bit, “Therefore... I wanted to ask you whether you would to me the honour to let me stay by your side for as long as I breathe, to wait for me to return to your arms... to my home. [Y/N], will you marry me?”

You blinked a few times, trying to understand what he had just said. Your body moved before your mind was even ready, as you freed your hands and wrapped them around his neck, dropping to your knees and burying your face in his neck as you felt some happy tears fall freely. As much as you tried, you were not able to give him an answer, only small sobs and gasps escaped you as you did your best to keep it together – but failed.

This was just too much.  
How was he always able to find the right words?

Shiro gently held your shaking frame, tenderly stroking your back and head until you lifted your head and looked him in the eyes, a big grin on your face, “Is that a yes? I am dying a little here...”

This made you chuckle as you wiped your tears away and replied, “Yes! A million times yes! I cannot think of a place I'd rather be than by your side until the end of time. Marry me, Takashi.”  
  
  
  
The next time you felt tears welling up in your eyes was when the whole group agreed to move forward with the laid out plan. No matter how crazy it seemed, there was simply not enough time, let alone resources to come up with something more elaborate and not as life-threatening.  
As your friends were assigned their next missions you felt Shiro squeezing your hand, trying to encourage you. It almost worked but as you lifted your haze and watched his jaw tense up and his eyes piercing the blueprints in front of you, you knew that it was nothing but pretence. He was just as nervous as all of you – maybe even more so since he had given you a promise..?  
  
“Alright, Paladins. We still need to gather some materials for this to work, which works fastest when we split up.”, Allura said, putting a halt to your thoughts, “Keith and Hunk, you will go to find a Weblum since we need a vast amount of scaultrite for our teludav. Coran will give you instructions.”  
  
“Somehow I have a very nasty feeling about this...”, you heard Hunk mumble under his breath.  
  
“Lance, Pidge, Shiro, you will go to Beta Traz and free Slav. He was a genius scientist working for my father who was taken prisoner during the war. The intel the Blade of Marmora provided us with makes us believe that he was brought out there so the Galra could exploit his intelligence for their own evil plans.”, the princess went on, ignoring every murmur and every gaze.  
  
“But isn't this... Isn't Beta Traz a high-security-prison?”, Pidge breathed, his eyes getting round.

 

This remark made you freeze, your breath catching in your throat. If this proved to be true, that would mean that your friends put themselves in way more danger than you initially thought. Breaking into a prison was one thing, but getting out was a completely different story. Furthermore, what would this do to Shiro who had been a prisoner himself?  
Images of his trauma-induced state from weeks ago crossed your mind, Shiro's piercing cry ringing in your head. You knew that there was no way around this, you simply needed Slav to help you out with the enormous teludav. So the least you could probably do would be to go with them.  
  
Just as you started to move Allura gave Pidge an affirmative glance and continued, “As for myself I will travel back to the Balmera to retrieve the biggest crystal I could find. In the meantime, Coran and [Y/N] will go to Olkarion to overlook the progress. The Olkari have offered their help which gives us the best engineers to work on the teludav we could've ever asked for. Additionally, the planet is relatively safe and the Galra have made no movements to recapture it.”  
  
The plan was laid out and silence settled in the room, each of you wearing a different shade of a gloomy expression on their faces. You looked around the room, feeling the unspoken weariness and exhaustion as your friends tried to gather up their courage to keep on moving.  
It was unfair.  
It was madness.  
You were only children, barely adults. Just a few months ago you were worrying about your grades, watching bad movies instead of learning and went out into the dessert, looking for places unknown. Where did the time go? Where did the lightness go?  
  
Without thinking you spread the fingers of your free hand and sent an energetic nudge to each of your friends, just enough for them to turn their heads and look at you. There was no need for any of you to say a word, for all of you could feel the connection, the bond you've forged. Even if Earth seemed so far away, among this small group you all had a place to return to.  
You were not alone.  
  
  
  
Hunk and Keith were the first to leave, the former trying his best not to panic, “I mean it's not that crazy, right? To fly out there, looking for a gigantic space-monster and steal his tummy... something.”  
  
“In fact, it totally does...”, you replied silently as you hugged him, “You've got this. I believe in you.”  
  
There was no doubt in your voice, not a single trace of insecurity in your beliefs. And Hunk could feel it too which resulted in him turning away sharply to hide a grin. You then moved to look over to Keith who was patiently waiting for his turn, his arms crossed. He then shot you a tiny smile as he closed the distance between you and pulled you in for a tight embrace. His rather forceful act took you by surprise but it was quickly replaced by sheer happiness. He was silently letting you in. Of course you wished that it would've been at literally any other moment but this one...  
  
_He was scared._  
  
Before you could even come up with anything to say, Keith let go of you, putting his hands on your shoulders and looking at you with a sincere expression. You waited patiently for him to say something, but after a few moments he just let out a deep and heavy sigh. Hunk was already calling for him and even Allura was starting to get impatient. With a low groan Keith finally let go of of you and started to walk towards the yellow lion to take them to the Weblum.  
  
“Don't forget, be home before midnight.”, you whispered, for no one else to hear but Keith, who paused for a second, before he playfully shook his head and walked up the ramp to the lion's cockpit.  
  
As soon as Yellow was on its way via wormhole, Lance, Pidge and Shiro got ready to leave as well. Had your heart been able to somehow cope with Keith and Hunk flying to meet a gigantic beast, it seemed to not be able to handle the whole prison-break-scenario as well.  
Seemingly, it showed.  
  
“I will keep an eye on him, don't worry.”, Lance said as he walked up to you, both of you watching Shiro and Pidge going over their plan of action once again.  
  
“I know you will...”, you replied, trying to smile.  
  
“Shiro is... well, he is just Shiro. Not even the Galra could take that away from him. There's no way we could fail this mission.”, Lance's expression was tender, soothing, trying to calm you down by stating things you both knew were true, “And don't tell anyone but in case everything goes downhill, I will make sure that we will make it out there, the genius-scientist with us or not. We gotta keep the family together.”  
  
You couldn't help yourself but only gaped at him and the profoundness of his words. For the millionth time that day your eyes started to swim as you basically threw your whole weight against your friend, making him laugh out loud from your sudden outburst.  
  
“If you two were finished we might get going. There is a prison we have to break in.”, Pidge said as he walked over to you, Shiro right behind him, “We will be back before you know it.”  
  
Letting go of Lance you sighed silently. There was nothing you would love more than to just trust these words and stop worrying so much. But all the time since Keith and Shiro had left for the secret base of the Blades a voice in the back of your head was trying to tell you something, a weary feeling washing through your chest whenever you thought about the plan at hand. Surely your group had not as much fire-power as Zarkon's whole empire but you could rely on the moment of surprise and the supporters on the inside.  
Still, as Shiro interlaced his fingers with yours, you couldn't shake the rising darkness that was completely detached from all the rational thoughts and the scheme you were about to put forward. There was something more, and if there was something you had learned since you've discovered your strange powers, it would certainly be that you better listened to these concerns.  
  
But what could you do?  
You had not idea what it could possibly be that would go wrong – it might even only be a very small detail. It was just a feeling, not the gift of foresight after all.  
  
You heard Shiro breathing your name lowly, making you lift your gaze to meet his warm expression. He always looked so composed, so serene, it was almost impossible to spot the insecurities he still carried around with him. There was nothing you would've loved to do more than to keep him here at the castle. Or, since that was completely out of the question, to at least come with them to Beta Traz. Still, there was nothing you could do, the plan was already laid out and you would join Coran on Olkari to overlook the progress.  
  
As if he was able to read your mind, Shiro chuckled, “It is the safest place for the time being...”  
  
“I know that. But why is it always only me who everyone thinks has to be safe? What about you?”, there was even a pout on your lips, the frustration leaking through, “When will I ever get my wish to keep you safe?”  
  
Shiro tensed up for a moment before he playfully shock his head and place a kiss o the crown of your head, “In fact, no one gets their wish... What's more, I need you in the final battle with me to guide me. I think we all do. So for now, try to keep Coran calm – I bet it's hard for him to watch Allura fly off all on her own.”  
  
“You know how you always call me a smartass?”, there was a challenging edge in your voice as you stuck out your tongue, “I am pretty sure I've learned it all from you!”  
  
This made the both of you laugh as the mutual understanding was settling in. He was right, of course you knew this. Still, it was hard to stay calm and rational when the one you loveed and your whole family were on their way to dangerous places. Hearing Shiro voicing his dependence on you – just as you relied on him – made your heart dance within your chest. He then placed another tender kiss on your lips before he walked away, followed by Lance and Pidge to the blue lion. They left almost the instant the hatch had closed, Lance letting out a loud cheer while the others were only able to grunt.  
Some things would never change.  
  
  
  
After Allura had left as well – her voice shaking a little as she shared her last instructions with you – Coran and you started to fly the castle back to Olkarion. It was so quiet on the bridge it made your heart sink.

What if they would never come back and the only thing to remember your friends by would be this silence?  
Trying to keep such thoughts at bay you started to control your breathing. This did not pass Coran's notice.  
  
“You may be frustrated that everyone agreed that you would come with me.”, he did not look at you, his eyes straight forward, “And you might think our task not as adventurous and maybe even a bit tedious. I cannot take that from you. But I can assure you that the task we have to overlook is just as crucial as everyone else's. After all, only the best can build a teludav, let alone such a big one!”  
  
It took a few moments as these words started to sink in, making you fell all warm and fuzzy. When you opened the cryo-pods in the castle all those weeks ago and the quest of Voltron begun, you had felt like an outsider. As if you would never belong anywhere. As if you had nothing to give.  
But hearing Coran call all these sentiments a lie in the warmest tone was something you thought you would never hear from anyone. There was no family waiting for you on Earth, but you sure had found one right here. **  
**  
  
  
_A gigantic malformed whale floating through space. Slowly creeping away from a planetary structure it had just feasted on. Nothing was left of the green surface of the planet. Now it was nothing more than a grey-brown mass of rocks, missing more than half it's volume. As if it was nothing more than an apple the monster had taken a bite of._  
_Inside – why inside? - the throat was lined with what looked like shards of glass. Further down the colour changed. It somewhat looked more like a machine than a living being._  
_Yellow and Red._

 _Pulsing._  
_Acid._  
_A loud cry._  
  
_An explosion of white light._  
  
_Silence._  
  
_A spheric space-station amidst black nothing. Two sets of rings casually moving around its core, keeping the barrier up. An explosion cleared the path._  
_Inside – why inside? - endless corridors, dimly lit. The digestive system stretching on and on, leading to the right and the wrong chamber. It somewhat looked more like an animal than a building._  
_Green, Blue and Black._  
  
_Stillness._  
_Gravitation._  
_A loud cry._  
  
_An explosion of pain._  
  
_Pandemonium._  
  
_A cave way below the surface, breathing in and out with the everlasting heartbeat. Moving forward, further down, down and down. Always a straight line._  
_Inside – why inside? - the only path to follow. At the end waits the epitome of the energetic flow. If it breaths, is it alive or only a planet long dead?_  
_Pink._  
  
_Excoriation._  
_Ease._  
_A loud cry._  
  
_An explosion into nothingness._  
  
_Void._  
  
  
  
Your eyelashes fluttered open as you quickly lift yourself up into a seating position, your heart racing, your breathing shallow. Trying to steady yourself you tried to focus on your hands, to control your breathing. It somewhat worked after a while, leaving you even more exhausted than before you went to sleep. Burying your face in your hands, feeling the sweat on your forehead you tried to piece together the vast amount of images which had penetrated you in your dreams.  
It would be easy to just stamp them as dreams and of no importance, but after all that had happened in the last weeks and the tugging feeling inside your chest just as you had woken up, you just couldn't just toss them aside.  
  
Letting your hands slide down you helplessly looked around your room. Why couldn't you shake the feeling that you just watched your friends in some abstract way? No, certainly not. You shook your head as you stood up and walked out the door and down the corridor to grab yourself a glass of water.  
  
“I must be going crazy...”, you mumbled to yourself, a slight shiver crawling up your arms as you matched the castle's corridors to the ones in your dream.  
  
There was simply no way that you would be able to see what your friends saw and feel what they felt, right? As you waited for your glass to fill you remembered what everyone had told you, about your powers getting stronger, unlocking new possibilities. Even if that was true, it would not go as far as to connect on such a deep level with your friends, right? Surely you've become a very close group of friends, family even. But this seemed to be on a whole different level altogether.  
Downing the glass in one go just to fill it up again you let out a heavy sigh. They were gone for half a day and to be expected to return within the next one or two days. Maybe your mind was only making up these things because you were simply worried about them.  
  
You left the kitchen and started to walk back to your room. It was true, you missed having them around all the time, Shiro especially. The colours seemed to be duller when he wasn't around, your heart a sorry mess. Above all, you were worried for them, not knowing the dangers they might faced. And yet, you had this unyielding trust in them.  
As a tiny smile appeared on your lips you closed your eyes and nudged your friends – wherever they were – with a small energetic pulse, reminding them that you would wait here, welcoming them home.  
  


“We have to abandon the mission. There is no point in going forward!”, Kolivan bellowed his face an angry grimace.  
  
“After all we have done you want us to just call off the only chance of defeating Zarkon in 10.000 years just like that?!”, Allura replied, he eyes shooting lightning-bolts at the Galra.  
  
“We haven't heard from our man inside in days and he should have contacted us an hour ago. Someone must have uncovered our plan.”  
  
“So maybe this was just a trap you have set up all along, is that what you want to tell us?”, the princess' voice was cold as ice.  
  
“No! I am just saying that moving forward with our plan could lead it to a failure. The worst case would be that Zarkon is finally able to capture Voltron. If that happens there is nothing anyone could ever do to defeat him! The Blade of Marmora survived for as long as we did because we did not take any risks. And we will certainly not start today.”  
  
“So this is your final word?”, it was Keith who spoke up, looking the alien in the eye.  
  
There was no immediate response from him as he surely felt the pressure in the room starting to rise. The last days had been hard for all of you. Collecting the materials was an even greater burden than you anticipated, putting everyone in danger. Hunk and Keith were almost digested in the Weblum's belly while Pidge, Lance and Shiro hardly made it out of the prison alive – Slav with them.  
  
The latter turned out to be a genius-scientist for sure, but a very neurotic one at that. For every action he took he had to evaluate whether or not he would survive it in this reality. It was exhausting but you tried your best to let it slip. Something Shiro was hardly able to do which lead him to leave the room more than once, talking to himself. This was the clearest sign that all of this was getting to him as well. Still, it made you think to yourself that there might be something else. What happened on the flight back to the castle?  
  
What was more was that moment Slav lay eyes on you he froze in place, his beak-shaped mouth quickly moving as his eyes grew big, “You! You shouldn't even exist in this reality!”  
  
You blinked a few times, trying to understand – really understand – what he was trying to tell you with this.  
  
“The Knight should only exist in realities where we cannot win by any normal means!”, as soon as the words were out the scientist tensed up again and quickly hid below a console while everyone else was just gaping at you, “This is a sign of disaster... Failure! We are doomed!”  
  
Slav's last words were swirling through your head as your energy drained from your body. Maybe he was just rambling nonsense, but he immediately knew that you were the Silver Knight which must mean something. Just what did it mean to the overall plan?  
Looking down on your hands, a distant voice ringing in your ears. Memories washing up.  
  
_You should have never been born!_  
  
Were you the unknown in this equation? Were these lingering foreboding feelings trying to tell you exactly this – that you could be the cause for the whole mission to fail?  
The feeling of helplessness was weighing down on you, blurring your vision. You mouthed a silent _I am sorry,_ before you turned around and left the room calmly only to break into a run as soon as the doors had closed behind you. It wasn't long until you heard pounding steps behind you. Shiro ran after you, stopping you on the corridor by grabbing your arm.  
  
“Don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he is saying. The Galra must have messed with his head.”, he pulled you in and gently stroke your head.  
  
Before you could even do anything against it, you fell tears rolling down your cheeks burying your face in his chest as you came undone. Pain, old and new was surging through your entire body, making it shake violently while Shiro held you steadily, whispering soft loving words, patiently waiting.  
This situation – these words – were not new. You've heard them so many times before, the feeling of never belonging anywhere had been playing a big role in your childhood. Shiro was your only protection, your sword and shield, your shelter from the storm – just as you were his. Like this you've made it through those years all the way until he left and you had to fend for yourself. The hole his departure teared was only enforced by the pressure you had to endure in order to make it to the Garrison yourself. And again, it was Shiro – his messages and mails and stupid pictures he had found on the internet and sent you almost on an hourly base – who kept you together.  
Just as he was now.  
His arms were the only thing that kept you from falling apart.  
  
When you finally left home to join him at the base you thought you had left it all behind – the friends you've made from day one proving that you really had a right and place to belong. Yet, hearing all those words said again in a situation you already felt extremely trapped in put a whole different layer on you.  
It took you a few moments until you were able to stop shaking and to start taking control over your breathing again. Still, you did not dare to look up and meet Shiro's eyes, the way you just lost it embarrassing you to no end.  
  
The final battle was just around the corner and more than one indication showed that it was you who would lead your plan to failure, ultimately dooming your friends and the entire universe. Since you had no fighting power you would stay in board of the castle again, becoming the energy-source for Voltron to switch between his weapons and shield.  
But maybe there was more you could do to prevent a tragedy.  
Just once.  
  
Swallowing hard your voice was calm and composed as if you were simply asked to pass the bread, “If the equation for our success has too many variables, maybe I should remove mine.”  
  
He froze at this, rolling the words over in his mind, trying to grasp their meaning.  
  
“I think it would be the best thing to do... So I finally won't weight any of you down anymore...”  
  
Without missing a beat Shiro took you by the shoulders, holding you at arm's length, almost forcing you to look up at him, meeting his troubled expression. His brows were furrowed, his jaw clenched his beautiful dark eyes full of worry and even a hint of anger.  
It broke your heart.  
  
For a moment it looked as if he was searching for the right words before he gave up, leaned forward and kissed you passionately, taking you by surprise. This was no kiss like you've ever experienced before. There was so much love and longing in it, but also so much desperation, fear and sadness it was impossible to keep up. Your breath caught in your throat.  
As the kiss broke, Shiro's voice was thick as if he had to fight tears.  
  
“I don't... Please, don't say such things. I-I wouldn't survive if I lost you...”, he swallowed hard, his eyes resting on your face, utter helplessness painted all over his face, “And you promised me... To not leave and to... to...”  
  
It was too much.  
It hurt so bad.  
That was not what you wished for. Never to hurt him.  
  
“I know... But I do not want these promises to endanger the whole universe. This is so much bigger than any of us.”, you shyly smiled at him, “I would've loved nothing more than to marry you and see what our future might hold for us...”  
  
“Then why do you intend to leave me? We don't even know if Slav is right. In fact, we don't know anything at all! I don't care about the universe if you are not by my side. What future would that be?”  
  
You briefly closed your eyes, letting the memories flood your mind. How you first met and how you've been inseparable ever since. How you fought and made peace and how you always found a way back to each other no matter what the universe might've thrown at you.  
How you've made new friends and how you've become such a close group. How you've learned what it meant to love and be loved in return.  
And how you've sworn to protect this at any cost.  
  
Opening your eyes again, your tone was level despite your heart breaking into a million pieces, “That is exactly why I will fight with all I've got. I will not stand by and watch you get hurt ever again. Instead I will protect you with all I have, Takashi, so you might have a future, even if I don't.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest reader,  
> Welcome to this week's regular update! To me it's the third piece this week - crazy! Did you catch my other two side-drabbles? I really tried different things with each of them...  
> Anyway...
> 
> This chapter made my heart ache from start to finish as did the poem I chose to go along with it. As I mentioned, last week's chapter was the last light one. It's been a long time coming but prepare yourself for a bit of angst. Not sure how could I am able to pull this off, but I still hope you are going to like it.  
> Not to come across as cocky, but I am proud of myself for the first paragraph and the one retelling the adventures of the crew in a rather abstract way. As a whole I tried to make this chapter as dense as possible... And long!
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed it and I wish you a wonderful weekend!  
> <3
> 
> __________________________________________________  
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> 


	22. Vicinity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a room where the light won't find you  
> Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down  
> When they do, I'll be right behind you  
> So glad we've almost made it  
> So sad they had to fade it
> 
> (Everybody wants to rule the world - Tears for Fears)  
> ______________________________________________________

Standing next to Allura the next morning, feeling Shiro's eyes bore into you like daggers might've been the worst situation you've ever been in. The discussion turned into a full-out fight, neither of you backing down. More than once did either of you started to yell. Of course he wanted you to be safe, just as you wished the same for him. You understood each and every argument he presented you and yet he was not able to get you to reconsider your decision.  
The decision really was made a long time ago.  
  
“Alright Paladins, get to your lions. We will put the plan into action within the next minutes.”, Allura ordered, jerking you from your stupor.  
  
“This is madness... You're going to kill us!”, Kolivan growled form the other side of the room, not meeting the princess' eye, “The Blade of Marmora will have no part in this.”  
  
Allura turned to him, a cold look on her face, “Then don't. I on my part will not discard the only chance we've had in such a long time. What's more, only after we've assembled all the materials, put together the teludav and rescued Slav are you telling us that you haven't heard from your man on the inside in a while? This sounds suspicious enough to me.”  
  
This took the Galra somewhat by surprise, rendering him speechless. The princess then repeated her order for the paladins to get moving, resulting in a big round of hugs and wishing everyone well. You could feel the nervousness in everyone as much as you saw it on their faces.  
Hunk was very reluctant to let go of you as was Pidge. Lance tried to downplay it as he always did, cracking jokes and trying to flirt with you – but it was clear as day that he was just as scared as everyone else.  
  
Keith looked you over, a hint of pride in his eyes, “You've really grown. I hardly recognize the girl who approached me back in the day and got her ass kicked in training class for the first weeks. But one thing has never changed though. You always fought for others and yourself. You never backed down. And you never lost that spark.”  
  
“Keith... We've all come a long way. And I think it's only because we could rely on each other. Without you and the others I wouldn't be the person I am today...”, stepping up to him you wrapped your arms around his neck, “You are my best friend and I cannot thank you enough for never stopping to believe in me.”  
  
“I do not intend to. Ever.”  
  
Lance called for Keith to hurry up and follow them down to the hangar already, shooting you a glance before the wordless question on his face lead you to turn your head.  
Shiro.  
The tension between you did not go by unnoticed yet no one had said a word. There was no easy way out of this. And maybe what made the whole situation even worse was the fact that both of you understood the other's point of view perfectly well. You would not act any differently from him if you were in his position.  
A sad smile appeared on your lips, thinking that this stupid fight only existed because you loved it other so much.  
  
_Love in itself was a destructive force._  
  
With a silent sigh Shiro walked over to you, playing around with his helmet as he thought about what he could or should say. It made your heart squirm to see him like that – hurting him was by far the last thing you intended with your actions. But you could not back out of this final battle. You would not run and hide away like a mouse being chased by a cat.  
  
“I am not planning to die just like that.”, you began, your voice shaking, “In fact, I would prefer not to. But I will do everything I can to make sure this mission will succeed. And if Slav is right and my existence is the reason we could fail...”  
  
Shiro's eyes drowned you in his sorrow, no words able to carry the pain across, “Then I will do everything I can to prevent this from happening.”  
  
Silence wrapped you up as you stood there for a few more moments, your hearts trying to reach each other, signalling you to toss away your pride and to just fall into each others arms. After all you were on the same page. You could hear your soul being torn apart from within as you swallowed hard, not allowing the tears to fall just yet. If you were completely honest with yourself you wanted nothing more than to just grab everyone and flee, never engaging into this stupid war ever again. You didn't even wished to be a hero, let alone a martyr. And you certainly would not do anything reckless, but if Slav was right and you being there meant that this mission was doomed to fail, you would have to act as soon as things started to go south.  
No matter the costs.  
  
And Shiro knew this as much as you, probably knowing you better than anyone else. When you said you would remove yourself you did not mean to just plunge to your death, you were not stupid. It only meant that you would fend for yourself. And you would not stop even if it meant you would die.  
  
“So... This is goodbye then?”, his voice broke.  
  
Images from the past flashed across your inner eyes. An explosion. A smile. The stars.  
Everything seemed so far away and yet you've made a full circle, coming back to the beginning.  
Closing the distance between you, you tenderly touched his cheek, feeling his warmth as he leaned into your hand.  
  
“It's not goodbye. It's see you later.”  
  
  
  
Everything looked as if it would go according to plan. And then the first five minutes have passed and it all started to fall apart. The first thing that might've been a clue was that the man on the inside working for the Blade of Marmora did not contact you at any time in order to let you know that Zarkon's ship had lost power. This was in itself a very bad situation yet it was amplified even more when Slav announced that you would only stay invisible within the folded space-time for half an hour at best.  
It was then that you had to decide whether or not you would abandon the mission for good.  
  
“If we have no one to install the virus into their system, we have no chance to win against Zarkon and his fleet.”, Pidge said over the intercom, deep in thought.  
  
“We should get out of here as long as we still have the time.”, Lance agreed.  
  
They were both right, this would've been the most advisable thing to do. Only Allura seemed to be against the idea despite the everything at stake. The discussion started all over again, making you nauseous. You've been through so many rounds of this, you started to think you would go mad if you had to listen to the same arguments even only once more.  
However, before any form of solution could be found, Keith announced that he would fly in himself and infect the ship with the virus to render it motionless.  
Red shot towards Zarkon's base before either of you could say anything against it.  
  
“Keith...”, you breathed feeling his energy resonating within you.  
  
“This is our only chance. We've come this far. Now let's end it!”, Keith called, as he was evading the drones.  
  
When they saw that there was no way out of this anymore the others finally agreed. After all, Keith was right. The idea of Shiro distracting Zarkon's attention from the red lion was brought forward, making you wail in frustration. There was no other way to keep Red and everyone else even remotely safe, but it still gnawed on you that the stakes had to be so hight right from the beginning.  
All you could do was watch and wait.  
As if to confirm your worries, Shiro called out to you, announcing that he could feel Zarkon's presence trying to reach out to him already, the moment he had left the ship.  
  
“This is bad...”, Pidge mumbled.  
  
_A race against time._  
  
Even Allura wasn't able to keep her cool, “Keith, what's your status?”  
  
There was a crackling noise before he answered that he had made it onboard unharmed and was on his way to the core, before the connection broke off again. The materials use for the ship's shell deflecting every kind of signal. Your jaw set, you watched as Lance, Hunk and Pidge left the castle as well to join the race between Shiro and Zarkon's mind. Something neither of you could see.  
They shot down as many drones and smaller ships as they could, letting Shiro concentrate fully on his task.  
Everything seemed to work out just as planned when one of your screens started to show a big warning sign.  
Turning your head you saw that Shiro's vital signs – especially his heart rate – were dangerously low, his body not getting enough oxygen to keep up. If this continued he would just pass out within minutes.  
You shot Allura a quick glance, silently asking her for advice. She scanned the screen as well before she gave you a curt nod.  
You wondered for a second why Shiro did not say anything on being unwell, before you shook your head and tried to clear your mind.  
  
Channelling your energy to stabilize him, you were taken by surprise when you heard him say, “[Y/N], don't. This is my fight. I'll manage.”  
  
You knew where he came from and still it felt like he had slapped you across the face, denying your help like that. Still, you decided to act according to his wishes for the time being.  
  
“As you wish. But I will not hesitate if your status declines further.”, your voice was way colder than you wanted it to be, making everyone turn their heads and look at you in disbelief.  
  
Just as Coran opened his mouth Keith reported back to you that there was a slight problem with the plan. He sounded strained, the connection being very bad and he had to repeat some parts over and over again before he could get his message across. And it was more than bad.  
The code Pidge had programmed to hack into the Galra's system was not working. They had caught up on your plans and changed everything around.  
  
“I think... I think the only way to still get this plan to work is by blowing up this place.”, he said out of breath, the commotion around him almost drowning out his voice.  
  
It scared you that you had no visuals of what was going on inside the Galran ship. And Keith's desperation did not ease your mind either. On top of that Shiro had a hard time to keep out of Zarkon's grip while staying close enough for the next stage of the plan to be put into action.  
That was, if you would ever even get that far. Just as you thought nothing worse could happen, Slav reported from his position in the main engine rooms, that the cloak would only be operational for another few minutes.  
The possibility of victory shrinking by the second.  
  
Allura asked Keith to repeat what he had just said, not able to grasp what he might have in mind to set of a bomb. You on the other hand did.  
  
“Keith! I will not allow you to fail. You will report back to me within minutes. Is that clear?”, your tone firm and even, your eyes were glued to his vital signs, still in the green.  
  
He answered with a laugh, “As you wish, General. See you soon.”  
  
The line went dead again, making you let out a heavy sigh before you heard Allura clear her throat, making you look up at her. There was a certain degree of confusion on her face, mixed with something you could not quite place. Could this be pride?  
You on the other hand started to feel ashamed of your forceful behaviour, taking the lead without asking for permission first. Yet, no one seemed to mind, the princess even flashed you the tiniest of smiles.  
Still, there was no more time to contemplate these power-relations. Slav reported that time was not on your side while Lance, Hunk and Pidge called Keith to hurry up as it became harder and harder to keep Shiro and themselves safe.  
  
There was no answer from either of them.  
  
Your fingers dug into your palm, the painful sensation grounding you into reality. What could you do? Or better: what should you do?  
Going over their vital signs and listening to their lion's energy pulsating trough your veins, you couldn't help but feel your mind freezing, your body growing limb.  
There was a sudden peak in Keith's heart rate just before something in the centre of Zarkon's ship exploded. Coran almost simultaneously announced that it had lost all its power.  
  
“Paladins, retreat to the castle and get ready to help us move the teludav.”, Allura ordered, not missing a beat.  
  
Again, only three of your friends answered you.  
More and more warning signals started to flash across the screens, letting you know that indeed Shiro and Keith seemed to be in danger. Without thinking twice you diverted your energy to reach both of them, trying to feel your way through their pain.  
Keith was only slightly injured but very much alive – Red must've come to his rescue as he did so many times before. Just seconds after you've reached him, he contacted the castle, pride gleaming in his eyes.  
  
“Kogane reporting back for duty, General.”, he said sincerely.  
  
You mouthed a silent _thank you_ before you concentrated on reaching Shiro again. It seemed to be way harder than ever before, making it hard for you not to panic or worse yet, lose hope. Meeting obstacles, hurdles and even walls was nothing new to you. But with Shiro it had always been a plain, he was always inviting you in.  
Until recently as it seemed.  
There was a wall so high you had no idea how to make your way through or around it. And from the energetic structure, it wasn't Zarkon's doing.  
  
Shiro was deliberately keeping you shut out.  
  
You felt all your remaining energy leaving your body. The strength and serenity you trained so hard to keep in the most dire situations was melting away within seconds, leaving you numb and nauseous.  
Never before did you feel so helpless.  
The payback for your actions, for your stubbornness was presented to you in the most painful way.  
  
You could feel his energy behind the invisible wall, his love running through your veins still. But you could also feel his own agony and defeat, his weakening heartbeat and the decision to not let you into this fight. Trying to keep his side of the bargain, to keep you away from everything that could hurt you.  
All you could do at that moment was to stare blankly, as each and every hit resonated through your entire body.  
Every sound was muffled, coming from so far away, not really reaching out to you.  
You whispered Shiro's name for no one to hear, your heart sinking.  
This was not what you wanted to achieve with your decision. If anything, this was the opposite of what you wished for.  
  
Allura's voice called you back to the mission at hand, “It's good to have all of you back. We will now proceed to take advantage of Zarkon's damaged castle. Paladins, form Voltron and follow the ship through the wormhole!”  
  
Listening to your friends agree you held yourself as you watched them form the gigantic robot – hopefully for the last time. Everything after that happened so fast, the tugging at your heart almost never leaving you while Voltron helped to move the Galran ship through the – now uncloaked – teludav and follow it straight away, the castle following thereafter, closing the wormhole. Scanning the stars around you gave you something to do, taking your mind off the lingering feeling – the darkness creeping up your entire body, trying to possess your heart and mind. Again your eyes looked over the vital signs – the only way to communicate with Shiro in any kind of way since he also refused to answer you over the intercom. It had somewhat stabilized but was still too far in the red.  
  
“[Y/N], snap out of it! We need your help!”, you heard Pidge call for you over the intercom, his face showing a worried expression.  
  
You answered with a short nod, putting the blueprints of Zarkon's ship for everyone to see. Everyone had to play a role in this plan, and yours was twofold: an energy-source for Voltron to move around freely and to lead the systematic destruction of the Headquarter. It seemed like you could only do so little, but still, you wanted to do it well.  
  
“First of all we need to get rid of the ion-canons located right in the centre of the ship.”, you ordered calmly, “After that work your way to the far right, there are the hangars for the drones.”  
  
“Affirmative.”, Shiro replied, his tone cold as ice.  
  
For a brief moment your eyes locked and you could see how hurt he was underneath his composed mask. You could almost see the words unspoken lingering in the air between you.  
What was more, something in the way he looked at you with so much love as well as anger gave way to the most destructive thought you've ever had: Maybe you should've stayed silent.  
  
  
  
As Voltron flew towards Zarkon's ship, starting to fire the shoulder-canon and use the sword to cut through its metal shell time and again as if it was nothing, you felt Coran and Allura look at you from their consoles, obviously not sure how to approach you.  
  
Letting out a heavy sigh you decided to make the first step, “We've had a small fight before we commenced the mission. That is all.”  
  
“If you'd ask me, that looked not like a small fight...”, Allura replied, worry in her eyes, “He is not letting you in, am I correct?”  
  
This made you tense up, “How do you know?”  
  
“[Y/N], I could see how you froze all over earlier, when you tried to reach him. You are basically an open book at this point.”  
  
You let out another long breath as you lowered your head, “I guess I messed up pretty well...”  
  
“Every kind of relationship has their own fair share of differences and fights.”, Coran said without looking at you, “It just so happened that the two of you chose the worst possible timing.”  
  
The way he chose his words made a tiny smile appear on your tired face, “That's indeed true... I will make sure that this has no implications on the outcome of this mission. I promise.”  
  
  
  
It looked as if your plan would work, but as Voltron started to destroy the hangars he froze up midway. Just as you wanted to ask what had happened, a sharp pain exploded right inside your chest followed by a rush of dark energy making you cry out loud. You dropped to your knees to catch yourself before you could crash into the floor, covering your mouth with your hands, trying to stop the exaggerated breaths from shaking you. As if to confirm your darkest fears, you heard Lance and Hunk scream while Pidge called out that it was Zarkon, using his weird powers to force Voltron apart.  
Immediately you tried to infuse the lions with more of your own energy, readying yourself for another shot of pain. But the sheer amount of darkness answering your attempt was making you wail and retreat at once.  
  
Keith was calling out to you and Shiro, his voice getting more desperate as neither of you seemed to be capable of answering. You listened to his please through fog and mist, trying to find something to hold on to. To stop shaking and the world from spinning.  
  
“Princess, Voltron has come apart! Even worse, it seems that even the lions have lost all their power... Yet somehow Zarkon seemed to have stopped his attack as well.”, Coran said, giving you the live-update you needed to try and get back up to standing.  
  
Your legs felt like they were made of goo, the feelings of humiliation and defeat working their way through your skull, trying to drag you down again. What you needed now was to clear your head and try to work out a plan to safe your friends as quickly as possible while still taking advantage of the dysfunctional Galran ship. Something had stopped Zarkon from attacking Voltron with his powers, but what?  
This might be the key to win this fight.  
Feeling your way through the five lions you were amazed that not a single trace of his own dark energy had remained.  
  
“What is the thing Zarkon wants but fears at the same time..?”, you asked silently as you listened to your friends asking Allura for a course of action, “What force would be powerful enough to make him withdrawal?”  
  
Your eyes searched the room as if there might be something which might be able to give away the answer. Over the course of 10.000 years, Zarkon must've encountered innumerable enemies and forces trying to oppose him. Naturally he would have found ways to counter them in order to take them over. To use their unique abilities for his own plans. As you traced the outlines of the consoles you stopped dead.  
Maybe...  
What if Zarkon was afraid of Voltron, not only because it was the most powerful weapon in the entire universe and a constant reminder of his past long gone, but also because it was made up of something he simply had no chance to ever counter.  
  
The purest quintessence.  
  
As if he was able to read your mind, Coran confirmed your thoughts, “It seems like Voltron's energy had rendered Zarkon motionless for the fraction of a second. I am not sure how long we have but this may be the best opportunity to continue our attack!”  
  
“Paladins, do you copy?”, Allura asked only to be met with five negative answers, causing her to clench her fists.  
  
“At least we achieved a stalemate for the time being...”, Hunk tried as he watched the castle firing at the far right where the hangars were located, trying to advance the plan.  
  
How long would you have to wait for the lions to be powered up enough again in order to form Voltron again?  
Just as the Galran ship exploded and you let out a sigh of relief, the cries of your friends sent shivers down your spine, their vital signs all over the place, making your eyes dance across each and every screen. And then you could feel it too, this anchor trying to pull you under. Zarkon's ship still had no power, and Zarkon himself was nowhere to be seen, so what could cause this enormous amount of dark energy?  
  
“It's... his witch. It's Haggar!”, Pidge gasped, making you groan in frustration.  
  
Of course. Her magic was not bound to the castle's energy sources!  
Looking over to Allura you could tell that she cursed herself as well for not thinking about this earlier. This small detail could make the difference between victory or death.  
You had to act – and fast!  
  
“[Y/N] you will take over command from now on. I will go and give this witch a bit of her own medicine.”, the Princess said as she turned around and left the room without even waiting for a response.  
  
No explanation of how you should proceed.  
But no doubt either.  
With a heavy sigh you stepped up onto her pedestal – there simply was no other way.  
No time to find another way, forge a better plan.  
No matter how scared you were, you had to try your best and guide your friends out of this mess.  
And you had to make it.  
  
You heard Coran speak your name, making you look at him, worry in your eyes. For some reasons you expected him to voice his doubts or share some advice with you. But he did neither.  
  
“Allura sounded a lot like Keith, don't you think? Should I be worried?”  
  
  
  
It wasn't long before Allura reported in that she had arrived amidst the Galran ship, making her way through the destroyed corridors. From the scans of the shuttle you could tell that she would hardly encounter any oposing forces. She cut the connection until she would arrive at the witch's location.  
While this set you at ease to a certain extend, the scene on the immediate battlefield had the opposite effect.  
Thankfully the lions had been able to recharge themselves enough to form Voltron again, the emperor's own immobility working for you for once. Yet the time to relax even a bit was short for you soon came eye to eye with Zarkon's newest creation: a gigantic battle-suit that resembled the robobeast you've already encountered.  
From its first punch it was giving your friends a hard time. With every hit Voltron took and every transformation you felt the tugging in your chest, amplified by the growing dark energy opposing Voltron. It was as if you stood in a pool being filled up with dark murky water.  
At the same time every passing second made your arms become number and your head getting more clouded. Your vision slowly became blurry and your throat started to tighten. If the battle would go on you were certain that you would not be able to assist your friends anymore – neither as an energy source nor as adviser from the ship.  
  
Just as Voltron was able to evade a direct hit, you heard Allura screaming in pain, making both, Coran and you, frantically checkin in on her.  
  
“I'm... I'm fine. Haggar just surprised me just as I entered her room...”, her voice sounded strained yet firm, “Once I've won she won't be able to power Zarkon's suit anymore. Just buy me a bit more time...”  
  
With that the connection broke again, leaving you alone amidst the chaos. You felt as if you had stranded on a foreign island too far from home. Everything you knew was gone, only the darkness remained, tying your hands.  
And it was calling your name.  
  
Gritting your teeth you relied Allura's message to your friends, “Do not attack. Only defend. We're playing for time here.”  
  
“As much as I admire your confidence... I'm afraid time is the only thing we do not have!”, Keith rasped just as they had to dodge another hit.  
  
“ I know... But we still have to try.”, you answered silently, trying to sound calm and composed, just as Shiro always did.  
  
“Aren't you adorable, Paladins of Voltron?”, Zarkon's deep voice boomed, making all of you gasp, “Paladins, you are no match against me and my suit. Surrender and I might spare your lives.”  
  
The deep laughter that followed would hunt you for nights to come, always remembering you of the horror his evil-drenched voice caused you.  
Swallowing hard you tried to come up with a scheme to buy Allura a bit more time.  
  
Yet the choice was taken from you when you felt the amount of darkness within Voltron rise once more and your friends calling out that something was not right.  
  
“I think it's Zarkon. He's trying to tear us apart again.”, Lance said, panic in his voice.  
  
Despite knowing that this might be the worst idea, you started to infuse more of your own energy into the lions, calling Zarkon out for a duel between your forces. The moment you connected to Voltron you could already feel the surging darkness. Still, it was nowhere close to the force you've encountered so many times before. This could only mean that you willingly walked into his trap. Yet, what else should you do?  
Abandoning your friends was out of the question.  
  
Only Shiro seemed to be against this, “[Y/N], withdrawal at once. We've got this!”  
  
“I know you do. I am just giving you a little extra push...”, you mumbled before you tried to leave only you could not.  
  
Raising an eyebrow you tried to cut the connection again, without success. You bit your lower lips as you heard Lance and Pidge chime in as well to let go as they could feel Zarkon withdrawal as well.  
This was bad.  
You thought the trap was to lure you in to drain you from all your energy but it was indeed for trapping you. Not knowing which was worse you could hear Zarkon's laughter again, drawing closer and closer while your own energy was forced to stay. There was just no way for you to escape.  
  
“Adorable. Silver Knight you really are one of a kind. Did you really think I would fall for the same trick again?”, a flash of dark energy hit you, making your body sink to its knees, shaking violently, “I am not that stupid, little one.”  
  
“What do you want?”, you tried your hardest to keep your voice firm.  
  
“That you already know. The real question is: What do _you_ want?”  
  
As you tried to get back to your feet you replied, “I have no idea what you're talking about.”  
  
“Then let me rephrase the question; What are you willing to pay for your friend's safety?”  
  
This made you freeze all over, blackness clawing at your heart as you felt him letting go of you and your energy, leaving you breathless. He wasn't even fighting seriously until now but merely toying with you.  
This became even more evident when you just stood there, watching your friend get a good beating. Zarkon's speed and force had increased tenfold leaving no room for your friends to evade even a single punch anymore.  
You heard them calling your name but you were not able to move a single muscle.  
  
Everything.  
From start to finish.  
Zarkon knew.  
He knew you would come at him.  
Because you never had a chance to begin with.  
  
It was the monster with the yellow eyes all over again.  
  
And you...  
You were just the bystander.  
Again.  
Watching your friends as they risked it all.  
Again.  
Not able to do anything.  
Again.  
  
Clenching your hands so hard you felt warmth trickling down your skin you tried to come up with something to avoid being swallowed up by this void. To work out something to safe your friends.  
It almost made you laugh when you thought about your big speech about giving it your all when all you could do was to stand there and watch.  
  
Pathetic.  
  
They were right.  
Your parents for leaving you with a foster family.  
The foster family to lock you into the darkest room.  
Your fellow students for making fun of your weakness and your big heart.  
The universe for abandoning you.  
  
Why?  
Why?  
WHY?  
  
The painful cries of your friends finally reached you through the fog, making your eyes scan the scenery in front of you. It was pandemonium.  
Zarkon had been able to force Voltron apart and shut down the power of the lions again, each of them floating lifelessly through space. The vital signs for all of your friends were deep in the red, the castle in no shape to help them out with even a single attack.  
You have failed as a knight.  
You have failed as a captain.  
You have failed as a friend.  
  
“Finally... Voltron is mine!”, Zarkon bellowed darkly, “Now watch, Silver Knight, for this is the last time you will see any of the Paladins.”  
  
This was immediately followed by Shiro screaming in pain, “He's forcing his energy... Into Black...”  
  
Barely were his words out when his connection broke off and you were not able to feel him or the black lion anymore. It was as if a tense string suddenly snapped, making you inhale sharply. The wall had disappeared but so did Shiro's energy.  
  
As if to test whether this was real you whispered Shiro's name but there was no one to answer.  
He was just gone.  
Just as the realization of this began to sink in you felt something foreign within your chest. Another source of energy you had forgotten about.  
Anger.  
  
Pictures of the last time you've felt the red power pulsating through you flashed before your eyes, a snarl appearing on your lips. Back then you were scared to hurt anyone with that force you had no idea to control. Furthermore it was way closer to Zarkon's own force than to the one of Voltron.  
But now another thought had started to creep into your mind.  
What if it wasn't neither the red not the white energy that was the main source for the knight's power, but the combination of both.  
The acceptance that humans were complex souls, never just black or white.  
Thinking back to your first encounter with Keith, who was believed to be a troublemaker, you realized that this idea had been within you for a while.  
  
Once more you tried to reach out to Shiro and once more you came back with nothing.  
In your chest you felt a foreign tingling sensation as electric current was making the hair on the back of your hair stand up.  
  
_It's not over yet._

“Zarkon!”, you roared only to be met with laughter again.  
  
“What do you want to do now, little Silver Knight? Warm me some buns?”  
  
There were three forces within you.  
The black pain, trying to drown you in despair, to give into the feeling of weakness and loss.  
Shiro was gone.  
The red anger, urging you to leas out with everything you had, not holding back.  
Shiro might still be alive.  
The white hope, whispering about love, home and family.  
Shiro would never leave just like that.  
  
_You have never lost that spark._  
  
“Keith...”, you whispered, tugging at your shirt as if to get a hold of your heart, “You knew, didn't you?”  
  
The Silver Knight was said to be able to strengthen his comrades with his innermost self. To amplify their abilities and to give them a home.  
But the stories never talked about what gave the Knight power.  
  
That was when you felt the first door within you open, followed by the next and the next and the next. The truth which you were reluctant to believe in. Feeling it deep within you you knew that this was the answer.  
  
_The innermost self.  
  
“_ My own little flame... Nurtured by the ones I love in order to protect them...”  
  
A smirk appeared on your lips as you closed your eyes for a brief moment, remembering what you were fighting for. The universe without Shiro was not worth a dime. But in order to safe Shiro and everyone else you were willing to go all the way.  
  
The decision had been made forever ago.  
  
And then everything exploded into white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back on our way to Rock Bottom...  
> When I edited this chapter I always glanced to the next and I asked myself why am I like that? Furthermore I am running late with the final chapters which is NOT cool so I hope I will get myself together and not let you wait for the finale... And I hope you like it because I am so scared to not deliver what you deserve! >___<  
> Anyway, I wish you a wonderful weekend and I will read you next week. Hopefully that is because I am occupied for 6 days out of the next 7... Would you mind to get your chapter on Sunday - potentially as a double-update (If I manage that)?  
> Let me know!
> 
> Have a great one and stay rad <3
> 
> __________________________________________________  
> Shameful self-promotion!  
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> 


	23. Courtesy Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the way you left me,  
> I'm not pretending,  
> No hope, no love, no glory,  
> No happy ending  
> This is the way that we love,  
> Like its forever,  
> Then live the rest of our life,  
> Both not together
> 
> (MIKA - Happy Ending)  
> ________________________________________

Lance's eyes were fixed to the screen showing the bridge. It was pitch-black. Hunk, Pidge and Keith got the same image.  
There was nothing there.  
It was empty.  
She was gone.  
  
Keith called her name time and again, desperation in his voice like no one had ever heard before, “Don't do this to me..!”  
  
Pidge on the other hand was trying to piece together what had just happened. And if only to keep his mind from thinking the inevitable truth. Facts first, emotions later.  
After Zarkon had forced Voltron apart again and tried to take over Black it was as if time itself had stopped for a brief moment, before the big robobeast with the Emperor inside just vanished, followed by an explosion of white light and the purest energy. As if time reversed itself.  
Once the shockwave had passed Pidge had scanned the battlefield and inhaled sharply.  
  
Zarkon's ship had exploded into a million pieces, debris floating all around them, the black lion amidst it all, its eyes glowing yellow – a clear sign that the lion was still powered up and operational. Shiro seemed to be unconscious but otherwise fine as well.  
  
“The ship...”, Hunk whispered as if he was not able to grasp what had happened.  
  
“The empire has fallen...”, Keith added, the hint of a smile on his lips.  
  
“I can't believe it... We did it! We defeated Zarkon!”, Lance cheered and everyone chimed in, sharing a relieved round of laughter.  
  
That was when they checked their screens and instantly understood the prize for their success. Within seconds the atmosphere shifted. Nothing remained of the peace and freedom the outcome of this battle had promised.  
  
“I don't know…”, Hunk whispered, “This is not real, right? This is just an illusion? Like the ones with the mermaids?”

He sounded desperate, waiting for his friends to tell him that this was indeed correct. That they won the battle and took the biggest step to overthrow the Galran Empire.  
And that they had all made it out alive.

“I don’t know, Hunk… I really don’t.”, Lance replied, his voice barely more than a whisper.

Keith shut his eyes and tried to sort through his thoughts. Just as Pidge, he tried to stay as logical and rational as possible. And if only to not let the rising panic get the better of him.  
He knew that she was ready to sacrifice everything in order to safe her friends… or family rather. But never in a million years would he fathom…  
Was there even the slightest chance that she might only be unconscious?

“I suggest we check on Shiro first.”, Pidge mumbled, giving the four of them something to do.

It was strange that Black was the only lion completely powered up while the others were barely able to make it over to him. How did this play into the whole commotion?  
Shiro did not answer at first when the others tried to contact him. Only when the four lions basically nudged him did the line crackle to life.

“Guys… What happened?”, he groaned through gritted teeth.

His head hurt like he had been out drinking for way too long, listening to music too loud and too bad. The whole group remained silent, not sure how they should go on about it. How they should convey to him a truth neither of them wanted to believe yet.

It was Lance who tried to beat around the bushes, even giving his best to sound upbeat “Well… Our mission was a success. Zarkon wanted to take over Black but with our united powers we defeated him. The Empire is no more!”

“Yeah! We totally got that!”, Hunk added.

And even Pidge shared a comment of happiness. Only Keith wasn’t able to play along, no matter how hard he tried. They may have won the battle – and saved the universe – but they have lost a friend. A part of their family.  
And it hurt.  
Keith could already feel the cold creeping up his body, trying to make a home in his heart. If he was in such a bad mental state, how would Shiro react? It scared Keith to even go there.  
  
Of course, they hadn’t checked back with Coran who must know exactly what had happened during the final stages of the fight. So maybe she was still alive, just lying there unconscious. Still, there was a big part inside him that knew that, even if her body was still on the castle’s bridge, there would be no life inside. It was just not possible.

The friend’s distraction only lasted for so long. The moment Shiro started to put together the pieces of the fight his face dropped and his mind started to race.

“Where’s [Y/N]?”, barely more than a whisper escaped him when he tried to get a visual of the bridge just as the others did minutes ago.

“Shiro…”, Pidge tried but immediately stopped.

What could he say?

“We still haven’t heard from Coran. Maybe let’s do this now, shall we?”, Hunk tried again, looking at the others for support.

Without hesitation, Shiro contacted the castle, “Coran, do you copy? How’s your status?”

Seconds ticked by.  
The tension grew.  
And then Coran appeared on the screen, his moustache a fuzzy mess.  
A ripple of relief went through the whole group.

“Paladins! It’s lovely to see you! Princess Allura just reported in that she is on her way back to the castle. I suggest you do the same.”, his voice sounded tired but proud.

“We will once the lions are recharged again.”, Lance replied simply, dodging.

“Coran. Where’s [Y/N]?”, it was a plea, Shiro’s eyes begging for a positive answer.  
  
For anything, really.

The Altean paused for a second, deep in thought, “Make your way back to the castle. We will talk about it then.”

And with that, the screen went black again.  
  
  
  
No one had ever seen Shiro so restless, his eyes a dark pool of sadness, his answers as short as he could. The wait until all the other lions were recharged must’ve killed him.  
The uncertainty almost too much to bear. He tried his best to stay calm and focussed but this was easier said than done. The mask he had crafted over the years, the one hiding all his insecurities was falling apart. He tried to find a logical reasoning behind all of this, focussing on the positive aspects – they've won, Coran did not say anything about her being dead – but his heart already started to shatter.  
  
The waiting also gave them time to think about the question, why Black was the only lion who was completely charged. While Pidge brought forward the idea of the interplay between Zarkon's energy and Shiro's, Lance mumbled something about love and protection.  
Both made equal sense.  
  
After what felt like an eternity, the group was finally ready to makee its way back to the castle and meet up with Coran and Allura on the bridge.

“How did you survive the explosion?”, Pidge asked as he hugged the princess tight.

“The same way all of you did.”, she replied simply, a sad smile on her lips, “She protected us.”

Shiro froze up at this, “How… I don’t understand.”

Coran and Allura exchanged a look before the latter started to explain, “From what I understand, did [Y/N] use her own quintessence to amplify her powers in order to defeat Zarkon and safe us. We've heard how powerful she was so many times, but to really see it... While she was fighting Zarkon she kept all of us in a separate barrier. At least that's how it felt to me. It must've used up all her energy...”

“So she died…”, Shiro whispered, his gaze burning holes into the ground, “She did not die only to protect us. She rather died because I wasn’t able to fend for myself… Because I shut her out.”

Faster than anyone had ever thought, Shiro hit one of the consoles hard, before he sunk to his knees. Every last bit of energy had left him.

“She said she would do whatever it takes to keep us safe and to end this stupid war. I… I told her to not go there. We fought, for the first time. We really did... But I just couldn’t let her sacrifice her own life… Now I wish I would have at least taken the time to make memories and not yell at her…”, his nails dug into the palms of his hands, horror was starting to spread through his veins, “I took her last moments away from her… I took her life…”

Everyone knew that this was a lie. Even Shiro. But the pain was too fresh. Too real.  
Darkness was creeping up, putting shackles around his joints, trying to pull him under. There was an eternity before him without her by his side.  
Suddenly, nothing seemed possible anymore.

“What happened here, Coran, while we fought Zarkon?”, Pidge asked, his voice shaking.

The moustache vibrated for a moment, contemplating how to phrase it. The way he looked at Shiro who, in turn, averted his gaze the moment their eyes met, said more than a million words ever could.

“When Zarkon attacked and Voltron came apart a second time, she basically froze to the spot. I could almost see the energy leaving her when Shiro did not respond. Then, in the fraction of a second, her aura completely changed. I turned to look. Her expression made me catch my breath. She looked so serene and at peace and at the same time she looked the saddest I’ve ever seen anyone before. Yet somehow she seemed to glow, much like Allura does when she uses her powers to move the castle. Before I could even say anything, everything turned white. When I was able to see again she…”, he paused for a moment, his face contracting as if he was in pain, “She just lay there. As if she was asleep. But there was hardly any movement, her breath was so shallow… I panicked... as quickly as I could I put her in a healing pod… But I do not know if that will do any good. Her vital signs were so low, it’s been flashing alarm-signals since the moment I started the pod.”

Silence fell.

Keith was the first to work through his stupor, “So she is not dead?”

Coran shook his head, “Technically, no. Her heart is beating – weakly but steadily. But I am not sure if we will ever see her awake again.”

Everyone looked over to Shiro who just stared ahead blankly.  
What was it worth fighting for anymore?  
  
  
  
Days went by without anyone noticing the passing of time. It seemed that the seconds went by at the fastest yet slowest pace.  
While Pidge, Hunk, Lance and Keith tried their best to keep themselves busy with helping with the repairs of the castle, training together and meeting up with Allura and Coran to discuss the next course of action – sometimes even joined by Kolivan – Shiro hardly ever joined them when he wasn't specifically needed for certain tasks. No matter what they said or did, he would just excuse himself to be alone with his grief and pain. Almost as if he was neither able to share it nor wanted to be a burden to the others. After all, a leader never breaks just because of pain, right?  
  
Yet what was more was that he haven't been to [Y/N] in her healing pod even once. He couldn’t bear it. All he would see would be the word guilt _y_ all over her tender body.

A week after the final battle, Lance knocked on Shiro’s door, asking to come in. He found his leader sitting on his bed, head hung low, hands folded in his lap. The room was barely lit, only amplifying the dark circles under his eyes.  
Without asking, Lance sat down next to him and patiently waited for a few moments, trying to read the mood.

While he was always playing the clown and flirting with everyone at all times, the experiences on the battlefield and especially the final battle had caused him to age quite a bit. To mature beyond his years. From the moment he heard Coran explain what had happened on board, he understood that there was something he had to do.

“I've been thinking... And you know, I am not a big brain like Pidge, Hunk and you, but somehow I thought how everyone works around grief differently. Keith and Pidge are working their butts off while Hunk bakes as if there was no tomorrow. Allura and Coran hardly do anything else apart from planning some strategies. As for myself... I don't know... I just hurt.”, he paused for a moment, studying his leader, “And you know, I hate it. All of it. I don't want to hurt like that. But then... What if this is just a sign that there _is_ something to miss?”  
  
Lance shifted a bit, almost as if he wasn't sure how to end his little talk or if he was in the position to even speak so freely, “Shiro... Maybe you should go and see her? It’s been a week. I bet she would love to hear your voice. I bet she misses you too.”

The older one hummed absently, “I bet she would love to hear the voice of the one who left her alone…”

This made Lance sigh, “That’s a lie. You know it is. Who would’ve ever thought that this would end this way?”

“ _She_ did.”  
  
  
  
It took another week until the group was able to get Shiro to the healing pods. No one knew if that was the right thing to do or what would come of it. But neither of them could watch him in his misery. Maybe a goodbye would help him to move on?  
However, their fears surged high when they walked into the room.  
  
Shiro stopped dead in his tracks the moment the doors slid closed behind him. His eyes were fixed on the only running pod, the only source of light at the right corner of the room.  
Shiro whispered something under his breath, clenching his fists, his jaw set. Hunk nudged him a bit, trying to playfully get him to move forward.  
Somehow it worked and Shiro stumbled forward until he stood in front of [Y/N]’s pod, looking over her slim body. She looked so frail, so small, almost as if she could break in half easily. At the same time it was as if she was only asleep, waking up at any moment.

And she was so beautiful.

It teared Shiro’s heart apart as his breath caught in his throat the moment he lay eyes on her vital signs. Every single one was deep in the red. She was only breathing because the pod was refusing to let her die.  
Just a machine making her heart beat…

He just stood there for a long time. So long that his friends started to leave the room, sensing the changing mood and that their presence was no longer needed.  
  
The walls started to freeze over, chills raced up and down his spine. A dark claw started to pull his heart further and further apart, shredding it to pieces. Her pale, almost translucent skin seemed to reflect each and every insult his inner demons screamed at him for days now.  
That he was the one who left her alone when she was overwhelmed by a fate she did not chose. That he yelled at her instead of trying to understand, to may find a compromise.  
To make peace.

Because, in the end, they both just wanted the same for each other.  
Safety.  
A place called home.  
  
“How should I move one without you?”, his voice echoed from the dead walls.

Shiro knew perfectly well that she never intended to die. To leave everyone behind. He could feel her energy radiating through his veins even when he had tried his hardest to keep up the wall.  
That stupid wall.  
A low growl escaped him when he thought back to the events of the final battle. How she tried to reach him even after Zarkon had forced Voltron apart. Even after he tried to cut her off.  
Her voice desperately trying to make it through to him.

She was just so scared.

Shiro slowly walked towards the healing pod, the humming getting louder and louder until it all went silent again.Nothing but his pounding heart, so longingly trying to reach her.  
To safe her once.  
Only once more.  
  
  
  
When I opened my eyes I wasn’t exactly sure what I was seeing, until it hit me.  
Nothing.  
I was staring into the abyss of nothing.  
There are no words to describe how I felt or what it was I was seeing. It was neither light nor dark and yet everything at once. I remembered a quote by a famous philosopher I never liked. It said something about the abyss staring back if you dare to look into it for too long.  
Should I be scared?

I blinked a few times but nothing changed. No weird shapes or monsters trying to catch me.  
The latter thought made me laugh.  
Even if there would be monsters looming somewhere down there nothing could ever be as brutal and scary as the ones living in my chest.

Memories started to flood my mind, things I wished I to stay hidden, people I wished to forget.  
Not because I did not like them or because the recollections were full of bad images.  
But because I wanted to go back to them.  
I wanted to go home.  
  
  
  
Shiro tenderly touched the glass of the healing pod, resting his forehead against the cool surface. He could feel the vibrations but above that he could feel the hole in his chest growing bigger, threatening to swallow him whole.  
This was just not fair.  
  
“We won the war but I’ve lost everything worth fighting for…”, his voice was barely audible against the glass, “I really am an idiot, am I not? I’ve had it all and yet I behaved like a morron at the very end…”  
  
A small clear drop made its way down the clear surface and another one followed and yet another. And still there was no relief to this gnawing feeling inside.  
  
“I just want you to come back to me… Please…”  
  
  
  
Moving my head around I tried to distinguish the layers of nothing, to find any point of orientation, anything to keep my mind from filling my thoughts with more and more images of places I would never see again.  
I’ve chosen a path and no matter how much it hurt, I had to follow it up until the end. After all, me being here meant that I must’ve succeeded in using my energy to help the others defeat Zarkon.  
And now they could return home.  
Home…  
  
That was when I noticed that I was just so scared. But why? Shouldn't I be happy that I was able to save the one I love, my friends and the entire universe?  
There was a small voice inside me, whispering that I never wanted to die. Not really.  
But I did.

I laughed into the abyss as I felt a tear rolling down my cheek.  
No matter how I tried to think about it I couldn’t shake this feeling of loneliness. Longing. Hatred against myself and my stupidity.  
Shiro was right when he said that there must've been another way.

_There wasn’t. And this is the price you’ve had to pay._

Startled by the sudden booming voice I jerked my body around, trying to find its source. At first nothing changed until I could see a small white light growing bigger and more intense until it enveloped me completely. I anticipated the same sting of pain I knew so well from the times this light had made an appearance.  
But nothing happened.

_Don’t be afraid. You will no longer suffer._

It was the same voice from before, only this time it appeared to be closer to where I was. Still, I could not make out anything.

“Who are you?”, I tried, my voice still my own.

Somehow I was startled by this simple fact. For whatever reason I had anticipated that my voice would be distorted or, maybe even more logical, gone. After all, I seemed to have no physical body anymore…  


_You're home now.  
_

_You're not alone anymore.  
_

_We are those who came before you.  
_

_The old ones.  
_

_The wise ones._  


More and more voices started to talk at once, growing in volume as my anxiety welled up. And then everything stopped at once and the light disappeared again, making me let out a silent wail. As if someone had turned a switch. Was that supposed to be funny?  
Maybe to distract myself I started to go over the words I was able to make out amidst the chaos.  
Did they say I was home?  
Furrowing my brows I looked around, doubt pouring into my mind. But what struck me even more was the assumption that I've been alone up until this point which was just a lie.  
  
_It is not._  
  
The sudden noise made me wince, “Why? I never felt alone when I was with my friends.”  
  
_Are you sure? Then why did you leave them behind?_  
  
“To safe them.”, I tried to sound convinced but surely those weird voices knew how I felt deep inside, so why did I even try?  
  
_You've been given a choice when the powers of The Silver Knight were bestowed upon you. Safe one or safe them all. Yet even this was not enough for you and you asked for the black lion's powers. Now is the time to pay the price._  
  
Slowly I closed my eyes, a smirk on my lips. Of course this was it. Of course this had to come and hit me at the worst possible point.  
  
“So this is a trial?”  
  
As if to answer me, I was engulfed in light once more, blinding me even with my eyes closed. Once I opened them again, my breath caught. Before me lay the small town I grew up in, serene in the evening sun. It looked exactly as it did the last day before Shiro left for the Garrison...  
  
“What is this?”  
  
_With your sacrifice you've saved the universe from the evil energy you called Zarkon. The price has been paid but still, there must be time for a reward._  
  
Looking over the scenery my heart started to race as I shifted my gaze to the hill we always met and looked at the stars, “An alternate story?”  
  
_There are endless dimensions and possibilities. This one takes a different turn once you tell him how you feel._

 

_You could use your knowledge to change the course._

  
It is yours to use.  


So despite the fact that I left everything behind, everything I knew and loved, I was given the opportunity to start anew. To meet all of them for the first time. To never leave Earth but instead create a peaceful life right there. It was so easy. Just within my reach was the story I've always wanted.  
A world where Shiro never left and never learned what it felt like to be a prisoner, to be tortured and used. Where Pidge would not lose his father and brother. Where Caroline and Andy would still be alive.  
A dream come true.  
  
As I happily looked across the neighbourhood I felt a sudden sting in my chest, a faint cry resonating in my ears. Someone was crying... Calling my name...  
  
“Shiro...”  
  
I looked around, trying to figure out where this was coming from. Why I could almost feel his tears on my skin.  
  
There was no one around but me. Not even the voice showed themselves. So where did that noise came from? And why was it making me so scared?  
As I turned my head, searching my surroundings, a thought appeared in my mind I wasn't able to let go. A slight chill ran up and down my spine as I noticed small patches missing from the trees and the houses. Almost as if someone had forgot to finish the programming.  
  
“Where are we?”, I whispered, clenching my fists.  
  
_At this point in time – which is irrelevant to us – we are standing on a plane you called the astral-plane._  
  
This hit me as a surprise, “So I am not dead?!”  
  
_No. The soul of The Silver Knight cannot die. The body is functional in a pod in the Castle of Lions. It will stay like this until it grows old and withers away. The quintessence however, the very core of every living being, is transported onto the plane once the powers have been used._

_  
And then we make a judgment._

  
And then the circle starts anew.  


Taking in the green grass and the red rooftops I ask, “What judgment is this when it is pre-determined anyway?”  
  
_You've chosen. You saved all. We saw it. We give you a happy ending to your story. We end your suffering._  
  
At this point the pain in my chest had become unbearable. As I started to work through it, I felt seven different energies within me, all hurting.  
Knowing that I was not dead had filled me with a mix of hope and desperation. Of course I knew that my choice would hurt the ones I love, but feeling it and knowing that they have to endure my breathing body for years to come... Never would I have come up with a crueler verdict.  
  
I've made a terrible mistake.  
  
“And what about those left behind? You do not concern yourself with them?! If you say I saved them all then at least give them peace as I have no use for it!”, I was frustrated and so very tired.  
  
All of this was just too much. If this was to end my suffering surely something must've gone wrong. I wasn't promised a happy ending, the others were. With that in mind I would've preferred to remain ignorant of my past...  
  
_Silver Knight, you've saved the entire universe. The sentiments of individuals is of no concern to us._  
  
This made me cry out in anger, “I did not do it to safe everyone! I was egoistic! I wanted to be in the right! For once in my life I wanted to safe the one I love. I wanted for him to be safe! The universe meant nothing to me at that moment!”  
  
A little breathless I listened. Waited for the reply of the ones I could not see.  
Yet they remained silent for a long time.  
Since I had nothing better to do – and to keep my mind busy – I started to walk the streets of the small town. Where it all began.  
I passed my house. Shiro's house. Our school. The cinema.  
Maybe there was a way out? A hidden exit?  
I walked all the way until I stood on top of the hill, leaning against the tree. Clouds were approaching the town and it would start raining in a few hours which would continue well into tomorrow night.  
  
I remembered the day and the pain it had caused me. And then I remembered the loneliness back here and at the first day at the Garrison. The undeserved hatred by Tanja. The pain of losing Shiro twice more only to find him again after seeing my friends and crew-members die.  
I remembered the agony of overusing my powers for the first and second time, the pain of feeling small and weak.  
  
And then I remembered all the laughter, the jokes. The dancing and practicing. The intimate moments and the ones everyone burst out laughing. I remembered when Allura scolded us for not training and Coran who sneaked us little snacks.  
I remembered our first kiss and how it felt to be held by my friends.  
  
Turning my head I looked at the clouds slowly creeping over the already visible stars, just as a tear rolled down my cheek. Yes, life had been painful and dark. And at some points I wished for it all to be over. But it had also been full of life and colours and love. It was this mix of both that made it such a journey.  
  
I clenched my fists and bit my lower lip, “I want to go back. I do not care for this alternate universe of cotton candy. I want to go back to the chaos my own universe is. I want to rise from the ashes, fall down and rise again. Let me go back!”  
  
And then I waited.  
But no reply came.  
Of course not.  
  
“Come on now... You can read my mind, so at least answer me!”, I mumbled annoyed, “I understand that I need to pay back my debts so take whatever else I have and let me go!”  
  
_Silver Knight... You are so young, you do not understand._  
  
“In fact I think I do.”, I felt like a child being scolded without reason, “I was given a choice, one or all. I did both. I did something you deemed impossible. So let me at least bargain with you because at the moment my friends are not safe and happy. And neither am I.”  
  
_Something like this is unheard of.  
_

_No one has ever defied us._

  
“I am not trying to... I am just trying to pay the price adequate to what I took.”  
  
_You want to return to the universe you've saved yet it is the exact same that cast you away.  
_

_Furthermore we still need ends meet.  
_

_We need the toll._  
  
“Take it.”, I replied, finally feeling a little calmer as hope was starting to well up inside me, “I do not need these powers anymore.”  
  
_Do you understand what this means? You will never be able to return as The Silver Knight. You will not fight again. You cannot protect anyone anymore._  
  
This made me smile, “I think I will still be able to.”  
  
Another pause, as if the voices tried to find a hint of doubt in my mind. Anything that would give away fear. But there was nothing.  
Have I been sure when I decided to use my powers to protect my friends and ready to face the consequences, I was still amused by the fact that even in the eye of death I was pushing way beyond my limits. Not even at this stage did I think about giving up easily.  
I was literally fighting death.  
  
All of a sudden I heard a loud rumbling, making me scan the clouds until I realized that the voices were laughing.  
  
_Young one, you've always been one to fight against all odds, no matter the circumstances.  
_

_We watched you.  
_

_There is no doubt in your heart, so we will grant you your wish.  
_

_Delight us a bit more.  
_

_We will watch over you, child.  
_

_Until we meet again._

  
  
  
There was a loud noise jerking Shiro's head up, his eyes darting to the consoles of the healing pod. The alarm was sounding, the vital signs dropping rapidly. Before he could even call out for the others, the noise stopped.  


**Flatline.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned.
> 
> The finale drops December 1st.


	24. Gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You taught me the courage of stars before you left  
> How light carries on endlessly, even after death  
> With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite  
> How rare and beautiful it is to even exist
> 
> I couldn't help but ask  
> For you to say it all again  
> I tried to write it down  
> But I could never find a pen  
> I'd give anything to hear  
> You say it one more time  
> That the universe was made  
> Just to be seen by my eyes
> 
> (Saturn - Sleeping at Last)  
> ___________________________________

_I groaned as I tried to open my eyes. To clear this blurry vision. Somehow my eyes were not able to adjust to the dim lights, everything shifting in and out of focus within seconds. It made me even more nauseous, causing me to close my eyes again.  
Taking a few deep breaths I tried to remember where I was.  
No matter how dark the night sky presented itself, never was my own room lit so poorly. Not even when I woke up in the middle of the night with my blinds still down.  
What was the last thing I could remember clearly?  
  
Frustration gnawed on me, making me bite my lower lip. The only memories that did come up where those from back home...  
This sudden realization made me open my eyes at once as I jumped to my feet, frantically scanning the room. I ignored the spinning world around me while I slowly walked towards the door and turned around to watch my room.  
  
_My cell. _  
  
With a force I had never known existed, the images from the past weeks crashed into my conscious mind, making me inhale sharply.  
Of course this was not my room. I haven't seen it in months. Yet this was not my chamber on board of the shuttle either. This was a prison cell.  
  
“Galra...”, my own voice sounded alien to me, too hoarse, too deep.  
  
They've taken Professor Holt, Matt and me prisoner the moment we arrived at Kerberos. I had no recollection what had happened to the others after I was knocked unconscious on the bridge of the Galran ship. But I did remember every single time I was forced to fight for my life in the arena.  
Every monster I faced.  
Every wound I had to endure.  
Every single time I was brought to the brink of death only to wake up in a lab. Strapped to a metal table. My own screams forcing me out of the haze.  
  
I never saw the faces of the druids that experimented on me.  
Never learned their names.  
The only thing I did learn was their misconception of why I was still alive no matter what trials they put me through.  
They never found it.  
  
As I tried to control my breathing I reached to get a hold of my right arm, only to be met with a cold surface. It made me turn my head. A curse escaped me the moment I lay eyes on the weird prosthetic that had replaced my arm. The recollection of how this had happened – the fight, the pain, the agony – flooded my mind at once.  
How long has it been since I came here?  
  
I sank to my knees as the energy drained from my body. There was no way for me to tell the time. Nothing to measure wether or not I would be able to ever make it out of here.  
It would be so easy to just give up and die.  
  
“I am just so... tired...”  
  
My fingers trailed the smooth surface of the robotic-arm until they rested in the middle of my forearm. There was a small scratch in the material. Somehow this appeared odd to me given that the rest of the prosthetic still appeared brand-new. I haven't been to battle with it and I doubted that me hitting the wall would ever leave any kind of mark... So what could this possibly be?  
Deep in thought my fingers played around the uneven part until an idea made me stop.  
  
Only hours before we landed on Kerberos I hurt myself on one of the containers full of gadgets. Ignoring Matt's laughter I searched my personal stuff for the band-aids given to me by [Y/N] when we went to the arcade. Taking out the one with the white cat I put it on the wound and paused just as I did in my cell.  
A sad smile appeared on my lips as I gently touched the scratch once more.  
A million lightyears from Earth and yet she was here, right by my side...  
  
The Galra must've thought that the wound was part of my body, maybe something connected to my unyielding fighting-spirit, so they tried to recreated it.  
  
“They are not completely wrong...”, I leaned against the wall, letting my head fall back, my eyes closed, “Just wait... a little longer... I will come back to you. I promise.”_  
  
  
  
Footsteps approached fast but Shiro wasn't able to pay any attention to his friends. He wasn't able to hear their worried tone.  
His eyes were glued to the screen, showing the non-existing vital signs of the healing-pod. Somehow his mind wasn't able to comprehend what he was looking at exactly, while his heart was already shattering into a million pieces. From so far away he could hear Keith calling for him which eventually made him turn his head, his eyes empty.  
There were no words for the pain rippling through him.  
  
“Keith...”, Shiro's voice was nothing but a plea for his younger friend to tell him that he was overreacting.  
  
That this was a lie.  
  
But Keith only looked over the pod before his eyes – reflecting the same depths found in Shiro's – met his friend's and a helpless shrug made the situation painfully real. Behind him, Lance and Hunk were only able to let their heads hang low. As if someone had opened a valve, all remaining hope was sucked out of the room. Even Allura and Coran stood beside them, barely able to keep a straight face. Pidge on the other hand ran up to the pod, his hands shaking violently.  
  
“I do not understand... What happened?!”, he tried his best to stay composed as he worked around the consoles, “Everything was working just fine..!”  
  
“We've never encountered something like this before... Maybe it was bound to happen...”, Allura's voice was barely more than a whisper, her head hung low, “I am sorry, Shiro...”  
  
Shiro just shock his head slowly before he turned around and walked over to the pod, placing his right arm on the glass, a small scratch in the metal reflecting the light, “Whenever I was in trouble... or lonely, she would be there. She never asked why. She never wanted anything in return... When I was a prisoner of the Galra... Even then she was there with me... No matter how far we've been apart, she was just there. But now... I do not understand...”  
  
His agony resonated in all of them equally, each of them remembering their own fair share of memories. As the images flashed in front of everyone's eyes – some wet with tears, some full of anger – no one noticed the faint hum coming from the pod.  
Only when it had grown in volume did they start to look around the room, trying to find the source. The biggest fear was a malfunctioning pod, threatening everyone on board.  
  
“What a strange sound this is...”, Allura mused, alarmed, “It reminds me of the sounds the Balmera made when we performed the ritual...”  
  
“Now that you mention it... It also sounds a bit like the sound the lions gave off when we tried to track them down.”, Hunk added, confusion all over his face.  
  
And just like that, the sound died down, wrapping the room in an eerie silence, leaving the group shooting question marks at each other, until Pidge called out that something was wrong with the healing-pod.  
  
“Guys... It turned itself off and I cannot access it anymore!”, he cried, looking over to Shiro who, in turn, took a few steps back, his gaze firmly on [Y/N]'s face.  
  
Whatever Zarkon had done to her, it didn't cause a merciful death.  
  
Without looking back, Shiro turned and started to walk out of the room when Lance tried to stop him. There was no need for words for them to understand each other. And there probably never would be.  
Just when Shiro wanted to continue his way out did someone say his name, making him stop once more, a weary expression on his face.  
  
“That's not funny, guys...”, he tried to hide his broken heart but failed.  
  
“We didn't... say anything?”, Keith's voice was full of confusion and worry, which ultimately made Shiro turn again.  
  
Was he going crazy already? The pressure and strain from battle, the pain and trauma already taking a hold of him? Breathing deeply he knew that he had to keep calm and focussed until he would be alone again. He was the leader of Voltron after all – even if the war was won. He had to stay composed just a bit longer.  
Just pretend...  
  
 _I don't like it when you're wearing these masks._  
  
Shiro shook his head, trying to chase the voice away. It was only in his head after all.  
As if things weren't crazy enough already did the healing-pod make a loud thud as if someone had dropped it from considerable height, only to start humming again. Everyone jumped and took a few steps back, neither sure what to do.  
  
“Pidge, make it stop it's freaking me out!”, Hunk called out, panic rising.  
  
“I am not doing anything! The console is not responsive anymore and shut down everything. I do not know what is going on!”, Pidge replied, his voice shaking.  
  
Keith walked over to him, confirming what he had just heard. Despite his best efforts, he wasn't able to control his emotions anymore, “Could the Galra have infiltrated the ship with another virus?”  
  
“I don't think so.”, Coran interjected, “We've run every test there is. We've checked every single compartment to not make the same mistake again. The battle on Arus had taught us a lesson. Furthermore, nothing else on board is corrupted in any kind of way...”  
  
“But... Something _is_ going on? I am not seeing things?”, Lance whispered, pointing at the pod, “Or is my mind playing tricks on me and the smoke is not real?”  
  
This made everyone look up and indeed, there was smoke coming from the healing-pod, quickly enveloping it completely, making it impossible to see [Y/N]'s tender face anymore. Pidge quickly retreated from his position next to the console, biting his lips hard.  
  
“Why... Why are no alarms sounding?”, Allura asked confused, looking over to Coran who helplessly shrugged.  
  
Something was clearly wrong yet there seemed so little they could do.  
Everyone's eyes travelled to Shiro who seemed to be sucked into darkness completely.  
  
“It's just not fair...”  
  
  
  
I thought I knew pain.  
I thought I knew fear.  
But nothing could've ever prepared me for the agony shooting up and down my body, making me scream... But there was no voice for me to scream with.  
Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched my legs disappear into nothing while I tried to reach out to him. My heart called his name over and over again but there was no response.  
I was all alone – slowly being pulled apart.  
After all, there was a price I needed to pay.  
  
  
  
 _It's been almost a week since the final battle against the Galra and some kind of routine had settled in at the Castle of Lions. Halfhearted jokes over breakfast just to be drowned out by the empty seat. Too many hours spent tossing and turning instead of sleeping. A room everyone avoided.  
Just too much of everything.  
Too little of nothing.  
  
Keith was the first one to leave the table, not able to bear the dark circles under his friend's eyes anymore. Trying to outrun his own darkness. No one tried to stop him even though everyone knew that he would spend the rest of the day on the training-deck until he was bruised and beaten, barely able to stand upright.  
He just couldn't help himself.  
It was just too much.  
And this was the only way he knew how to remotely cope with the pain, the regret and the loss.  
Every single one of them got stuck in their own private little hell, doing their best to work around it.  
  
Pidge barely left his lab while Hunk walked in and out of it to make yet another dish, try out another recipe and to sit next to his younger peer in silence. Lance was always found around the others, trying to crack a joke but never able to hide the redness in his eyes. Allura and Coran kept themselves busy with planning their upcoming moves, trying to reactivate past alliances and to search for resisting forces.  
Even Shiro showed up for those tactical meetings, dark circles telling a story of barely-slept nights and a haunted soul.  
  
But what about Keith himself?  
While everyone was working together to make ends meet, to not let her sacrifice be in vain, he spent his time fighting drones until tunnel-vision set in.  
  
_Keith, you've grown so much... _  
  
Without thinking he hit one of the lockers in the dressing room in an attempt to silence her warm encouraging voice. Since the first day she had always believed in him without asking anything in return. She gave him the courage to believe in his strength. She relied on him despite her pride. And even after her life had ended, all those words and actions barely ever left him.  
Just why was this bound to happen?  
  
“You believed in me... Now I want to believe that this story isn't over yet.”  
  
Letting out a sigh he finally put on his training-gear, trying to shake these heavy shackles that bound him, just as he stepped out into the room._  
  
  
  
It took a while until the smoke had cleared away, revealing an open pod, making everyone gasp. Shiro ran over only to stop dead in his tracks as soon as he stood only a few feet away, shivers running up and down his spine. The pod had been opened, letting [Y/N]'s body fall to the floor. She lay there, motionless, with nothing to keep her alive in that fragile state. Shiro knew he should at least check if she was still breathing, but fear rooted him to the spot, every bit of life draining from his tired body, his soul wrapped in darkness.  
  
“No...”, he whispered as something started to cloud his vision and he finally dropped to his knees, scooping her up and tenderly pressing her against his chest, silently shaking, trying to find some kind of relief.  
  
And yet...  
Through the fabric he could feel the faint sound of her heartbeat.  
  
Shiro didn't even notice it at first, when Pidge squatted down next to him, a small device in his hands. Only when he started speaking, his voice low, did Shiro became remotely aware of his surroundings again, “Let me quickly assess her status. There might be still something we could do.”  
  
The younger one didn't even wait for a response before he attached round stickers to her cheek, neck and the back of her hand. Three subsequent beeping noises from the device told him that the connection had been established. Seconds ticked by.  
Everyone in the room seemed to hold their breath until a weird noise made them jump. The analyses was complete. Shiro glanced over to Pidge who was completely absorbed in the readings, his brows furrowing more and more until he finally let out a long sigh.  
  
“I... I do not know why. I do not know how. But her overall status is stable.”, Pidge announced, his voice thick.  
  
“What does that mean?”, coming from Hunk, almost too afraid to ask.  
  
Pidge turned to look everyone in the eye, “It means she is not dying anymore.”  
  
  
  
It was quickly decided to carry [Y/N] to her room since the healing-pod seemed to be completely broken and from the first assessment, she wasn't in need of any further medical treatment. It was as if she was just asleep and they now had to patiently wait for her to wake up again.  
Much like when she first overused her powers.  
While everyone was slowly starting to get hopeful again, Shiro seemed even more miserable. He stood next to her bed, staring at nothing.  
  
“I don't get it... Shouldn't he be happy? I mean, things look brighter than they did this morning...”, Lance asked.  
  
“They sure do... Even if we still have to wait this one out. But I believe he is somewhat afraid of her reaction when she wakes up...”, Keith mumbled as his eyes scanned the crowded room.  
  
Shiro had carried her into her chamber, tenderly tugging her in while everyone else tried to fit in as well, discussing the best way to move on from there. Surely patience was key and there was no way to tell if she really would wake up again, but it was hard not to see this improvement as a big step.  
Even if no one understood what had happened.  
Even is no one could even begin to guess in what state she would be in once she woke up.  
  
It was Hunk who ultimately brought the idea forward to take turns watching over [Y/N] again since he could sense the rising uneasiness within the group as they watched their leader for a while. There was just nothing anyone could do.  
Without anyone asking, Shiro was the first to be left alone with her. He just nodded when he was presented with the idea and schedule, his mask falling the moment he had put it on.  
Once the door had closed he sat down on a chair next to her bed, watching the rise and fall of her chest, still not able to understand anything that had happened in these past few hours.  
It truly was a miracle that she was still alive – in fact even more than a day ago. As if she was able to reverse the flow of time.  
  
“Shouldn't this be enough for me?”, Shiro whispered, gently tugging her hair behind her ear, “Shouldn't I be happy at the prospect of seeing you again? Why am I only... scared?”  
  
This was just a rhetorical question for Shiro knew exactly what he was so afraid of.  
To live not with but beside her.  
To lose her in front of his eyes.  
Again.  
  
  
  
The first time we've met I saw stars in your eyes and heard galaxies in your laughter.  
The last time we've met I ran against a wall and drowned in a black hole.  
But even if I would have to endure this over and over again.  
I would always chose to find my way back to you.  
As many times as it takes.  
  
  
  
It was a strange feeling to realize every single sensation coming from the outside again. One by one the nervous system was transporting the signals to the brain again.  
The first thing you noticed was the warmth. It was such a complete opposite to the cold forcing its way into your veins. Your whole body was feeling alive again. You had a body again!  
But there was one spot that felt even warmer. Softer. Your right hand. Was it being held?  
Just as you wanted to move your fingers the second sensation hit you.  
The smell.  
It was something you knew all too well but couldn't quite place. It reminded you of home. Of a pair of arms keeping you safe from the raging storm. It was so familiar...  
Maybe if you were only able to open your eyes...  
That was when you started to hear again and you paused.  
Someone whispered your name.  
Voicing it with so much love it made your heart ache.  
  
 _I need to know..!_  
  
It took way too much energy to just flutter your eyelashes open but you needed to see – to really see – that your mind was not playing tricks on you. And it took even more effort to form a single word. Even breathing while speaking seemed too much and your throat felt raw and open but you just needed to know whether this was real. Just one word. The most important one you knew.  
  
“Taka... shi...”  
  
  
  
The upcoming days went by in a blur. The first three you spent more time asleep than awake, but it wasn't long until you could sit up and remain conscious for a few hours at a time, making further assessments on your status possible in the first place. But even without anyone attaching stickers or poking you with needles it was clear that you were feeling better day by day. The colour returned to your cheeks as was the ability to swallow by yourself after only a day or two. Moving your arms and head was exhausting at first but you needed to make up to your tired lower body which refused to work as you wanted it to.  
Despite a lingering feeling of how this might come about you were not able to talk about it just yet, downplaying it with everyone to not take it away from them.  
  
There are no words to describe the happiness and joy that swept over everyone the moment they learned that you've woken up again. The moment you've opened your eyes ended weeks of despair and longing.  
When Shiro had heard you call him he almost couldn't believe it. And you watched him as all kinds of emotions washed over his face as he quickly got up and left to tell the others.  
It wasn't a picture perfect moment like in the movies – quite the contrary. But with all the examinations and everyone cramping into your bedroom at all times, there was no time for the two of you to talk in private. Yet you could feel that there was a lot hanging in the air between you.  
  
Keith was the first to run into your room, completely unaware of your weak state, throwing his arms around you – something you never expected from him. It was hard to keep your eyes open and not doze off on the spot but you wanted to see your friends again.  
Only moments later Lance and Hunk arrived with Pidge, Coran and Allura right behind them, making Shiro the last to arrive. And while everyone was hugging you – your bed way too small to host everyone at once but they somehow managed anyway – he just leaned against the wall, watching over the scene. Somehow you managed to look up at him and meet his gaze.  
And it hurt.  
  
Surely there was the man you fell in love with, galaxies dancing in his eyes. But all of it was hidden behind a veil of black. Even without the tiniest of explanations you understood what had haunted him while you were gone. Even more, you could feel the gap between you – resembling the one that opened up after he had returned to Earth as a former prisoner – trying to force you apart.  
And yet, all you wished for at that moment was to burry your face in his chest and lay like that for a while. To forget the world just for a bit and just be.  
  
 _Patience._  
  
Your friends took turns to stay with you, filling you in, taking your mind off the big looming questions. Hunk outdid himself time and again with his cooking, Lance always knew a new story and way too many jokes to pass the time. Pidge on the other hand shared his knowledge about Galra-tech he was able to gather from the debris floating around the battlefield. Keith was the one who stayed most nights, watching over you as you stirred in your sleep, nightmares working their way through your mind. As the days passed a dark foreshadowing took a hold of your mind. Something you knew was bound to happen. Accepting it would not be the biggest problem – to cast aside your pride was.  
  
Even Coran and Allura dropped by a couple of times to include you in some parts of the planning already without cramping your mind with too many details. However, from what you could tell they were only looking for a reason to see you as often as they did without letting it on. They were adults after all.  
All of these visits were fun and games but whenever Shiro dropped by – the set schedule not letting him off the hook – the temperatures in your room seemed to drop. Not because he was unfriendly but simply because you two seemed to not know how to approach the elephant in the room.  
  
“I just left you...”, Shiro whispered, not able to meet your gaze, “I left you to die.”  
  
“That's not true. You did what you thought would be best for the mission and for me.”, your voice was calm, trying to make him understand, “I would have done the same if I were in your place.”  
  
“But you did not.”  
  
“No. Because my role was a different one... But you know, I was so scared for you when I wasn't able to reach you...”  
  
“I could feel that too... I am such an idiot.”, he clenched his fists until his knuckles were white.  
  
Carefully you leaned over and tried to unknot his fingers, “You are not. We are children after all. No one knew what was bound to happen.”  
  
For a moment it seemed as if he wanted to move his hands away from your touch but he ultimately held yours and squeezed them gently, “I thought I had lost you for good just because I was too stubborn... How come you do not hate me?”  
  
“Why would I ever hate you? I've already told you that I would never hate you.”, wiggling your hands out of his grasp you cupped his face and stroked his cheeks with your thumbs, “I love you. I love you more than any universe there is. My love for you made me walk through hell and come back to you. All the while the only thing that carried me along, that never let me lose hope, was my wish to see you again.”  
  
There was a spark in Shiro's eyes, almost igniting the flame inside them again. But within seconds that light died, as if the void your action had caused was not ready to let Shiro go yet.  
  
  
  
After a bit more than a week Pidge had set up a variety of consoles and screens in your room to thoroughly check your body. Surely there have been a couple of examinations over the past days, but he wanted to have the full picture, as did everyone else.  
With everyone present this was a very strange situation to be in, but you tried to swallow the embarrassment on behalf of everyone being happy that the group was back together again. After all, when Pidge analysed Shiro's arm, everyone was present as well – so where was the difference.  
Furthermore you've had this feeling that something was amiss in your lower body, and it was growing by the hour. To have everyone together would be the easiest way to break the news.  
  
“Alright... I am going to place these sensors all over your body so I can measure the blood-flow, temperature, potential tissue-variation and quintessence-flow along with some other things.”, Pidge chirped as he went ahead and placed those round stickers all over your body until you looked like a polkadot-dress, “Don't worry, you will feel nothing.”  
  
You just hummed in response, trying to meet Shiro's gaze but he only looked at the screens. Biting your lower lip you gave Pidge the confirmation that you were ready. Just as he promised, you didn't feel anything, the numbers and graphs appearing on the screens the only indicators that something was indeed happening.  
Within seconds the scan was complete and an eerie silence wrapped up all of you.  
  
“Pidge... I think some of your sensors are broken...”, Lance said, trying to make it into a joke.  
  
Looking at the readings, you answered instead, “No, Lance, they are not broken. This is indeed correct.”  
  
The way everyone's eyes rested on you made it clear that a somewhat lengthy explanation was in order, “When I used my powers to help you defeat Zarkon, I was thrown onto the astral-plane to face a trial... Which was not really a trial but anyway... I was offered a compensation for my service to the universe which I did not accept. I just couldn't... I wanted to come back here so I offered them everything they saw fit as payment...”  
  
Even before you've finished, realization started to hit the whole group.  
  
“You gave them your powers, did you not?”, Allura's voice was barely audible, “And because the Silver Knight is a fighter, they took everything you could use in battle...”  
  
You nodded and swallowed hard, “Correct. That is why there is no quintessence in my legs anymore. I most likely won't be able to walk ever again.”  
  
  
  
After the bomb dropped and you took all the time you had – which was a lot – to explain every little detail of what had happened to you after the battle against Zarkon, the days started to get some kind of structure again. While everyone seemed to be taken aback by the news, neither changed their way towards you. It seemed that they were able to come to terms with your disability rather easily – everyone openly stating that the most important thing was that you were alive and with them again. Still, you could see that each of your friends had to digest this in their own way and time.  
Only Shiro seemed to not be able to work around it at all, all the progress you've been making over the first week wiped away in an instant. He was keeping some sort of distance again and helplessly looked at you, words failing him.  
  
“You are in no way responsible for this!”, you tried but he only buried his face in his hands.  
  
“Of course I am! If it weren't for me you wouldn't have been forced to give up your ability to walk!”, with every word you could hear his hatred against himself.  
  
“But it was my choice! I willingly gave it up!”, you were frustrated, the discussions not moving anywhere for days now.  
  
How would you ever be able to reach him? What could you say or do to cut those ties that bound him deep down? The discussion ended with Shiro getting up and leaving the room.  
He did not return.  
  
  
  
It wasn't long until you felt your body improving significantly. And with your growing strength you were able to be a part in more and more activities around the castle again, enjoying your friend's company without the imminent threat of war hanging over you.  
It only took Hunk and Pidge two days to construct you a modern wheelchair so you were able to move around freely. Coran even went as far as to equip the stairs leading up the towers with some kind of lift in order for you to reach your favourite nook.  
  
Still, it would be a lie to say that it was easy for you to rely on the others so much more now. To be an even greater burden. It was almost impossible for you to come to terms with needing help getting dressed on some days and to not be able to reach the cupboards anymore. Even during mealtimes you needed an extra-chair. Being in a coma for so long had taken its toll on your body and regaining your strength was a lengthy process. You had to find out how far you were able to go and from what point onwards you would need help.  
And you had to do it all alone.  
You were frustrated beyond words. There were moments you wanted to get up and fetch a glass of water but it only stayed a wish. Some nights you cried and screamed, trying to find relief. To calm your breaking heart.  
  
Shiro's absence hurt even more than any of the setbacks you had to work through.  
Was there simply no time after you've woken up he seemed to deliberately stay away from you since the diagnosis and the discussion that had followed. As much as you understood why he might needed some time alone, you couldn't help but wish for him to just be there. The way he quickly averted his gaze whenever your eyes met pained you more than any wound you've ever got.  
Maybe the voice you've been hearing on the astral-plane was just an illusion after all. Giving up would be so much easier, so why would you fight on?  
  
 _Once more.  
Let me see you smile only once more._  
  
  
  
Days turned into weeks and by now you were able to do almost half of your daily activities on your own and without tiring too much from it. It filled you with pride to see how far you've come already, the hard work finally paying off.  
  
You still had a few hours until dinner so you decided to work on some reports for Allura in your room. Mostly to distract yourself. Whenever you were not occupied too much your mind started to wander, your heart to reach out. It had been hard to not go over and talk to Shiro again. It was hard for you to watch him so lost. Yet, at the same time you knew that he just had to work through this on his own. All you could do was to wait and believe in the bond you've forged.  
Believe that he would still chose you.  
  
Just as you started to get the hang of the weirdly structured report you heard a commotion coming from the corridor, growing louder and louder until you were able to make out who was talking.  
  
“That's blackmailing, Keith!”, Shiro sounded amused and a tad bit angry.  
  
“I call it a push into the right direction.”, Keith replied, unfazed, “You're annoying all of us.”  
  
Then, all of a sudden, it became silent. You turned your head to not miss whatever would happen next.  
  
“Shiro, either you knock or I will do it for you. You're not getting out of this one. No running away.”  
  
You didn't hear the answer as it was drowned by a loud knock and steps quickly running away from your room. With a tiny smile on your face you called that the door was opened and turned to face Shiro who awkwardly walked in, painfully aware that you must've heard the encounter just now.  
  
“I am sorry to disturb you...”, he was looking at everything but at you.  
  
He still appeared tired and his eyes were still a bit dull, but his dark circles have vanished almost completely and he seemed to be able to joke around a bit again. He must've found his answer.  
This made you happy and sad at the same time.  
  
“There is nothing to disturb. You're always welcome here...”, even to your ears your voice sounded strange, distorted.  
  
 _As if you wore your heart on your sleeve._  
  
There was just too much hanging in the air between you. Yet something told you that this time there may be some answers. That you would make it out of this vicious-circle of petty arguments and desperate touches. That you would either find your way back again or move on to separate directions.  
Silently you vowed to yourself that you would move forward, no matter the outcome.  
  
“You want to sit down?”, you gestured towards the bed, trying to ignore the fear surging within you.  
  
To your biggest surprise Shiro really sat down straight away, causing you to follow him. With a well-trained movement you lifted yourself up and dropped onto the bed right next to him, looking up into his amazed face. It was hard for you not to smile too broadly at his expression. It was just too cute.  
  
“Keith showed me how to use the strength in my arms...”, you started but the way Shiro's expression fell at once made you stop, “Why are you here?”  
  
Shiro did not reply which caused you to rephrase the question.  
  
“Why did it take you so long?”, your voice was calm and even, trying to catch him.  
  
At first it seemed that he would not answer this question either which made you question why he would come over in the first place. Maybe he just wanted to make Keith happy?  
The latter had a point when he said that everyone was annoyed by your weird relationship-status as it was now. It was neither a clear on nor a clear off and Shiro's mopping around was not helping either.  
Everyone wanted to know where you stood.  
  
After a few moments Shiro breathed deeply, as if he needed to keep himself together, before he replied, “When... When we fought about the eventual outcome of the final battle and I tried my hardest to keep you out, I thought I was protecting you... Only after you've fallen into a coma did I understand what Slav was meaning when he said that you should not exist in a universe where we win by normal means... Because we were only able to win with those _other means_.”  
  
“Figures... I just wish I would've understood that sooner...”, you whispered.  
  
Shiro ignored your remark and went on, “I felt... and I still feel responsible for all of this... I know it has nothing to do with me, but... What if I would've stayed put and not yell at you? Maybe we could've found another solution... Something that would not put your life on the line... But the damage was done and you ended in a healing-pod and I thought how there was nothing worth fighting anymore with you gone. I began to hear you calling my name...”  
  
This made you jerk up your head, “You did?!”  
  
Something like hope was starting to bloom inside your chest. So he really heard you when you tried to reach out to him... He was there when you needed him the most.  
  
Finally, Shiro looked at you, eyes swimming, “Yeah... I was going completely bonkers..! And then some weird things happened to the pod and you fell out. Just like that. When Pidge announced that you were going to live I was just scared... Scared what you would think of me for leaving you behind. Scared of you leaving me... I couldn't begin to go there for it would've killed me. Still, there was hope rising up within me. You were alive after all... And then I was struck with guilt and I didn't know what to feel anymore... Furthermore that wasn't enough already... you've also lost the ability to walk and I just... I couldn't... How should I ever be able to forgive myself for all I've done? For all I haven't done?”  
  
His voice broke and he rendered him silent. Slowly you reached out to him until you touched his cheeks, making him look at you. They were there, those galaxies in his eyes.  
And there it was, that weird tugging at your heart. As if they wanted to reach out to each other.  
  
“I would never leave you. For anything. To me, there is nothing to forgive. But I know, things never are that easy.”, you whispered, leaning forward so your foreheads touched, “There are... so many things I do not know. Most certainly I do not know what the future might hold. But I do know that there is no place I'd rather be than in your arms. When I was put on trial, they offered me an alternate timeline where you would never leave and no Galra would come for us.”  
  
This was news to him as you kept this tiny detail for yourself, “Then why would you say no to that?”  
  
“That's the question, isn't it?”, you closed your eyes for a brief moment, “It was really tempting to have a future on Earth, no Kerberos, no war... But then I realized that this was not you. The you I fell in love with. The one I promised to protect. The one I vowed to marry...”  
  
There was a slight blush appearing on Shiro's cheeks as you mentioned the proposal.  
  
“I understood that the real trial was wether or not I would go with the easy way out. And I didn't. I just couldn't... The thought of leaving you and everyone behind... This wasn't my reality, it was the me of that dimension. What was more was that I could hear you calling my name as well. I could feel everyone's soul radiating, searching. You were all there with me. So I traded the powers I never wanted for the right to return.”, a sad smile appeared on your lips, “Even though I must admit that those powers made me finally save you... only once.”  
  
Shiro opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but a slight shake of your head made him close it yet again, trying to be patient and hear you out, “I know that you think you are responsible for what happened but that is not the entire truth for I went against your wishes as well, hoping to create a peaceful future for all of you... of us. It was me who decided to go down that path, only to realize to late what I have done. And... I know I am not the person I was, I still have a long way to go... But at the same time, I also know that time is on our side now. And it is time I need to heal and you need it too...”  
  
For a moment you paused, looking at your limb, hanging from the bed, “Still, I wanted to have this time with you. I... I want to show you every day that you've done nothing wrong if that is what it takes you to heal. I would find a way to walk again if it would mean you would stay...”  
  
Your felt your heart hammering against your chest as fear took a hold of you. Nothing you said even remotely expressed how you felt, how much you wanted him to smile at you, to be the boyish astronaut he was before all of this started.  
How could you phrase those feelings... those needs in a way he would understand?  
  
Hesitantly you looked up to meet his gaze, and your breath caught.  
Shiro was looking at you with big round eyes, the stars in them sparkling again.  
  
With a sudden movement he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in for a tight embrace, “You've saved me so many times... When will you finally realize it?”  
  
“We've saved each other...”, you mumbled against his chest, not able to keep your emotions at bay anymore.  
  
“You do not need any kind of power to be you. It is this you, right here in my arms, that I want... that I need by my side... You are nothing less then perfect to me. Now more than ever... I just don't know how to be without you...”, his voice was caring as he gently stroke your head, “I don't know what the future will hold either... But with you I cannot wait to see what out own little infinity might hold.”  
  
You whispered his name as you felt tears in the corners of your eyes. Without saying a word you felt the pain and fear melt away as you moved so you could place the most tender kiss on his lips, begging him to understand that you needed him just as much as he needed you.  
  
Breathing in his familiar scent after what felt like forever you understood that nothing had changed.  
And yet everything was different.  
There were still so many things you needed to talk about, so many aspects to work around. But as you held each other, only listening to the music of your hearts you realized that you've finally found your way home.


	25. The Beginning (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> […]  
> It was always the same question, over and over again. Like the  
> start of a procession. And it took me years to recognize the  
> unsaid words that marched silently behind.
> 
> Are you okay; because I love you.  
> Are you okay; because I need you.  
> Are you okay; because I don't know how to live without you.
> 
> (Lang Leav - Procession)  
> ___________________________________________

“I can't believe this is really happening!”, Pidge said, jumping up and down in his seat, eyes shining brightly, “It feels like it was only yesterday when we arrived at the Garrison and Hunk almost threw up into the main gear box!”  
  
“Pidge, I can perfectly hear you...”, Hunk mumbled as he tried to fix Lance's tie, “And for the records, the issue with the gear box was in our second year.”  
  
“It almost ruined my perfect performance!”, Lance smiled, making you chuckle as he tried to pose and made it impossible for Hunk to redo the knot.  
  
“Paladins, as much as I love your chit-chat I would kindly ask you to leave the room now for I have to fix the dress.”, Allura ordered with a playful smile on her lips.  
  
The three of them mumbled something under their breath before they left the room, shooting you knowing glances before the door closed behind them and you were left alone with the princess, who immediately started to work on your hair – contradicting her announcement to get your dress ready. Her hands were shaking a bit, making it obvious that she was nervous as well.  
  
“Maybe the three of them should've stayed to keep our minds off?”, you suggested, “Or mine at least...”  
  
This made her smile broadly, “As much as I thank you for that kind offer, I would not want to trade this feeling for anything! It feels like I am seeing my own daughter walking up the aisle..!”  
  
You turned your head, not able to process what she'd just said, a slight blush appearing on your cheeks, “Princess... I... I don't know what to say...”  
  
Allura just waved it off, obviously embarrassed by her own emotional outburst. Instead she gestured you to turn so you would face the wall. You did as you were told while she put your hair into soft curls. You've never been the biggest fan of those typical girl-things but whenever Allura had invited you it was nothing but calming. It gave you a sense of what a mother could be.  
  
“I think I've never thanked you for everything you've done for me...”, you whispered, not trusting your voice, “Over all this time you've been nothing but kind to me and my friends. You helped me with everything along the way and now...”  
  
“Now I am turning you into the most beautiful bride the universe has ever seen! If he is not in love with you already, the moment you walk up the aisle he definitely will be!”  
  
“Haven't you said something similar on Arus?”  
  
This made Allura laugh, “I wasn't completely wrong, was I?”  
  
  
  
It didn't take long for the princess to fix your hair and dress before she gave you a small kiss on the cheek and left the room, “I will see you in a minute. Don't fall!”  
  
Her last remark took your nervousness to a whole new level, only amplified when Keith popped into your room, asking wether you were ready while he looked over you and your dress. The silky fabric played around your knees, making it look like you were walking through water.  
And he looked gorgeous in his dark suit and red bowtie.  
  
“Honestly I am not sure if I will ever be ready...”, you buried your face in your hands, “Maybe I should just..?”  
  
Keith wordlessly shook his head, walked over to you and sat down, “[Y/N], you've cheated the gods and you've cheated death. And over the past months you've proven every scientific account on your paralysis wrong. You've proven me wrong on that one! But if there is one thing I know I will never be wrong about is that you are so much stronger than any of us. And that you will never give up, no matter what.”  
  
“Keith...”, you felt your cheeks heat up.  
  
“And even if it goes wrong, I will carry you up there, okay? I've got your back.”  
  
Looking up you were met with the most tender look you've ever seen on his face. Nothing had remained of the lonely boy with the empty eyes you've approached on your first day at the Garrison. Instead you were looking at the face of someone who had found his place in the world.  
  
“So, [Y/N], are you ready?”  
  
  
  
The same room that had been used for the ball back on Arus had now been transformed into a tiny chapel and garden. Contrary to what Shiro had been telling you about no flowers in space, the hall was full of all kinds of them, beautifully arranged. The group even went as far and put a small spot of grass in one corner so Kaltenecker – the cow Lance and Pidge had bought at the Space-Mall – could join in as well.  
Hunk outdid himself with an enormous cake, standing in the middle of an even bigger buffet, made up mostly of sweets and goo-ish looking food.  
Lance and Coran had worked together to build a few benches, a podium and a bench right before it, so everything looked pretty much like in one of those wedding-magazines. While your friends and a few guests from the newly-found coalition – Shay and her brother were here as was the king of Arus – started to sit down, you peaked around the corner, your heart trying to leap out of your chest.  
  
Keith quickly dragged you back behind the parlour – mainly because Allura insisted that bride and groom should see each other for the first time when she would walk up the aisle. She was completely head over heels for those traditions.  
She would be happy to learn that you haven't been able to spot Shiro amongst the guests even after you've tried very hard.  
  
“Are you okay?”, Keith asked, his voice shaking a little as if he was nervous after all.  
  
You smiled at weary smile at him, “I have to be... Are you?”  
  
Before he could answer there was a change in the atmosphere in the room.  
All of a sudden the hall had grown quiet and Coran, who took the role of the registrar, announced that the ceremony would commence now and some weird music started to play at once, making you chuckle.  
It had nothing to do with the music you associated with weddings.  
  
“This is horrible...”, you said to Keith who looked equally taken aback.  
  
“Agreed... Alteans really have no idea what good music is... Still, it's our battle-theme, so let's go.”  
  
He offered you his hand which you took after breathing deeply for a moment. You've trained for months. You've practiced this distance so many times without failing. And still you were nervous.  
Yet there was no turning back now.  
With a last deep sigh you stood up and, leaning a bit on Keith, started to walk around the corner and up the aisle.  
Slowly but steadily you made your way towards the podium, only able to look at Shiro after you've made it half the way. Your steps were woobly and small but you did it on your own. Maybe you looked funny but you couldn't think about this now, completely absorbed in Shiro's attire.  
The deep black suit was complimented by a white shirt and a purple tie. You even caught a glanze of the fine embroideries on the back which wee quite similar to the ones he wore at the ball on Arus.  
It seemed like a lifetime ago.  
  
Shiro's expression was unreadable, disbelief, happiness and pride all washed over him in succession, his eyes even getting a little wet, the corners of his mouth curled up. Without saying anything you could feel the love and pride radiating from him, his heart in-sync with yours.  
With a broad grin you made it all the to the front and finally sat down next to him, your legs shaking with exhaustion. But you did not pay any attention to it. It was of no importance compared to the warm expression on his face and the moment right now.  
He took your hand in his and place a gentle kiss on the back of it, your eyes locked.  
  
“You never seize to amaze me...”, he whispered playfully before he turned his attention to Coran who began with the reception.  
  
You've made it.  
You've managed the impossible.  
You've beaten the odds.  
You've come full circle.  
  
Silently you hoped that the strange voices you've encountered on the astral-plane had been watching – you promised them an entertaining show after all.  
And when Coran declared Shiro and you husband and wife and you leaned into his kiss, your friends cheering, you realized that your adventures had only just begun.


	26. Afterword

My dearest readers, we've made it. We've arrived at the end of this story just as another one is about to unfold. A story with a million possibilities. Just as each of our own.  
I began this story on a whim after I've watched a couple of episodes and read two other fanfics. And in the beginning it was nothing but a short-ish two piece story about a girl who befriends the most popular guy at the Garrison and gets bullied.  
  
There was no Tanja, no Andy, no Caroline, no Kerberos, no Silver Knight, nothing.  
  
It was when I had to rework the first 40 (!) pages that I noticed that I did not like her character back then. This was all it took to turn this story into what you've read. A story about friendship, love, family, hope, loss, growing up and deciding what's really important.  
Because that is what I found in the original Voltron show. Therefore I wanted to pay tribute to this vast universe and the characters I came to love so much.  
  
It is my first fanfiction in ten years and the very first one I've published. I was nervous but nothing could've prepared me for the feedback I've gotten from all of you.  
I am eternally grateful to all of you who took the time to read it, write comments and delve into this drabble with me. You have no idea how much it all means to me.  
  
When I started to plan the uploads I thought that I was happy if even a single person would enjoy this. Never would I've guessed that it was more than that. I am even more grateful that no one called me out after it was announced that Shiro was gay – something I absolutely support but couldn't work into my story at that point. I was honestly scared that people would be nasty because I continued the story (yes, I contemplated to just quit) despite me supporting this and shipping all kinds of ships. But nothing happened.  
So thank you for sticking with me.  
  
I tried to pay as much attention to detail as I dared, to have some cameos and to work in some other works outside the Voltron-Universe.  
Some of those include:

 

  * The expression “Yes, yes, a million times, yes!” is loosely based on the final chapter of James Joyce's Ulysses.

  * In part one, when they party and Shiro and Reader dance to a weird song I was thinking of “I 2 I” from the Goofy movie

  * Also in part one Hunk wins a leg at a crane-game which he describes as “holding up the team”, something also loosely based on something he said in the series.

  * The band-aids match the colours of Shiro (black) and Reader (white/silver) and Shiro uses one of the white ones on his right arm before he loses it.

  * Once Reader calls Shiro “Captain” - my tribute to Shiro as captain of the ATLAS

  * The military report in part 2 is based on real military reports from WW2

  * The exhibition Shiro puts together got its name from a real exhibition in Vienna

 




There are many more, some I put in on purpose, others just happened to be in there.  
One of the biggest changes from my original idea was the Silver Knight as such. When I decided to give her some power, I wanted it to be something that would ask for a price as well. Oh, and no lion. I wanted her to be able to fend for herself and help others all the while not being too OP.  
I wanted her to have a big heart and a childish soul to mirror Shiro's who – let's be honest – is a dork as well.  
Giving her such strong powers also lead to the ending, which I came up with at the same time as I did with the Knight as a whole.  
  
So, where does this leave us?  
  
I wanted to write about a journey, through the universe but also inwardly. I wanted to write about different relationships and how they evolve over time and in extreme circumstances.  
I wanted to write something my readers would enjoy – hopefully – as much as I enjoyed writing.  
After almost a year it is completed, the whole story over 300 pages long.  
I've learned so many things while I wrote and edited and screamed and laughed. I've learned what I am good at and what I should better not touch (I mean, there is a sexy chapter and that is NOT my comfort zone...).  
  
And this is all thanks to you.  
  
I would've quit this probably a long time ago, whenever I wrote myself in a corner or the characters decided to take another detour. But you guys were always there for me.  
So, I guess, all I hope to have achieved with this story is to make you laugh, maybe be sad at some parts and just engage with this characters.  
My biggest wish would be that you could take something, however small, with you. Be it a stupid joke I came up with or maybe even just the feeling that, no matter how dark or how far, we will forever be under the same sky.  
And this is something remarkable.  
  
I pass the torch on to you.  
What will you do?  
Show me and stay rad.  
  
I will see you later, for there is no goodbye.

Cheers,

Hino


End file.
